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Author Topic: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia  (Read 9940 times)

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Offline GQBlues

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #25 on: June 24, 2021, 04:43:42 PM »

The OP has not mentioned where he is visiting yet. At moment no way to visit Moscow, so why buy ticket?
Instead of having 'backups' , why not just visit the city, there is much to see.
I hopefully will be in  Moscow end of August but.... after having 5 flights cancelled since last year, I am uncertain what will happen.


I wasn't going to say anything and just let things play itself out, but...


At the present time, and unless things change by then...according to Uncle Sam:

~ The Government of the Russian Federation banned the entry of foreign nationals, including American citizens, with a few exceptions.

~ U.S. citizens who hold a tourist visa and have family members in Russia (spouse, children, parents, etc.) are generally NOT allowed to enter under the current rules regarding Covid-19. They should reach out to the Embassy of the Russian Federation in Washington, DC, for their request to be considered.

http://ru.usembassy.gov/covid-19-information/
« Last Edit: June 24, 2021, 04:46:42 PM by GQBlues »
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Offline Dolmetscher007

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #26 on: June 24, 2021, 04:45:27 PM »

That's a whole lot of typing just to say 'you understood'. At least we arrive to one point fairly well...

~ Anyone you met/meet in the internet, until you meet them in person, is really nothing but a stranger! ~ I definitely and fully agree!

Maybe next time, first define what you mean by 'tough love feedback' before asking for evaluation! So folks can then decide if they want to give a shit or not. In addition, don't leave out pertinent facts, maybe even significant - who knows, that may or may not be the answer you're searching for.

You are definitely focusing on the phrase "tough love". So...  It's a play on words using to diametrically opposed sentiments describing the caring promotion of someone's welfare by strictly enforcing certain constraints on them. 

An example of this for the thread I posted would be something like this...

Example of effective Tough Love Post:
"Hey man, as I was reading your post, I couldn't help but notice that you might possibly be putting this Russian girl you've met up on a proverbial 'pedestal.'  I've been on this forum for a while now, and it's quite common to see new guys come in here to post, about some girl they've never met in-person as if there were already in a committed romantic relationship. It happens a lot. It's easy to fall into that mindset. I don't know you or this Russian girl, and the only thing I know about your situation is what you've written in your post(s). So... take it for what it's worth... but from where I'm sitting it sounds like you might want to take a minute to reset your own expectations about where things are... and if you want to progress things with this Russian girl... the only way that is going to happen is if you are crystal clear with her with your intentions. I suggest you formulate a plan (whatever that may be) and present it to her as a statement rather than any kind of loosely phrased question. If she gets excited about coming along for the ride... good deal! I'll be the first to hi-five you! And...  If she gets weird about it or doesn't seem interested... there's plenty of tuna in the tank. Good luck!."


And here are some things which are tough... sure... but bear little resemblance to something helpful to anyone.

Example of, "I'd rather be RIGHT than effective" phrases:
That's a whole lot of typing just to say...
Maybe next time you should...
So much for...

Example of just plain poor public behavior:
A month ago you'd make Charles Barkley look slim.
You weigh more than Shaq O'Neil and he's 7'1".
...step forward and visit your penpal...

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Anyway... I genuinely do believe it's worth it to try to show someone who has the motivation to respond to people on internet forums, how their tone and rhetoric renders their posts ineffective. But... I am an Instructional Designer, so this is literally what I do for a living all day er'day... think about how to take complex and nuanced facts and viewpoints and present them in the most effective way possible. So... I probably just end up coming off as a nerdy dildo on some internet forum. But I can live with that.

Offline Dolmetscher007

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #27 on: June 24, 2021, 04:46:32 PM »

Dolmetscher007, are you ready to show Sally the speedos you'll be wearing?
[

 :D :D :D
Yeah man! I got one of those Borat Onsie type deals. Hugs the family jewels!!!

Offline Dolmetscher007

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #28 on: June 24, 2021, 04:50:35 PM »

To the OP, you are overthinking the situation. Just enjoy your communication, develop a relationship without worrying about what it 'means'. If you are unhappy about something, confront it or let it go and move on.

Me over-think something?!? Nooooooooo...  :D :D

Yeah man... I have a definite tilt toward neuroticism. I keep it in check most of the time. But to be honest... one of the ways I keep my over-thinking weirdness under control... is by posting it all out on forums like this one. Ha ha... I mean it. If you all think I'm a rambling mess... who cares? So... I blah blah blah away on some forum like this... flipping the whole situation(s) around in my head a million times... and then... when I'm all set and calm... I call "Time in" and get back out there.

It's not an elegant solution, but you know what they say... Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.    :D :D

Offline GQBlues

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #29 on: June 24, 2021, 04:51:47 PM »
You are definitely focusing on the phrase "tough love". So...  It's a play on words using to diametrically opposed sentiments describing the caring promotion of someone's welfare by strictly enforcing certain constraints on them. 

An example of this for the thread I posted would be something like this...

Example of effective Tough Love Post:
"Hey man, as I was reading your post, I couldn't help but notice that you might possibly be putting this Russian girl you've met up on a proverbial 'pedestal.'  I've been on this forum for a while now, and it's quite common to see new guys come in here to post, about some girl they've never met in-person as if there were already in a committed romantic relationship. It happens a lot. It's easy to fall into that mindset. I don't know you or this Russian girl, and the only thing I know about your situation is what you've written in your post(s). So... take it for what it's worth... but from where I'm sitting it sounds like you might want to take a minute to reset your own expectations about where things are... and if you want to progress things with this Russian girl... the only way that is going to happen is if you are crystal clear with her with your intentions. I suggest you formulate a plan (whatever that may be) and present it to her as a statement rather than any kind of loosely phrased question. If she gets excited about coming along for the ride... good deal! I'll be the first to hi-five you! And...  If she gets weird about it or doesn't seem interested... there's plenty of tuna in the tank. Good luck!."


And here are some things which are tough... sure... but bear little resemblance to something helpful to anyone.

Example of, "I'd rather be RIGHT than effective" phrases:
That's a whole lot of typing just to say...
Maybe next time you should...
So much for...

Example of just plain poor public behavior:
A month ago you'd make Charles Barkley look slim.
You weigh more than Shaq O'Neil and he's 7'1".
...step forward and visit your penpal...

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Anyway... I genuinely do believe it's worth it to try to show someone who has the motivation to respond to people on internet forums, how their tone and rhetoric renders their posts ineffective. But... I am an Instructional Designer, so this is literally what I do for a living all day er'day... think about how to take complex and nuanced facts and viewpoints and present them in the most effective way possible. So... I probably just end up coming off as a nerdy dildo on some internet forum. But I can live with that.


Focus on 'tough love'? Me, hhmmm..No I didn't. You made the statement, I simply followed suit.


Like I said, next time - define 'it' before stating 'it' so folks can better ascertain if they would like to give a shit. Especially if it's a sensitive subject to get into for you.


Simple 'nuff?
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline LAman

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #30 on: June 24, 2021, 05:53:14 PM »
 " ...I was picking up on was a certain level of... apathetic indifference..."


" politically... makes things complicated..."


" ...there is a lack of motivation on her part.."


That is NOT overthinking?
« Last Edit: June 24, 2021, 06:08:31 PM by LAman »
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Online 2tallbill

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #31 on: June 25, 2021, 07:23:45 AM »


5. Big mistake communicating with a woman that long without visiting.


Apparently married folk don't understand international dating during past 1.5 years. You can't just pick up and visit a foreign country very easily.

LAdewd,

Fortune favors the bold.

It is still a fact that 85% of the men will not get on a plane and the women know that.
I have always been able to differentiate myself from those men with my travel experience.
I would get on a plane and meet the girl. In the USA you can get the vaccine, travel is
difficult but not impossible. FSUW want a man of action, be a man of action.

If he can't get a Visa to Russia there are other places both can travel to. I generally
recommend traveling to see the woman wherever she lives for the first trip but covid
is a solid reason to alter that recommendation.

The lady needs to know that he is going to get on a plane and her bikini will be worn
in the sun outside but it will be drying on the chandelier when inside.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #32 on: June 25, 2021, 07:30:37 AM »
You are definitely focusing on the phrase "tough love".

When you ask questions you are going to get a lot of advice. Some of it will be
very good and taste like ice cream. Some will be good and taste like vinegar.
Some of the advice will be more dubious.

It's your job to sort though the advice and decide what is good and matches your
goals, personality and situation. Free advice is worth exactly what you are paying
for it, so take the good and don't worry about the rest.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline Patagonie

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #33 on: June 26, 2021, 03:49:44 AM »
I actually do not understand what you mean by most of this post.
As soon as I get MY (airplane) ticket... I need to send it to... her? And prepare backups? Do you mean backup tickets... or backup destinations?
Chase?
What city are 90 minutes from Moscow?
Move to Moscow? I would not move to Moscow even if it came with a mansion and a solid gold Rolls Royce. :-)

Sorry... I don't understand what you mean.
I have checked the US and French embassies; Russia is still a red zone. You will have to meet in a third country for the moment, not recommended but no choice.
What I call a backup is to set up the possibility of another appointment (s) with some FSU ladies in the resort of the city you aim for your VO (visit one). One of the problems of meeting for the first time in a third country (generally a travel destination) is you cannot set up a backup. I recommend having a real relationship before aiming to a third country.
Or you have enough game to be sure that will happen (but for this, YOU SHOULD meet her before, a real meeting in her city).
Sending your tickets as soon you have bought it is important to motivate her in the penpal link to stay focused on you emotionally.
If you had gone to her city, the logical city backup was Moscow, where you can meet tons of women. With the coronavirus crisis, you could have expected a super bonus because less than 10% of the usual foreigners are traveling.
Therefore, IMHO, that's particularly stupid to jeopardize this super bonus but visiting one.
It could work, but we have seen tons of meetings after two days, all blown away, and the former "couple" looks like strangers in the resort—good luck dealing with this situation.
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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #34 on: June 26, 2021, 02:27:02 PM »

The OP has not mentioned where he is visiting yet. At moment no way to visit Moscow, so why buy ticket?
Instead of having 'backups' , why not just visit the city, there is much to see.
I hopefully will be in  Moscow end of August but.... after having 5 flights cancelled since last year, I am uncertain what will happen.

I've suggested Minsk, Belarus if it is possible to visit there for both sides at present. As neither will need a visa to visit Belarus (I'm assuming the US is visa free like the UK) then it could be easy for both. If it doesn't work out and they don't wish to spend time in the city even as friends then he will then be in a place where back ups are possible and even lined up beforehand.

While visiting the home city of the girl is best in this case circumstances mean it too awkward to put that in as the be all and end all. She doesn't seem to come across as having any issue or being a problem girl so odds are Dol could meet up in her home city at a later date and not come unstuck at that hurdle. I can see why she was putting it off as if she takes time off on holiday then Dol can't possibly make it in because of visa or virus issues then it's potentially holiday time off she's wasted so only any real point booking the holiday off if there's a decent chance of meeting somewhere. Not all Employers are easy going on the taking holidays front.
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Offline tfcrew

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #35 on: June 27, 2021, 02:37:40 PM »
  (I'm assuming the US is visa free like the UK) 
It is. I was wrong earlier. Sorry everybody.
Quote
30 Day Visa Free Travel
U.S. passport holders traveling to Belarus via Minsk International Airport may enter visa-free for up to 30 days (the 30-day limit includes the day of arrival and the day of departure) for tourism or business.
Visa-Free Travel Requirements
U.S. citizens wishing to enter Belarus for 30 days without a visa must:
 
  • Hold a valid passport;
  • Enter and exit Belarus via Minsk International Airport;
  • Arrive from and depart to any country other than the Russian Federation;
  • Show evidence of finances in the form of cash, credit cards or travelers checks equivalent to 25 Euros for each day of stay;
  • Show evidence of a medical insurance policy with at least 10,000 Euros of coverage valid throughout Belarus. Such a policy may be purchased at the airport upon arrival; please see the Embassy of Belarus website for information about current fees; and
  • Register with the local office of the Citizenship and Migration Department of the Ministry of the Interior for stays longer than five working days (see below).
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Offline ML

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #36 on: August 31, 2021, 08:22:31 AM »
This topic heading caught my eye . . . and I haven't bothered to go back and read all the postings, although I did originally.

Addressing the heading specifically, a thought popped into my head . . .

Many agree that it is best to avoid women who show an extreme interest in leaving their country;

But I am thinking it is also not a good idea to pursue a woman who is quite hesitant to leave her country.  Such a person (man or woman) may be always pining to return to their home country and continually finding fault with the man's country.

So the 'middle ground' is probably best.
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Offline fathertime

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #37 on: August 31, 2021, 08:25:54 AM »


Addressing the heading specifically, a thought popped into my head . . .

Many agree that it is best to avoid women who show an extreme interest in leaving their country;

But I am thinking it is also not a good idea to pursue a woman who is quite hesitant to leave her country.  Such a person (man or woman) may be always pining to return to their home country and continually finding fault with the man's country.

So the 'middle ground' is probably best.
I'd be willing to move to wife's home country so for me it isn't as big a factor. 

Fathertime!
I just happened to be browsing about the internet....

Offline BC

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #38 on: August 31, 2021, 08:40:24 AM »
I'd be willing to move to wife's home country so for me it isn't as big a factor. 

Fathertime!

Ought to be a question any WM or WW asks themselves, and be able to answer in the affirmative when pulling the trigger in one of these long distance relationships.

Online 2tallbill

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You should be willing to move to wife's home country?
« Reply #39 on: August 31, 2021, 11:57:13 AM »
Ought to be a question any WM or WW asks themselves, and be able to answer in the affirmative when pulling the trigger in one of these long distance relationships.

Did I understand you correctly? You must be willing to move to a woman's country
if you are prepared to pursue her? Please further explain your thoughts on this.
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline BC

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Re: My Russian lady does not seem very motivated to actually leave Russia
« Reply #40 on: August 31, 2021, 03:34:55 PM »
You understood correctly 2tall.

If you pursue a woman, fall in love, get engaged (pull the trigger) and for whatever reason she doesn't want to come to your country, or can't, or decides she wants to go back, what are you going to do, choose your country over her, your job, your car or whatever?   Is that all you are willing to offer, a limited, one-sided, conditional commitment?

It was something I had to consider at the time when I proposed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander... or?

Online 2tallbill

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Are kids a preexisting condition?
« Reply #41 on: August 31, 2021, 04:27:55 PM »
You understood correctly 2tall.

If you pursue a woman, fall in love, get engaged (pull the trigger) and for whatever reason she doesn't want to come to your country, or can't, or decides she wants to go back, what are you going to do, choose your country over her, your job, your car or whatever?   Is that all you are willing to offer, a limited, one-sided, conditional commitment?

It was something I had to consider at the time when I proposed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander... or?

If you don't have any kids from a previous marriage then it's less of an issue.
If you have kids then you make sure that you have an understanding that
you aren't going to abandon them before you head down the fall in love and
get engaged path.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

 

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