How do you go about fitting a FSW into your life?

[Trenchcoat]

So, just following on about obstacles raised in an introductory thread and something I have been wondering about more of recent is, how does a FSW fit into your life? The face value of this question is obvious, she is into you so will do. The day to day reality though is that she has been plucked from where she lives and is now with you with no job (assuming she had one before, lol) and no family/friends around. What is the best way for her to settle down easiest/best with me? Same/similar work hours so we are both of on free time together? If you work self employed is having her around a good idea during working hours or would it be an inconvenience for both? Would it be better if she is at work then. Also, if a fair amount of my time is spent on the computer/internet in free time would it be best cutting down on this as much/as far as possible so as to not bore the pants of her? as she will doubtless not be happy watching me bang away on the keyboard while she does? These are the issues I am presently contemplating.

[wallm]

I don't know about your country, but here I think she can't work for some time till work permit is obtained. She will need to learn the language anyways and I told her it may take a year to become fluent while going to an ESL class. I plan to ask her to get International driving license, get her a used car, a smartphone and give her opportunity to be somewhat independent right away, so she feels good about herself. Of course, I will introduce her to life here and to my friends. To keep in touch with her friends and family, she can use the usual Viber, whatsapp, skype, etc. If her immediate family doesn't have ability to do video, I will get them a laptop and internet connection so she can talk to them.

And yes, get off the internet while you are with her. There are so many more pleasant things to do like talking, making out.

I was actually asked by my lady if I would mind if she wants to get frisky while I am working (at home) during the day.

Ah....no objection. 

So, how is your search going?

[tfcrew]

till work permit is obtained

Can start work legally with a tax ID or SS#.
Working is an ideal way to learn English skills.

[msmob]

No easy answer ... what best suits both of you ..

In the UK - as soon as your married partner has the right to remain in the UK / or if he/ she has entered under a non EU Spouse/ partner rules  - they can work.

My soon to be ex-wife did not speak much Engliosh and couldn't even get a job in Marks and Spencer's Christmas 'rush' in 2008

By 2011 and much studying - and plenty of tears and doubting  -  she had a UK Degree.

It is REALLY hard for an educated lass to move to a place where sh is regarded as a 'burden' to a potential employer.

Certainly, you shouldn't be spending 'free time' on a PC - it should be together ..





 

[ML]

If you are lucky, you can end up with a FSUW who fits almost seamlessly into life in your country.  I was able to do it.  In fact, I found several who  I think would have fit in very well.

I did also spend some time with a few FSUW whom I  think would have had trouble fitting in.  They were ones who found frequent reasons to criticize my country.  Always seemed to be asking why we did things a certain way (questioning gave impression of former KGB agents), had heard of many bad things, showed desire to live only in certain states, cities, etc.

But even for those FSUW who seem to fit in seamlessly . . . gradually, over time, you will notice that more and more things are being done around the home . . . just like they were previously done back in the good ole FSU.   My wifey cooked the American way (courtesy of cook books, recipes, etc.) for a few years . . . but now I notice Ukrainian cooking is taking over !!!

Gardening is another example.  She went to presentations and read about the American way and followed for a few years.  Now her 'Grandmother's way' is prevalant.

[Trenchcoat]

I don't know about your country, but here I think she can't work for some time till work permit is obtained. She will need to learn the language anyways and I told her it may take a year to become fluent while going to an ESL class. I plan to ask her to get International driving license, get her a used car, a smartphone and give her opportunity to be somewhat independent right away, so she feels good about herself. Of course, I will introduce her to life here and to my friends. To keep in touch with her friends and family, she can use the usual Viber, whatsapp, skype, etc. If her immediate family doesn't have ability to do video, I will get them a laptop and internet connection so she can talk to them.

And yes, get off the internet while you are with her. There are so many more pleasant things to do like talking, making out.

I was actually asked by my lady if I would mind if she wants to get frisky while I am working (at home) during the day.

Ah....no objection. 

So, how is your search going?

Hi Wall, well the search is going well I will be going out to be with a girl in about a month or so. She seems really into me and for my part I am into her. I'm aware this could all be dispelled in an instant on meeting, but I am hopeful on this one, there seems to be a good sparkle between us so far and she seems my type. All signs so far are very positive and if this continues on meeting and I am certain there is chemistry then I would be happy for it to roll forward from there.

Her English skill is basic but I would say it is actually quite good. Better than any foreign language skills I ever had. I think she judges her ability as lower than it actually really is. Its way better than my attempt at speaking Russian so I never attempt that and just leave her to speak English. She would need to speak English anyway if she were to marry & live here with me to pass immigration tests & for employment. I'm guessing she learn't English in School but not thereafter. She is an intelligent girl and qualified but is what you would call underemployed. So a basic job in the UK in say shop work would be more of the same but I think the least stressful option for her. She is pretty and soft and sweet so I would think many employers would find her charming, I know I do In the meantime she could assist me where she is able in easier parts of my business. The computer aspect of my work she would be bored of I would imagine and so it would probably be best if she was occupied in paid employment during those times.

The computer aspect of my life I am working towards spending less time on, making computer operations/working more efficient, reducing foreseeable future workload where possible. Its not always easy but something I have to do or I could see myself losing the girl for being stuck to long on the good old PC. This would not be the way I would want things to go and I would not want to be seen to be ignoring her when she is around in her spare time. What do folks do on here? I get the impression may serial posters who have FSW spend a fair bit of time on here and on their PC/Internet phone.

[Trenchcoat]

No easy answer ... what best suits both of you ..

In the UK - as soon as your married partner has the right to remain in the UK / or if he/ she has entered under a non EU Spouse/ partner rules  - they can work.

My soon to be ex-wife did not speak much Engliosh and couldn't even get a job in Marks and Spencer's Christmas 'rush' in 2008

By 2011 and much studying - and plenty of tears and doubting  -  she had a UK Degree.

It is REALLY hard for an educated lass to move to a place where sh is regarded as a 'burden' to a potential employer.

Certainly, you shouldn't be spending 'free time' on a PC - it should be together ..

Thanks Moby, yeah I'll make it a rule I think to not spend any time on the PC while she is around anything else can wait a few hours or so I'm sure.

That's quite a turn around with your lass in a few short years. I'm thinking with my girl if it all came through her working in the right place with a few English lessons to help her along and she would be seen as a big asset for her employer. She currently works ridiculously long hours so cutting down to more UK standard hours would no doubt be appreciated by her also.

[GQBlues]

My experience:

I was blessed with my wife in that she really persevered to embrace our relationship with all her might. She studied the language with veracity, and gave her full potential to acclimate to our society’s ways.
Her efforts to make things right and easier for both of us only rivaled that of my own. Patience, understanding and the aspirations to make things work were of equal measure.

What was helpful for both of us in the beginning was my female friends who took an immense effort to help her get adjusted and harness that indelible feeling of being accepted not only within my circle – but in our society overall. They’d often come by, call to invite her, and take her out to go girly activities - shopping, lunches, parties, social outings, etc…on occasion, my friends, including the males, would always come by for little get-togethers at our place. Dinners, chats, games, etc…

This was huge as every single one of my US friends, male and female alike, thought me crazy for even contemplating seeking for a partner elsewhere, much less one to marry.

My family, especially my brothers, nieces and nephews gladly opened their arms and their immediate recognition of her being part of the family was outstanding. Her family universally convinced that I was the best choice over her other suitors in the very beginning was also a huge complimentary affirmation.

Language skills, learning how to drive, the birth of easy video communication with families back home are all intensely helpful (this wasn’t available nary over 10 years ago). Homesickness was the most taxiing for her in the beginning.

In a slightly lesser dosage, harnessing and making friends with FSUWs in the same situation as she in and around our city. Having ‘pets’ in your household was also therapeutically helpful for our cause.

After short of a year, we thought it would be good for her to get a part-time job to help in her language and social interactive skills within her new environment. She first got a ‘hostess’ job at a nice restaurant, then at Armani Exchange retail shop. This was during the early stages of her university education. Once she got deeper involved in her studies, she shunned working. It wasn’t until she fortunately earned her way and got a ‘paid’ internship with an accounting firm near our home that helped paved her way into her profession that she maintains at the present time.

Bottom line, an honest woman in love will trek every pathways along with you to the ends of the world. Every effort she makes with you is the most telling evidence of her feelings for you.

[Trenchcoat]

No easy answer ... what best suits both of you.

By 2011 and much studying - and plenty of tears and doubting  -  she had a UK Degree.

Girl I'm into at the moment already has a degree. She hasn't mentioned getting another one and to be honest I wouldn't want it. It would be a distraction from a relationship together I would think and there are the more pressing matters I would be looking for in a relationship such as having children. I'm think she is probably on a similar thought pattern here. So if all were to work out we wouldn't be at odds with each other.

[BillyB]

If the girl wants to advance in life and likes living with you, things will go smooth. If she's a deadbeat and/or doesn't like living with you, you're in for a rough ride before things end.

[Trenchcoat]

If the girl wants to advance in life and likes living with you, things will go smooth. If she's a deadbeat and/or doesn't like living with you, you're in for a rough ride before things end.

Well at the moment she is working in a low paid basic job putting in the hours, I've no reason to suspect she would be a deadbeat she seems of good character and I don't think that will change. Of course some FSW have been known to change once in a different situation. I do not think she would so as long as she remains into me it should all be ok. As long as she is doing something meaningful whether having children, learning language to get work, etc then I'm quite at ease. I'm not looking for her to spend all hours working under the sun as she presently does. So worst case scenario is that she doesn't like living with me/or plays away. She seems like the type that is pretty easy to live with, I don't see myself as a difficult person to live with (well hopefully not). So I think the potential prospect on this front is quite a good outlook.   

[2tallbill]

So, just following on about obstacles raised in an introductory thread and something I have been wondering about more of recent is, how does a FSW fit into your life?

I had hundreds of conversations with Angel Eyes about how we
would live together, what we would do during our days and kept
her thinking about our life together while we were apart.

When she and smiley girl arrived, she went on a cleaning, reorganizing
campaign that lasted several days. For my part I organized trips
to see different places, the zoo, museums, etc. There was always
a thousand things we wanted to see, visit, explore.

As soon as the frost was gone, I bought a shovel and a rake,
tilled up a nice garden area along with various areas outside
the house for flowers and vegetables. We visited a few gardening
supply centers and soon the outside of the house began bursting
with colors and edible wonders.

Have the conversations with her, get her to buy into a future
together. Go see places and do things.

Udachi!

Bill

[Trenchcoat]

Yeah , now that I have had a wealth of messaging conversations with her and the odd few Skype's she seems to be quite the sort of girl that is into doing different activities and doing/seeing stuff. This would work in well with me, I've done a fair amount of stuff in the past but can doing with getting out more and doing more activities, new stuff also. I'm going to have to move down a gear if we got together though with my work as at the moment it is nearly all the time. This is possible.

I think the main thing is though from my perspective I get the odd stressful work situation turn up now and again along with a possible heavy workload here & there. I do a lot of freelance work so the problem is how to handle this if girl is around? I mean I don't start shouting or screaming or anything, but of course I am a bit more tense/engrossed in my work then usual. The girl seems an enjoying fun type of girl so me having my under pressure moments (not all the time of course) is unlikely to be a joy for her to be around. That and I would not want to miss out on having fun moments with her So how would I go about dealing with this? What do you guys do?  Some stress is normally inevitable in nearly everybody's daily life so is not always avoidable. I could plan ahead and avoid likely stressful events & just take whatever hit it results in. Also, I could stay on well covered terrain with regards to work so I am not venturing into areas I am less knowledgeable on so know how to handle the familiar situations that crop up. That is all I can think off.   

[BillyB]

I would not want to miss out on having fun moments with her

Tell her you work a lot and that if you two were ever to make a life together, there would be only a small amount of time for family life. If she does end up marrying you, she's accepted your situation and shouldn't be upset since you disclosed what life with you will be like.

You're a short flight from this lady. Go spend a weekend with her and make a decision to proceed or move on if things don't click with her.

[2tallbill]

I've done a fair amount of stuff in the past but can doing with getting out more and doing more activities, new stuff also. I'm going to have to move down a gear if we got together though with my work as at the moment it is nearly all the time. This is possible.

Eventually you will find that you are able to get more work done than you could
without her. My Angel Eyes keeps things humming around me, my clothes are
always pressed, breakfast, lunch and dinner always magically arrive and I find
myself more productive with domestic things running like clockwork.

[ML]

Eventually you will find that you are able to get more work done than you could
without her. My Angel Eyes keeps things humming around me, my clothes are
always pressed, breakfast, lunch and dinner always magically arrive and I find
myself more productive with domestic things running like clockwork.

Or not !
My clothes and meals can be prepared by hired help.
Now, I am unpaid and overworked Graduate Assistant for my FSU professor wife.
She just left to give final exam to one of her sections, and gave me one section of final exam she graded which she had administered yesterday.  I have to add up all points for each student, post onto spreadsheets, go to an Internet site to find and record student scores for some online homework, calculate total points for semester, transfer this all to the official University website . . . etc., etc.
Well . . . yeah, we did have sex in late morning . . . so I will do this work . . . and probably repeat tomorrow for another section.

[2tallbill]

Or not !

Well . . . yeah, we did have sex in late morning . . . so I will do this work . . . and probably repeat tomorrow for another section.

ML, isn't telling the newbies about all the burdens some of us husbands have
being married to an FSUW. I have been woke up in the middle of the night or
early morning needing to take care of the needs of my wife, before she gets
up to cook me a hot breakfast which she makes me eat.

I am subjected to fresh smelling sheets, clean hand towels in the bathroom and
sweet smelling cut flowers placed throughout the house that she has grown in our
back yard (when the ground isn't covered in snow). I don't get to eat frozen dinners
or food out of a can. I no longer get to wear shirts with stains on the front. 

I never get to search for matching socks anymore. Sometimes I am assaulted with
smells of freshly baked cakes or pies. I often have to eat blini covered with homemade
jams and jellies. The burden of marriage to an FSUW is quite heavy indeed and not
every man is able to endure it.

[ML]

I have been woke up in the middle of the night . . . needing to take care of the needs of my wife . . .

My wife also once woke me in middle of night and said:  "I need a man."

I said: "Where would we find a man (thinking repair man) at this time of night!"

[Chicagoguy]

Patience