Human Dynamics

[Daknack]

This is a question I have been thinking about and considering for quite some type posting.  The question of the dynamics between two people in any relationship.  Allow me a moment to explain exactly my meaning.  When we are around different people, we act differently.  Not because we are being phony. or because we are sucking up, or because we are hiding who we are, but because certain people allow various aspects of our personalities to surface more easily than others.  I have friends for example that I go to see movies with and get rowdy with.  Most of these people I couldn't have a very intellectual conversation with, but I have a great time with them.  Other people I can be a total clown, and joke and play off of each other to the point people think its an open mic night at the laugh shack.  Still other people I know I discuss politics and history and what could have happened if this or that had occurred and the benefits of republics over direct democracy and vice versa.  Still other people I can discuss very deep things like the meaning of life, counter-temporal causality, or free will vs. determinism (my favorite philosophical topic).  Certain people allow you to be not a different person, but show some sides of yourself, and often diminish other sides.  My question is to those looking as well as those married, what was the dynamic you looked for (or are looking for) in a partner, what aspects do you think are weakened, and what value do you place on both?  I know everyone is different so I'm expecting a wide variety of answers.  I'm finding I am having a different but good dynamic with a variety of people, and I guess sometimes its hard to know what to choose.  Its like choosing ice cream sometimes.  You like a lot of flavors, but what is best?

[BC]

My wife is someone I feel comfortable with discussing any subject of common interest in-depth..  sometimes up to my neck in sh!t but what the heck..

The superficial stuff is appropriate for one night stands and boys night out.

Meaning of life.. hmm.. long ago a few friends and I discovered the meaning and also addition found foolproof ways to fix all worldly ailiments - with a bong.  Unfortunately for unknown reasons we were never able to quite figure it out again afterwards.  I settle for simple agnostic spirituality nowdays.

[BillyB]

One thing I like about my fiancee is that she allows me to be myself without changing me. I don't like women who's goal is to mold a man into what they want. Also I allow her to be who she is without changing her to what I think a woman should be. But of course I like her so for the most part, I think she's already what a woman should be. I can act goofy sometimes with her but I'm no where near as goofy with her as I am with you guys.

I don't talk politics with her much. I've learned early on that's she's not into that. I think where a lot of men and women go wrong is when they can't read the expressions and interests of another person pertaining to issues and go off on a topic when the other person could care less. Yapping their mouth away with a passion boring the other person to death. I like vanilla ice cream.

[PeeWee]

This is a question I have been thinking about and considering for quite some type posting.  The question of the dynamics between two people in any relationship.  Allow me a moment to explain exactly my meaning.  When we are around different people, we act differently.  Not because we are being phony. or because we are sucking up, or because we are hiding who we are, but because certain people allow various aspects of our personalities to surface more easily than others.  I have friends for example that I go to see movies with and get rowdy with.  Most of these people I couldn't have a very intellectual conversation with, but I have a great time with them.  Other people I can be a total clown, and joke and play off of each other to the point people think its an open mic night at the laugh shack.  Still other people I know I discuss politics and history and what could have happened if this or that had occurred and the benefits of republics over direct democracy and vice versa.  Still other people I can discuss very deep things like the meaning of life, counter-temporal causality, or free will vs. determinism (my favorite philosophical topic).  Certain people allow you to be not a different person, but show some sides of yourself, and often diminish other sides.  My question is to those looking as well as those married, what was the dynamic you looked for (or are looking for) in a partner, what aspects do you think are weakened, and what value do you place on both?  I know everyone is different so I'm expecting a wide variety of answers.  I'm finding I am having a different but good dynamic with a variety of people, and I guess sometimes its hard to know what to choose.  Its like choosing ice cream sometimes.  You like a lot of flavors, but what is best?

I think it is nothing more complicated that you playing to your audience. You know the temperment of each and so you automaticly adjust your presention, so to speak. We all learn how to play off of each individual that me associate with. I do face to face sales on a daily basis. Each time I meet with someone I quickly assess their mood and personality. I then bring myself to their level. One of the reasons that former President John Kennedy was so well liked was that he could relize the samething that I know. That is how to bring yourself to the level of the person that you are comminicating with.

For example. You can easily comminicate with a child, even a baby. You, in most cases do not speak to them as you would a professor at the local university. It is a very simply and almost automatic response. The better your skill the more easially accepted you are within the group that you are at that moment associated with. Sometime watch the TV show The Apprentice and notice how quickly and effortlessly Donald Trump transitions from person to person that he interacts with. We all do it and some more successfully than other.

Peewee

[KenC]

Daknack,
When you find a woman that you love to "be yourself" with and she loves who you truly are, then you have found a gem.  Of course there are other factors involved too.  Like she should also be comfortable with being herself and you should like that too.  Still you need to complicate this a little more and factor in morality, character and sexuality.  Many people "settle" for a mate that satisfies many or most of their needs and wants, very few hold out for the whole package.  Many in this process even hold out until they know what the entire package even is, let alone be able to decide if it is for them.  It is only common sense that you need the time together in order to properly come to any reasonable decision.

I got very lucky when I met my wife.  We both like who we are as individuals and as a couple.  We both feel that we compliment each other in many many ways.  And the longer we are together them more in sync we are.  Now we can just give each other a glance and know what the other is thinking.
KenC