Trenchcoat's Pitfall Avoidance Code

[Trenchcoat]

                           RWD Pitfall Avoidance Code

1). Get to Know Her the Best you Can – Helps avoid Scammers.
(If a girl feels she knows you, and you her, then you’re really with her)

2). Control Everything – Accommodation, Visitation, Activities, etc.
(So you drive the bus and are not taken for a ride)

3). Go Domestic – Rent Apartments & get to know girl as she is ‘everyday’.
(More necessary progress is made relationship wise with girl this way)

4). Prioritise Living Together in Her Country – To really get to know girl.
(You get to know each other well enough instead of face value of who she is)

5). Live Out There – If you can to avoid Green Card/Immigration Scammers
(If girls think you’re out there long term they’ll be put off if after immigration)

6). Never do Holidays – Always go to meet the girl not the place.
(You get to know girl best if priority is solely on meeting her)

7). Hide all Aspects of Wealth – To avoid gold diggers.
(You’ll never know otherwise if she is with you for your wealth until too late)

8 ). Try to make first visit to her Home City – To ‘see’ not ‘told’ about her life.
(Girl can say anything online, in reality she may have a bf that she hides online)

9). Hold out on Marriage & Immigration/Visits to your country – See how she reacts.
(If she is just using you for a Green Card/Immigration she will not like this)

10). Hide your Dating Profile Online – So you are not targeted & can control search.
(Online dating sites free & paid for are full of Scammers of all varieties)   

[BillyB]

Behaving as if a good girl is a scammer or green card girl is not going to get her to bond with you. Figure a woman out. If she's bad, dump her. If she's good, trust her that she won't take you for a ride.

[Trenchcoat]

Behaving as if a good girl is a scammer or green card girl is not going to get her to bond with you. Figure a woman out. If she's bad, dump her. If she's good, trust her that she won't take you for a ride.

Alexander by his account thought he had a good girl that he married. He said she was sweet, loving & caring until at least the option to bail put with a green card came up. I don't think anything here would tell a girl you don't trust her it's just the way you are chooding to play the game. No point going about this with your balls exposed for a good kicking if it can be safeguarded against I think.

[Anotherkiwi]

Note: although he hasn't specified it, all the following applies to a WOVO trip - not to a WMVM.  He also needs to change the order to be a bit more logical.

                           RWD Pitfall Avoidance Code

1). Get to Know Her the Best you Can – Helps avoid Scammers.
(If a girl feels she knows you, and you her, then you’re really with her)

At least this is one where most will agree.

2). Control Everything – Accommodation, Visitation, Activities, etc.
(So you drive the bus and are not taken for a ride)

Don't be ridiculous!  Assuming that you are in her city, who knows it better - you or her?  Of course you will have looked up what's available to visit in the way of tourist attractions or events, but don't ever assume that she will always be interested in the same things as you.  You may want to visit a museum - she may prefer to go to a football match.  Or you may both simply want to stay in your apartment practising tonsil hockey - it's up to BOTH of you.

3). Go Domestic – Rent Apartments & get to know girl as she is ‘everyday’.
(More necessary progress is made relationship wise with girl this way)

Although I personally would also go with an apartment, others on here disagree.

4). Prioritise Living Together in Her Country – To really get to know girl.
(You get to know each other well enough instead of face value of who she is)

That is a VERY long way down the track, and shouldn't even be a consideration until you've visited the same woman several times.  if you can manage a couple of weeks of living together in your first trip or two, that should give you a reasonable (although nowhere near perfect) idea of what she is like, both in personality and domestically.  She will be assessing you the same way.

5). Live Out There – If you can to avoid Green Card/Immigration Scammers
(If girls think you’re out there long term they’ll be put off if after immigration)

This comes right back to your original premise of "all girls are scammers, and are out to get everything they can."  It's crap!  IF you have the resources, AND can speak enough of the language to get by, then by all means THINK about spending an extended time there (maybe a few months), remembering that visa regulations will probably stop you living there for more than six months in every year.  But why bother?  You want someone to share your life AS IT IS, in your current city/town/village/farm, not your life as it might be in some economically-challenged place that you really don't want to be.  You're looking in the FSU for someone to bring back home to show mama - not for someone that's going to keep you away from your family forever.

6). Never do Holidays – Always go to meet the girl not the place.
(You get to know girl best if priority is solely on meeting her)

Fine in theory, but not always possible, especially for those of us from countries which do NOT have visa-free entry to Ukraine (as one example).

7). Hide all Aspects of Wealth – To avoid gold diggers.
(You’ll never know otherwise if she is with you for your wealth until too late)

If you're rich enough to travel to the FSU, you're rich enough for most women in any case.  The gold-diggers will soon work out if you're worth their while to chase, whether or not you leave your black American Express card on the pillow case for her to use as she likes.  By the same token, you should be able to identify said gold-diggers very quickly - if you can't, you shouldn't be doing this in the first place.  As 2tallbill (and many others) have posted - FSUW are NOT for entry-level daters.  If you can't discern who is or is not serious, BEFORE you get there, don't go.

8 ). Try to make first visit to her Home City – To ‘see’ not ‘told’ about her life.
(Girl can say anything online, in reality she may have a bf that she hides online)

Of course people can say anything on line!  Again, while making your first to her city sounds good in theory (and I would actually agree), it may not be possible in practice (e.g. visas, or distance of her home from a major transport hub).

9). Hold out on Marriage & Immigration/Visits to your country – See how she reacts.
(If she is just using you for a Green Card/Immigration she will not like this)

Again, this is something which is WAY down the track in most cases.  And, in most cases, I suspect the girl would dump you instantly if she thought you felt this way.  After all, you've travelled to her country on the basis of a possible future relationship leading to marriage.  You're now saying that you don't want to get married?  Forgeddaboutit! 

10). Hide your Profile Online – So you are not targeted & can control search.
(Online dating sites free & paid for are full of Scammers of all varieties)

Like that's going to go down well!  Are you really going to delete your Facebook page (as one example)?  What are you hiding?  Two ex-wives, a current wife, and eight children?  STOP thinking that everyone is a scammer who is out to get you!  Your paranoia won't just destroy you - it will prevent you from EVER finding anyone that you think might be worth the exalted status of becoming Mrs Trenchcoat.  I know damn well that, if I were a woman who had been reading these posts over the last year, I wouldn't want a bar of you - not least because you think you know everything about the FSU and its women and don't seem to take any notice of anything that anyone else ever writes.

[Trenchcoat]

When I say don't do holiday's I mean either outside or inside her country. In that you don't want a holiday whore and in any case you want to get to know the girl as she is in day to day life, the more a trip is a holiday I have found the less you seem to get to know the girl and so the less worthwhile the trip is in dating terms at least.

The last one I have amended slightly, I meant dating profile not social media profile, sorry for any confusion here.

I understand you may not agree but for me at least this is the basis I will be working forward from and I believe I will be better placed because of it.

When I say control everything I mean you can give her a little lee-way in what you do together of course, I mean the main decisions.

[LAman]

Actually this is pretty stupid, it presumes guilty before proven innocent. Negative, negative after negative. Oh, and don't be desperate or show "L' on forehead!!!!! lol



Only 'Code' I follow is the 3 C's:

Careful

Control

Clarify

[Boethius]

You have zero understanding of the Slavic mentality, Trench.  You will never succeed, long term, in this endeavour because of your attitudes. 

Is it worth living this way?  You are living in a hell of your own making.  It's not life.

[Trenchcoat]

You have zero understanding of the Slavic mentality, Trench.  You will never succeed, long term, in this endeavour because of your attitudes. 

Is it worth living this way?  You are living in a hell of your own making.  It's not life.

Then what is slavic mentality? What would you suggest as the approach to take to deal with this situation. Are you saying that Ukrainian women would not want to date me if I lived local even if I were to cover my expenses through independent income alone?

[Boethius]

I am saying your attitudes, particularly the control issues you endorse, will drive women away from you. 

[Trenchcoat]

I am saying your attitudes, particularly the control issues you endorse, will drive women away from you.

So I am just supposed to leave myself wide open to be takes advantage of and hope for the best? Alexander did that and it didn't work out for him.

[Boethius]

I am certain if Aleksandr's ex were posting here, she'd have a different story.

If you are this risk adverse, marriage may not be for you. Tell your girl this, she should know your outlook in making her decision as well.

[HoundDaddyLee]

Trench, you cannot control every aspect of life. Living is not a risk free activity. Marriage is not for you, if you have control issues. It will make both you and your future wife's lives miserable.


You need to fix this aspect of yourself. Paranoia is not an attractive quality.


HDL

[Trenchcoat]

Trench, you cannot control every aspect of life. Living is not a risk free activity. Marriage is not for you, if you have control issues. It will make both you and your future wife's lives miserable.


You need to fix this aspect of yourself. Paranoia is not an attractive quality.


HDL

I'm not saying I want to control everything but equally you got to watch out as there are people out there that are unscrupulous. If there are problems in a relationship or something doesn't seem right then it needs to be sorted out or moved on from. So you for example, did you hang around when red flags started to be raised in your relations, I bet you moved on before too long rather than get deeper in with a woman and let her have it all her way.

[Boethius]

I'm not saying I want to control everything but equally you got to watch out as there are people out there that are unscrupulous.

That's true, but there are no guarantees in life.  People marry believing their marriages will last forever, and often they don't.  You can't control for these things because you can't control another person's feelings.  You both could be in love, but in time, your relationship falls apart.  You can't control everything.  All you can do is be the best that you can be.

If there are problems in a relationship or something doesn't seem right then it needs to be sorted out or moved on from. So you for example, did you hang around when red flags started to be raised in your relations, I bet you moved on before too long rather than get deeper in with a woman and let her have it all her way.

I'm not certain I'd call these things "red flags".  It's just different people wanting different things from relationships, including the length of the relationship.  The issue is really one of transparency.

[jone]

Trench, you cannot control every aspect of life. Living is not a risk free activity. Marriage is not for you, if you have control issues. It will make both you and your future wife's lives miserable.


You need to fix this aspect of yourself. Paranoia is not an attractive quality.


HDL

+1

I was too paranoid when I began.  Of course my first venture was A-Date.  But, even so, there were some honest women on there.  Very few.  Now, unless obvious signs appear, I give the woman the benefit of the doubt. 

Trench,

You are not passing first base on this woman you are with.  You have been told by many people that you don't understand the psyche of Eastern European women and I would add to that:  You have not demonstrated the capability of understanding the psyche of Eastern European women.  I tell you, once again, that this venture is not for you. 

[ML]

Many references to psyche of Eastern European women and Slavic mindset.

Maybe I have been lucky (or unlucky) but I really haven't noticed huge differences between FSU women and USA women with regard to mindset.

Perhaps I just never got to know FSU women (including my wife whom I have been living with for 6+ years) well enough to find the differences.

Or perhaps the many FSU women I spent a lot of time with did not have the typical Slavic mindset, whatever that is.

Sure I noticed a few things here and there, but nothing earth shattering.

Most likely explanation is that I am so much fun to be with, that the women suppressed their Slavic mindset.

[Boethius]

Here is a small and innocuous difference for you, ML. 

You posted recently that you wanted to give china to a young Ukrainian couple.  For a North American, the offer is a "nothing".  Not insulting, not tacky.  To a Ukrainian, very different, as your wife told  you.

[ML]

Here is a small and innocuous difference for you, ML. 

You posted recently that you wanted to give china to a young Ukrainian couple.  For a North American, the offer is a "nothing".  Not insulting, not tacky.  To a Ukrainian, very different, as your wife told  you.

Yes, but . . . I think one could find the two different reactions coming from two different USA women also.

And perhaps from two different Ukrainian women also ??

Anyway, bed time here.

[Boethius]

Perhaps.

I should clarify, it is a Soviet/post Soviet, rather than a Slavic mentality.  You can see it if you go to Russian stores here, or in the attitudes of those who had power there - they have the most difficult time adjusting to the West, where people don't really care that you were/are a "boss". 

A poster here was complaining his wife wanted a pair of shoes that were $1000.  I asked him if she still mingles predominantly with Russians.  He answered affirmatively.  How did I know?  Because to them, this means something.  To North Americans, it doesn't, for the most part.

[msmob]

Could I suggest the Mods remove the 'RWD' and replace it with 'Trenchcoat' - lest a passing reader think this twaddle is 'endorsed' ?

Trench, I hope you understand ... if not - tough - it's not like you weren't advised you'd be pilloried

[Trenchcoat]

Could I suggest the Mods remove the 'RWD' and replace it with 'Trenchcoat' - lest a passing reader think this twaddle is 'endorsed' ?

Trench, I hope you understand ... if not - tough - it's not like you weren't advised you'd be pilloried

Granted this may not apply in all cases, those who score highly with personality will be less open to being taken for a ride by FSW. Those that score low on personality will be seen as vulnerable by many women I think and will need to be more cautious and controlled in their approach. I think a guide like this helps, call it what you will, will help them and indeed many of us avoid the common pitfalls that those of us who don't shine personality wise often seem to come across while dating in the FSU.

[msmob]

Trench, it is YOUR 'guide' and having a 'strong' personality - or not - it is mostly bollox and likely to get a noobie in deep crap ....

I implore you to ask a mod to alter the 'RWD' to 'Trench's guide' ...

[Trenchcoat]

and likely to get a noobie in deep crap ....

How so? everything here I would suggest from my experience and taking into account the experience of others on this forum that have had problems would seem to suggest the above are worth bearing in mind.

[msmob]

How so? everything here I would suggest from my experience and taking into account the experience of others on this forum that have had problems would seem to suggest the above are worth bearing in mind.

1/ ..remind us of your 'experience' ?

2 / You rarely listen to good advice and make snap judgements / conclusions  - Boethius being a bloke - after plenty of clues ...

Penny dropping as to your 'qualifications', yet ? 

[JayH]

1/ ..remind us of your 'experience' ?

2 / You rarely listen to good advice and make snap judgements / conclusions  - Boethius being a bloke - after plenty of clues ...

Penny dropping as to your 'qualifications', yet ?

1/   Do you mean his "extensive"  5 days in the FSU? 

2/  If he does read --he misinterprets and neither computes or understands what ANYONE is saying --then has the temerity to regurgitate  as HIS advice !!


Thread should be named--

AVOIDING TRENCHCOAT ADVICE -- a guide of how not to be !!

[Jumper]

                           RWD Pitfall Avoidance Code

1). Get to Know Her the Best you Can – Helps avoid Scammers.
(If a girl feels she knows you, and you her, then you’re really with her)

2). Control Everything – Accommodation, Visitation, Activities, etc.
(So you drive the bus and are not taken for a ride)

3). Go Domestic – Rent Apartments & get to know girl as she is ‘everyday’.
(More necessary progress is made relationship wise with girl this way)

4). Prioritise Living Together in Her Country – To really get to know girl.
(You get to know each other well enough instead of face value of who she is)

5). Live Out There – If you can to avoid Green Card/Immigration Scammers
(If girls think you’re out there long term they’ll be put off if after immigration)

6). Never do Holidays – Always go to meet the girl not the place.
(You get to know girl best if priority is solely on meeting her)

7). Hide all Aspects of Wealth – To avoid gold diggers.
(You’ll never know otherwise if she is with you for your wealth until too late)

8 ). Try to make first visit to her Home City – To ‘see’ not ‘told’ about her life.
(Girl can say anything online, in reality she may have a bf that she hides online)

9). Hold out on Marriage & Immigration/Visits to your country – See how she reacts.
(If she is just using you for a Green Card/Immigration she will not like this)

10). Hide your Dating Profile Online – So you are not targeted & can control search.
(Online dating sites free & paid for are full of Scammers of all varieties)

I give anyone regardless nationality the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise.

I never hid anything. I proposed when I felt likevit,not when I felt it was * safe to* lol
   I went on holidays etc.
Because I wanted to.
 while debatable that time might have been better served in her city, it wasn't considered some huge risk to also go elsewhere lol
It's a mindset, and yes any woman anywhere expects a guy to not have some self defensive mindset driving even a basic decision like where to meet. If french girl caught for a nano second you met her in Paris instead of koln for some perceived safety measure it's very unattractive to say the least Lol.
 fsu women arnt from Mars , and with enough thought process behind covering your behind, they are going to sense that.

While boe is  correct that there is a soviet/post soviet mindset and a fsu sensability you havnt caught yet, the key issue she also addressed is the biggie.
It's not their mentality but your underlying one that can cause you grief.  You may not intend it, but the entire list comes off starting from the negative.
English American Swedish or fsu women won't likely respond well to that underlying negative  mindset.

So a guy can get used? Sure.
But let's be realistic. How badly can a guy with reasonable common sense,  get used?
Let's not bother to question the user side of traveling to meet women in an economically depressed region.lol
Rhetorical question.

Sorry,  guilty as charged,but I own it, and never fretted someone attempting to scam me. Figured I could only be scammed as far as I let myself. With reasonable amount of feet on the ground and thinking with the head firmly  on shoulders,it  should not be a huge concern .
 

Lighten up,   should be #1 on list, it is girl meets boy after all.
 

[Trenchcoat]

I give anyone regardless nationality the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise.

I never hid anything. I proposed when I felt likevit,not when I felt it was * safe to* lol
   I went on holidays etc.
Because I wanted to.
 while debatable that time might have been better served in her city, it wasn't considered some huge risk to also go elsewhere lol
It's a mindset, and yes any woman anywhere expects a guy to not have some self defensive mindset driving even a basic decision like where to meet. If french girl caught for a nano second you met her in Paris instead of koln for some perceived safety measure it's very unattractive to say the least Lol.
 fsu women arnt from Mars , and with enough thought process behind covering your behind, they are going to sense that.

While boe is  correct that there is a soviet/post soviet mindset and a fsu sensability you havnt caught yet, the key issue she also addressed is the biggie.
It's not their mentality but your underlying one that can cause you grief.  You may not intend it, but the entire list comes off starting from the negative.
English American Swedish or fsu women won't likely respond well to that underlying negative  mindset.

So a guy can get used? Sure.
But let's be realistic. How badly can a guy with reasonable common sense,  get used?
Let's not bother to question the user side of traveling to meet women in an economically depressed region.lol
Rhetorical question.

Sorry,  guilty as charged,but I own it, and never fretted someone attempting to scam me. Figured I could only be scammed as far as I let myself. With reasonable amount of feet on the ground and thinking with the head firmly  on shoulders,it  should not be a huge concern .
 

Lighten up,   should be #1 on list, it is girl meets boy after all.

Few guys in US or UK can get around the divorce situation where the woman takes at least 50% as the starting point. If kids are involved it may go near the 100% of the guys wealth/assets. There was a guy on here a few months back in the Marriage section (think he was South African or something) and he was getting a divorce. His woman had already kicked him out of 'he's' house even before the divorce settlement and she looked set to take 'he's' house from him in the pending divorce settlement.

Perhaps to you losing the house you have saved up to live in is of small concern, perhaps you are so wealthy you can easily get another or have many houses to that losing one is no big deal. For me being made homeless as a result of getting with the wrong lady is a big concern. Sure I can probably recover eventually but no one wants to be in a sh*tty position for a long time, some can't recover. Men I'm sure use there common sense all the time and get it wrong, take Alexsandr's thread his woman was, "sweet, loving & caring" until her green card came through and she divorced him. Women playing the long game well will hide their true intent well until it is too late.

[msmob]

Once again, Trench - having had UK divorce laws patiently explained  - repeats bollox ... You had my current situation as a clue-bat ...

IF you have kids together - you have responsibilities - FORTY percent - of the marital home is about right and you won't see it unless she co-habits with another partner or your youngest finishes full-time education.

Don't get married Trench - you're too worried about divorce ..simples

[Trenchcoat]

Once again, Trench - having had UK divorce laws patiently explained  - repeats bollox ... You had my current situation as a clue-bat ...

IF you have kids together - you have responsibilities - FORTY percent - of the marital home is about right and you won't see it unless she co-habits with another partner or your youngest finishes full-time education.

Don't get married Trench - you're too worried about divorce ..simples

Moby I'm pretty sure few guys see any share of the marital home come back to them after the kid has turned 18, etc. I have never heard this, perhaps you have your financial agreement to the contrary but for most where the woman is all out for a divorce court settlement the guy is just bled dry and that it. Most people looking for a FSW or indeed any woman should be worried about divorce if they live in the UK or US they can suffer badly in the divorce courts and for us guys its not at all nice.

[Jumper]

Few guys in US or UK can get around the divorce situation where the woman takes at least 50% as the starting point. If kids are involved it may go near the 100% of the guys wealth/assets. There was a guy on here a few months back in the Marriage section (think he was South African or something) and he was getting a divorce. His woman had already kicked him out of 'he's' house even before the divorce settlement and she looked set to take 'he's' house from him in the pending divorce settlement.

Perhaps to you losing the house you have saved up to live in is of small concern, perhaps you are so wealthy you can easily get another or have many houses to that losing one is no big deal. For me being made homeless as a result of getting with the wrong lady is a big concern. Sure I can probably recover eventually but no one wants to be in a sh*tty position for a long time, some can't recover. Men I'm sure use there common sense all the time and get it wrong, take Alexsandr's thread his woman was, "sweet, loving & caring" until her green card came through and she divorced him. Women playing the long game well will hide their true intent well until it is too late.

Hiding true intent that long is pretty tough.
It's far more likely the couples just arnt ultimately compatible.
That happens regardless who you might marry.
What's tge divorce rate in the fsu?
What's the divorce crate in your country?

While I've seen a fair share of fsuW,westernM train wrecks, I've seen far more domestic marriages  end as total train wrecks. Sure that number is going to be higher as there are more marrages, but with a rate near 50% , odds arnt good for anyone getting married.


My first wife(irish) was killed in a car accident, life's not fair and full of surprises.
  My second wife was Ukrainian, and we divorced after 7 years amicably.
Zero drama, no expenses on either parties part.
My current wife of going on 6 years isn't very likely to take advantage of me either.

Know the person you are marrying, know how they treat others, their life out looks, their  sense of fairness, sense ofentitlement,or lack of it. You may only know from spending time, but really every day actions speak volumes.you shoukd be able to tell a honest fair person when you meet and spend time with one.
Concentrate on that and this other stuff becomes unimportant and will stop hampering your efforts.

I understand you are trying to protect to yourself.
You choose the level of risk you are comfortable with,we all do.
My advise is decide that level first.
If you can't get past a 50 % chance of a relationship failing in 5 years (and know that person well)then it won't matter where you look.

If you can't tone done your inner warning signs going off before you even meet someone, mostly based on them being from another country, then you are too risk adverse and the mentality really harms your chances with a solid woman.
It's not their fault you are looking in their country.Their own men don't take *extra precautions* against being used.if you do ,or have that mindset, it's a cancer.

Part of *why* I've attracted sincere honest women, is because I don't have that negative mentality and treat the situation, and them the same as any other,in any country at any time.
I'm certainly no door mat, far from it,but I see little need in compounding a situation with *what ifs* as we may not even click.
Meet, spend time together, see if it leads anywhere.you'll always have time to be paranoid if you want

My advise is free and maybe worthless to you , but since it costs you nothing there was no risk considering it.just like there islittle true risk in simply dating a woman from most anywhere.


You spoke of losing a house.hmmm.
By the way, I have children and heaven forbid I divorce again she would be welcome to it.

in fact I'd absolutely want her to have it!!! a million good reasons I'd want that.
And it's only a *home*if we are a family.
In any case I'd land on my feet,continue to be a supportive father and make the best of a bad situation, for all inolved.
That's how I was raised and the values I hold.
While a wily Scammer could in the realm of possibilities use that to her advatage, it's traits that sincere family oriented women tend to admire, so I'll take that risk.


I wear a helmet more than most her e ever will ,or have, so risks, unless fatal, aren't real scary  to me  lol

[Trenchcoat]

Thanks Jumper I appreciate the advice. I do think though that many on here seem to think I have a negative and/or paranoid attitude. I will say that when I am meeting/with a girl in the FSU I do not show negative/paranoid attitude or talk to that effect. I don't go out with them with negative/paranoid attitude or think or feel this way when I am with them. I take it that they are being genuine in their intention to be with me. Only should the girl act badly then I would start to think negative/distrustful thoughts, but I don't see alarm bells ringing at points when red flag seem to be raised as something to avoid. I do of course try to discuss with girl the problem/situation without resorting to accusations or bad mouthing as I don't see this as helpful to the situation and sometimes it has been a misunderstanding over cultural differences etc.

Some people think the ideas I have highlighted in the 'pitfall avoidance code' as negative, I just see them as taking the necessary protection/caution to avoid bad situations. For sure some have different opinions on this. I think it is fair to say though that some people may be naturally better at sifting out the bad girls  and others not so, so a code to follow that helps those of us less able on this front avoid the bad women doesn't seem like a bad idea to me. I for one do not wish to leave myself wide open for being taken by every women with an ulterior motive other than genuine dating/relationship.

[HoundDaddyLee]

Few guys in US or UK can get around the divorce situation where the woman takes at least 50% as the starting point. If kids are involved it may go near the 100% of the guys wealth/assets.

I will welcome the folks on here that are attorneys, but I have never seen a situation where the guy is left with nothing. 100% of his pay goes to ex and children (unless he was a deadbeat and didn't pay child/spousal support). Trench, you feel you are not negative, but the negativity and hate for women come out in all your postings. I am sure a woman can smell it on you when meeting. As I and others have told you, "Fix yourself!" Please do this before marrying. By the way, like 2TBill, Jumper has forgotten more about this pursuit than you or I will ever know. He is just doesn't post very much. Read his words and learn from them.


HDL

[jone]

Hiding true intent that long is pretty tough.
It's far more likely the couples just arnt ultimately compatible.
That happens regardless who you might marry.
What's tge divorce rate in the fsu?
What's the divorce crate in your country?

While I've seen a fair share of fsuW,westernM train wrecks, I've seen far more domestic marriages  end as total train wrecks. Sure that number is going to be higher as there are more marrages, but with a rate near 50% , odds arnt good for anyone getting married.


My first wife(irish) was killed in a car accident, life's not fair and full of surprises.
  My second wife was Ukrainian, and we divorced after 7 years amicably.
Zero drama, no expenses on either parties part.
My current wife of going on 6 years isn't very likely to take advantage of me either.

Know the person you are marrying, know how they treat others, their life out looks, their  sense of fairness, sense ofentitlement,or lack of it. You may only know from spending time, but really every day actions speak volumes.you shoukd be able to tell a honest fair person when you meet and spend time with one.
Concentrate on that and this other stuff becomes unimportant and will stop hampering your efforts.

I understand you are trying to protect to yourself.
You choose the level of risk you are comfortable with,we all do.
My advise is decide that level first.
If you can't get past a 50 % chance of a relationship failing in 5 years (and know that person well)then it won't matter where you look.

If you can't tone done your inner warning signs going off before you even meet someone, mostly based on them being from another country, then you are too risk adverse and the mentality really harms your chances with a solid woman.
It's not their fault you are looking in their country.Their own men don't take *extra precautions* against being used.if you do ,or have that mindset, it's a cancer.

Part of *why* I've attracted sincere honest women, is because I don't have that negative mentality and treat the situation, and them the same as any other,in any country at any time.
I'm certainly no door mat, far from it,but I see little need in compounding a situation with *what ifs* as we may not even click.
Meet, spend time together, see if it leads anywhere.you'll always have time to be paranoid if you want

My advise is free and maybe worthless to you , but since it costs you nothing there was no risk considering it.just like there islittle true risk in simply dating a woman from most anywhere.


You spoke of losing a house.hmmm.
By the way, I have children and heaven forbid I divorce again she would be welcome to it.

in fact I'd absolutely want her to have it!!! a million good reasons I'd want that.
And it's only a *home*if we are a family.
In any case I'd land on my feet,continue to be a supportive father and make the best of a bad situation, for all inolved.
That's how I was raised and the values I hold.
While a wily Scammer could in the realm of possibilities use that to her advatage, it's traits that sincere family oriented women tend to admire, so I'll take that risk.


I wear a helmet more than most her e ever will ,or have, so risks, unless fatal, aren't real scary  to me  lol

AJ, the original helmet head!  Good to see you posting.  Love to see pics of your little beauty. I bet she runs circles around her 'old man'.  A good man will ALWAYS take care of his family.  Even if he is in the middle of a messy divorce. 

We're only on this earth for a short while.  How you handle your relationship affairs speaks volumes about the kind of person you are.  I talk to the mother of my children almost daily.  We are both considerate of the other and, over time, we have developed a friendship that centers around our children.   Now, I'm not patting myself on my back.  I'm just doing the logical thing.  Because my two most wonderful additions to this world are raised up by our friendship.

[Steamer]

Once again, Trench - having had UK divorce laws patiently explained  - repeats bollox ... You had my current situation as a clue-bat ...

IF you have kids together - you have responsibilities - FORTY percent - of the marital home is about right and you won't see it unless she co-habits with another partner or your youngest finishes full-time education.

It's a similar situation in the US. I live in Michigan which is just below California in being bad to men in a divorce. That being said, the courts in Mich take a very dim view of some hot cookie from UA marrying a dope for a year and then trying to take everything from him. Sure, you'll pay something but it's not so bad.


I must admit that I was the MOST paranoid person about being scammed. I did my due diligence but couldn't stop freaking myself out about everything. Eventually I started to tell myself the signature line at the bottom of this post. If your eyes are clear and you're not fooling yourself you need to move forward.

[Anotherkiwi]

Thanks Jumper I appreciate the advice. I do think though that many on here seem to think I have a negative and/or paranoid attitude.

You've ALMOST got that right - there is no "seem" about it!

I will say that when I am meeting/with a girl in the FSU I do not show negative/paranoid attitude or talk to that effect. I don't go out with them with negative/paranoid attitude or think or feel this way when I am with them. I take it that they are being genuine in their intention to be with me.

That isn't what you've posted over the last year.

Only should the girl act badly then I would start to think negative/distrustful thoughts, but I don't see alarm bells ringing at points when red flag seem to be raised as something to avoid.

That has to be close to the most stupid thing you've ever posted!    Red flags are SUPPOSED to set off alarm bells - in your case, from what you've written about your current lust-kitten, you've admitted that there are multiple red flags in her behaviour and you STILL keep making excuses to keep mooning after her.  I posted (maybe a week ago?) that it didn't matter if she was a 10/10 hottie - what you've written about her behaviour is such that I honestly can't believe that you, as a human being with an IQ (supposedly) higher than that of an office chair, should still even be thinking about a relationship with her!  I obviously need to revise her hotness up to 20/10 - there can't possibly be any other reason that you wish to breathe the same air as her.

I do of course try to discuss with girl the problem/situation without resorting to accusations or bad mouthing as I don't see this as helpful to the situation and sometimes it has been a misunderstanding over cultural differences etc.

Like your continued refusal to believe every single post telling you that it's the man's job to pay for EVERYTHING during the time that you're together in a visit to her?  And, no, I'm not talking about taking her shopping - that's your own stupidity eagerness to show her that you're the patsy she thought all along.  But, if you want to date someone in their early twenties, who's not willing for you to meet their family, that in itself should ring a bit of a warning bell and be at least a yellow flag (if not an outright red).

Some people think the ideas I have highlighted in the 'pitfall avoidance code' as negative, I just see them as taking the necessary protection/caution to avoid bad situations. For sure some have different opinions on this. I think it is fair to say though that some people may be naturally better at sifting out the bad girls  and others not so, so a code to follow that helps those of us less able on this front avoid the bad women doesn't seem like a bad idea to me. I for one do not wish to leave myself wide open for being taken by every women with an ulterior motive other than genuine dating/relationship.

There is a serious difference between taking the necessary precautions, and your paranoid assumptions about how you're going to get taken for every last pound in your divorce - when you haven't even met someone to start a real relationship with!

In some of my early posts I probably asked some really dumb questions, naively believing the maxim that there ARE no dumb questions!  The advice I received, while not particularly nice in some cases, made me realise very quickly that most of the regular posters here have a pretty good handle on the FSUW "experience" and what's needed to succeed in a relationship with one.  I'm sorry, Trenchcoat but, unless you've been playing everyone here for a fool as the biggest troll ever on RWD, you take the gold medal for the most opinionated, clueless know-all who WON'T learn anything from those very same people.

[southernX]

So a guy can get used? Sure.
But let's be realistic. How badly can a guy with reasonable common sense,  get used?
Let's not bother to question the user side of traveling to meet women in an economically depressed region.lol
Rhetorical question.

Sorry,  guilty as charged,but I own it, and never fretted someone attempting to scam me. Figured I could only be scammed as far as I let myself. With reasonable amount of feet on the ground and thinking with the head firmly  on shoulders,it  should not be a huge concern .
 

Lighten up,   should be #1 on list, it is girl meets boy after all.

trench

good advice her above and from bo and jumper

years ago when i first investigated a fsu adventure , i recall one of my family questioning my sanity , and advising me i might lose alot of money and get hurt emotionally hurt in the process if it went south 

my automatice response was ''WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE ??  ''  having been married 1st time for nearly 20 years , with kids , family and assetts that had all to be sorted ??

any long term  relationship falling over can do that surely ??

you need to get your head right , know your self and what you want totally clearly then stick to it with confidence

yes be aware , be alert , but dont be alarmed at every small thing , think with an open mind and have some trust until you are given reason to do otherwise

SX