Finding a Girl in your subject area? Is it best?

[Bee Farmer]

Bee Farmer, I liked most of your advice, yet this comment seems wrong.  I am mostly extroverted and prefer outgoing women.    Bookworms seem to be happy with another bookworm rather than the life of the party.

It all depends on what kind of relationship you are looking for.  Some folks like a shallow relationship that is comfortable, and is just a couple friends who live together, and some folks want a relationship that has substance and depth.

Familiarity is comfortable, but opposites attract.  Similar personalities make great friends, but you want yin and yang for a relationship.

The bookworm aspect is interesting.  Typically, bookworms tend to be idea oriented people.    This is around 20% of the population.  They quickly learn that they don't fit in right.  Bookworms may end up with other bookworms, simply because it is someone they can relate to easier.  So there is familiarity, in an unfriendly world. 

The INTJ personality is about as much of a bookworm as you can get.   INTJ guys often pair up with ENFP women.  Interestingly, some INTJ women like an ENFP guy, but some INTJ women find themselves attracted to INTJ guys.  And while an INTJ girl may not be an INTJ guy's first preference, he may date her because it is comfortable and it is a girl who likes him.

[Bee Farmer]

Put it this way guys, I can fire off a load of email on Match in the UK and get no response. Same with Tinder and other dating stuff. I have been to Speed Dating events four times and no joy. I have been to two singles evenings an no joy. I am not alone in this many other guys in the UK report the same. None/very few of the other guys at the speed dating event were getting any joy either. This is apparently typical that 20 odd guys can turn up to these events and no joy. So all these apparently single girls turn up to these speed dating events yet despite there single status wish to snub all guys there. Believe me most of the guys there looked and acted normal enough apart from the odd one and the same was true on the girls side.

Yet on MOB sites even free ones I get a he'll of a lot more response. Even something like Mamba that is kind of local dating I get more respose not loads but the odd few. I've got to meet a girl who I got on well for the whole week. UK I managed to meet one girl of there and we met for one day and got on ok ish this apparently isn't doing bad for Match dating. So why the difference? If not a cultural, environment and/or demographic one.

Women just are'nt driven to get into relationships with guys like they used to its all careers, etc these days in the UK. I think many on here jump to the wrong impression of me. Yes I am introvert and not real socially skilled but I can communicate and confident enough doing this. For sure I can't compete with an energetic socially skilled type they would race way ahead of me. But I'm not exactly a complete socially inept buffoon either. I know there are certain things you should and shouldn't do, how to act appropriately, try to communicate at appropriate time, to not bore on (well hopefully) watch how the recipient reponds to what I am saying, be mindful to be tactful in my dealings with others, others emotions/feelings avoiding hurtful comments, etc.

At this point I really do think it's getting to grips fully with the FSU dating scene. I've only been twice so it's still early days since as we know few strike home first time in this game.

You do understand how Match.com works don't you?  Email 100 women that is a step down in class of the girls you would normally date in real life. (fatter, uglier, etc.)  Of that 100, 10 may reply.  Of the 10 that reply, 2 or 3 might be willing to meet you.  Of that 2 or 3, 1 might be willing to sleep with you.  This is the online advice given to guys.  The girls on Match quickly learn the guys are just looking to hook up.  The good girls get off Match really quick.  The girls who stay on Match are happy with the attention from guys just wanting to hook up.

Girls on Match who are remotely decent looking are bombarded with emails from guys.  (I've heard of women receiving a couple hundred emails every day.)  You have to really stand out to get their attention if you're emailing good looking girls.

Match.com is NOT a relationship dating website.  It's a hook-up website.  Tinder is another hook-up website. 

If that is the sort of women you go after, you would be better off going to bars and walking up to girls and saying, "Hey, would you like to f***...or do I owe you an apology?"  Yes, I know guys who have used this approach, and ended up moving in with the girl.

I don't know how old you are, or what your physical condition is Trench.  Are you overweight?  If so, start eating healthy and hit the gym.  Women WILL take notice if you are in shape. 

If you are in shape and can dress yourself nice, women will take even more notice.  If other guys your age are wearing a tshirt over their bulging belly, and you are walking around with a flat stomach and a button up shirt, women WILL take notice.  (I knew an old guy who wore a suit everyday, even to mow his yard.  After he died, his son told me he probably had 30 or 40 suits.  That's the only thing he had worn for years.)

What are you an expert at?  What are you passionate about?  Women LOVE a guy who is passionate about something.

Learn to be a beekeeper.  I can tell you that women are fascinated by a guy who brings an observation hive to farmers markets and can tell them all kinds of information about bees.

Are you a gardener?  Or do you have a prized rose garden?  Get involved with gardening clubs.  There are always women around gardening clubs.

What are your selling points?  Focus on what you have to offer, instead of your weaknesses.

Am I not meeting women online with MOB dating sites

Point is I get a lot more interest from MOB dating sites than I do with UK internet dating.

Part of that is that you are exotic, since you are a foreigner.  Simply by being a foreigner, foreign girls will take more interest in you.

Ut doesn't hurt anything that there is a shortage of decent guys in the FSU, and Western men have a reputation for often being decent guys.

Out of curiosity, what is your real goal?  Are you just looking for female attention?  (Local escort websites will get you attention, and probably at a cheaper price than what you are paying on a trip to the FSU.)  Are you actually looking for a wife?

I imagine the UK can't be that much different than the US for dating.  I'm an introvert too, but I can tell you that if you are in reasonable shape and can dress halfway decent, women will give you attention.  (They may not be the kind of girls you are interested in, but they will give you attention.)

And if you are able to keep a few thousand in the bank and are friendly, the bank teller girls will give you attention too.

[Trenchcoat]

You do understand how Match.com works don't you?  Email 100 women that is a step down in class of the girls you would normally date in real life. (fatter, uglier, etc.)  Of that 100, 10 may reply.  Of the 10 that reply, 2 or 3 might be willing to meet you.  Of that 2 or 3, 1 might be willing to sleep with you.  This is the online advice given to guys.  The girls on Match quickly learn the guys are just looking to hook up.  The good girls get off Match really quick.  The girls who stay on Match are happy with the attention from guys just wanting to hook up.

Girls on Match who are remotely decent looking are bombarded with emails from guys.  (I've heard of women receiving a couple hundred emails every day.)  You have to really stand out to get their attention if you're emailing good looking girls.

Match.com is NOT a relationship dating website.  It's a hook-up website.  Tinder is another hook-up website. 

If that is the sort of women you go after, you would be better off going to bars and walking up to girls and saying, "Hey, would you like to f***...or do I owe you an apology?"  Yes, I know guys who have used this approach, and ended up moving in with the girl.

I don't know how old you are, or what your physical condition is Trench.  Are you overweight?  If so, start eating healthy and hit the gym.  Women WILL take notice if you are in shape. 

If you are in shape and can dress yourself nice, women will take even more notice.  If other guys your age are wearing a tshirt over their bulging belly, and you are walking around with a flat stomach and a button up shirt, women WILL take notice.  (I knew an old guy who wore a suit everyday, even to mow his yard.  After he died, his son told me he probably had 30 or 40 suits.  That's the only thing he had worn for years.)

What are you an expert at?  What are you passionate about?  Women LOVE a guy who is passionate about something.

Learn to be a beekeeper.  I can tell you that women are fascinated by a guy who brings an observation hive to farmers markets and can tell them all kinds of information about bees.

Are you a gardener?  Or do you have a prized rose garden?  Get involved with gardening clubs.  There are always women around gardening clubs.

What are your selling points?  Focus on what you have to offer, instead of your weaknesses.


Part of that is that you are exotic, since you are a foreigner.  Simply by being a foreigner, foreign girls will take more interest in you.

Ut doesn't hurt anything that there is a shortage of decent guys in the FSU, and Western men have a reputation for often being decent guys.

Out of curiosity, what is your real goal?  Are you just looking for female attention?  (Local escort websites will get you attention, and probably at a cheaper price than what you are paying on a trip to the FSU.)  Are you actually looking for a wife?

I imagine the UK can't be that much different than the US for dating.  I'm an introvert too, but I can tell you that if you are in reasonable shape and can dress halfway decent, women will give you attention.  (They may not be the kind of girls you are interested in, but they will give you attention.)

And if you are able to keep a few thousand in the bank and are friendly, the bank teller girls will give you attention too.

Well I would have to change banks since in the one I use its either guys or older women at the cashier desk. I'm in my late thirties, normal body shape, never been fat though never really been particularly athletic looking, full head of hair not balding, receding or anything at all, not noticeably greying, yet! I don't believe I look particularly obviously weird, normal looking enough and hopefully to the right girl looks she would be attracted to. For sure I've notice with FSU girls dressing smart works wonders, I tend not to for here though since I'm not sure it has the same clout, since there is a more dress down culture like in the US - no doubt for some girls it still works, but I don't really get out a lot a present anyway, work and all that. In the past I've joined clubs but even where they were girls it didn't really turn up anything, either they had boyfriends, lack of interest, etc.

Tinder I agree is just a hook up app, some people say its all about having hot bods on there, I don't really get it. Match was supposed to be a serious dating site (hence why you paid a subscription) I never did it with the intention of hooking up, though it was 3 or fours years ago I last really had a serious mail shot attempt on there. Like you say though the quality of the women is just not there, you start of with the prettier ones, nothing then the less so, nothing, then the ones you wouldn't really have considered but the site makes you desperate, nothing, then the really ugly fat ones - I mean we're talking beasts here, nah couldn't even bring myself to that. I am attracted to women not beasts, they do nothing for me, no one asked for them to wreck themselves. Yeah I heard about how much keyboard pounding you have to do on Match its ridiculous, and each one wants a personally written letter, then still considers it spam and doesn't bother replying to your Shakespearean efforts. Even if you get a girl to reply back you can then lose her to some other guy hammering away on the keyboard, it ridiculous, intolerable even.

I am looking for a wife, I'm not interested in attention from women or partying it up with some girl like you see a lot off these guys do on these agency tours. I just want to find one woman, if I found her I would look no further.

I'm no gardener, I just don't get the time and its not my first port of call, though I have nothing against it. I've been looking into other activities of course but I've only got so much time to devote. Beekeeping is something kind of left of field I've never really thought about, I'll see if I can look it up sometime

I have a passion which is something I am good at, so it comes as pleasant reading that you think this would play well with women, its something I've been meaning to ask about but I'll do so in a separate thread as I would not to take this thread any further of course.

Don't underestimate how tough the UK dating scene is, not just for me but for many, many men these days, many girls just seem adverse to dating, either cold, boyfriend already, or you have to fit into the mould of the ideal - socially able rich guy. First part I fall down on, second part not rich enough, yet so also fall down on. FSW may be less fussed on the first part from what I have seen, second part, yes I am rich compared to where their coming from.

Anyway, I guess I'm really an ideas kind of guy, not into fiction books though, lol. Still I can often be attracted to the opposite, not intentionally though. I know girl will no doubt see me as a difficult fit with her lifestyle even though there is attraction there. For me though I really do think that I will benefit by having another attempt/longer stay out in the FSU and cast a wider net out there is needs be. I know how it functions now so am more confident of a successful out come. Though I agree to make it work it will likely require a fair time spent with the woman to be at all realistic, but I think that is true for many on this search.     

[Trenchcoat]

So to follow on from the point raised by Bee Farmer in the other thread (sexual infections). Is it best to go for a girl in your subject field if that field is a major part of your life? Not only your job but also your interest, something you tend to eat sleep and sh*t, only coming up for air every so often. Not to say you don't have a few other interests of course. Would she enjoy hearing about the subject that I have a passion for and (I believe) am good at or would it bore her. In the UK I tend to get the impression it would bore her, but maybe not a FSW? I do try not to drone on about it too much.

Anyway, my thought is that would I be best off targeting girls interested in the same subject. Better for the relationship? Easier to connect with? My subject is Architecture so it is something I think of as something that I can connect over, i.e not like some sort of scientist type of field or whatever. Would looking for girls in my subject area in the FSU be better than MOB dating services? More natural way of finding women, better long term relationship prospects?

[BillyB]

Most of the guys here are extroverts.  They are limited to knowing how an extrovert approaches women.  They do not have the slightest clue how an introvert approaches women.

If you try to follow their approach, you will not feel comfortable.  It will not be natural for you.  A lady will pick up that you are putting on an act.

I would encourage you to study MBTI.  Learn what your personality type is, and what type matches well with you.  Learn how to recognize MBTI in girls by emailing or skyping.  Ask them questions about how they view view things, and you will be able to start to recognize their personality type.  The "chemistry" people are looking for is largely how compatible your personality types are.  Understanding MBTI will help you understand if you will have chemistry or not, even before you meet.  (It is not a guarantee of relationship success, as morals and values and goals are involved too, but MBTI gives you a good starting point.)

Approaching women is just the first step to getting a first date. Don't need a lot of science to figure things out. If Trenchcoat is having a hard time attracting women, he needs to make changes that will attract and keep women. Being himself could be harmful to achieving his goals. I've always told my kids to not expect the world to change for them. If they want to be successful, they need to make the changes.

You need a wingman.

 

A good wingman can get Trenchcoat an introduction and a first date. A wingman isn't going to live with Trenchcoat forever. Trenchcoat needs to figure out how to keep women interested in him the rest of the way after the introduction.

[BillyB]

My subject is Architecture so it is something I think of as something that I can connect over, i.e not like some sort of scientist type of field or whatever. Would looking for girls in my subject area in the FSU be better than MOB dating services? More natural way of finding women, better long term relationship prospects?

There's not a lot of women into architecture. Most sincere women aren't looking for an architect. They are looking for a husband. What kind of traits does a good husband have? Good morals and values, good father, good provider, good lover, good protector, caring, kind, gentleman, intelligent, wise, interesting personality etc.....

If you can beat your competition in those categories, you will have lots of women to choose from. During a ride from the airport in Kiev, the apartment manager talked a lot with me. After showing me the room and leaving, he said there's a lot of women in Kiev who would love to marry a guy like me. You need to figure out how to make big impressions on people in a short time.

[wallm]

The INTJ personality is about as much of a bookworm as you can get.   INTJ guys often pair up with ENFP women.  Interestingly, some INTJ women like an ENFP guy, but some INTJ women find themselves attracted to INTJ guys.  And while an INTJ girl may not be an INTJ guy's first preference, he may date her because it is comfortable and it is a girl who likes him.

FWIW, I am an INTJ according to test from 25 years back, even though I am a lot more outgoing now, I am absolutely not a bookworm. Not even close. Now, what does all the have to do with STDs?

[wallm]

Subject field? Seriously? In Ukriane, I find most girls do not work in the area they majored in college. Plus it is good to have varied interests. Who wants a clone! Focus on yourself and what you bring to the table. I find that they like a guy who dresses well, is a gentleman, is successful, is active, is not a prick and not a couch potato. But what do I know, I am just on my second trip.

[mhr7]

Trenchie-
How do you do this? How do you get there? Easy. Explore all the things Trenchie is good at, and start with being really honest with yourself. Use that acceptance to its fullest potential until it begins to permeate into everything else you do in your life. I don’t care whether you’re a writer, an athlete, a geek, a carpenter, etc…just understand you’re good at this and very likely is MUCH BETTER at it than most. Feel that sense of superiority without the arrogance. Understand and appreciate your *personal value* and dwell on that without being over-bearing. Trust me, trust me, trust me – all other facets of your life will be so much easier to deal with – especially in interacting with women.

You will need this ‘trained trait’ EVEN MORE when you’ve finally convinced someone to share a life with you, than when you were once chasing her before. You don’t have that confidence in yourself, you'll find that even you won’t be able to stand yourself, much less someone else. And that's when you start living your life blaming everyone else for your personal shortcomings.

Well said and I agree. Confidence is extremely important with women, don't be a "nice guy" or a pushover, you won't get the woman. Be bold and be a gentleman. Like Bill said, you are driving the bus.

[HoundDaddyLee]

It all depends on what kind of relationship you are looking for.  Some folks like a shallow relationship that is comfortable, and is just a couple friends who live together, and some folks want a relationship that has substance and depth.

Familiarity is comfortable, but opposites attract.  Similar personalities make great friends, but you want yin and yang for a relationship.

The bookworm aspect is interesting.  Typically, bookworms tend to be idea oriented people.    This is around 20% of the population.  They quickly learn that they don't fit in right.  Bookworms may end up with other bookworms, simply because it is someone they can relate to easier.  So there is familiarity, in an unfriendly world. 

The INTJ personality is about as much of a bookworm as you can get.   INTJ guys often pair up with ENFP women.  Interestingly, some INTJ women like an ENFP guy, but some INTJ women find themselves attracted to INTJ guys.  And while an INTJ girl may not be an INTJ guy's first preference, he may date her because it is comfortable and it is a girl who likes him.

BF'er,


I am a bookworm. Always have been. I am also outgoing in social situations. But in my job I am less outgoing and tend to listen more. My job requires that I listen to customers to understand their needs. These standardized psych tests give you an idea on your personality. It is not an exact science. My girl is less outgoing than me, but she is from Belarus. In my time there I found few outgoing people (compared to people I met in Ukraine). The fact that my girl is not outgoing it NOT the reason we are together. We have a wonderful chemistry and just click on every level. That is what Trench should be looking for (in my view). If love were an exact science then relationships would be easy, as we could create an algorithm to find someone. EHarmony.com seems to be trying to do this, but I have never met anyone who had success with EHarmony, myself included.


I have to echo the advice 2TBill gives, "fail early". This is key in many things in life, including technical sales. You don't want to waste your precious time on a losing battle. I have fallen into this trap and it is not fun. You invest a lot time and emotion and find that the person you are pursuing is not into you. Looking back on these situations I recognize when I should have ejected from the relationship. So far with my lady there have been none of these signs.


I guess the point of my posting is that bookworms can be outgoing and not introverts. And to keep it "On Topic" I have never had an STD. 


HDL

[HoundDaddyLee]

Trench,


The advice BillyB gives up thread is good. You need to find a good woman that matches you. She will probably not be in the same career you are in. If I was looking for a software engineer in the FSU, I would still be looking. I have not met one yet.


Ideally, you should find a woman with similar interests (reading, hiking, swimming, traveling, etc.). But an exact match (or clone as WallM put it) would probably make for a boring life.


Trench, you are in "analysis paralysis" on this subject. Not sure what site you are using (I found my woman on fdating.com), but write to a bunch of women. Find a few in close proximity that interest you. Talk on Skype as often as possible. Here you have an advantage as the time difference is not too bad. Even with the 8 hour difference my lady and I spend 1 - 2 hours a day on Skype (weekdays) and more on weekends. After talking on Skype for a few weeks, get on a plane and meet her in person. Hopefully the chemistry on Skype will translate to chemistry in person. If you meet that woman that give you "butterflies in the stomach" feeling every time you see her and she feels the same. Then you know you have found your match.


Just my opinion. Really want to see you succeed Trench.


HDL

[Bee Farmer]

And this thread is precisely the reason folks say you are a socially inept buffoon, and I have encouraged you to get a wingman.  You just don't get it.

You failed to understand what I was suggesting to you.  I was NOT suggesting you try to target women in the same field of study as yourself.

The point I was making was that women like a confident guy, and they like a guy who can impress them.  They are not looking for a peer in their field of study to have a relationship with.

The point I was making was for you to be knowledgeable and passionate about something so that you are an "expert" in that area.  You will be confident when you are talking about this, and women will like that confidence.

Many women appreciate architecture.  Take a girl around town visiting different buildings so you can look at the architecture.  She will be impressed if you can tell her things about architecture that she didn't know.  (Design styles, cultural history, etc.)  Don't get technical and try to tell her specifics of what allow steel they used, and its characteristics.  Don't drone on.  If her eyes glaze, STOP and go back to what she liked about the architecture.  Many women like learning about the cultural history of a design style, so try to know something about the people who built the structure, and not just the architectural aspects.



If you get a girl that is an architect, she already knows what you are going to try to tell her.  She will not be impressed.

When you were attending university, you may have considered approaching other girls in your classes, because your architectural studies were a commonality.  You could offer to study together.  You could use architecture as your mode of introduction.  But even then, a relationship is not based upon your field of study.  Your field of study is just a method for introduction.

[GQBlues]

Put it this way guys, I can fire off a load of email on Match in the UK and get no response. ....<snip>...
At this point I really do think it's getting to grips fully with the FSU dating scene. I've only been twice so it's still early days since as we know few strike home first time in this game.

I really wish you all the best, man.

That said, I just can't envision how something so basic and primal as 'meeting/dating' women could be this convoluted and difficult for any one. Is it possible that you've subconsciously convinced yourself things were going nowhere even before you met any of the local gals on the venues you mentioned? You seem to be making this so much more complicated.

All I'd like to tell you is, finding/meeting/dating a woman (from anywhere) is, and always will be, the relatively 'easier' part. The MOB is even much easier. Marriage is, or can be, the tougher part. It is certainly the 'costlier' part in the immediate years.

If in the event you are not 'well-equipped' in relating with the opposite gender 'now' during these 'meeting' stages, best you invest on yourself a bit more so you can give your marriage better odds of staying sound once you succeed on your search.

Trenchie, of the 9 couples we know and hung out with, 8 couples (WM/FSUW) are now divorced. The 9th couple (both Russians) and us are the only ones left.

I'm telling you this hoping you're looking at this pursuit as a big picture, and not the seemingly easy fix with your current void. The odds of a hellish separation is larger than otherwise.

[Bee Farmer]

I'm in my late thirties, normal body shape, never been fat though never really been particularly athletic looking,

 I don't believe I look particularly obviously weird, normal looking enough and hopefully to the right girl looks she would be attracted to. For sure I've notice with FSU girls dressing smart works wonders, I tend not to for here though since I'm not sure it has the same clout, since there is a more dress down culture like in the US - no doubt for some girls it still works, but I don't really get out a lot a present anyway, work and all that. In the past I've joined clubs but even where they were girls it didn't really turn up anything, either they had boyfriends, lack of interest, etc.

I'm no gardener, I just don't get the time and its not my first port of call, though I have nothing against it. I've been looking into other activities of course but I've only got so much time to devote.

Though I agree to make it work it will likely require a fair time spent with the woman to be at all realistic, but I think that is true for many on this search.     

What is a normal body shape?  In the US, normal is fat.  Are you at 15%-18% bodyfat at the most?  More than that is fat.  Women like a nice body a lot more than a chubby guy.  You don't have to be at 10% with perfect 6 pack abs, but 15%-18% looks healthy and gives enough muscle definition that women will take notice.  If you're over that, you need to go on a diet and hit the gym.

I think you underestimate the importance of dressing nice.
When I was about 30, a friend's wife told me she wanted to take me clothes shopping.  I didn't understand why, since I thought I dressed ok.  She said that I dressed like someone's grandpa, and if I wanted girls my age to give me any attention, I needed to dress more stylish.  So I gave her the few hundred bucks she wanted and we went shopping.  Some stuff she suggested I was straight up honest that I would never wear - color or style was too far out there for me.  In the end, I ended up with some clothes that she thought was stylish, and I thought was tolerable.

Guess what?  Girls started paying attention to me when I dressed the way she suggested.  American 7's and 8's would actually talk and flirt a little, instead of giving me a cold shoulder like they did before.  If I dress the way I would dress myself, the only women who pay much attention to me are either really fat and desperate, or 15 years older than me.

If you don't have time for hobbies or stuff like that, how are you going to have time for a wife? (Much less time to pursue a long distance relationship?)

There are 3 things you need if you want a girl.  Time, money, and effort.  If you have a lot of one thing, you can get away with less of the others.  If you are short on one thing, you need to make it up with the other things.  You say that time and money is short with you.  That means you better be willing to put in one heck of a lot of effort.  (You'd be a lot further ahead to find a way to earn more money, and to manage your time better.)

Now, what does all the have to do with STDs?

Introverts who have difficulties approaching girls are a lot less likely to get STD's.

But speaking of STD's, how does a guy really bring it up without making himself out to be selfish and uncaring?  Hey baby, I like you so much I want to give you an incurable disease, just so I can have fun doing it?
If a guy had any feelings for a girl, the absolute last thing he would want is for that girl to get an STD.  You would really have to hate someone to knowingly be willing to infect them with an STD.  How could any decent human being place their own sexual gratification over the health and well-being of someone they supposedly loved?  They can't.  A decent person who loved someone else would never do that.  They would go through life being celibate as their punishment for getting an STD, rather than to infect someone they cared about.  If you do pursue relationships, it shows that they care about themselves far more than they are willing to care about anyone else.
IMO, if a guy has an STD, he should only pursue relationships with girls who already have STD's.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I'm telling you this hoping you're looking at this pursuit as a big picture, and not the seemingly easy fix with your current void. The odds of a hellish separation is larger than otherwise.

Yep and I believe that is why many of the guys continue to go back to the FSU water trough.   To be fair, I think men, in general, tend to quickly remarry instead of taking the time to fix their issues. 

[Bee Farmer]

Trench,
  If needing an introduction to a girl is what you need, have you considered contacting vwrw about her relative and see if she is still looking?  No one PMed vwrw about her.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=18370.0

It was vwrw who was hoping to find an American husband for her.  I believe the girl just wanted to find a decent guy.

Your ages are not that far apart.  And perhaps one of the best things, vwrw considers her to be one of the nicest people she knows.  Someone with a kind heart can really help make a relationship a lot smoother.

And in the past 2 years, her English may have improved.

You're not going to get much better than a personal introduction by a trusted family member.

[GQBlues]

...It was vwrw who was hoping to find an American husband for her.  I believe the girl just wanted to find a decent guy...

Attention to detail. Trench is from the UK.

[Bee Farmer]

Attention to detail. Trench is from the UK.

Attention to detail yourself.  vwrw admitted that it was just her who wanted to find the girl an American husband so the girl would be closer to vwrw.

The girl made no such requirement.

Trench isn't going to be dating vwrw, so her personal preferences don't really matter to Trench's relationships.

And if truth be known, I suspect vwrw would prefer to see the girl end up with a nice man regardless where he lived, rather than the girl to remain alone.

[GQBlues]

Attention to detail yourself.  vwrw admitted that it was just her who wanted to find the girl an American husband so the girl would be closer to vwrw.

The girl made no such requirement.

Trench isn't going to be dating vwrw, so her personal preferences don't really matter to Trench's relationships.

And if truth be known, I suspect vwrw would prefer to see the girl end up with a nice man regardless where he lived, rather than the girl to remain alone.

I can see your point now, but your first post didn't contain 'admitted' but rather 'hoping'. It didn't specifically implied location didn't matter either. So the inference in your post the way it was written  suggested vwrw is hoping the man to be American, whereas the sis is only hoping to find/meet a decent guy.

[Trenchcoat]

There's not a lot of women into architecture. Most sincere women aren't looking for an architect. They are looking for a husband. What kind of traits does a good husband have? Good morals and values, good father, good provider, good lover, good protector, caring, kind, gentleman, intelligent, wise, interesting personality etc.....

If you can beat your competition in those categories, you will have lots of women to choose from. During a ride from the airport in Kiev, the apartment manager talked a lot with me. After showing me the room and leaving, he said there's a lot of women in Kiev who would love to marry a guy like me. You need to figure out how to make big impressions on people in a short time.

Thanks Bill, I see what you mean, its not necessarily a linked thing with two people sharing a common interest but more so the person she wants/desires. Well I think I have a fair few traits on the list at least to some degree, interesting personality I may have to work on. Some girls may be more receptive to my personality than others though it sounds like you're a bit of a natural which must be nice

[Trenchcoat]

And this thread is precisely the reason folks say you are a socially inept buffoon, and I have encouraged you to get a wingman.  You just don't get it.

You failed to understand what I was suggesting to you.  I was NOT suggesting you try to target women in the same field of study as yourself.

The point I was making was that women like a confident guy, and they like a guy who can impress them.  They are not looking for a peer in their field of study to have a relationship with.

The point I was making was for you to be knowledgeable and passionate about something so that you are an "expert" in that area.  You will be confident when you are talking about this, and women will like that confidence.

Many women appreciate architecture.  Take a girl around town visiting different buildings so you can look at the architecture.  She will be impressed if you can tell her things about architecture that she didn't know.  (Design styles, cultural history, etc.)  Don't get technical and try to tell her specifics of what allow steel they used, and its characteristics.  Don't drone on.  If her eyes glaze, STOP and go back to what she liked about the architecture.  Many women like learning about the cultural history of a design style, so try to know something about the people who built the structure, and not just the architectural aspects.



If you get a girl that is an architect, she already knows what you are going to try to tell her.  She will not be impressed.

When you were attending university, you may have considered approaching other girls in your classes, because your architectural studies were a commonality.  You could offer to study together.  You could use architecture as your mode of introduction.  But even then, a relationship is not based upon your field of study.  Your field of study is just a method for introduction.

You make some really good points here Bee Farmer for me to take on board. I see what you're getting at now and it makes sense. Kind of explains why girls that are quite knowledgeable on stuff I don't really resonate with - I've had this before in the past - I was talking to another English girl when I was sat down outside a restaurant in Paris a year or so ago. We got chatting about the places to visit around Paris and where we had been, etc where we were staying. Yet we didn't really resonate with each other, it was like we were telling each other stuff we already knew or if not didn't really care that much to be told as wanted to find out for ourselves. I think I may have even spoilt one or two of the attractions by letting her know how I found it before she had visited. Needless to say there was nothing there between us and we went our separate ways. I don't think I can covert into a different person with any ease so as you rightly say I need a girl who is different to my personality.

I get your drift with what you're saying about the architecture stuff now I will work on this and try to develop an entertaining but concise approach on this when out with a woman that looks receptive and try and clue in on the cultural side. This could turn out to be a big bonus for me, so thank you for that as I'm not a natural entertainer personality wise. Kind of makes me think of Woody Harrelson in Indecent Proposal

I know a guy who is a little more on the technical side and comes across as very confident when talking about this stuff, an expert, leader if you will and admittedly its impressive. Even though it was he talks well on technical stuff which of course is not great for most women an usually I agree to be avoided he ended up meeting his woman at some product event where the technical details of the product were being discussed. No doubt he impressed and exuded confidence, pretty sure he was in his thirties as well but at an event where the recipients were attending to receive technical info he hit the mark. Obviously this would not normally be the case so I appreciate a more layman approach would be best.

So yeah this stuff could work well for me when meeting a girl, I can research a bit beforehand so I've got a bit of an idea what we may come across then go with the flow with whatever seems appropriate at the time and mix in some other stuff along the way so I'm not on a continual spiel on it all. Many thanks Bee Farmer

[Trenchcoat]

Trench,
  If needing an introduction to a girl is what you need, have you considered contacting vwrw about her relative and see if she is still looking?  No one PMed vwrw about her.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=18370.0

It was vwrw who was hoping to find an American husband for her.  I believe the girl just wanted to find a decent guy.

Your ages are not that far apart.  And perhaps one of the best things, vwrw considers her to be one of the nicest people she knows.  Someone with a kind heart can really help make a relationship a lot smoother.

And in the past 2 years, her English may have improved.

You're not going to get much better than a personal introduction by a trusted family member.

Trench,
  If needing an introduction to a girl is what you need, have you considered contacting vwrw about her relative and see if she is still looking?  No one PMed vwrw about her.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=18370.0

It was vwrw who was hoping to find an American husband for her.  I believe the girl just wanted to find a decent guy.

Your ages are not that far apart.  And perhaps one of the best things, vwrw considers her to be one of the nicest people she knows.  Someone with a kind heart can really help make a relationship a lot smoother.

And in the past 2 years, her English may have improved.

You're not going to get much better than a personal introduction by a trusted family member.

Bee Farmer its because she lives in the middle of Nowhere, literally, its far from virtually all bride seeking nations, from the UK, Europe, Australia and the US. Her best hope is probably a Chinese guy, there are loads of men in China looking for a wife. Even where she lives the nearest airport is probably Tomsk. The thread states she is on EM but you know how that works, guys tend to go for the closest FSU cities and don't look at the more much farther flung cities, they rule out girls from those cities if it comes up on their profiles. I'm sure if she was even in a city near the usually travelled cities she would get a lot more interest on here and on EM. For sure she's quite pretty but there are lots of pretty girls profiles all around (and I don't mean the photo shopped ones. Many of those will come through as legit if you know what to look for so why travel to the middle of nowhere to meet one girl. There is no more chance of chemistry than with any of the others till you find out on arrival. Sure you could call up others if not but then you still have to travel hours & hours and extra plane travel costs each time it would be a real pain. If shes' serious she needs to either move to a more accessible city or get a Chinese man.

[msmob]

Bee Farmer its because she lives in the middle of Nowhere, literally, its far from virtually all bride seeking nations, from the UK, Europe, Australia and the US. Her best hope is probably a Chinese guy, there are loads of men in China looking for a wife. Even where she lives the nearest airport is probably Tomsk.

SO ?!

This attitude has me constantly slapping my forehead in wonder.

''It's too far" ? ... 

This is a bollox statement - do you intend she stays there, if things work out ?

[Bee Farmer]

Kind of explains why girls that are quite knowledgeable on stuff I don't really resonate with - I've had this before in the past - I was talking to another English girl when I was sat down outside a restaurant in Paris a year or so ago. We got chatting about the places to visit around Paris and where we had been, etc where we were staying. Yet we didn't really resonate with each other, it was like we were telling each other stuff we already knew or if not didn't really care that much to be told as wanted to find out for ourselves. I think I may have even spoilt one or two of the attractions by letting her know how I found it before she had visited. Needless to say there was nothing there between us and we went our separate ways.

Just out of curiosity, did you flirt with this girl any? Or just talk to her about sights?  Perhaps the reason the conversation never went beyond sights was because you never moved the conversation.

Did you even bother to offer to go see some sights with her that she hadn't seen yet?

She may have walked away wondering why you didn't show any interest in her.  You chatted her up, but showed no interest in anything more.

Bee Farmer its because she lives in the middle of Nowhere, literally, its far from virtually all bride seeking nations, from the UK, Europe, Australia and the US. Her best hope is probably a Chinese guy, there are loads of men in China looking for a wife. Even where she lives the nearest airport is probably Tomsk. The thread states she is on EM but you know how that works, guys tend to go for the closest FSU cities and don't look at the more much farther flung cities, they rule out girls from those cities if it comes up on their profiles. I'm sure if she was even in a city near the usually travelled cities she would get a lot more interest on here and on EM. For sure she's quite pretty but there are lots of pretty girls profiles all around (and I don't mean the photo shopped ones. Many of those will come through as legit if you know what to look for so why travel to the middle of nowhere to meet one girl. There is no more chance of chemistry than with any of the others till you find out on arrival. Sure you could call up others if not but then you still have to travel hours & hours and extra plane travel costs each time it would be a real pain. If shes' serious she needs to either move to a more accessible city or get a Chinese man.

Sour grapes.

I told you before, if you want a relationship it will cost you some combination of time, money, and effort.  You say you don't have time, you don't have money, and it is too much effort to go see her.  You will NEVER get a relationship if you don't change your attitude Trench.  NEVER.

Why should she move to a different city?  If a man likes her, he will travel to meet her.

The nearest airport is in her city.  I just checked Google.  Currently, round trip flights from London to Barnaul are about $500.  (From the US to popular FSU cities is usually $1000-$1500.)  So her city is actually not that hard for you to get to.

And why would you want to go to cities where you have a lot of competition from other men?  Have you considered the possibility how much better success you would have if there was no competition from other guys?  If men seeking wives don't visit her city, that sounds like an even better reason for you to go there.

I'm sure if she was even in a city near the usually travelled cities she would get a lot more interest on here and on EM.

And the more interest she gets from other guys, the less interest she will have in you.  And the less interest she gets from other guys, the more interest she will have in you, if you actually go there.

The thread states she is on EM but you know how that works, guys tend to go for the closest FSU cities and don't look at the more much farther flung cities, they rule out girls from those cities if it comes up on their profiles.

How you believe others view the world is a reflection on how you actually view the world.

Guys tend to go visit popular cities if they don't have a specific girl in mind.  If a guy sees an interesting girl's profile, he usually goes to wherever she is.

Maybe it is just YOU who disregard girls that don't come from popular cities.

Have you considered the possibility that you are only willing to consider girls from popular cities because you know it is less likely a girl will like you because she has more competition from other guys.  Then you can continue to feel sorry for yourself and blame the world because you are alone.  You're scared of actually having a relationship.  You like the idea of having a girl, but subconsciously, you are sabotaging any chance you have of succeeding because you don't believe you deserve a girl.  Or you will only pursue hot girls out of your league, so when you are rejected you can claim that girls are witches who won't give you a chance, or they are fat "beasts" or whatever.

Sure you could call up others if not but then you still have to travel hours & hours and extra plane travel costs each time it would be a real pain.

Then why don't you do what most guys do?  Run down to the pub and have a few pints.  By then you won't care that you are taking home some fat beast.  Or continue to wallow in self-pity about how girls don't like you, and you can continue to be single.

[wallm]

[quote author=Bee Farmer link=topic=21697.msg457595#msg457595 date=1487940111

Have you considered the possibility that you are only willing to consider girls from popular cities because you know it is less likely a girl will like you because she has more competition from other guys.  Then you can continue to feel sorry for yourself and blame the world because you are alone.  You're scared of actually having a relationship.  You like the idea of having a girl, but subconsciously, you are sabotaging any chance you have of succeeding because you don't believe you deserve a girl.  Or you will only pursue hot girls out of your league, so when you are rejected you can claim that girls are witches who won't give you a chance, or they are fat "beasts" or whatever
[/quote]

Wow, that is harsh. Look at this realistically. He is a Pom. That makes him inherently less desirable compared to us non-lib Americans. 

he is already at a disadvantage. 

Trench, take the good advice and filter out the harsh stuff.