RW TAKING ON A LOVER

[BillyB]

PLEASE READ BEFORE VOTING!!!!

Some RW wait months or years before a Western man commits to visiting them. Some RW will never get a visit. Most of us want a meaningful relationship but sometimes circumstances and life doesn't deliver. Besides emotional, we also have physical needs to take care of so my question to you is: IS IT OKAY FOR A RW TO HAVE A LOVER WHILE SEARCHING FOR A MAN FOR MARRIAGE?

Your answers are anonymous. The more people who participate, the better we will understand how we think as a whole so please vote.

Males vote in the male only choices and females vote in the female only choices. You can change your vote if you made a mistake.

I will make a couple of more polls later in relation to this one so please do not make a poll on a similar issue.

Feel free to comment.

[I/O]

Some RW WM will never get a visit lay.

[JR]

Toooooo many variable in this one. When does a woman start searching? Lets say she has been searching for forty years...should she deny herself the pleasure because somewhere in the back of her mind she is still "searching."

I feel the only place for this to be answered is by the individual searching.

If she is not committed to anyone why should she not partake?

[docetae]

The time she is not commited... it seems to me logic that the answer is yes ...only some troubled minds can ask for someone to stay without sex when he/she is not engaged ...

[mies]

you put very strange conditions - like an RW keeps a "lover" only to satisfy her physical needs, while she is searching for a Western man to satisfy her "other" needs. It's not very proper setting.
More realistic - is the following situation: before any commitment for relationship - either with foreigner or local man - woman is free to have sex with whoever she finds attractive.
And then you need to specify in your question:
Is it Ok for RW to be having multiple partners/changing partners often
or not.
and specify what is "often". - like every week? or every other month? every 6 months?

Overall - searching for husband online is no different from searching around. And woman can search both ways simultaneously. And depending where the husband will be found first - she will marry either a foreigner, or a local guy, or a foreigner currently living locally/expat.
I am sorry - but to me the questions in your poll do not make much sense. Even meeting same guy for sex on a regular basis - is already a relationship. They may be not planning to get married, and do not date like regular couple - but they are adjusting their schedules, communicate at least on a basic level. So it's a relationship. a different type.

If your question pertains solely to one-night stands with strangers - then imho - it is not very common for RWs. But again - who should allow or forbid woman to have one-night stands if she wants to? For example my personal attitude/"life philosophy" is "no one-night stands". But i would never (in clear mind) vote on a poll "women should not have one-night stands". Because desire to control others' sexual life is sick and very wrong. I have nothing to do with sexual life of other people.

[Gator]

This would be more meaningful if you asked a three part question:

Sex with other men while building a new relationship with a recently met WM (who says only that he will return).

Sex with other men while engaged to a WM (separated by 4,000 miles).

Sex with other men while married to a WM.

In a large sample size (at least 25 RW participants), I wonder if there would be a difference between male and female votes.

[Ludmila]

I definitely like Gator's wording better. But I'd add:

1. ...when the building of a new relationship is taking more than 2-3 months, and the man isn't demonstrating any intention of visiting.

2...provided the man has launched the  K-1 process.

[BillyB]

This would be more meaningful if you asked a three part question:

Sex with other men while building a new relationship with a recently met WM (who says only that he will return).

Sex with other men while engaged to a WM (separated by 4,000 miles).

Sex with other men while married to a WM.

I have thought of those questions and many more but I didn't want to ask too many questions. I understand there are all kinds of variables but I wanted to keep it simple and strictly to the point that the RW not in a commited relationship of any kind. The questions you suggest will have an almost universal "NO sex for the RW" answer. A man on a first visit should not ask a RW for marriage but he should ask for a commitment and know where the relationship is going. Once a RW decides to make a commitment and go excusive with one man, no matter what stage their relationship is in, she needs to be exclusive with him only. Anything less is deceiving.

The time she is not commited... it seems to me logic that the answer is yes ...only some troubled minds can ask for someone to stay without sex when he/she is not engaged ...

I can't say the guys who voted for a RW to have no sex until she is in a meaniful relationship or in marriage is troubled because there are some valid reasons I can accept.

Some men because of personal or religious reasons, will abstain from sex and require their partner to do the same. There are some RW who say they are a virgin in their profile also abstaining from sex until marriage. They are either trying to catch one man and give him her all... or she's trying to catch a lot of men with the statement of being a virgin.

Another reason is some men say an uncommited RW should not have sex until being in a commited relationship is because if she wants to be in a relationship where two people are involved in, she should not live her life selfishly doing what could be considered risky activity. Some RW are careful and will find one clean cut and reliable lover and have him wear a condom during sex. Some RW could acquire multiple lovers with no intelligent selection process. Just go to the club, get drunk and have some fun later with whoever suits her fancy that evening and she may not require him or them to wear a condom. In some ways, her behavior now can affect a man she may have a future relationship with.

I understand some men's answers will vary depending on if the woman practices safe sex and acquires one lover compare to a woman who is reckless and acquires multiple lovers but the poll is assuming we don't know what the RW is actually doing every minute. If we knew exactly how a woman behaves 4000 miles away, answering questions on how we feel about her lifestyle would be easy.

I know some men have this issue on their mind. Some men go there and get into a relationship. After their first intimate encounter with their RW, they come home worried. Worried about his RW being pregnant with another man's child that she was intimate with just before or after her commitment to him.

Some come to the forums asking why their RW never answers the phone Friday and Saturday night at a time she doesn't work. They don't have to be specific but I know they are concerned that the RW partying on the weekend and sleeping with other men.

If you are participating on a forum for RW, ask some of the ladies there to participate here. Give them a link to this thread and translate if not all the ladies understand English. I would like to hear the ladies opinions more than the mens on this issue.

[Gylden]

BillyB,
I would say that it is OK for a RW to have sex anytime she wants with anyone she wants. However she must be ready to accept whatever the consequences are as a result of her behaviour.

[BC]

Why even worry about it?

She will do what she needs to do, so will he.

[I/O]

Why even worry about it?

Yep. A debate for the underslung or underhung IMO.

[HazyKnight]

It is only fair and natural. If she is in a committed relationship, the man has visited/ or begun the K-1 process, then no. I think anyone with a decent set of values will understand this.

[BC]

It is only fair and natural. If she is in a committed relationship, the man has visited/ or begun the K-1 process, then no. I think anyone with a decent set of values will understand this.

In that case, someone is putting the cart before the horse.. or err.. mule.

If all is well and a true relationship established, there will be no ground to worry or wonder.

If it's a 'well lets try this out and see what happens' kind of K1 then that relationship really does not exist yet.

The old "Trust but Verify" Regan whipped up was for limiting missiles, and not penises.

[rivardco]

Your questions, I guess, are an attempt to establish median values.  But, the underlaying point is HONESTY and OWNERSHIP.

I know couples that are conservative and liberal (the kind where you don't want to curse or drink alcohol around, and others that invite me to nudist / swinger parties).  If I were to guess the more liberal have more honest and sexually fulfilling relationships. AND, I AM NOT ONE OF THEM:)

But this does show to me how men get caught up in ego / ownership (sometimes women too).

I TRY to make clear with women I date that HONESTY is most important to me.  I see this as a two way street.  Frankly, this approach has not worked very well:) But, at least I feel better in principal.

I do think most attractive younger women (the kind that enjoy may choices everyday) will have a hard time staying faithful for greater than 3 months.  Especially if there is not some significant foundation already in place. 

So, HELL NO I don't think a RW who is a 10 is going to be, or should be, "faithful" to a guy who she is just emailing and perhaps has visited for only several days.  With rare exceptions to think the opposite is strange.

[GQBlues]

I read it and I voted despite how these appear to me:

"Male vote: YES, it's okay for a RW to take care of her physical needs while she's not in any relationship."
"IS IT OKAY FOR A RW TO HAVE A LOVER WHILE SEARCHING FOR A MAN FOR MARRIAGE"

Maybe it's just me but how can I opined upon a woman's actions which whom I do not know? Or is the question implying a particular woman you already met in person and is casually dating?  

Billy, will you please clarify, a) are these loaded questions, or b) should we take them at face value?

[Boethius]

There are some RW who say they are a virgin in their profile also abstaining from sex until marriage. They are either trying to catch one man and give him her all... or she's trying to catch a lot of men with the statement of being a virgin.

It is my understanding most of the men in this search are north of age 40, and those that aren't are close to it.  How many 40 year old men really demand, or even want a virgin? 

[mies]

It is my understanding most of the men in this search are north of age 40, and those that aren't are close to it.  How many 40 year old men really demand, or even want a virgin? 

based on my sample - you'd be surprised.

[RussianWind]

Only a man could ask such questions 

For me it's difficult to imagine a woman involved in a serious relationship and looking for another one at the same time. End of relationship - she will start searching again. And a woman believes that the serious relationship begins after you sleep with her 

[Mars]

Everyone should understand that a woman or man who can do without sex before marriage; can easily do without sex during the marriage also.

[BillyB]

Billy, will you please clarify, a) are these loaded questions, or b) should we take them at face value?

Take them at face value.

Everyone should understand that a woman or man who can do without sex before marriage; can easily do without sex during the marriage also.

I have talked with a few women who say they can wait(go without) sex until they find the right man. They also say women are stronger than men on this issue. One RW in the FSU I'm talking to says she would like to have sex everyday and sometimes multiple times a day but she's waiting for the right man. She's not going to just sleep with any loser. Physical pleasure is tied to her emotions and she needs to have feelings for a man first to enjoy sex with him. I've had lots of communication with her and she's one of my favorites since she seems sincere on many issues and she thinks similar to me in many ways.

 

If I were to guess the more liberal have more honest and sexually fulfilling relationships.

Every man who's talked to me with his opinion on this issue based on they type of women they've bedded said the conservative church girls are the most horny in bed. They let it all out when it's time to give themself to their man. That's my opinion too. Those conservative church girls also seem to have the more children average as proof. Of course not all church women will be the same and not all liberal girls will be the same either.

[Mars]

Billy, you attributed rivcardo's quote to me.  You can modify your post within a few minutes to fix that up.

[Mars]

I have talked with a few women who say they can wait (go without) sex until they find the right man. They also say women are stronger than men on this issue. One RW in the FSU I'm talking to says she would like to have sex everyday and sometimes multiple times a day but she's waiting for the right man. She's not going to just sleep with any loser. Physical pleasure is tied to her emotions and she needs to have feelings for a man first to enjoy sex with him. I've had lots of communication with her and she's one of my favorites since she seems sincere on many issues and she thinks similar to me in many ways.

Yes, I understand this viewpoint.  It is well known that most women have lower sex drive than most men.

However, there is still truth in my statement.  That's because it is the women at the very lowest end of the sex drive spectrum who can wait the longest.  And these women who can wait the longest  before marriage are the same women who can wait the longest after marriage.  There is a positive correlation.

And the argument about 'not going to sleep with any loser' is just an extreme to throw out.  It doesn't have to be a loser.  Women who want sex at any particular moment have an almost unlimited population to chose from.

Also, Billy and others, before you go too far down this path of trying to determine the veracity of any woman's (or man's) words, refer again to my post in Experienced section on the scientific study of  "Why men and women have sex."

[mies]

I have talked with a few women who say they can wait(go without) sex until they find the right man. They also say women are stronger than men on this issue. One RW in the FSU I'm talking to says she would like to have sex everyday and sometimes multiple times a day but she's waiting for the right man. She's not going to just sleep with any loser. Physical pleasure is tied to her emotions and she needs to have feelings for a man first to enjoy sex with him. I've had lots of communication with her and she's one of my favorites since she seems sincere on many issues and she thinks similar to me in many ways.

no insinuations..
some men with erectile dysfunction also keep saying "i just have not met the right woman yet. when i meet the right woman i would like to have sex every day and sometimes multiple times a day"

it's at least strange to be calling all men i have not slept with - losers. or does she mean that not losers don't want her even for sex, and she doesn't want losers?

I'm with Mars here.

but if you like her - go ahead Billy who knows what will happen..

[BillyB]

it's at least strange to be calling all men i have not slept with - losers. or does she mean that not losers don't want her even for sex, and she doesn't want losers?

Maybe it's her way of saying she's not going to sleep with just any strangers walking down the street or that she met at a club? Don't put too much stock in the "loser" comment. She doesn't no where near the grasp of the English lanuage as you do but she can speak to me in English is a very polite person on the phone. She would not be the type of person who intentionally insults a large group of men.

but if you like her - go ahead Billy who knows what will happen..

What will happen? Sex? If I was a betting man, I'm sure that will happen if I visited her. I can tell she has some feelings for me already. If she lived near by, we'd be going out already. Since she lives far away, I'm not going to rush. There's a lot of girls I like overseas, within the USA, and local and I can afford to slow down and make a good choice that I'm comfortable with.

[mies]

I am not sure I am following you.
You have many options to choose from so you are going to take your time, and meanwhile - you prefer that those "options" abstain from sex, because they can only love you? And no other sexually attractive males are worth of their love?

please correct me if I have misunderstood you.