Trenchcoat's Pitfall Avoidance Code

[Trenchcoat]

                           RWD Pitfall Avoidance Code

1). Get to Know Her the Best you Can – Helps avoid Scammers.
(If a girl feels she knows you, and you her, then you’re really with her)

2). Control Everything – Accommodation, Visitation, Activities, etc.
(So you drive the bus and are not taken for a ride)

3). Go Domestic – Rent Apartments & get to know girl as she is ‘everyday’.
(More necessary progress is made relationship wise with girl this way)

4). Prioritise Living Together in Her Country – To really get to know girl.
(You get to know each other well enough instead of face value of who she is)

5). Live Out There – If you can to avoid Green Card/Immigration Scammers
(If girls think you’re out there long term they’ll be put off if after immigration)

6). Never do Holidays – Always go to meet the girl not the place.
(You get to know girl best if priority is solely on meeting her)

7). Hide all Aspects of Wealth – To avoid gold diggers.
(You’ll never know otherwise if she is with you for your wealth until too late)

8 ). Try to make first visit to her Home City – To ‘see’ not ‘told’ about her life.
(Girl can say anything online, in reality she may have a bf that she hides online)

9). Hold out on Marriage & Immigration/Visits to your country – See how she reacts.
(If she is just using you for a Green Card/Immigration she will not like this)

10). Hide your Dating Profile Online – So you are not targeted & can control search.
(Online dating sites free & paid for are full of Scammers of all varieties)   

[BillyB]

Behaving as if a good girl is a scammer or green card girl is not going to get her to bond with you. Figure a woman out. If she's bad, dump her. If she's good, trust her that she won't take you for a ride.

[Trenchcoat]

Behaving as if a good girl is a scammer or green card girl is not going to get her to bond with you. Figure a woman out. If she's bad, dump her. If she's good, trust her that she won't take you for a ride.

Alexander by his account thought he had a good girl that he married. He said she was sweet, loving & caring until at least the option to bail put with a green card came up. I don't think anything here would tell a girl you don't trust her it's just the way you are chooding to play the game. No point going about this with your balls exposed for a good kicking if it can be safeguarded against I think.

[Anotherkiwi]

Note: although he hasn't specified it, all the following applies to a WOVO trip - not to a WMVM.  He also needs to change the order to be a bit more logical.

                           RWD Pitfall Avoidance Code

1). Get to Know Her the Best you Can – Helps avoid Scammers.
(If a girl feels she knows you, and you her, then you’re really with her)

At least this is one where most will agree.

2). Control Everything – Accommodation, Visitation, Activities, etc.
(So you drive the bus and are not taken for a ride)

Don't be ridiculous!  Assuming that you are in her city, who knows it better - you or her?  Of course you will have looked up what's available to visit in the way of tourist attractions or events, but don't ever assume that she will always be interested in the same things as you.  You may want to visit a museum - she may prefer to go to a football match.  Or you may both simply want to stay in your apartment practising tonsil hockey - it's up to BOTH of you.

3). Go Domestic – Rent Apartments & get to know girl as she is ‘everyday’.
(More necessary progress is made relationship wise with girl this way)

Although I personally would also go with an apartment, others on here disagree.

4). Prioritise Living Together in Her Country – To really get to know girl.
(You get to know each other well enough instead of face value of who she is)

That is a VERY long way down the track, and shouldn't even be a consideration until you've visited the same woman several times.  if you can manage a couple of weeks of living together in your first trip or two, that should give you a reasonable (although nowhere near perfect) idea of what she is like, both in personality and domestically.  She will be assessing you the same way.

5). Live Out There – If you can to avoid Green Card/Immigration Scammers
(If girls think you’re out there long term they’ll be put off if after immigration)

This comes right back to your original premise of "all girls are scammers, and are out to get everything they can."  It's crap!  IF you have the resources, AND can speak enough of the language to get by, then by all means THINK about spending an extended time there (maybe a few months), remembering that visa regulations will probably stop you living there for more than six months in every year.  But why bother?  You want someone to share your life AS IT IS, in your current city/town/village/farm, not your life as it might be in some economically-challenged place that you really don't want to be.  You're looking in the FSU for someone to bring back home to show mama - not for someone that's going to keep you away from your family forever.

6). Never do Holidays – Always go to meet the girl not the place.
(You get to know girl best if priority is solely on meeting her)

Fine in theory, but not always possible, especially for those of us from countries which do NOT have visa-free entry to Ukraine (as one example).

7). Hide all Aspects of Wealth – To avoid gold diggers.
(You’ll never know otherwise if she is with you for your wealth until too late)

If you're rich enough to travel to the FSU, you're rich enough for most women in any case.  The gold-diggers will soon work out if you're worth their while to chase, whether or not you leave your black American Express card on the pillow case for her to use as she likes.  By the same token, you should be able to identify said gold-diggers very quickly - if you can't, you shouldn't be doing this in the first place.  As 2tallbill (and many others) have posted - FSUW are NOT for entry-level daters.  If you can't discern who is or is not serious, BEFORE you get there, don't go.

8 ). Try to make first visit to her Home City – To ‘see’ not ‘told’ about her life.
(Girl can say anything online, in reality she may have a bf that she hides online)

Of course people can say anything on line!  Again, while making your first to her city sounds good in theory (and I would actually agree), it may not be possible in practice (e.g. visas, or distance of her home from a major transport hub).

9). Hold out on Marriage & Immigration/Visits to your country – See how she reacts.
(If she is just using you for a Green Card/Immigration she will not like this)

Again, this is something which is WAY down the track in most cases.  And, in most cases, I suspect the girl would dump you instantly if she thought you felt this way.  After all, you've travelled to her country on the basis of a possible future relationship leading to marriage.  You're now saying that you don't want to get married?  Forgeddaboutit! 

10). Hide your Profile Online – So you are not targeted & can control search.
(Online dating sites free & paid for are full of Scammers of all varieties)

Like that's going to go down well!  Are you really going to delete your Facebook page (as one example)?  What are you hiding?  Two ex-wives, a current wife, and eight children?  STOP thinking that everyone is a scammer who is out to get you!  Your paranoia won't just destroy you - it will prevent you from EVER finding anyone that you think might be worth the exalted status of becoming Mrs Trenchcoat.  I know damn well that, if I were a woman who had been reading these posts over the last year, I wouldn't want a bar of you - not least because you think you know everything about the FSU and its women and don't seem to take any notice of anything that anyone else ever writes.

[Trenchcoat]

When I say don't do holiday's I mean either outside or inside her country. In that you don't want a holiday whore and in any case you want to get to know the girl as she is in day to day life, the more a trip is a holiday I have found the less you seem to get to know the girl and so the less worthwhile the trip is in dating terms at least.

The last one I have amended slightly, I meant dating profile not social media profile, sorry for any confusion here.

I understand you may not agree but for me at least this is the basis I will be working forward from and I believe I will be better placed because of it.

When I say control everything I mean you can give her a little lee-way in what you do together of course, I mean the main decisions.

[LAman]

Actually this is pretty stupid, it presumes guilty before proven innocent. Negative, negative after negative. Oh, and don't be desperate or show "L' on forehead!!!!! lol



Only 'Code' I follow is the 3 C's:

Careful

Control

Clarify

[Boethius]

You have zero understanding of the Slavic mentality, Trench.  You will never succeed, long term, in this endeavour because of your attitudes. 

Is it worth living this way?  You are living in a hell of your own making.  It's not life.

[Trenchcoat]

You have zero understanding of the Slavic mentality, Trench.  You will never succeed, long term, in this endeavour because of your attitudes. 

Is it worth living this way?  You are living in a hell of your own making.  It's not life.

Then what is slavic mentality? What would you suggest as the approach to take to deal with this situation. Are you saying that Ukrainian women would not want to date me if I lived local even if I were to cover my expenses through independent income alone?

[Boethius]

I am saying your attitudes, particularly the control issues you endorse, will drive women away from you. 

[Trenchcoat]

I am saying your attitudes, particularly the control issues you endorse, will drive women away from you.

So I am just supposed to leave myself wide open to be takes advantage of and hope for the best? Alexander did that and it didn't work out for him.

[Boethius]

I am certain if Aleksandr's ex were posting here, she'd have a different story.

If you are this risk adverse, marriage may not be for you. Tell your girl this, she should know your outlook in making her decision as well.

[HoundDaddyLee]

Trench, you cannot control every aspect of life. Living is not a risk free activity. Marriage is not for you, if you have control issues. It will make both you and your future wife's lives miserable.


You need to fix this aspect of yourself. Paranoia is not an attractive quality.


HDL

[Trenchcoat]

Trench, you cannot control every aspect of life. Living is not a risk free activity. Marriage is not for you, if you have control issues. It will make both you and your future wife's lives miserable.


You need to fix this aspect of yourself. Paranoia is not an attractive quality.


HDL

I'm not saying I want to control everything but equally you got to watch out as there are people out there that are unscrupulous. If there are problems in a relationship or something doesn't seem right then it needs to be sorted out or moved on from. So you for example, did you hang around when red flags started to be raised in your relations, I bet you moved on before too long rather than get deeper in with a woman and let her have it all her way.

[Boethius]

I'm not saying I want to control everything but equally you got to watch out as there are people out there that are unscrupulous.

That's true, but there are no guarantees in life.  People marry believing their marriages will last forever, and often they don't.  You can't control for these things because you can't control another person's feelings.  You both could be in love, but in time, your relationship falls apart.  You can't control everything.  All you can do is be the best that you can be.

If there are problems in a relationship or something doesn't seem right then it needs to be sorted out or moved on from. So you for example, did you hang around when red flags started to be raised in your relations, I bet you moved on before too long rather than get deeper in with a woman and let her have it all her way.

I'm not certain I'd call these things "red flags".  It's just different people wanting different things from relationships, including the length of the relationship.  The issue is really one of transparency.

[jone]

Trench, you cannot control every aspect of life. Living is not a risk free activity. Marriage is not for you, if you have control issues. It will make both you and your future wife's lives miserable.


You need to fix this aspect of yourself. Paranoia is not an attractive quality.


HDL

+1

I was too paranoid when I began.  Of course my first venture was A-Date.  But, even so, there were some honest women on there.  Very few.  Now, unless obvious signs appear, I give the woman the benefit of the doubt. 

Trench,

You are not passing first base on this woman you are with.  You have been told by many people that you don't understand the psyche of Eastern European women and I would add to that:  You have not demonstrated the capability of understanding the psyche of Eastern European women.  I tell you, once again, that this venture is not for you. 

[ML]

Many references to psyche of Eastern European women and Slavic mindset.

Maybe I have been lucky (or unlucky) but I really haven't noticed huge differences between FSU women and USA women with regard to mindset.

Perhaps I just never got to know FSU women (including my wife whom I have been living with for 6+ years) well enough to find the differences.

Or perhaps the many FSU women I spent a lot of time with did not have the typical Slavic mindset, whatever that is.

Sure I noticed a few things here and there, but nothing earth shattering.

Most likely explanation is that I am so much fun to be with, that the women suppressed their Slavic mindset.

[Boethius]

Here is a small and innocuous difference for you, ML. 

You posted recently that you wanted to give china to a young Ukrainian couple.  For a North American, the offer is a "nothing".  Not insulting, not tacky.  To a Ukrainian, very different, as your wife told  you.

[ML]

Here is a small and innocuous difference for you, ML. 

You posted recently that you wanted to give china to a young Ukrainian couple.  For a North American, the offer is a "nothing".  Not insulting, not tacky.  To a Ukrainian, very different, as your wife told  you.

Yes, but . . . I think one could find the two different reactions coming from two different USA women also.

And perhaps from two different Ukrainian women also ??

Anyway, bed time here.

[Boethius]

Perhaps.

I should clarify, it is a Soviet/post Soviet, rather than a Slavic mentality.  You can see it if you go to Russian stores here, or in the attitudes of those who had power there - they have the most difficult time adjusting to the West, where people don't really care that you were/are a "boss". 

A poster here was complaining his wife wanted a pair of shoes that were $1000.  I asked him if she still mingles predominantly with Russians.  He answered affirmatively.  How did I know?  Because to them, this means something.  To North Americans, it doesn't, for the most part.

[msmob]

Could I suggest the Mods remove the 'RWD' and replace it with 'Trenchcoat' - lest a passing reader think this twaddle is 'endorsed' ?

Trench, I hope you understand ... if not - tough - it's not like you weren't advised you'd be pilloried

[Trenchcoat]

Could I suggest the Mods remove the 'RWD' and replace it with 'Trenchcoat' - lest a passing reader think this twaddle is 'endorsed' ?

Trench, I hope you understand ... if not - tough - it's not like you weren't advised you'd be pilloried

Granted this may not apply in all cases, those who score highly with personality will be less open to being taken for a ride by FSW. Those that score low on personality will be seen as vulnerable by many women I think and will need to be more cautious and controlled in their approach. I think a guide like this helps, call it what you will, will help them and indeed many of us avoid the common pitfalls that those of us who don't shine personality wise often seem to come across while dating in the FSU.

[msmob]

Trench, it is YOUR 'guide' and having a 'strong' personality - or not - it is mostly bollox and likely to get a noobie in deep crap ....

I implore you to ask a mod to alter the 'RWD' to 'Trench's guide' ...

[Trenchcoat]

and likely to get a noobie in deep crap ....

How so? everything here I would suggest from my experience and taking into account the experience of others on this forum that have had problems would seem to suggest the above are worth bearing in mind.

[msmob]

How so? everything here I would suggest from my experience and taking into account the experience of others on this forum that have had problems would seem to suggest the above are worth bearing in mind.

1/ ..remind us of your 'experience' ?

2 / You rarely listen to good advice and make snap judgements / conclusions  - Boethius being a bloke - after plenty of clues ...

Penny dropping as to your 'qualifications', yet ? 

[JayH]

1/ ..remind us of your 'experience' ?

2 / You rarely listen to good advice and make snap judgements / conclusions  - Boethius being a bloke - after plenty of clues ...

Penny dropping as to your 'qualifications', yet ?

1/   Do you mean his "extensive"  5 days in the FSU? 

2/  If he does read --he misinterprets and neither computes or understands what ANYONE is saying --then has the temerity to regurgitate  as HIS advice !!


Thread should be named--

AVOIDING TRENCHCOAT ADVICE -- a guide of how not to be !!