Trench's Questions and Philosophies

[msmob]

 They might have not originally intended to go for more but now that things are different and they see that they can. Never mind that they would have never been elevated out of the industrial dumpsk if it were not for you. I'm just saying that the girl got a fair and equitable deal in the first place given her circumstances so if that was what was originally accepted that is how it should remain.

Your just proving ( once more ) you don't have the first clue...

[msmob]

It's not needed Mobe. I'm capable of making a go of this without such as you describe. I have a trip coming up next month so may come good there, who knows

No..you're not ... You are incapable of empathy

[msmob]

Seems Northkape's only mistake was paying for her to get a degree & career level job. If not they would probably still be together if he so wanted.

FFS, yet another clueless comment

My Russian wife spoke poor English when she came here - didn't have to do the UK lang test or life in Britain stuff and studied, studiously

*I* pushed her to do a degree and she eventually excelled ...she didn't leave me when she felt she could do better

She runs a service orientated biz and turns away clients as she does enough to survive..if she was seeking a better replacement - she's had 6 years to upgrade....

[Trenchcoat]

FFS, yet another clueless comment

My Russian wife spoke poor English when she came here - didn't have to do the UK lang test or life in Britain stuff and studied, studiously

*I* pushed her to do a degree and she eventually excelled ...she didn't leave me when she felt she could do better

She runs a service orientated biz and turns away clients as she does enough to survive..if she was seeking a better replacement - she's had 6 years to upgrade....

You mean the one you are in divorce proceedings with, hmmn...

[msmob]

You mean the one you are in divorce proceedings with, hmmn...

Yes, ( although our status is different ) and your 'point' ?

[Trenchcoat]

You are aware, I assume, that people in Ukraine can move as they desire?  They can move to areas of the country that have more jobs and are more attractive, just like anyone in the West can.  You are not saving a woman.  That is a huge problem in your posts, and it is why the only women you will attract will be grifters - because of your attitude.

If they could move they would, they are either in Industrial dumpsk because they don't have the money to move or industrial dumpsk provides the jobs the can't get in more pleasanter areas. Why was the last girl I was with so anxious to come to Britain. The economy was not great where she was and it's a shitehole, she said as much, but she did at least have a job there and family. She was fed up with her life as course, already had a degree, possibly an MA I think, but all age could get was shop work. So not a lot but enough to keep her there I think. Would she get any better in any other city in Ukraine? Probably not, only perhaps Kiev, maybe Kharkiv if she is lucky.

Could she get a better job in the UK? Well she would earn more money (equvilent of) in retail at the very least. Longer term she would probably do better though even if not in a top job. She didn't want to work though. Since then I have realised that I need to get myself into a more flexible position to take account of all responses I may get from a woman from, 'I don't want to move to the UK' to 'I don't want to work'. A girl not working is not necessarily as much of a problem as it sounded a first. I'm ready to accomodation a girl where I can but she must realise that there are things I would want from a marriage such as children. So are you saying a woman would be a non starter if I did not state a desire to fulfil her dreams?

[Trenchcoat]

Yes, ( although our status is different ) and your 'point' ?

You need me to spell it out???

Well Ok, here goes. You gave her all she wanted now she is divorcing you. It may have not been straight away but it's where you're at. So eventually no good comes of elevating a woman too far with uni degrees, etc.

[JayH]

Yes, ( although our status is different ) and your 'point' ?

Moby--it is clear that  TC is superior to you --he has never been married a few times and gone through divorce proceedings, never been in a relationship --full stop ( let alone with an fsuw) Oh wait -I forgot his fantasy 2 days and banya experience ( factually-- in his dreams and something he read)  . Add in that he is actually as poor as a church mouse and and lives in a boring green shithole  and has his banger on HP ,his inherited semi , cannot afford a long weekend away etc etc has a petty closed perverted mind , chances are Pitbull diagnosis is pretty close  to my social misfit assessment  --really Moby --I can see why you should feel inferior !!  ( oh I forgot your poor Nth Ire accent and background !!_

[mhr7]

So eventually no good comes of elevating a woman too far with uni degrees, etc.

Absolutely pathetic. Go gay Trench, it's your best hope for finding love.

[msmob]

You need me to spell it out???

Well Ok, here goes. You gave her all she wanted now she is divorcing you. It may have not been straight away but it's where you're at. So eventually no good comes of elevating a woman too far with uni degrees, etc.

The third daft post in the last few hours...   

As previously mentioned - this 'gold digger' wanted nothing from me in the way of assets / pensions...

[Trenchcoat]

The third daft post in the last few hours...   

As previously mentioned - this 'gold digger' wanted nothing from me in the way of assets / pensions...

I never said she was a gold digger. She may not want any if your assets etc if she is dojng alright herself. She has her business & uni degree which is what she wanted, point is you outlived your usefulness upon her aquiring these. She might well be more decent than most women innit going after your assets. All I'm saying is playing to what she wanted in the end probably contributed to you relationship ending early. That is of course if you were bothered about how long it lasted.

[krimster2]

"oh I forgot your poor Nth Ire accent and background !!_"

that's what it is!

he's Irish, and not on the spectrum!
it's hard to tell the difference between the two...

I assume Trench is Irish Catholic and not C of E
msmob, I take it you're "orange" and Trech is "green"
do we have a little orange v green going on
oy me boyos, the "troubles" be over...

[Boethius]

If they could move they would, they are either in Industrial dumpsk because they don't have the money to move or industrial dumpsk provides the jobs the can't get in more pleasanter areas. Why was the last girl I was with so anxious to come to Britain. The economy was not great where she was and it's a shitehole, she said as much, but she did at least have a job there and family. She was fed up with her life as course, already had a degree, possibly an MA I think, but all age could get was shop work. So not a lot but enough to keep her there I think. Would she get any better in any other city in Ukraine? Probably not, only perhaps Kiev, maybe Kharkiv if she is lucky.

That’s a huge leap to make.

Your last girl was not anxious to come to the UK. That was the way to get rid of you.

Could she get a better job in the UK? Well she would earn more money (equvilent of) in retail at the very least. Longer term she would probably do better though even if not in a top job. She didn't want to work though. Since then I have realised that I need to get myself into a more flexible position to take account of all responses I may get from a woman from, 'I don't want to move to the UK' to 'I don't want to work'. A girl not working is not necessarily as much of a problem as it sounded a first. I'm ready to accomodation a girl where I can but she must realise that there are things I would want from a marriage such as children. So are you saying a woman would be a non starter if I did not state a desire to fulfil her dreams?

You don’t understand FSUW. Also, based on your posts you will not find anyone sincere.

[Trenchcoat]

"oh I forgot your poor Nth Ire accent and background !!_"

that's what it is!

he's Irish, and not on the spectrum!
it's hard to tell the difference between the two...

I assume Trench is Irish Catholic and not C of E
msmob, I take it you're "orange" and Trech is "green"
do we have a little orange v green going on
oy me boyos, the "troubles" be over...

Lol, nope afraid I'm not Irish Krimster, I'm English born & bred. I can see why you might think me & Mobers are on opposite sides of the conflict as it were. It's pretty similar to the way the two sides used to be in constant disagreement on everything. They still kind of are but have been given an assembly in which to have a go at each other.

I was christened at birth so theoretically protestant but in practice I'm not at all religious, neither is any of my family. It was more of a convention to have Christenings when I was younger as part of the birth celebration process, even for families that were not really at all religious. Now thankfully it's been dropped by most apart from those that are actually religious.

I have ancestors that were Irish Catholic, from southern Ireland we're talking great, great grandmother here - think that's right, possibly another great might be needed in there, but no more recent relatives. Perhaps that's it me & Mobers are descended from different segments of the Irish

[Trenchcoat]

That’s a huge leap to make.

Your last girl was not anxious to come to the UK. That was the way to get rid of you.

You don’t understand FSUW. Also, based on your posts you will not find anyone sincere.

She definately wanted to come to the UK, she said that upfront in Kiev, before the issue really turned into a problem. I didn't know just how much she wanted to though. She also looked unhappy when I mentioned living in Cyprus when we were in Cyprus. While I think she could have used this as a reason for an exit out of the relationship the number if messages I got from he'd pressing for a visa and the above and other indicators already mentioned I think not. She didn't need to drag it on so long if she wanted to use it as an out. I don't know exactly where she lives or works (though got a good idea not that she knows) so theoretically she could have ended it fairly quick even blocked me and moved on.

The first girl from Mariupol that I met did give an excuse to end it - her father was finishing work due to his age so she needed to work more. I know this was rubbish I set up a phoney profile and contacted her and she was still very much up for it, but there was no affection there anyway we just got on well together.

[Boethius]

No, she didn’t. You still don’t understand what happened. That was an excuse to dump you. She never had any intention of being with you long term.

[Jumper]

TC, there is a percent of the male or  female population that are users of any nationality.
Age gap has little to do with it other than facilitating,  both parties if they have that mindset.

If a 20 yo or 50 yo person of either gender sets out to use others to get ahead,  that's the issue , not the white noise around it.

 While you feel your intentions are genuine about only wanting to have love,  companionship,family....
Many would view the extra thoughts you have as to how that relationship dynamic would be,
 as you simply using the other person.

It's why boe and many keep telling you that the odds of you being used are indeed high.
Your fears are a self fulfilling prophesy.
Not because all women,English or FSU, are users,but because you are  ,so will attract same.

You simply havnt run into a smart enough or desperate enough hottie yet.You'd be instant toast.(if they so wanted)

I'm not advising you to be careful, I'm advising you to do some soul searching  on what a healthy adult relationship built on trust, empathy, and equality looks like.

You'll care enough about the other person to want them to excel in life at anything they choose.They will feel the same about you.
That's when you'll be more likely to find someone to share your life with.


I'm no expert, been divorced.
But it was never over the type of things you fear.
Hopefully you'll find love,and if you do ,I hope you love,no let's say adore,  that person enough to understand what a lot of posters have tried to get across.
   That doesn't mean being a door mat, but it certainly doesn't mean your leading thoughts are self centered.


Only as example:
I've made plenty of parental mistakes,plenty.
yet being a very good father is something that's viewed by woman as a big plus in my court.
 I do think about my role as father and how to improve often. I study about it, i pray about it.
The recognition that  I'm lacking,and questioning myself, is what helps me improve.

And I do not do this to be more attractive to women lol


So ,what will make you a good father?
a good family man and foundation for one?
Do you ask yourself these questions?
 I'm not asking you to explain here.

I'm sure you can be.!

But asking yourself how to, why you want to, etc ,etc, even writing it down...
will hopefully get your thoughts on those things,and self improvement in those  areas, that  any woman that wants a family (same goals as you profess) will see in you.

By the way very very little of this has to do with income or finances. Other than perhaps a true  willingness to make do with less for those you care about.
Most poor men are married,and if good fathers and husbands  have generally happy families.
 

[Trenchcoat]

Well I think you're bang on right Jumper about her being a user. I think she is probably the type of girl that does generally go for guys she is attracted to or finds attractive, but I think she has a default 'user' aspect about her personality. I think that is why she is still single as she has probably messes  up every single relationship with it, whether she dumps them or they dump her.

I think her wish to have children and marriage is genuine but her personality of using guys probably always ends up trumping that. I think it probably comes almost as an instinct in her, an attitude that is probably extremely hard if not impossible to change.

So no I don't think she was a scammer or play me without any attraction being present. I think she was playing me as part of her personality/attitude to being a user. I think the UK visa thing, etc was the next step in using me. I think after she got what she wanted in terms of being in the UK etc she would have moved on when she found the next best thing if not before. I doubt if I would have had much joy with having family with her.

Thank you Jumper, I think you have finally sorted this out in my mind for me as the whole situation with her was kind of strange as she never really filled the obvious scammer profile to my mind as there was only elements of that present but other elements where she seemed into me. I think to some extent she was genuinely into me but just had a personality trait to use people that I could not quite put my finger on. By which I mean it may not be a planned act to use but an aspect of her personality that comes out as natural to her regardless of how into the guy she is.

I will think over the rest of what you say Jumper. I guess I see what you mean the more down to earth girls that won't be scammers, users, etc will probably be the more everyday looking ones. That's fine but I would still need to feel chemistry with them for it to work I think, but it's definitely worth think about when I'm looking through the profiles of the ladies

[krimster2]

“yet being a very good father is something that's viewed by woman as a big plus...”

they eat it up like cheesecake at a weight watcher’s convention!!!!

SO MUCH ATTENTION I got from young women in Ukraine when I went out walking with my two daughters, it’s the only time I’ve EVER seen strangers smile at me in the street...

come Victory Day and they’ve been drinking, some of them even embraced us!!!
the sacrifices I have to perform to maintain peace in the world!!!  Za mir!!

put your hand against the surface of an old building
and you can feel the faint echo of something
a father with his care-free daughters feeding the street cats
makes a small bright spot in some stranger’s day

Ukraine is just that kind of place!

a virtual reality that requires no headset...
the color of a TV
tuned to a dead channel
like the Chernigov winter sky

[msmob]

I never said she was a gold digger. She may not want any if your assets etc if she is dojng alright herself. She has her business & uni degree which is what she wanted, point is you outlived your usefulness upon her aquiring these. She might well be more decent than most women innit going after your assets. All I'm saying is playing to what she wanted in the end probably contributed to you relationship ending early. That is of course if you were bothered about how long it lasted.

She left me when my life was a financial mess and Police were knocking at the door - believing I had committed a fraud. She was working as a waitress - renting a room - if that's what you meant by 'doing alright' 

Clearly, you had nothing better to do over a Bank Holiday weekend - with nice weather - Mr Billy no mates






 

[Trenchcoat]

She left me when my life was a financial mess and Police were knocking at the door - believing I had committed a fraud. She was working as a waitress - renting a room - if that's what you meant by 'doing alright' 

Clearly, you had nothing better to do over a Bank Holiday weekend - with nice weather - Mr Billy no mates

I'm doing my building work, time is money as they say. I merely write on here during breaks.

So...she was that type of woman, when the chops are down she's off. Not unusual many women in the UK are like that. During the recession as you no doubt know the divorce rate went up in England as women that were with men who were, wealthy, successful & providers became all of a sudden not so as they were laid off & economic downturn took its toll. So fail as a man and if your with a lady that got with you as she thought you were a sure thing and you're history.

That's not to say she was a poor choice on your part, sometimes we only have the choices to choose from that are before us.

[msmob]

I'm doing my building work, time is money as they say. I merely write on here during breaks.

Like I said ...Billy no mates

So...she was that type of woman, when the chops are down she's off. Not unusual many women in the UK are like that. During the recession as you no doubt know the divorce rate went up in England as women that were with men who were, wealthy, successful & providers became all of a sudden not so as they were laid off & economic downturn took its toll. So fail as a man and if your with a lady that got with you as she thought you were a sure thing and you're history.

That's not to say she was a poor choice on your part, sometimes we only have the choices to choose from that are before us.

What a crock of shyte.

As usual,  you 'guessed' wrong and aren't man enough to admit it..

She wasn't a poor choice...at the time...I was!

[Trenchcoat]

Like I said ...Billy no mates

What a crock of shyte.

As usual,  you 'guessed' wrong and aren't man enough to admit it..

She wasn't a poor choice...at the time...I was!

You were a poor choice when it went shyte. Before she no doubt saw some potential in you but that didn't materialize. So for her time to move on, if you ended up doing worse than her waitressing job then your prospects for her had diassappeared, simple as.

Odds are you bigged yourself up and she thought you were going to hit it big, only to be disappointed.

[msmob]

You were a poor choice when it went shyte. Before she no doubt saw some potential in you but that didn't materialize. So for her time to move on, if you ended up doing worse than her waitressing job then your prospects for her had diassappeared, simple as.

Odds are you bigged yourself up and she thought you were going to hit it big, only to be disappointed.

You are priceless ... Mr Perennially single giving 'relationship' ( breakdown) device, now ?

The FACT is that she lived with me for six months before agreeing to marry. Do you think she 'missed' something ?


Then we were together for another 5 years and the problem with multiple erroneous charges by the bank went on for 13 months - in our sixth year - which resulted in in UK Police investigating me for fraud...  *I* certainly don't blame her for deciding I might be dodgy, in retrospect . 

I was WELL stressed - seeing all I had built up fall apart and she was taking calls from angry clients and even relatives while I worked away to hold it all together.




 

[Trenchcoat]

You are priceless ... Mr Perennially single giving 'relationship' ( breakdown) device, now ?

The FACT is that she lived with me for six months before agreeing to marry. Do you think she 'missed' something ?


Then we were together for another 5 years and the problem with multiple erroneous charges by the bank went on for 13 months - in our sixth year - which resulted in in UK Police investigating me for fraud...  *I* certainly don't blame her for deciding I might be dodgy, in retrospect . 

I was WELL stressed - seeing all I had built up fall apart and she was taking calls from angry clients and even relatives while I worked away to hold it all together.

You obviously chose the wrong bank