Does she want love?

[Trenchcoat]

Hi Kyn

...and I've oft said you're bright ...

Based on?

People may have a different idea if someone is bright depending on how far they agree with what the other person says.

People may base someone being bright on what they study or their level of education.

People may base someone as bright based on how well they ascend in the workplace or in business. Possibly we may be verging on more emotional intelligence here. Some businessmen though have done remarkably well after leaving School with little in the way of qualifications or money.

Kyn here sounds like he is doing research work that may lead him onto a well paying number, but he has yet to land that number. To women he has potential on the financial front but if he doesn't deliver soon he will quickly lose credibility to deliver on this.



The girl here idk, I get the impression she may be a bit up herself - thinks she some uber intellectual. Personally if a girl talked about intellectual stuff all the time like this it would do my head in, most people like to talk about more lighter going stuff a fair amount of the time. The problem if someone is too intellectual is that they may have difficulty talking about more lighter going stuff and hence problems getting on with people. I think the potential to come into conflict on some intellectual point with her is great and hence could end many a relationship.

Her ambition to move to the west may be understandable but its something Kyn needs to be cautious of and not back himself into any solid early agreement to have her move with him, if it is at all feasible anyway. 

[Jumper]

I just do not understand her "disappointment" with her past dating experiences. I do not know why she became so honest with me, telling me about mostly the "Europeans" she's talked to. From my 1 year experience, usually young FSU women aren't straightforward and don't do that... even after months, not to mention her telling me she likes me in such a straight way (Ok, perhaps it's only liking me for my smarts).

She just seems young and with limited life experiences.
I don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean her rambling a bit and *how* she thinks
Just fits a lot of 18yo women of any nationality if they are a serious minded personality.

I dont find anything she said surprising or unusual for a bit more serious minded 18yo FSu woman.

A lot if her thoughts are likely to change about many  subjects as she gains life experience ,in the meantime you've struck her fancy, why not meet her?
Again nothing odd about her being direct that you are one of very few young men she's met that seemed smart.


I'd say one of the key things my wife is attracted to in me is that she feels I'm intelligent, well read, and well traveled.
Hopefully she won't figure out what an idiot I am for a long time

[msmob]

Based on?

In comparison to you, for sure - he's bright


1/ More common sense

2/  the clarity of his thought transferred to text...

[2tallbill]

I'm 24. She's 18 this year and probably going into University the next. Age gap is almost close to the limits of my comfort zone.

That's what I found most fascinating. She has certainly demonstrated maturity
and intelligence beyond her age it's almost scary but awesome at the same time.
Feels like dynamite. Then again, I do like educated women as they never keep
me bored and perhaps the reverse is true.

I just do not understand her "disappointment" with her past dating experiences.
I do not know why she became so honest with me, telling me about mostly the
"Europeans" she's talked to. From my 1 year experience, usually young FSU
women aren't straightforward and don't do that... even after months, not to
mention her telling me she likes me in such a straight way (Ok, perhaps
it's only liking me for my smarts).

She's 18 this year? so is she 17 now?

If she wasn't disappointed in her past dating experiences then she would
still be with that guy right now. She can't have extensive dating experience
based on her age. She also probably has very limited experience with
European men as well. She is probably basing her opinion on the letters
she's received from 40+ year old men with limited social skills that live in
their mothers basement and wrote her at the agency.

If she seems like the real deal then go visit her.

I do wonder how keen her parents would be on her leaving before finishing
her education. That's probably something that you should discuss.

[Trenchcoat]

That is one aspect Bill that her age could be problematic in a relationship coming together. It's part of the reason I am looking towards older women.

Kyn is in a somewhat difficult situation I feel as I believe he is only mid twenties and as we know many a FSW around that age will see him as too young in terms of being able to provide in the here and now. His status as a student will just reinforce that with them.

He's got time to let this develop over the three years she is at uni and not necessarily have a realook serious relationship till later. I think Kyn'S greater problem maybe loping at where he is going career wise and getting a good paying number there. He will then have many options.

[I/O]

Haven't read in detail and I could be a mile off track but my knee jerk reaction listening to about 10 seconds of the recording was the voice didn't match the photo age wise.


Condemnation of RU - nope.


Curtains don't match the carpet....

[Sting23]

It's not the voice but what she's talking about.  I certainly haven't heard an 18 year old talk like that, Russian or otherwise.

[2tallbill]

That is one aspect Bill that her age could be problematic in a relationship coming together. It's part of the reason I am looking towards older women.

There are a thousand reasons her age could be problematic.
Young 18-23 year old girls are like bread baked in the oven
for 8 minutes. It looks great on the outside but the inside isn't
finished yet.

A girl that age is still forming and becoming a woman. Girls that
age change their minds as often as they change their underwear.
I dated them myself a hundred years ago and was so happy when
I was able to date the older ones.

Kyn is in a somewhat difficult situation I feel as I believe he is only mid twenties
and as we know many a FSW around that age will see him as too young in terms
of being able to provide in the here and now. His status as a student will just
reinforce that with them.

He's got time to let this develop over the three years she is at uni and not
necessarily have a realook serious relationship till later. I think Kyn'S
greater problem maybe loping at where he is going career wise and
getting a good paying number there. He will then have many options.

If the girl goes to the University there is a 99% chance she will fall in love
with a boy from the university, the hormones and close proximity make that
a near certainty. That 18 year old girl while seemingly advanced for her age
still forming just like the bread in the oven.

What's my advice for the OP? I'm somewhat at a loss, because I don't know
how he makes it work with that girl unless he moves to Russia while she attends
the University. Her parents are going to want her to go to school because that's
what is best for her. I would probably advise that he work on his career.

Edit to add: I would take the girls photo down.

[Boethius]

I hadn't listened to the downloads, but given the comments, I did.  I didn't note anything which indicates a superior intellect in those comments, just someone who knows what she wants (a life abroad).  I think sometimes, this is dangerous, because with it come unrealistic expectations.

I had the better half listen, thinking maybe I am missing something - his words "детский лепет".  He meant in terms of what she says she wants.

I am not certain I agree with Bill, in terms of a person still forming.  I believe personalities are fairly formed by childhood. 

[BillyB]

I believe personalities are fairly formed by childhood. 

Personalities and character tend to be formed young and carry into old age but there are many other things Kyn needs to worry about. When I was in my teens and early 20's, I didn't care about politics. Most young people don't. Kyn needs to ask her some serious questions to see what side she's leaning on. He don't have to talk politics, just topics that tend to define if a person is on the left or right. People may initially like each other but will later hate each other over politics, religion, abortion, and other hot topic subjects.


I think Kyn's biggest hurdle currently is that he's studying and don't have a job. The young lady will come to realize she's devoting time and effort to a man who may do well after the university or may not. She'd realize getting into a relationship with Kyn would be a gamble.

[Trenchcoat]

I think Kyn's biggest hurdle currently is that he's studying and don't have a job. The young lady will come to realize she's devoting time and effort to a man who may do well after the university or may not. She'd realize getting into a relationship with Kyn would be a gamble.

Absolutely agree with this.

[Trenchcoat]

I think what 2tallbill was getting at was not so much when a persons personality, character and attitudes, etc are formed, this could well be done during childhood, but I guess more the experience of a person in life. Hence the baked look on the outside but doughy on the inside. When I was in my late teens, early twenties etc I tended to discount some if not most of those that were older and had experience - you don't tend to realise that certain qualities and abilities tend to only come with time, with age. Even a very mature person, male or female in their late teens/early twenties are still at heart deficient when it comes to attaining any of these qualities/abilities. A bit like an old card player, chess player, sportsman or any skilled activity - a person with natural skill can do a lot but a veteran of his field will have known, seen and experienced all the moves, they would have developed a lot over a long period of time. Same with relationships & life outlook, some young people are naturally skilled know what to do and say, what they want but at that age they have not had the time to develop and really get to know themselves.

[msmob]

 People may initially like each other but will later hate each other over politics, religion, abortion, and other hot topic subjects.

As ever, I find my self with a polar opposite viewpoint to BillyB


I'm grateful for having been married to an eth.'Oirish' Catholic and Orthodox Russian and spending time in their communities

I understand the strength of feelings on certain stances and certainly know my history, better.

Having just returned from Cyprus and argued with my good old friend,Alexey - from the rights / wrongs of the Russian bans at the Winter Olympics to 'away games' in Ukraine - we disagreed on many perspectives - but he's still my buddy

I think Kyn's biggest hurdle currently is that he's studying and don't have a job. The young lady will come to realize she's devoting time and effort to a man who may do well after the university or may not. She'd realize getting into a relationship with Kyn would be a gamble.

BillyB

you have a habit of  thinking all FSUW  ( all women) are purely materialistic in choosing a partner - they aren't

Some enjoy bright minds and care doesn't have to mean expensive gifts or a big house

[2tallbill]

I am not certain I agree with Bill, in terms of a person still forming.  I believe personalities are fairly formed by childhood. 

While I agree that an honest girl will still be and honest girl. She won't
suddenly decide on a life of crime. But I've seen girls who never drink,
smoke or spread their legs, begin doing all three. I've seen girls who
wanted to become doctors change their minds and become art majors.

The truth is that girls this age change a lot.

[Jumper]

Lets face it , a good percentage of women choose men very poorly and for all the wrong reasons .
Men also  choose women poorly as well.

The OP is young, but experienced enough to know most 18 yo's lack life experience and maturity,as he already stated concerns regarding her age.

The fact he is a 24 yo university student is certainly not some handicap when dating a 18yo university student.

I have no idea,where you guys come up with that ,as that's who most university students date , other  university students.

If you are looking at purely as mob, relocation oriented you might have a point.
While she has dreams of living elsewhere, so do many  young 18yo persons.

He is at no disadvantage in the least with her,and in fact she clearly stated her interest in him . His dilemma  would be deciding if he wanted to pursue, nothing else.

[BillyB]

I'm grateful for having been married to an eth.'Oirish' Catholic and Orthodox Russian and spending time in their communities

What's to hate about other communities? Now if I chose a wife who was Muslim and wanted me  and future kids to practice Islam, I would be putting up resistance. Don't give Kyn any ideas love will solve all the problems. He needs to figure out what's in the brain of any girl before getting serious with her.

you have a habit of  thinking all FSUW  ( all women) are purely materialistic in choosing a partner - they aren't

I don't think. I know everybody, except the extremely stupid, factor in money when getting hooked up. Guys figure how they will support a family and girls figure out how to feed a family. Money and a place to live are all factors. Love alone isn't going to feed a family.

If you are looking at purely as mob, relocation oriented you might have a point.
While she has dreams of living elsewhere, so do many  young 18yo persons.

If Kyn and the girl was living next door, no problem. He's decided to do international dating. Cost money. I don't know about UK but in America we have to prove we earn 125% of the poverty level so we can bring our girls over here. Kyn need to figure out the future and if he can bring her to the UK otherwise they're wasting time. If things continue to progress, she will certainly start thinking if Kyn can afford to bring her to the UK. She and he better understand she may not be employable for some time and somebody needs to put a roof over their heads and feed them everyday.


If Kyn doesn't have a solid game plan, he will fail with this girl. Doesn't matter how nice he is and if their a perfect match, if he can afford it or doesn't qualify to bring her over, he will fail.

[msmob]

What's to hate about other communities? Now if I chose a wife who was Muslim and wanted me  and future kids to practice Islam, I would be putting up resistance. Don't give Kyn any ideas love will solve all the problems. He needs to figure out what's in the brain of any girl before getting serious with her.

Funnily enough, that was exactly what we went through re Roman Catholic v Protestant schooling / Christening, etc., It's how you compromise and come to an agreement that counts ..  We agreed that in Rome do as the Romans do - and that meant Protestant   If the girls at 16 chose to go RC - I'd have gone to attend their conversion with joy - as they'd be old enough to choose to be a little different .. 

I don't think. I know everybody, except the extremely stupid, factor in money when getting hooked up. Guys figure how they will support a family and girls figure out how to feed a family. Money and a place to live are all factors. Love alone isn't going to feed a family.

You sure don't think - given the number of folks that meet during tertiary education and marry

If Kyn and the girl was living next door, no problem. He's decided to do international dating. Cost money. I don't know about UK but in America we have to prove we earn 125% of the poverty level or we can bring our girls over here. Kyn need to figure out the future and if he can bring her to the UK otherwise they're wasting time. If things continue to progress, she will certainly start thinking if Kyn can afford to bring her to the UK. She and he better understand she may not be employable for some time and somebody needs to put a roof over their heads and feed them everyday.


If Kyn doesn't have a solid game plan, he will fail with this girl. Doesn't matter how nice he is and if their a perfect match, if he can afford it or doesn't qualify to bring her over, he will fail.

Kyn will need to earn c.£19K and his student loans will not be taken as a negative to 'import' a non EU lass  - that's nt and excessive amount for a freshly qualified lad to earn .. My RU step-son is two years out of university and got hs UK citizenship and is engaged to a Japanese lass - who is here on his earning capacity

You are ( possibly ) floundering to shoot holes in his plan to try to get one over on me ?  I'm encouraging to go for it

[BillyB]

It's how you compromise and come to an agreement that counts ..

It's great if compromise happens in every disagreement but people should come to an agreement before things get serious, not after. If Kyn doesn't believe in God and his girl does and then wants him to go to church and raise the kids with God, there's not much to compromise. Kyn either gives in or he doesn't and if he doesn't or his girl doesn't back off her proposals, things may go downhill from there. Kyn should bring up a lot of hot topic issues with the girl. If she truly likes him, she will be happy to discuss her thoughts and beliefs on issues. Kyn may learn they think alike or are very different and it's best not to even visit her.

[msmob]

It's great if compromise happens in every disagreement but people should come to an agreement before things get serious, not after. If Kyn doesn't believe in God and his girl does and then wants him to go to church and raise the kids with God, there's not much to compromise. Kyn either gives in or he doesn't and if he doesn't or his girl doesn't back off her proposals, things may go downhill from there. Kyn should bring up a lot of hot topic issues with the girl. If she truly likes him, she will be happy to discuss her thoughts and beliefs on issues. Kyn may learn they think alike or are very different and it's best not to even visit her.

Hardly,

I know a few folks  where one partner is more religious than t'other - the more religious one wanting the kids to follow their faith - they've managed to muddle through

[Boethius]

While I agree that an honest girl will still be and honest girl. She won't suddenly decide on a life of crime. But I've seen girls who never drink, smoke or spread their legs, begin doing all three. I've seen girls who wanted to become doctors change their minds and become art majors.

The truth is that girls this age change a lot.

That happens with mature women as well.  I've seen women change significantly, even after marriage and children, up to their late thirties/early forties.  I don;'t think age is really a factor in this.  That being said, I don't think early marriage is a great idea for a number of reasons.

[I/O]

That being said, I don't think early marriage is a great idea for a number of reasons.

In general maybe, my parents were married at 19, 2 kids by 21 and just clicked over 60 years of marriage...

[Trenchcoat]

I think in any case Kyn should go and meet her, the experience will be invaluable and he will learn a lot about this FSU dating game. Experience in FSU dating I am finding is invaluable in the longer term. We learn by our experiences, she may turn out not to be the one for him but he could learn a lot for future encounters with ladies in the FSU. So I would say to Kyn to go out there and see what her story is all about

To add what I have come to realise is that its not difficult to find women that are straight up about meeting  guy. Most women that are serious will happily message you if you write serious messages to them and not ask them stupid questions. This does not mean they are into you, Skype with them and they may feel more about you but most will be willing to meet you or many a foreign guy. Some they will not message back for various reasons but a lot I think know that its a numbers game and are open to meeting any guy as they no doubt know its how you get on in person. So Kyn I would not view any girl as a future love, she might but I would see it in the outset as an adventure, try not to get locked into looking at a girl as a potential LTR too early.

[Boethius]

In general maybe, my parents were married at 19, 2 kids by 21 and just clicked over 60 years of marriage...

I married  young as well. But honestly, I wouldn't want my children to marry young.  I think had I not married a man who was absolutely an adult in all respects, with an exceptionally strong personality, I don't know if I would have remained married, or at least, not happily.


The girl speaking has some very childlike perspectives, suggesting to me that she has a lot of growing up to do before she's ready for marriage.

[I/O]

we have been together for over 35 years.

I'm tapping my calculator..

[Boethius]