These topic is more for the members already married, of who have already a girlfriend ( fiance ) of the who have date enough Russian woman for know them... and of course, for the Russian woman of these forum... already married of not...
I wish reply but no fight... everybody is free for say his meaning in regard of the 10 sub-topic from these original post... but no comment on what other have reply... take it like a survey... i publish the same post on other forum... the main goal is to have a general meaning on how are Russian woman... the conlusion can be interesting... the result will be write in a PDF file that everybody will be free to copy or see on my own site... link will be publish here too...
The main subject is :
What about Russian woman ...1) ... at home
2) ... in the family
3) ... concerning children
4) ... regarding sex
5) ... concerning age
6) ... and money
7) ... and religion
... regarding education
9) ... and expectations
10) ... and adjustmentSo, i will be the first to open fire... it is my own meaning and these of some other ( WM : western man; RW : Russian woman )... don't need to flame it... write your own meaning in the reply !!!
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1) ... at homeMe : I suppose in general the standards may be lower, but I've seen some dumpy shacks in Europa. What strikes me more than the conditions in Russian homes is the hospitality. Guests in Russian homes are warmly welcomed and treated very well. Food and drink are always offered, and usually a small feast is prepared. Visitors who are on a diet may have a problem refusing their hosts' offers of refreshment.
WM1 : Most Russians live in small apartments. By western standards, the housing seems kind of run down and slummy. They do make the best of the situation and with few resources keep their homes very comfortable and clean. I can't imagine a Russian lady not appreciating the greatly improved quality of western homes and apartments.
RW1 : A warm, cozy home takes a great place in the life of Russian women. It is considered that women are the keepers of hearth and home. Even with a small amount of means they try to make their small apartments comfortable and always clean. Mostly Russian women like housework more than western women and they don't spare their efforts and time for it. ...
RW2 : A belief in superstitions is a part of Russian culture around the home. For example, it is bad luck to whistle at home because you will not have money, and you should never sew the clothes while you are wearing them because you will lose your memory. It is also very difficult for Russian women to accept some habits of the western men, like not taking off the shoes at home.
2) ... in the familyMe : For Russians the family is the support system in times of crisis. Children often live with their parents or grandparents well into adulthood. In this way Russians are less independent than westerners, but their families are often more closely knit. It requires some patience and understanding when even the smallest decisions are discussed, debated, and solved by committee. It's important to keeps this factor in mind if a western man takes a Russian lady away from her family to live in a foreign country. She will feel isolated, lonely, and she will be totally dependent on her man until she adjusts to her new lifestyle.
RW1 : It is very strange, but it is a typical picture - even if a woman has a husband, most of the duties and problems about her family are on her. In general, a Russian woman will try to be a good mother and devoted wife.
RW2 : Russian women are very serious in their family duties, and they are usually the ones in charge of the household. Russian men often give very little help to their wives around the home, and the responsibility for raising and feeding the family rests with the women.
WM1 : Russian women are very conservative and family oriented in this matter. They are strong in their character and they differ from the foreign women because they are more patient, caring, and very responsible for their families.
3) ... concerning childrenMe : Issues of children fall into three basic areas: her children, your children, and future children. The conversations a man has with his Russian lady about children are some of the most important discussions on the way to a relationship. Children and child rearing is an integral part of marriage. Relationships get complicated, and step relationships get more complicated than most. Both parties should spend a significant amount of time understanding their own feelings and learning about they partners attitudes in this area.
RW1 : It is possible to compare a Russian mother with a mother wolf. She is ready to suffer and to protect her children even if she forgets about herself and is in danger of her own life. ...
WM1 : The life of a Russian woman would be considered like being defective to some extent if she did not become a mother. It is very important for Russian women to have one child at least.
RW2 : All Russian women seem to have a strong desire to have children. If your lady is less than forty years old, she will definitely want to have at least one child to feel complete in her family. If she already has a child or children, she would probably kill to protect them. Do yourself a favor; don't get in the middle of this dynamic!
4) ... regarding sexMe : With the advent of Perestroika, Russia went almost immediately from a closed society to an open society. This was a time of experimentation as Russians tested their new freedoms, and without an anchor of stability to rely on, some people's actions became, shall we say, ribald. The intervening years have seen a decrease in the wild times of the early nineties, but in general Russians have a more European attitude toward nudity and sexuality than Americans. As with any issue as highly personal as human sexuality, every individual has different attitudes and morals. While it is still easy to find party girls at the clubs and bars, the majority of Russian ladies are honorable women.
RW1 : Traditionally, Russian women would be considered devoted and pure in comparison with the western woman. For a long time there was a societal ban on the sexual life out of marriage. Now these traditions become another, and modern Russian women accept the western model of the relationship between partners.
WM1 : Russian women are like everyone else in this regard. Some have extremely strong sex drives, and others are not really interested. The main difference between Russian women and their western sisters is that they don't seem to have moral hang-ups. They are more open-minded about their sexuality and what is okay to do sexually. ...
RW2 : Some of the women in Russia still believe in customs and think it is very important to have sex only with a single partner in the life (with husband). Others value these traditions as part of the culture, but they are inclined to have more free and open-minded relationships.
5) ... concerning ageMe : It is true that Russian women will accept much older men, but marrying someone 30 years your junior is a high-risk proposition in my opinion. There is no doubt in my mind that Russian women are more mature than American women of the same age, but a 20 year old girl is still a 20 year old girl, and they lack the emotional experience that most mature men take for granted. There is an old Persian text stating that men should look for brides half their age plus 7 years. I think this formula works fairly well, but personally I believe that the highest level of success in marriage happens if the couple is within five or maybe ten years of each other's ages.
WM1 : Russian women are more mature than western women. This is one of the greatest advantages in favor of the western man. It is not uncommon for a man to meet and marry a woman from 10 to as much as 20 years younger than himself - it is accepted in Russia. The typical difference in age between western men who meet Russian women is about 10 to 15 years. But remember the greater the age difference the less likely the man will be able to keep up with his lady's youthful exuberance as she pursues life's maturing experiences.
RW1 : Marriage takes a great place in the life of a Russian woman, so she needs to meet a compatible man. Even if she is strong and self-assured, she dreams in her soul to be week and protected, so a lot of Russian women choose a man many years older - realizably. ...
WM1 : Most Russian women think that a man must be older than a woman in a marriage; therefore, many of the women accept differences in age like 15-20 years and maybe even more.
6) ... and moneyMe : This may be the widest culture gap between western men and their Russian ladies. I can almost guarantee that your lady will not understand western finance. It would be in your best interest to enlighten her in this area. She may not realize that credit card purchases must be paid back. She simply will not understand the tax benefits to having a mortgage, and she will probably think you are a liar if you tell her you own a home, when you are really renting it from the bank. Develop trust, keep the explanations simple, and good luck!
WM1 : Money does not take the last place in the woman's life. This is one of the reasons that Russian women want to live abroad. A man's ability to financially secure his selected woman is important. As a rule, Russian women do not know financial security and luxury in their life. ...
RW1 : Russian women are not spoiled by the carefree life, so even the middle level of western life is a luxury for them already. But money is not the main motive to leave their country. They look for responsibility, protection, security, and family orientation in their selected man because they feel a lack of such qualities in the Russian men.
RW2 : Gold grows on trees in America - doesn't it? Russian women think that all western men have some higher level of money or income. You need to be totally honest with your lady from the very first letter or meeting. Explain your true financial situation to her, and she will usually be quite happy with this as long as you are not living in poverty. Remember that you will probably be completely financially responsible for your new bride for the first six to nine months she lives with you. After she learns your language and culture, she will be able to work if you both so desire.
7) ... and religionMe : After children and money, religion is the last of the big-3 deal breakers. In my experience, most Russian do not care how other people worship, but they also don't want to be told how they should be practicing their religion. If you are easy going about religion, there shouldn't be too many problems. However, if you are a hard-core bible thumper or if it is imperative that your Russian lady converts to your religion then start this dialog shortly after your introductory letter. More than likely your Russian lady will follow through with whatever decision she makes regarding this issue, but if you wait until after you are married to lay down the law, you will surely drive a wedge into the relationship that will be irreparable.
WM1 : Orthodoxy is the main religion in Russia. This is a branch of Christianity. After 70 years of communism that spread atheism in the mind of Russians, religious morals were broke down. Recently a lot of churches were rebuilt here, and it is possible to say that Russia experiences a religious renaissance now. ...
RW1 : Many of the Russian women believe in a god, but few live their life according to the laws of the religion.
WM2 : There is a small number of Jews and Muslims in Russia, but the majority claim to be Eastern Orthodox, which is an offshoot of Catholicism. Even though most claim a religion, large percentages do not really have any interest in, or follow the practices of that religion. Russians will talk about religion as if it is important to them, but they don't have a clue as to what religion means and how religion is practiced in the west, especially America.
... regarding education Me : All dressed up and no where to go! That's the situation regarding Russian education where a high percentage of the population has college or university degrees, but there aren't enough good jobs. Not only are the educational standards high, but most Russian ladies have also trained, often for many years, in some form of art or talent. Many Russian ladies have studied literature or play instruments, or they have studied dance, painting, poetry, or have some sort of athletic background.
RW1 : The education system in Russia is still strong in spite of the big financial difficulties. A very high percent of the women have a higher education, but there is a great problem: how to use the diploma in the future, and how to find a job that is connected with the education? ...
WM1 : In spite of the fact that Russian women are family oriented and conservative, they almost all consider it as very necessary to get some level of education (often before marriage). So, in general, they are almost all well educated.
9) ... and expectationsMe : Unreasonable expectations of life together in a new culture can lead to some interesting and possibly devastating consequences. The ability to prepare a Russian lady for changes in lifestyle hinges on the man's honest portrayal of his true situation in life. Yet, even with full disclosure there is a good chance that some unreasonable expectations will linger in the mind of a Russian lady until she has experienced the new culture first hand. More than likely, your lady will not be the only person with unreasonable expectations. Western men usually hold some unrealistic opinions as well.
RW1 : America and the western world are not really similar to what is portrayed in most movies and television programs. Unfortunately, the media is where most Russian women get their opinions about life in the west. It's unavoidable, but true. We know the real score, and we take it for granted. We realize that the vast majority of Americans are not industrial magnates and that they don't own vineyards in Napa Valley or hobnob with celebrities. However, there is a perception among most Russians that all westerners, especially Americans, are wealthy. America has money trees, and the streets are paved with gold. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but this is not far from the truth based on comments I've heard while living in Volgograd. Instant wealth is the most common misperception. Other strongly held beliefs that may cause problems during adjustment include: life in America is a constant vacation, people don't have to work to make a living, everyone travels extensively, and the people are friendly because they don't have any problems.
RW2 : It becomes easy to understand why problems might arise given the disparity between reality and expectations. This is no more true than the unreasonable expectations held by many western men regarding Russian women. The most common misperception of Russian women is that they are docile wallflowers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Russian women have assumed the preponderance of responsibility for the family and social order in Russia. On top of this, most are reliable workers, earn degrees from universities, and to a greater or lesser extent, are opinionated.
WM2 : Don't make the mistake that because Russian women are sophisticated and intelligent, that they a somehow cold and independent. Expect civility, nor servility. Expect feminine, not feminist. With all their strength, they are still women who want a strong man to lead and protect them. But, they want that leadership in the form of compassion and example, not an iron fist.
WM2 : The Russian woman's expectations are usually way off base. They expect life to be very easy after moving to America. They assume their financial worries will just disappear. They don't think that westerners, especially Americans, must work hard for what they have. The big shock is when they realize how many hours most Americans work just to make ends meet.
10) ... and adjustmentMe : The first couple of months a Russian woman lives in the west is usually very exciting for them. Then life begins to settle down to normal. Her man works every day. Dining out every night turns into a weekly occurrence and the daily grind begins to feel like isolation. She starts to get home sick. She will start missing her friends and the Russian way of doing things. She will go through a period of depression. The depth of this depression varies from lady to lady. At this point she may begin to complain about everything in her new surroundings. She may be ready to go back to Russia because she doesn't understand or like the culture and life style of her new home. After a few months of depression and home sickness, she should begin to settle into a comfort zone. As she grows accustomed to the language and environment, she will start to feel more and more at home and excepting of her new situation. After a year or so, she will be very happy with her new home and life style. This is very normal and you can make it easier by being understanding. Try your best to support her new friendships and keep her busy with developmental activities.
WM1 : Uou can expect a couple of months of excitement followed by a couple of months of depression and then a leveling out of the emotional rollercoaster. It doesn't always happen this way, but I think usually it does. Don't forget that your Russian woman is not the only person making adjustments. You men will be making adjustments as well. You will be faced with a full time live-in companion and possibly her children. It will take time and effort to meld these distinct personalities and dispositions into a cohesive family. Trust, understanding, and patience are the keys to working through the adjustment period.
WM2 : The adjustment phase poses a few other problems. First, the time limit of the K1 visa coincides with the crisis point of the adjustment phase. If you use the entire K1 visa, as you should, then your lady may be going through a tough time at exactly the moment you both need to make a rational decision. I have very little advice to give on this issue. It is difficult to know if your lady is merely homesick or if her depression is a sign of deeper misgivings about the relationship. You will have to use your best judgment. Trust may be the deciding factor. I'm not talking about you trusting her right now; I'm talking about whether you feel that she trusts you. I think an affirmative answer to that question is a good sign.
WM3 : A second difficulty during the adjustment phase is her inexperience regarding matters of her new culture. I know that most men are problem solvers by nature, but make an effort not to control every aspect of your Russian lady's life. She is not a child. Obviously you should point out areas of imminent danger, but relax and let her experiment. People learn in three basic ways: memorization, imitation, and trial and error. Rote memorization has limited practical application in daily life; however, imitation and trial and error are very effective tools. Avoid giving lectures. Simply go about things as you normally do, and she will pick up the nuances of western culture. Undoubtedly she will want to find her own way much of the time. She's an adult; let her learn from her mistakes.
WM4 : The third major area of contention during the adjustment phase is developing friendships. One, let her make her own friends. Try to support her new friendships when you can. Your Russian lady will probably go through a lot of friends at first. She left behind friendships in her hometown that took a lifetime to develop. It will take a little while to find a new group of trustworthy friends. Two, don't make a special effort to introduce your Russian lady into the local Russian community. She will probably meet other immigrants at ESL classes or through the grapevine, but making a special point of meeting other Russians locally may not be a good idea. You don't know what experiences these other folks have been through while in your homeland. They might be full of terrible advice. They probably are dealing with their own adjustment problems. And worst, it could lead to a 'keeping up with the Jones' situation. In my opinion, letting friendships develop and unfold naturally is the best strategy.
RW1 : There will come a time during the adjustment phase when your Russian lady will need to blow off some steam. Due to homesickness, feelings of isolation, confusion, and cultural barriers, the pressure will build up until it is boiling over. She might verbally attack things in an irrational manner. Don't take it personally and don't react to her ranting, just let her vent. Once the stress is relieved, hopefully, she will feel better. Russians rarely admit they are wrong, even when they know they are wrong - it's a cultural thing. If she is worth her salt, she will make it up to you later. Spakoyne noche'.
