OK here is a poll for the ladies

[DKMM]

Assuming you have corresponded to him on email and maybe some phone calls, but never met before.

Even if you aren't interested in western men, if you are a RW please vote.  Thanks!

[Lily]

In your hypothetical, how long and intensive was the correspondence?
Do we assume no webcaming before personal meeting?

[DKMM]

No webcamming.  Lets just say you've talked with him about 10 times on email or phone, so you don't really know him too well but a little bit.

[mirror]

In your hypothetical, how long and intensive was the correspondence?
Do we assume no webcaming before personal meeting?

Personaly I think to use web camera can give a good possibility to know and to imagine your partner.
Only correspondences are very long way. To speak by telephone and web camera I think are more easier to know who is it your new friend.


 

[Lily]

Very much agree with Sofia about the webcam, and i think it is a good tool to weed out scammers.

For the sake of question, it feels that the hypothetical man did not even sent any photos of himself. At least I did not specify. So the respondents are supposed to reply how much does it take to them to understand whether the man has chances.

I think there are 2 areas to consider here that are going through the woman about the man. One area is her rationale part. By writing emails, the man essentially appeals to that part of her. The woman reads and notices his communication style, his choice of words, richness or poorness of his language, linguistic mistakes, etc.

Another area are her instincts. They tell her somewhat like 'you can consider having sex with this man, he may be yours'. Generally, this is her appreciation of his genes, health, and energy. DKMM probably meant to understand when, at which moment this area makes its signal, positive or negative, to the woman.

As for me, I can not remember going to a personal meeting without having seen at least one photo, or better multiple photos. In most cases, my impression about the man from emails+photos was equal to the personal impression. Sometimes emails+photos made a good impression while the personal meeting showed a worse picture. But I can not remember any opposite case where pictures and written words were misrepresenting the real man...may be some other ladies could?

[mirror]

Very much agree with Sofia about the webcam, and i think it is a good tool to weed out scammers.

For the sake of question, it feels that the hypothetical man did not even sent any photos of himself. At least I did not specify. So the respondents are supposed to reply how much does it take to them to understand whether the man has chances.

I think there are 2 areas to consider here that are going through the woman about the man. One area is her rationale part. By writing emails, the man essentially appeals to that part of her. The woman reads and notices his communication style, his choice of words, richness or poorness of his language, linguistic mistakes, etc.

Another area are her instincts. They tell her somewhat like 'you can consider having sex with this man, he may be yours'. Generally, this is her appreciation of his genes, health, and energy. DKMM probably meant to understand when, at which moment this area makes its signal, positive or negative, to the woman.

As for me, I can not remember going to a personal meeting without having seen at least one photo, or better multiple photos. In most cases, my impression about the man from emails+photos was equal to the personal impression. Sometimes emails+photos made a good impression while the personal meeting showed a worse picture. But I can not remember any opposite case where pictures and written words were misrepresenting the real man...may be some other ladies could?

I agree ...It seems to me I can feel person by writing messages and letters. Sometimes it is not necessary to see face because to read his messages is quiet enough to feel this personality. But I had not a big experience to compare real persons and persons by writing ( only one and it was what I could feel ...).

Maybe it is important to me only to catch something very thin untangible things by writing.

I am sure for men it is different.

[Lily]

Yes, Sofia, you catch an exact word. In his emails we can READ his personality 

It is only a part of his personality though..but the one that he made himself during the life 

[Kuna]

I'm not a Russian Lady so maybe I shouldn't be posting here... but...  I think it's easy for someone to "pretend" to be a certain type of person in email because it is not "live" communication.  People can stop and think... and calculate an answer if they want the answer to be met with acceptance.

On the other hand if complex and intelligent questions are asked over time and are repeated in slightly different ways you can definitely see those people that "manufacture" their responses.

When I was writing I received many positive responses to my emails but through asking the right questions it was pretty easy to identify those who I felt more compatible with...  Sometimes My Girl gave me answers I didn't really like but her explanations actually made a lot of sense and my ideas evolved.  It is something I really value in her... she makes me think about my own decisions.

Phone is good but you have to be careful a person doesn't just agree.  Maybe they don't understand and it's easier to say "Yes, Yes"...  This is where language is important I think. They MUST understand before you can understand!

I remember the first time I negotiated a contract with a Japanese company.  After a 2 hour meeting I walked out and felt like high-fiving everyone within 50 metres because the meeting went so well.  They agreed to almost everything.  The next few months were a nightmare as I discovered they weren't agreeing... when they were saying "Yes" they were actually saying "Yes, I hear you."

Face to face time is the only reality that counts. While email, phone and (I guess) videoconferencing might be good to develop an general understanding they can't replace a touch of a hand, shared eye contact or spontaneous laughter.

Something that gave me 100% confidence was seeing how My Girl interacted with other people.  You can't see that through electronic mediums.

Just my thoughts... I'll go back to the Blokes Board now.   

Kuna

[Gator]

DKMM,

It would be interesting to poll the men with the same question.  I do not know if the software allows such in this thread so that men can see how the ladies voted in comparison.

[Lily]

Kuna and other guys, of course you are welcome here to comment and ask again!

I hope your long moving legs will bring you back here from that Blokes Board soon 

[BillyB]

DKMM,

Could you alter your poll so those of us that can't vote could see the the results. I believe in some people's polls there's a "see results" button a member could push to see to ongoing poll numbers without voting.

[Jack]

My own personal expereince is I know in the first 15 or 20 minutes if their is potential or not.

With most ladies I knew in the first 15-20 minutes as to if their is potential.    Unfortuantly it's also a two-way street as many ladies I would feel potential for, or wished for, she did not have any interest. As such 85% of the time most first meetings are also last meetings.

Most meetings were always 2 hours. If I knew in the first 15-20 minutes I did not have interest in this woman as a potential wife, or I could sense she did not have interest in me, I would relax, enjoy the next hour and have this one woman educate me as to the ways of this one Russian woman. I would ask about her life, how she was raised, how she thought she would adjust to life in a new country, what she thought would be the biggest things for her to adjust to.  By trying to educate myself a little to each of these Russian women, I never had a wasted meeting.

With the ladies I felt a potential connection with, and I felt they were also interested, it was with these ladies I would have the second, third meetings with.

[Lily]

Would you guys feel lost if she excuses herself after 15 minutes of your first personal meeting, if you feel there is a potential or if she seems to be just very attractive to you?

[BillyB]

If a woman tells me after 15 minutes she has no chemistry with me, I would be disappointed things didn't work out but I would realize it's for the best. It's important that both people are happy with each other. I could not live with a woman who is not happy with me.

I would prefer a woman to tell me she has no chemistry within 15 minutes than wait a week. I think it's easier for both man and woman to break up sooner than later if there's no chemistry rather than going on more boring dates and forcing oneself to liking another person.

[Gator]

Physical attraction is decided in less than a minute. 

There is that defining moment when you look into each other's eyes for the first time.  I have read disappointment in some RW eyes and have had a couple RW virtually swoon.  Most are reserved and difficult to read.  For sure they are judging me for only God knows what, some staring at me and barely listening.

My ex-fiancee turned her head and body away as I approached her from across the room.  I took this as a "Oh sh!t, she doesn't like me."  I learned that she was so excited she had to hide it.  Everyone is different.

Now to the question, "Do I like her now that I find her physically attractive?" 

That takes me at least a few hours, maybe longer. And later I discover I was wrong. 

Also, I must feel that she likes me.  This takes time with an AW. And it takes more time with a RW because of 1) the "fog" that I mentioned elsewhere and 2) I want to be sure because usually I have invested much pre-meeting time with her.

I tend to give women the benefit of my doubts as we discover each other.   And if we are on our first date, I reserve judgment until the date is over and the "When will you call me?" question arises.  Nevertheless, there could be a moment along the way, possibly as soon as the first hour, when suddenly it is apparent that some things about her can not be liked. 

One can observe the 15-minute decision at a social gathering with many strangers.  Two strangers will start talking, and they talk, talk, talk for most of the party.  Another may excuse himself in 5 minutes with the exit: "Pardon me, I must remind my friend of something.  It was nice talking with you (fake smile)."

[mirror]

Jack said... or I could sense she did not have interest in me, I would relax, enjoy the next hour and have this one woman educate me...

I can say others. Despite of I see a man doesn't show any interest to me I can show my own interest to him more and more if I like this man.And I can try to do that many times.Maybe I am wrong...but it is my way.Why not?

[Lily]

In other words, you would prefer to try to win the man using some extra time, did I get this right Sofia?

[mirror]

In other words, you would prefer to try to win the man using some extra time, did I get this right Sofia?

Yes, I don't affraid if one day he will say me ...sorry,Sofia, leave me alone, then yes, I can stop to show my interest. Untill that I can try to get this man. I think I am owner of my life and I can decide if he is right man for me or not.

I prefer to show myself from many sides of my personality and I want to let him know me better  and to give him a chance to see how I am perfect for him ! 

You can laugh ...but it is my way.

[Kvinna]

as it is section for Russian women I will speak in Russian
Мне кажется, чтобы выснить привлекает ли тебя мужчина физически, достаточно одной минуты. Но физическая привлекательность еще не повод для серьезных отношений или замужества. Даже для траха это еще не повод.
В понятие "нравится" ведь многое чего входит, как минимум доверие. А для того чтобы доверять нужно время, много времени... ИМХО

[mirror]

Лиля,

 а, Вы, что будете переводить? или пусть сами переводят?

[mirror]

as it is section for Russian women I will speak in Russian
Мне кажется, чтобы выснить привлекает ли тебя мужчина физически, достаточно одной минуты. Но физическая привлекательность еще не повод для серьезных отношений или замужества. Даже для траха это еще не повод.
В понятие "нравится" ведь многое чего входит, как минимум доверие. А для того чтобы доверять нужно время, много времени... ИМХО

И правда ...чего мучаюсь -пишу по английски. Да, наверное, не могу не согласиться.Я скорее тоже тестирую человека на "вшивость", т.е. могу ли я доверять. Ну ,конечно, бывают проколы. С кем не бывает?

Для замужества надо что-то еще.

[Jack]

Kvinna я не думаю, что это прибудет как удивление к Вам, когда я говорю большинство мужчин, - собаки. Мы - существа привычки.  Я, Вы, не могу изменить человечество, но мы можем пробовать быть более нежным, более добрым. Сначала большинство мужчин ищет красоту женщины и если мы привлечены к ней, мы хотим встретить ее и "надеяться", что мы могли бы найти внутреннюю красоту, мы привлечены к тому, столько, сколько мы - с ее внешней красотой, или как обычно упомянуто, химией.


Это действительно занимает время, чтобы узнать кого - то, доверять кому - то. Но если мы физически не привлечены женщине тогда, большинство мужчин не видит потребность в трате времени этой женщины.

[Kvinna]

Kvinna я не думаю, что это прибудет как удивление к Вам, когда я говорю большинство мужчин, - собаки. Мы - существа привычки.  Я, Вы, не могу изменить человечество, но мы можем пробовать быть более нежным, более добрым. Сначала большинство мужчин ищет красоту женщины и если мы привлечены к ней, мы хотим встретить ее и "надеяться", что мы могли бы найти внутреннюю красоту, мы привлечены к тому, столько, сколько мы - с ее внешней красотой, или как обычно упомянуто, химией.


Это действительно занимает время, чтобы узнать кого - то, доверять кому - то. Но если мы физически не привлечены женщине тогда, большинство мужчин не видит потребность в трате времени этой женщины.

Я же не сказала, что физическая привлекательность не важна.
Важна первые пять минут.
С крокодилом никто общаться не хочет и не будет.
Но физическая привлекательность - это не все. Мужчина может быть красавчик с лица, при этом полным ничтожеством, и с массой прочих недостатоков. Женщина ищет в мужчине стабильность и защищенность.
Кстати заметила, что мужчины красавчики, как правило инфантильны и эгоистичны. А оно нам надо?

[Jack]

Kvinna мы соглашаемся, что их больше к отношениям это только физическое обращение. Физическое обращение - легкая часть, теперь, может их быть небольшим количеством вещества в этих отношениях, и это - то, что занимает время. Может эта женщина, и я имею химию, и это займет время.


Но если человек не будет физически привлечен, то он наиболее вероятно не будет давать этой женщине время.


Вы правы о женщине, которая ищет стабильность и безопасность в человеке. Это - одна из многих прекрасных вещей о российских женщинах - то, что это является важным для них. Также мужчины, которые не столь же красива как Том Круиз, но будут хорошим отцом, хорошим мужем и хорошим и преданным поставщиком, обычно будут в состоянии найти намного более привлекательную российскую женщину, которая примет его чем, говорят американская женщина.

[mirror]

Kvinna мы соглашаемся, что их больше к отношениям это только физическое обращение. Физическое обращение - легкая часть, теперь, может их быть небольшим количеством вещества в этих отношениях, и это - то, что занимает время. Может эта женщина, и я имею химию, и это займет время.


Но если человек не будет физически привлечен, то он наиболее вероятно не будет давать этой женщине время.


Вы правы о женщине, которая ищет стабильность и безопасность в человеке. Это - одна из многих прекрасных вещей о российских женщинах - то, что это является важным для них. Также мужчины, которые не столь же красива как Том Круиз, но будут хорошим отцом, хорошим мужем и хорошим и преданным поставщиком, обычно будут в состоянии найти намного более привлекательную российскую женщину, которая примет его чем, говорят американская женщина.

А что, американки как-то по-другому смотрят на мужчин?