Why the sudden desire to open up?

[kynrazor]

To all forum-ers,

I'm a newbie to dating FSU women and I'll really appreciate if everyone can help me understand whether what I'm about to describe in my story is typical slavic women mentality and if so, why?

My story:
I met a Russian girl who I will simply call Alla, on a dating site roughly 6 months ago. I eventually managed to get her phone number after a month of being on the site, and ever since that happened, we have been chatting on a social app, exchanging messages and pictures on average around 3-4 time per week for the last 6 months.

Within that 6 month period, I did manage to arrange to meet her once in her city (Moscow) after knowing her for more than 3 months, though it lasted only an afternoon, barely even a day, (due to the fact that I was suddenly re-called for a diplomatic mission). Nevertheless, she has always seemed a wee bit reserved, always:

1. Never initiating any conversation, not even once.
2. Always replying to my questions with one sentence, almost like one-liners.
3. Never seems to express much emotion apart from the embarrassment smiley. (Does this prove she is shy?)
3. Usually takes about 1 - 2 days to reply to my messages. Only rarely do I ever get instantaneous or same-day replies all the while I see her being quite active on her social media accounts eg. VK for instance. But she's no attention-seeker, I think she probably is just active on chat alot.

Then 3 weeks ago, I stopped writing or sending pictures to her, partly because I didn't really have much to share or chat about but also partly because I also had work on my mind (just tired), and this dry spell lasted for roughly ten days before I ended up sending her a picture of a recent festival which I have attended.

So she replied to that last week, and THAT ladies and gents, is where she ALL OF A SUDDEN, for some UNEXPLAINED REASON, became an energizer bunny and started sending me voice-mails like the first one (saying she hadn't heard from me for AGES  ) which I've attached below.

Then today, she started calling me "my darling" 

I am just trying to wrap my head around and understand why the sudden change? It really feels as if an emotional pipe in her has suddenly burst open. But....if so, why has it only burst after 6 months?

Have I been stringed along? If she wanted the chase, why make it so long? Was I being played games for almost half a year? I'm not sure what to make of it 

In case you can't see the attached file, it's in the link below as well:
http://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6_SHbWcqd_kSjJCNUJzOFBON1U/view?usp=sharing

[ML]

Quite simple.
She is just following the 6 month rule.

[GQBlues]

Only you would have an answer to your question, or make you understand, since you've known this gal 6 months longer than any of us.

Now, had I been you, this gal would've been a distant blip in my social calendar. With so many women to spend my time with, I need not be chasing shadows and game play with anyone. No one you hardly know is ever worth that much second-guessing for a couple of weeks, much less for 6 months long. I never once thought or believed that the extent of these gals social calendar revolves around 'one' man at these juncture. Especially under the situation you described.

As for you, the fact you're at the least entertained by her new found vigor, if I may, I'll assume regardless where this post meander to - you've already made up your mind about her and this will all be moot. You're no longer looking for answer, but rather affirm in your excitement.

Thus, I'll simply offer 'good luck'.

[Boethius]

None of us can know.  Culturally, there, men pursue women, not vice versa.  But, you're not in her orbit daily, and she has a busy life. 

[Trenchcoat]

Well Razor I would'nt get too worked up over it. I find a lot of Slavic women can act a bit weird but then again the way the international dating scene works is a bit weird. The last girl I was with could turn on the affection a bit but normally I think if there is something she sees she wants - thinks you're a good provider etc. As I am learning a woman like you have here just treat her as another possible candidate, one of potentially many possible candidates - it's too early in the day to regard her as anything more, they can look good then amount to nothing because of this or that. Try and get over there and spend more time with her or if she doesn't come good other women. Getting into her real life and away from the usual normal 'I've done this & that today how about you' sort of talk iS something I've learnt as very necessary. From a distance the sort of talk you have here is normal talk but ultimately tells you very little about her you need to get over there for some time & really find out about her.

[BillyB]

1. Never initiating any conversation, not even once.
2. Always replying to my questions with one sentence, almost like one-liners.
3. Never seems to express much emotion apart from the embarrassment smiley. (Does this prove she is shy?)
3. Usually takes about 1 - 2 days to reply to my messages. Only rarely do I ever get instantaneous or same-day replies all the while I see her being quite active on her social media accounts eg. VK for instance. But she's no attention-seeker, I think she probably is just active on chat alot.

Do you think she would behave like that if you had Brad Pitt looks, Bill Gates money, or Trump's power? You are probably not her favorite man. You are definitely a man she's not afraid to lose since she's not giving you a lot of attention. You're just one of the many guys who writes her.

Have I been stringed along? If she wanted the chase, why make it so long? Was I being played games for almost half a year? I'm not sure what to make of it 

You wouldn't be strung along if you communicated with lots of women. You dedicated half a year of your life to this one woman. She never made a commitment to you. She's keeping her options open by communicating with your competition. So communicate with her competition until you find one that gives you the attention you want.

[wallm]

Trench, sit this one out. All the experts will pile on you like on every other thread. Actually sit every thread out till you got yourself straightened out.

[Trenchcoat]

Trench, sit this one out. All the experts will pile on you like on every other thread. Actually sit every thread out till you got yourself straightened out.

Wall, I don't care, I'm quite happy giving my view of things regardless if it gets the nod from the forum experts. Sure I don't have the experience of many on here but it's from a recent newbie perspective which I think can be good for other newbies to know. But yes, I am in the process of getting my whole situation sorted out and will most likely be making another stab at this venture in the next few months So how's it going with the Spinning Instructor Wall?

[msmob]

Hi Kyn

You had a LOT of good advice from the guys in long-term relationships .... figure out who's not in a LTR  and hasn't a clue how to interact with any lady  ..(FUSU or not) ....

Matety, if she doesn't light up your life in her company - or when you are apart ... she wasn't worth investing your time.

You're a smart lad ...  I'm guessing she - sometimes - enjoyed the interaction - at a distance.

When someone is into you - you know

[Yes]

1. Never initiating any conversation, not even once.
2. Always replying to my questions with one sentence, almost like one-liners.
3. Never seems to express much emotion apart from the embarrassment smiley. (Does this prove she is shy?)
3. Usually takes about 1 - 2 days to reply to my messages. Only rarely do I ever get instantaneous or same-day replies all the while I see her being quite active on her social media accounts eg. VK for instance. But she's no attention-seeker, I think she probably is just active on chat alot.

All the above is not unusual, so don't try to overanalyze it. This is especially true for the younger ones (I think you're 24 if I'm not mistaken, and I'm assuming she's around your age).

IMO she is just being cautious. Maybe she has had a bad experience (or 3) in a relationship before and needs to be sure before giving you her heart. I've seen this attitude in many RW, so don't despair.  And this attitude is shown to RM as well.

This is a message I received from a RW 1 day after I had messaged her.

"Certainly I do! Your message found me when I had a friend of mine visiting me. And it came up to me that you've never been at my place. Is it okay to invite you to my home place?
Anyway I'd rather see you any place any time in nearest future" 😉

That was just the latest example; I could speak to many more examples of the 4 you listed above like one-word responses etc., but the point is, many RW are like this, yet are good quality women. No, not all are seemingly so aloof like this, but many are.

RW (FSUW) have invested their hearts before only to get burned by local guys always looking for a better deal. It happens in this part of the world much more than in the WEST, again from my experience. These women also, IMO, take simple rejections and disappointment in affairs of the heart much more personal than WW. 

As you may have read, these women are ready to go all in, but past scars make them incredibly cautious to risk their heart again. So, don't be discouraged. Don't give up as these are "vetting" traits that seem strange, yet are common with RW.

My advice is, if you like her, keep moving forward. Don't be so quick to move on. Gain her trust bit by bit, and you will see her open up to you more and more. They want keepers, not someone who will run away at the slightest hint of trouble.

You're also a foreigner, so that adds to their cautious nature.

[Yes]

Trench, sit this one out. All the experts will pile on you like on every other thread. Actually sit every thread out till you got yourself straightened out.

While he does say some wacky things, not everything he says is untrue. And the so-called experts aren't always right, nor refrain from talking out of their ass.

You have said things that I thought were off base, so you are not without faults should one decide to be a nitpicking troll.

[Yes]

None of us can know.  Culturally, there, men pursue women, not vice versa.  But, you're not in her orbit daily, and she has a busy life.

Not always.

[BdHvA]

So she replied to that last week, and THAT ladies and gents, is where she ALL OF A SUDDEN, for some UNEXPLAINED REASON, became an energizer bunny and started sending me voice-mails like the first one (saying she hadn't heard from me for AGES  ) which I've attached below.

Then today, she started calling me "my darling" 

I am just trying to wrap my head around and understand why the sudden change? It really feels as if an emotional pipe in her has suddenly burst open. But....if so, why has it only burst after 6 months?

Have I been stringed along? If she wanted the chase, why make it so long? Was I being played games for almost half a year? I'm not sure what to make of it 

My guess based on the scant information available something changed in her personal situation and she is looking at her parachutes, so to speak.

A few questions:

Just curious what is the age difference?

Is she a materialistic or superficial woman?

What is the difference between the two of you in education/cultural expierence?

When you visited her did you also meet other women?

Did you meet any of her close freinds and family during your visit?

Bd

The insight you will receive from answering the above from those in the know might aid you in coming to answer to what you are pondering?

[msmob]

While he does say some wacky things, not everything he says is untrue.

Could you take the time to point out ONE thing ?

[Yes]

to the OP,

If you want to answer the above questions and have time to waste, feel free. Unfortunately, it will do nothing more than increase the post count, as none of the above matters.

As I said, it is not at all unusual, and a part of their "vetting" system as well as other things that are somewhat cultural that RW do to guys here (like when RW look away quickly when you look at them if you don't know them, even though they may find you attractive and want you to approach). I even reply 1-3 days later depending on the situation now that I have adapted to living here. Until you have established a sound relationship, you should not find this unusual.

It's mostly about proving yourself to them, not much more. This is especially true with girls from Moscow.

[Yes]

Could you take the time to point out ONE thing ?

Don't have time right now.

But speaking of the truth, please, tell everyone about your Russian language skills again, that's always a hoot to read. 

Stop trolling him, how about that.

[msmob]

Don't have time right now.

But speaking of the truth, please, tell everyone about your Russian language skills again, that's always a hoot to read. 

Stop trolling him, how about that.

To the casual reader - our 'Yes' pops up from time to time and has a particular problem with the veracity of my life-style ... never met the guy...but he sure likes to offer his 'opinion' ...


My Russian language skills are visible quite publicly... Is  there a point to your 'deflection'?


You take your (valuable) time with the answer to my Q and we can decide who is 'trolling' who....

[Boethius]

Not always.

It is the cultural norm.  Though in reality, women almost always pursue men.  The latter just don't know it.


I suspect age is a factor here.  Plus, the OP is giving mixed signals as well - goes to visit her, and his "visit" is a few hours.

Don't have time right now.

But speaking of the truth, please, tell everyone about your Russian language skills again, that's always a hoot to read. 

He's posted videos of himself speaking Russian, so I think his language skills are pretty evident.

[kynrazor]

None of us can know.  Culturally, there, men pursue women, not vice versa.  But, you're not in her orbit daily, and she has a busy life.

It's true. Obviously I'm not in her orbit daily but, at least she replies. I've asked her once very early on, whether she would have accepted dating me if I'm 20 years older and she just told me straight up :"In that case, I will stop talking to you".

Prior to the voicemails, usually whenever I share a picture with her of a recent activity she'll typically reply:" wow, amazing *_* ", nothing more, nothing less.

She keeps telling me she has many things to do, her part-time work, study, meeting with friends  and family commitments which has made her busy, quote: "I'm busy.....ooohh, 24 hours, 7 days, *giggle*, it's true, I have no power". It's not that I don't believe her but it certainly seems a long-shot  On the flip side, her switching to voicemail certainly makes it more convincing and enticingly cute 

I liked this recent quote by BillyB :"Paranoia will destroya". Perhaps I am just being paranoid (after all, I'm partly responsible for her late-ish replies as I myself usually replies not instantly, though still within the day) and mistrust just breeds more mistrust.

Nevertheless, even if, assuming she wanted me to chase, one has to really wonder why it took such a long time to warm her up  though admittedly she's quite young, just turning 21 years old this year.

Such hard work! I guess I'm just not doing an adequate job of sending the right signals 

[kynrazor]

It is the cultural norm.  Though in reality, women almost always pursue men.  The latter just don't know it.

Wow that's so relatable Boe!  Indeed, I have to say she initially sent the very FIRST message on the dating site where we first met, to which I then replied I was looking for a future mate to build a family and grow together, to which she replied "yes true, like all women I want a "strong family" too", whatever that means. BUT, THEN, she proceeds to NEVER initiate conversations again.  Sigh, really felt frustrating at times.

I suspect age is a factor here.  Plus, the OP is giving mixed signals as well - goes to visit her, and his "visit" is a few hours.

Have to take my word for it, nothing much I could do. I got re-called for a diplomatic mission by my sponsor. Even explained the whole thing & showed her my re-booked flights when I told her this, but all the same,  I could sense the disappointment in her texts. Especially evident with the excessive use of "...." signs for ending her one-liners  but at least she still showed up.

[Ranetka]

She probably worked out that (at least for now) you are only interested in a long distance relationship. Therefore she is not taking you seriously and is only talking to you when and if she has time.

[kynrazor]

Only you would have an answer to your question, or make you understand, since you've known this gal 6 months longer than any of us.

I never once thought or believed that the extent of these gals social calendar revolves around 'one' man at these juncture. Especially under the situation you described.

As for you, the fact you're at the least entertained by her new found vigor, if I may, I'll assume regardless where this post meander to - you've already made up your mind about her and this will all be moot. You're no longer looking for answer, but rather affirm in your excitement.

Spot on GQ. However, I guess culture-wise, I do lack understanding of dating norms in the FSU.

Ah well, my philosophy has always been this, if the girl replies, keep talking (assuming we click), if she stops, then cut your losses (time) and move on to another suitable candidate that ticks all boxes eg. no excessive tattoos, etc etc

Thanks for the kind wishes btw.

[kynrazor]

The last girl I was with could turn on the affection a bit but normally I think if there is something she sees she wants - thinks you're a good provider etc. As I am learning a woman like you have here just treat her as another possible candidate, one of potentially many possible candidates - it's too early in the day to regard her as anything more, they can look good then amount to nothing because of this or that.

Haha honestly I was never sure what the girl saw in me, though looking at her VK photos, she does seem to be a BIG BIG FAN of Anime, K-POP, East Asian culture and food like sushi ( but the sushi now has been westernised mostly, anyway)

I am in the process of getting my whole situation sorted out and will most likely be making another stab at this venture in the next few months

Where's your next adventure gonna be Trench? Mother Russia? I'm hoping to visit Moscow again next April, perhaps just in time to catch the Easter celebrations. I've told the aforementioned girl this and perhaps that's another reason she's been taking things slow but other FSU girls I've talked to (around 7 or so in total who I've been acquainted with at one point or another) before I came across her have always been comparably easier to "break the ice". 

[kynrazor]

Matety, if she doesn't light up your life in her company - or when you are apart ... she wasn't worth investing your time.

You're a smart lad ...  I'm guessing she - sometimes - enjoyed the interaction - at a distance.

When someone is into you - you know

Admittedly I still have much to learn from the veterans 

Yeah long distance dating is certainly never easy innit? Considering all the advice, I think I'll just try my best to keep talking (and hopefully visit) and see where it eventually leads.

[BillyB]

kynrazor, your lady is 21. She is young and probably beautiful so she knows her worth and probably doesn't want to commit to you or any guy so quickly until she determines who's the best for her. Over time she will learn what kind of men she can attract and what kind of man she can catch. She'll probably learn she can't catch a guy who's rich or famous but she'll also learn she can attract higher quality men than losers.


You are young yourself at the age of 24. Women over there tend to believe young men aren't serious, responsible and too much into themselves. Women may apply those labels to you until you prove otherwise. You are also unemployed. Your lady may not be a gold digger but financial stability is important to her. Most of your competition that is writing her are employed. Don't expect things to progress with this woman until you become a more attractive candidate for marriage.