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Author Topic: "Let me, That's women work", She said....  (Read 17599 times)

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Offline macman

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #25 on: June 05, 2007, 11:56:57 AM »
Hey Ken,

8 Years of marriage to an RW!  This indicates quite a bit of experience.  Can you give a synopsis of your story?  I'd like to hear it if you have the chance sometime.

Regards buddy,

macMan

Offline ScottinCrimea

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #26 on: June 05, 2007, 11:59:16 AM »
I had forgotten about that one.  The man must always carry even the smallest package or bag when you are out together.  This allows her to hold onto your arm and navigate the potholes and ice in her high heels.

Offline Yulz

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #27 on: June 05, 2007, 07:27:38 PM »
Only when I stumbled on this forum, have I realized the full extent of cultural differences between AH and their RWs... I'm not sure if my post will be useful at all; I'm kinda new at this forum stuff.. But I just thought I'd try to shed some more light on this.

Historically, russian women were forced to succumb to the stereotype that some tasks are for women and some are for men.. "If you don't know how to cook, you will never find yourself a husband" kinda thing.. I'm serious.. That's exactly what my mom used to tell me oh so long ago..

Many women still tend to believe that the traditional approach is the "correct" one (please refer to the post by JazzyClassy above; it serves as a perfect example; not that there is anything wrong with this perspective). And considering the stubbornness of the russian people, would probably argue with you if you offered them a different point of view.

Now, your "traditional" RW might clean after you, cook for you, bring you beer when you are watching TV, and iron your shirts, but she will also expect you to live it up to your side of the bargain.. She will most likely expect you to provide for her and her children in turn, clean the gutters, and do other "man's" work of the sort.. More so, you will be expected to "protect" her (including taking her side in arguments with other people), open the doors for her, be calm and collected at all times, do all sorts of negotiations with cable people, construction workers etc etc etc.. If you fail to project an image of pure masculinity, she will not be pleased (well, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the picture).

One thing you have to understand though is that sometimes you can indeed teach an old dog new tricks. The worst thing about the traditional approach is that it forces a certain behavior upon an individual even though that person might not be enjoying it (i.e. your RW might not be enjoying cleaning as much as you would like to believe; she might be doing it because she thinks that being a man you are incapable of carrying out a certain task). And do not be surprised when your RW gets depressed one day (**and does not explicitly tell you about it, because being a man you are also supposed to read her thoughts :))) **). The reason for the frustration might be her realizing that in this country each person's personality is the drive behind the allocation of chores/responsibilities and that she does not have to do all the stuff that she was "destined" to do according to her upbringing. She might actually perceive the fact that you are letting her clean/cook as the testament of why you "brought" her to the US (trust me, I've heard it on too many occasions). And this might take an ugly turn..

I'd say a RW who believes in traditional gender roles will have a more difficult time adapting to this culture. However, if both partners' personalities are compatible, I do not see a problem here.

Obviously, I am not talking on behalf of every russian woman. With the help of the western influence, the perception of gender roles is changing very fast..

The key, I guess, is trying to understand which type your RW belongs to and the motives behind her behavior a bit better by being more open with each other and talking things through (which might be a bit challenging if there is a language barrier).

Offline Simoni

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #28 on: June 05, 2007, 07:35:13 PM »
Very informative first post, Yulz.

Welcome to our board!

~Simoni

Offline KenC

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #29 on: June 05, 2007, 08:47:01 PM »
I had forgotten about that one.  The man must always carry even the smallest package or bag when you are out together.  This allows her to hold onto your arm and navigate the potholes and ice in her high heels.

Yeah, because there are so many potholes and so much ice here in San Diego!

 :ROFL:
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Simoni

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #30 on: June 05, 2007, 09:12:11 PM »
Yeah, because there are so many potholes and so much ice here in San Diego!

 :ROFL:
Yep, no ice and potholes in SD!  But, you gotta watch out for all those trophy wives in big SUVs running you off the road!   :ROFL:

Offline Jazzyclassy

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #31 on: June 05, 2007, 10:22:26 PM »
Quote
I'd say a RW who believes in traditional gender roles will have a more difficult time adapting to this culture. However, if both partners' personalities are compatible, I do not see a problem here.

   

To Yulz

I do not think it will be difficult for the woman with traditional thinking to adopt to the life abroad ,  that is just  your point of view  which you actually did impose here that it will be hard, it wont , women are flexible creatures no matter how they think about family duties!

Women should not forget who they are , they should not become men , it is obvious, nowadays exists strange  popular tendency to be business woman with all attributes of successful company boss or something but at home she can do nothing for example, that does not mean she wont find husband , of course she will ,  but that husband will be doing all the house work for her or housekeeper whom they will hire for money.
 And that is already a crazy change in the family where woman is playing the role of hubby and man is a wife! personally I do not want my future husband to be my woman am sorry, he needs to be a man.

It is not that I am talking about absolute power  at home of course when a woman is tired man should understand that and help her and so on, it should  be all in a balance, but it is very important for a woman to stay mother and a wife and not some crazy  stuck up business woman who is only thinking about her make up and what kinda  speech she is going to deliver in front of some stuck up crazy posh money people who have no idea about family happiness and what is much more valuable except money, they think they can buy all these things

Once again I think any woman should know how to cook, that is only natural , if for some reason she does not want to she hates it or something finally let her  find the guy who will do that for her , but do not scream on every corner that traditional thinking is crazy according to your point of view.

Quote
    Many women still tend to believe that the traditional approach is the "correct" one (please refer to the post by JazzyClassy above; it serves as a perfect example; not that there is anything wrong with this perspective).               

Nobody is arguing with anyone here, we only give opinions. Your opinion is not traditional so where are the pluses of your point of view? Which is correct thinking  dear expert

You put it here like women with traditional thinking are slaves and do all this work cos they have to and actually are hating this work. That is not true, if that work is in balance and if woman is receiving some help from her husband it is always a pleasure. Traditional way is not  the way only women  do things , it is just woman  knows her duties , which is normal and natural.

I suppose I should say welcome to you:) rather strange approach to say hello to the members of RWD but well that is how you did it:)
 I assure you will find a lot of controversial opions here and maybe will find something interesting for yourself:)
« Last Edit: June 05, 2007, 10:24:21 PM by Jazzyclassy »

Offline DKMM

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #32 on: June 05, 2007, 10:47:40 PM »
God bless you Jazzyclassy.

Ladies and gentleman, you can quite easily tell here who is a Russian living in Russia and who is a Russian American.  Yulz do not take offense I'm sure I'll have and love a daughter like you someday.

Offline KenC

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #33 on: June 06, 2007, 03:06:05 AM »
To Yulz

I do not think it will be difficult for the woman with traditional thinking to adopt to the life abroad ,  that is just  your point of view  which you actually did impose here that it will be hard, it wont , women are flexible creatures no matter how they think about family duties!

Once again, dear Jazzy, your opinion far exceeds your experience.  Personally, I would tone my manner down if I were challenging someone who actually had experience in the matter while I did not.
KenC


You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Jet

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #34 on: June 06, 2007, 03:36:34 AM »
Excellent post Yulz!
After nearly four years Liliya is still working this out  ;)
Roles of husband/wife are clearly defined in our home and this has been by her choice, but she is starting to become a little more flexible with time. At least she no longer threatens to break my arms when I try to wash a dish or glass anymore, but for the most part, theres is still a sharp division between "men's work" & "women's work". 
:whew:
Every action in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present. ~ Geo. Washington

Offline Voyageur

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #35 on: June 06, 2007, 04:26:30 AM »
Yulz, I agree with most of what you wrote in your insightful post. One thing that the inexperienced or newbies may want to consider is that the transplanted FSU woman who is raised in the traditional way, will soon be under attack for her traditional ways by the American feminazis.

These creatures will see a woman who believes in cooking for her family, a woman who  believes in keeping herself as beautiful as she can for her man, a woman who puts the interest in family first before her own and will try to change her. Because secretly these women do not want anyone to stand out in the crowd - especially a mail-order-bride  :( and to make them look bad in comparison.  She'll recognize this and will have to deal with this pressure when she lives here awhile.


Offline Kuna

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #36 on: June 06, 2007, 04:35:31 AM »
My Girl and I are currently going through this discussion.

On arrival I said that as she was working and I was "at leisure" I would try to make things easier on her by looking after the house.

Well that was pointless when her mother was there but after the family went back to Moscow I thought we'd settle into a fairly normal routine.

A typical weekday goes something like this:

- She gets up in the morning and showers;
- I wake up when she comes back to the bedroom;
- I get up and shower;
- I go back into the bedroom and see the bed made;
- I go to the kitchen and say "I'm supposed to make the bed... OH, and I am making breakfast" as she is cutting bread;
- She doesn't say anything but instead sits down;
- I put the bread in the toaster and go to brush my teeth;
- I come out and the coffee is made, toast is finished and she is sitting eating;
- I shake my head and sit down to my breakfast which I didn't quite prepare;
- She gets up and finishes hair and makeup;
- I clear the table and go to the bedroom because I hear her saying something;
- I look out the window to check the weather and somehow she finishes hair and makeup, goes back to the kitchen, washes the dishes and by the time I make it back to the kitchen she is on hands and knees cleaning the floor;
- I tell her enough is enough, stop!;
- She says I can dry and put the dishes away. As I look for a tea towel I hear the clutter of dishes going back into the cupboard and she is at the hallway ready to leave for work;
- She chastises me over only having closed-in shoes (not summer shoes) and says I should buy comfortable shoes today;
-I tell her my shoes are fine... they are my most comfortable shoes;
-She says "What about socks... you should buy socks and shorts";
- "I don't want socks and shorts, I'm happy with my clothes";
She says, "Oh, clothers, I ironed your nice blue short and dark jeans, you will look nice today";
- I say, "You ironed my clothes? I'm supposed to be helping out..."
- She replies, "It's OK,  it's my job".

So...  the pattern seems to be setting pretty early so the other morning I asked her what it would be like when she comes to Oz.  She says if I work then she will "look after all"... if she works I will help out.  I'm not sure I'll get to help out much.

One thing I DO know is that there is nothing that makes her happier than coming home to the smell of dinner being prepared and eating what I prepare for her.

Tomorrow night her friends are coming over and she is squealing with delight at the thought of me cooking for them (My "famous" handmade pasta with smoked salmon in a creamy saffron sauce).

Somehow I think shared housework will be a difficult concept for My Girl to get hold of.  I am happy to do all the cooking and do the "bloke stuff" like rubbish and lifting etc...  I also don't expect her to constantly clean up around me.

We'll see what the next few weeks are like but I think "the way it will be" will be "the way we can both be happy".

Whatever works is the goal I think.

Kuna

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #37 on: June 06, 2007, 06:04:05 AM »
My "famous" handmade pasta with smoked salmon in a creamy saffron sauce.
Sounds rather Frenchy, Kuna. Here's a very simple and quick recipe for 2. Cut into fine pieces and put in a small frying pan :
- 1 can of tuna in olive oil (say 80 grams)
- 6 small anchovies
Simmer for a couple of minutes, just enough to get a homogeneous mix, thern dump the lot on your "al dente" pasta .

Buon appetito ;)!

BTW, "handmade pasta": are you rolling your own  ???.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2007, 06:31:52 AM by SANDRO43 »
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Offline MaxxumUSA

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #38 on: June 06, 2007, 07:14:58 AM »


One thing I DO know is that there is nothing that makes her happier than coming home to the smell of dinner being prepared and eating what I prepare for her.

Whatever works is the goal I think.

Kuna


Kuna,

When I was with Elena last time for three weeks she had to work 1/2 days like 3 times.  When she was out I ran out to the store to get some nice dinner to cook as a surprise.

On the second or third time - I forget which - we were sitting eating and she got all teary eyed.  I asked what is wrong.  She said nothing.  She was very happy.  She always dreamed to have a man that enjoys to cook for her - sometimes.

We took turns cooking dinner.  I prepared breakfast only once or twice.  I definitely prefer she prepares our morning meal.  She can have have breakfast ready in about 20 seconds probably out of practice every day eating before she works.  I don't eat breakfast normally so when I cook breakfast it's about 15-20 minutes.  She was looking at me doing breakfast one time and I was not allowed again!  LOL  I prefer we share or take turns doing dinner.  This part of it seems to have worked out just fine.

Most of the time when I went to do dishes she waved me away and told me go relax.  But one time she needed to work and asked me to help with the dishes while she was gone.

Oh...  and Kuna...  if you're going to cook meals...  Throw in some man meals.  Like meatballs and pasta.  Steak and potatos.  Barbeque drumsticks.  Tacos with ground beef and hot sauce.

Let her cook that fufu creamy salmon stuff!  (LOL - J/K dude.  - I cook a variety of meals also.  Hehe)
Back to having fun in life!

Offline Yulz

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #39 on: June 06, 2007, 06:19:42 PM »
To Yulz

I do not think it will be difficult for the woman with traditional thinking to adopt to the life abroad ,  that is just  your point of view  which you actually did impose here that it will be hard, it wont , women are flexible creatures no matter how they think about family duties!

I suppose I should say welcome to you:) rather strange approach to say hello to the members of RWD but well that is how you did it:)
 I assure you will find a lot of controversial opions here and maybe will find something interesting for yourself:)

Hey JazzyClassy!
Hello to you too!
I apologize if I came off a bit harsh. I had absolutely no intention of offending you.
The reason behind my post was not to bash other people's point of view, but rather to provide an explanation for some RW's behaviour. I took a bit of an ironic approach, which I probably shouldn't have done, but who can blame me ;) After all, we do have views that kinda contradict each other.
Oh, and I don't think we should be getting into a discussion of the "crazy business woman" life here. From what I can see, you have quite a distorted perception of it.
Hehehehe.. I smell a cat fight :)

Offline Yulz

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #40 on: June 06, 2007, 06:28:31 PM »
Very informative first post, Yulz.

Welcome to our board!

~Simoni

Thanks! I'm happy to bring my "2 kopeks" to the table.. or how does that saying go?

Offline ScottinCrimea

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #41 on: June 06, 2007, 06:41:03 PM »
Yulz,
     While your post was an excellent one overall, it carried a certain air to it that bothered me.  It seemed that you were saying that the traditional way was fine for Russia, but when the RW got to the US she would become "enlightened" and see the new better way.  We have to be careful with this assumption that the Western way of thinking is inherently better.  I married a RW and moved to Ukraine because I prefer their attitudes, beliefs and ways of thinking.  Why on earth would I want to bring her to the US and teach her to think and act like an AW?

Offline MaxxumUSA

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #42 on: June 06, 2007, 07:01:48 PM »
Yulz,
     While your post was an excellent one overall, it carried a certain air to it that bothered me.  It seemed that you were saying that the traditional way was fine for Russia, but when the RW got to the US she would become "enlightened" and see the new better way.  We have to be careful with this assumption that the Western way of thinking is inherently better.  I married a RW and moved to Ukraine because I prefer their attitudes, beliefs and ways of thinking.  Why on earth would I want to bring her to the US and teach her to think and act like an AW?

And for the record...  Yulz...  just curious...  are you a WM, RW, RW in USA, etc.  ??  Just curiosity here.  I'm curious of your experience and where your opinion comes from.

If you are a RW when and how did you get to where you are.  And...  Where are you?

Back to having fun in life!

Offline Simoni

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #43 on: June 06, 2007, 07:31:27 PM »
Why on earth would I want to bring her to the US and teach her to think and act like an AW?

Actually, both cultures have a lot to offer.  Let's hope in the blending of families, we get the best mix of the two.  So yes, both the man and woman can change for the better, and yes, the American culture as well as the FSU culture have fine points...

Offline Jazzyclassy

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #44 on: June 06, 2007, 09:28:33 PM »
Hey JazzyClassy!
Hello to you too!
I apologize if I came off a bit harsh. I had absolutely no intention of offending you.
The reason behind my post was not to bash other people's point of view, but rather to provide an explanation for some RW's behaviour. I took a bit of an ironic approach, which I probably shouldn't have done, but who can blame me ;) After all, we do have views that kinda contradict each other.
Oh, and I don't think we should be getting into a discussion of the "crazy business woman" life here. From what I can see, you have quite a distorted perception of it.
Hehehehe.. I smell a cat fight :)

Oh relax which cat fight were you talking about ? Here we are all positive and cuddly :)

Yes that is very good that you are only sharing the point of view :) I can imagine if it was obligatory to listen to it:P

the thing is take a look attentively to what Scott  the one who is in Crimea told why would he need to change Russian woman into American one? why on earth he ever wanted Russian woman then? Cos he likes the attitude  , he likes the culture and the traditions. I mean of course in some way his wife will change when they are living in the USA but I doubt she will be thinking like you unless you'll become her friend and brainwash her:)))

It is actually sad that Russian women who are going abroad by all means are trying to be Americans in the deepest meaning of this word

maybe soon you will change also your Yulia name into Julia or Juliette or something

no offence too :) that' s just forum, plus you never wrote anything in introduction letter who you are , so people are starting to be nervous and anxious , who is this angel  with an amazingly right attitude!:))    :cheesygrin:

I promise no cat fight :) but I am not gonna be a lizard either, just in case

Offline Mir

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #45 on: June 07, 2007, 03:07:48 AM »
Kuna

One thing with women is that they can be very territorial. So her flat, and all in it is her territory. Sure she will say yes when you offer to help but deep down she wants to do things her way, to make the bed,breakfast, wash dishes, put them away all in the way she wants to do it.
Still looks like you have found a gem.

JC

I think they just want the RW to stay slim/trim and retain the accent while become AW in otherways :)

Offline Kuna

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #46 on: June 07, 2007, 04:03:38 AM »
Sounds rather Frenchy, Kuna. Here's a very simple and quick recipe for 2. Cut into fine pieces and put in a small frying pan :
- 1 can of tuna in olive oil (say 80 grams)
- 6 small anchovies
Simmer for a couple of minutes, just enough to get a homogeneous mix, thern dump the lot on your "al dente" pasta .

Buon appetito ;)!

BTW, "handmade pasta": are you rolling your own  ???.

Sandro,

I'll give that a go - sounds good...  and yes, I'm making and cutting the pasta myself but as I don't have a pasta cutter I'm making tagliatelle and cutting very slowly...  ;)


Offline Kuna

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #47 on: June 07, 2007, 04:27:22 AM »
Kuna

One thing with women is that they can be very territorial. So her flat, and all in it is her territory. Sure she will say yes when you offer to help but deep down she wants to do things her way, to make the bed,breakfast, wash dishes, put them away all in the way she wants to do it.
Still looks like you have found a gem.


mir,

I think you're right on both counts... 

Her apartment is her domain and she likes things exactly as she has them...  I'm certainly not complaining about the cleaning thing because she's obviously "house-proud".

You're also right about her being a gem...  Her character and personality are her strengths even though she's physically gorgeous.  I'm enjoying our time together as much as I expected.  :)

Kuna

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #48 on: June 07, 2007, 05:21:43 AM »
and yes, I'm making and cutting the pasta myself but as I don't have a pasta cutter I'm making tagliatelle and cutting very slowly...  ;)
My hat's off to you, Kuna, you must really love pasta to go through such trouble (I hope you're using durum wheat flour for your dough ;)).

If you like the pasta/cream combination, then another simple recipe would be "tagliolini al limone": grate the yellow part of half a lemon's rind (careful not to include the underlying white, its taste is bitter) into some sour cream in a small frying pan, simmer for a few minutes and pour onto your tagliatelle.
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Offline catzenmouse

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Re: "Let me, That's women work", She said....
« Reply #49 on: June 07, 2007, 05:48:11 AM »
I think they just want the RW to stay slim/trim and retain the accent while become AW in otherways :)

No way in He!! would I EVER want that!
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

 

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Re: What to do by krimster2
Today at 09:47:10 AM

What to do by 2tallbill
Today at 09:37:41 AM

Re: If you don't know what you are talking about, post away anyway by 2tallbill
Today at 09:18:17 AM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
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Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Brillynt
Today at 06:16:36 AM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
Yesterday at 09:20:42 PM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Infoman
Yesterday at 09:12:54 PM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
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American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Infoman
Yesterday at 08:45:42 PM

Re: What to do by Trenchcoat
Yesterday at 07:59:27 PM

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