Time for some Humor!!

[Noch1]

[Noch1]

[2tallbill]

A good looking young woman asked me if I preferred legs or breasts.
I told her I was an ass and vagina guy first, and legs and breasts second.
Apparently that's an inappropriate answer to give the girl at KFC

[Noch1]

Pharmacist to customer:
"Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription... Simply showing marriage certificate and wife's picture is not enough."
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman - "Which book has helped you most in your life?"
The woman replied - "My husband's cheque book!!"

A prospective husband in a book store "Do you have a book called, 'Husband - the Master of the House?'
Sales Girl: "Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!"

Someone asked an old man: "Even after 70 years, you still call your wife - Darling, Honey, Luv. What's the secret ?
Old man: I forgot her name and I'm scared to ask her.

A man in Hell asked the Devil: May I make a call to my Wife?
After making the call he asked how much he had to pay.
Devil: Nothing. Hell to hell is Free.

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper. So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!

Husband to wife - Today is a fine day. Next day he says, Today is a fine day. Again next day, he says same thing - Today is a fine day. Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband - since last week, you have been saying "Today is a fine day. I am fed up. What's the matter?"
Husband: Last week when we had an argument, you said, "I will leave you one fine day." I was just trying to remind you."

[ML]

Hanging pants.

[ML]

Strange requests

[ML]

What you have to offer.

[ML]

Asking for your hand.

[2tallbill]

same joke told slightly differently

[Lily]

Hilarious! My translation 

Her, "Will you drive by to pick me up from work today? Please reply asap. If you won't, then I put on flats, as I am pregnant and cannot walk much on heels. With those flats, I want to put on the white dress that matches in color. Under that, I have to put on the white underwear. So, please reply right now, as I am heading to the bathroom and need to decide on the panties (whether it will be the white ones, or the other ones that are for under the dress to wear with heels)".

Him, ''Holy crap''   

[ML]

Automotive Engineering Trivia

This might help prevent “tail-gaters” as well.
     
Car buffs should appreciate this piece of automotive history.
     
Many of the newest cars have a “Back-Up Sensor” that warns the driver before the rear bumper actually comes in contact with something.
     
Most people probably think that this valuable feature came out of the minds of engineers, but it was recently disclosed that the concept was first developed by a Chinese farmer.
     
His invention was simple and effective.  It emits a high-pitched squeal when the vehicle backs into something.
 

     



             

             
             

[ML]

We went to see the new movie "Sisters" today.

I usually really like Tina Fey, but not Amy Poehler so much.

Anyway, based on what I had read, I thought it would be a good light hearted comedy for Ochka to see after a semester of teaching Calculus.

But at big disappointment.   It was just like the raunchy low brow offerings for male teenagers.  Females can actually be worse than males.

The F word was used in about every sentence and crude words used to refer to penis and vagina repeatedly.

In one gross-out, Amy says to Tina.
I wouldn't mind being lesbian except for the eating pussy part.
Tina, no the worst part would be the constant talking.

[2tallbill]

[2tallbill]

I was asked who my favorite X man was.

Apparently naming Katlyn Jenner was inappropriate

[Noch1]

This is how many guys IMAGINE their next girlfriend 

[Lily]

I wonder what would be the picture of what they really look like 

[Noch1]

I wonder what would be the picture of what they really look like 

For most, not near as good as their imagination 

[ML]

I wonder what would be the picture of what they really look like 

Probably something like this:

[2tallbill]

[Miquel Westano]

What makes this funny is it is a real commercial.

http://www.poopourri.com/?gclid=Cj0KEQiAzO6zBRC25Ju1idGJiZkBEiQAP3Sf6DYJNMq5Gwyd1DXjnPmLNAAAWttNad2xcS73ZjkedUgaAoVZ8P8HAQ

[2tallbill]

http://www.facebook.com/1506415799685185/videos/1516774301982668/

[2tallbill]

[2tallbill]

[2tallbill]

I drink wine because I don't like to keep things bottled up.

I finally stopped drinking for good. Now I only drink for evil!

NOTE:
You go to the animal shelter to find a new dog then you're a saint
You go to the women's shelter to find a new girlfriend then everyone
loses their mind!

[2tallbill]