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Author Topic: адаптация  (Read 20419 times)

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Offline lonedrake

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2014, 07:32:48 AM »
Quote
It just got real like yesterday.

Congratulations! 

lordtiberius

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #26 on: February 24, 2014, 09:51:15 PM »
Thanks man. 

Day by day, a lot of issues, simple stuff, complicated stuff or maybe not so complicated.

One of the things I did not anticipate was the cultural issues.  Her perspective is distinctly European.  Eastern Europeans do share some things in common with Western Europeans that do not relate very well to North Americans - specifically us Southern Canadians.  We Americans tend to look at things with a black and out - 1 and 0 point of view.  Sometimes Slavs overly complicate things that are in my opinion fairly simple.

I apologize to some readers who annoyed at how coy I am about her and for my meltdown earlier.  But I cannot say much about her because she is not like me.  She doesn't want stuff said about her and yet I feel a need to talk about this stuff because if my story can help someone good.  And yet her finally being here is very stressful.  She is going through the cultural shock of being here and I have to reorient my life for someone beyond myself and my small dog.

I will say this about Bets.  God knows all the hairs on my head.  She knows all the ones up my nose.

We have a lot of differences, expectations, goals, values, age, gender, culture, language, geography.  Trying to make that all work without putting band aids and letting things fester and doing the work to make a marriage and a partnership work - its real work.  I am not good at partnerships.  Partnerships are tough particularly in a world that celebrates and almost encourages Solipsism and cultural laziness.  I have to re-evaluate my own view and approach to doing things and that is painful.  But there's another side of me that says I really should have done this sooner - not just marrying or festish-sizing a culture of women like Chinese, Ukrainian or Latin women - but just settling this aspect of my life.  Then again, I am glad I didn't settle down at various points of my life because I would have gotten stuck.  It's all gray.

With me, and I am sure it is different for you, but I take every day as a blessing and hope for a better tomorrow.

Offline lonedrake

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #27 on: February 24, 2014, 10:07:56 PM »
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She doesn't want stuff said about her


I hear that. 8) My SO reads all( she is so smart,beautiful and wonderful)

It is very good that you realize some changes need to be made. Thanks for the update.

Offline JayH

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #28 on: February 24, 2014, 10:38:48 PM »

I hear that. 8) My SO reads all( she is so smart,beautiful and wonderful)

It is very good that you realize some changes need to be made. Thanks for the update.

+ 1
LT-- that's all life stuff-- no one ever said this was easy!! Sounds like she is stretching your mind !! LOL
Still not sure what level of congratulations  I should be making !!  LOL ;D
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline BillyB

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #29 on: February 24, 2014, 10:42:34 PM »
I apologize to some readers ......for my meltdown earlier. 



MELTDOWN? I must have missed that earlier. Don't get so emotional. Sounds like you're stressing. Don't stress. It won't help your lady adjust to her new life and it may make it even worse. She's depending on you to lead.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline Misha

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #30 on: February 25, 2014, 08:25:42 AM »

First, I have to say congratulations on your marriage. May you have many, many happy years together.

One of the things I did not anticipate was the cultural issues.


I am a bit surprised by this, as one of the topics that keep coming up on such forums are the cultural issues.

Quote
[size=78%]She is going through the cultural shock of being here and I have to reorient my life for someone beyond myself and my small dog.[/size]
Yes, and don't expect it to go away quickly. It can take a good year for the worst to pass and even after that elements will linger for much longer.

Quote
I am not good at partnerships.


You will definitely have to work on this.

Quote
I have to re-evaluate my own view and approach to doing things and that is painful.  But there's another side of me that says I really should have done this sooner - not just marrying or festish-sizing a culture of women like Chinese, Ukrainian or Latin women - but just settling this aspect of my life.


This is certainly an important first step.

Quote
With me, and I am sure it is different for you, but I take every day as a blessing and hope for a better tomorrow.


This is a very positive way to look at things. That, plus, patience, patience and even more patience...


Good luck to you and remember when you are in the worst of culture shock storm, this too shall pass :)

Offline ML

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #31 on: February 25, 2014, 10:36:17 AM »
Thanks man. 

Day by day, a lot of issues, simple stuff, complicated stuff or maybe not so complicated.

One of the things I did not anticipate was the cultural issues.  Her perspective is distinctly European.  Eastern Europeans do share some things in common with Western Europeans that do not relate very well to North Americans - specifically us Southern Canadians.  We Americans tend to look at things with a black and out - 1 and 0 point of view.  Sometimes Slavs overly complicate things that are in my opinion fairly simple.

I apologize to some readers who annoyed at how coy I am about her and for my meltdown earlier.  But I cannot say much about her because she is not like me.  She doesn't want stuff said about her and yet I feel a need to talk about this stuff because if my story can help someone good.  And yet her finally being here is very stressful.  She is going through the cultural shock of being here and I have to reorient my life for someone beyond myself and my small dog.

I will say this about Bets.  God knows all the hairs on my head.  She knows all the ones up my nose.

We have a lot of differences, expectations, goals, values, age, gender, culture, language, geography.  Trying to make that all work without putting band aids and letting things fester and doing the work to make a marriage and a partnership work - its real work.  I am not good at partnerships.  Partnerships are tough particularly in a world that celebrates and almost encourages Solipsism and cultural laziness.  I have to re-evaluate my own view and approach to doing things and that is painful.  But there's another side of me that says I really should have done this sooner - not just marrying or festish-sizing a culture of women like Chinese, Ukrainian or Latin women - but just settling this aspect of my life.  Then again, I am glad I didn't settle down at various points of my life because I would have gotten stuck.  It's all gray.

With me, and I am sure it is different for you, but I take every day as a blessing and hope for a better tomorrow.

I am rather surprised at this.

From day 1, Ochka and I have not really had any serious cultural issues.

Oh, yes, there was the differences of opinion concerning bread; but that wasn't as big a deal as many here made it out to be.

I simply cannot imagine what all these adjustment problems are about.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Misha

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #32 on: February 25, 2014, 10:39:52 AM »
I simply cannot imagine what all these adjustment problems are about.


Count your blessings  ;) But, I would say that it is always best to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised should it not happen.

Offline Noch1

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #33 on: February 25, 2014, 10:55:33 AM »

Count your blessings  ;) But, I would say that it is always best to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised should it not happen.

I agree, yet so far, I have been in ML's boat, very little issues.
I read all there was to read about what could happen. So far it has been
a pleasant surprise, but a ways to go yet.
LT remain positive, as said above, she expects you to lead, be the man.
You are all she has at the moment, your help and support are crucial.
Common sense, Is not so common!

lordtiberius

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #34 on: February 25, 2014, 06:44:52 PM »
The Ukrainians say that the man is the head of the family and the woman is the neck.  When I told that to another American he said that the man wears the pants in the family but she wears the panties.

We are wrestling with the culture shock and other issues.  Apparently I have some other unresolved issues related to my health I need to deal with now.  Work is for the first time in my life a very welcome escape.  Imagine Don Draper was poor, in the 21st century and if she gained 150 lbs and was on meth for five years and thrown into a situation parroting a Talking Heads song from the Stop Making Sense album and that's my life.  And yet, I still love that pint size terrorist.

Today I found a favorable trade wind.  Every time I said yes to her, it ended up costing me and costing.  And then finally I put my foot down and said no only to say yes a couple of days later.  We did some research into what she wanted to do and it turns out that there is no way in God's green earth that we can viably execute what she wants to do.  Now I am in a most favorable position I have been since she set foot on this continent.

These Slavs can be stubborn and over-complicate things that are really simple. 

Slava Ukrainia!

Online Faux Pas

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #35 on: February 25, 2014, 07:40:16 PM »
The Ukrainians say that the man is the head of the family and the woman is the neck.  When I told that to another American he said that the man wears the pants in the family but she wears the panties.

We are wrestling with the culture shock and other issues.  Apparently I have some other unresolved issues related to my health I need to deal with now.  Work is for the first time in my life a very welcome escape.  Imagine Don Draper was poor, in the 21st century and if she gained 150 lbs and was on meth for five years and thrown into a situation parroting a Talking Heads song from the Stop Making Sense album and that's my life.  And yet, I still love that pint size terrorist.

Today I found a favorable trade wind.  Every time I said yes to her, it ended up costing me and costing.  And then finally I put my foot down and said no only to say yes a couple of days later.  We did some research into what she wanted to do and it turns out that there is no way in God's green earth that we can viably execute what she wants to do.  Now I am in a most favorable position I have been since she set foot on this continent.

These Slavs can be stubborn and over-complicate things that are really simple. 

Slava Ukrainia!

So it's safe to state that you now understand why getting through the K-1 process isn't the end but only the beginning?  ;D

Offline southernX

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #36 on: February 26, 2014, 06:00:00 PM »
Quote
So it's safe to state that you now understand why getting through the K-1 process isn't the end but only the beginning? 

+1000

jeez reading some of this makes me laugh , i know i should not ,all the early  profiles, dating/ meeting ,  visa , travel is the easy part ,

 but it is upon arring /living together that  the real work begins ,  ;)
 

SX
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lordtiberius

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #37 on: February 26, 2014, 10:35:19 PM »
Where did I ever write that any of this was easy?  Cite it chapter and verse please?  The only thing I wrote and it wasn't on this forum but the other ones was that this was not as hard as the old bulls let on.  This is not rocket science, it's life.

For the record, I hate these relationship threads.  I usually comment on the policy wonk threads - duh!

My only advice for the crazy brave TONIGHT is to find your inner Petruchio.  You will need him.


Online Faux Pas

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #38 on: February 26, 2014, 10:59:25 PM »
Where did I ever write that any of this was easy?  Cite it chapter and verse please?  The only thing I wrote and it wasn't on this forum but the other ones was that this was not as hard as the old bulls let on.  This is not rocket science, it's life.

For the record, I hate these relationship threads.  I usually comment on the policy wonk threads - duh!

My only advice for the crazy brave TONIGHT is to find your inner Petruchio.  You will need him.


Who said you did? What the old bulls have been eluding to is that, it isn't hard but, it isn't all peaches and cream either and the that the K-1 is the walk in the park. Marrying the right woman makes all of the difference. This is what makes the trek of finding the right woman all that much more important that the numb skulls often do not understand early in the process. There is a method to the madness and many of the old bulls do know of what they speak. It's only those who eventually become "the old bulls" that understand that.

lordtiberius

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #39 on: February 26, 2014, 11:16:07 PM »
Like I said.  Point to something I said and I wrote about you or about where I said any of this is easy on this forum.  As far as the other one is concerned, I stopped posting on that one six months ago.

Online Faux Pas

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #40 on: February 26, 2014, 11:51:13 PM »
Like I said.  Point to something I said and I wrote about you or about where I said any of this is easy on this forum.  As far as the other one is concerned, I stopped posting on that one six months ago.

Why do I have to keep repeating myself? Who said you did? But, you have repeatedly referred to the old bulls, the old guard yadda, yadda, yadda ad nausea. Most have had your own interest in mind yet, it's hard to fathom from that POV

lordtiberius

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #41 on: February 27, 2014, 12:11:37 AM »
So to be clear, you are making a strawman argument correct?

Offline Slumba

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #42 on: February 27, 2014, 12:35:20 AM »
So to be clear, you are making a strawman argument correct?

Methinks thou dost protest too much (in keeping with the Shakespeare theme of some of your recent posts).
Me gusta ir de compras con mi tarjeta verde...

Online Faux Pas

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #43 on: February 27, 2014, 01:54:57 PM »
So to be clear, you are making a strawman argument correct?

Define strawman argument

Offline southernX

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #44 on: February 27, 2014, 05:27:58 PM »
Why do I have to keep repeating myself? Who said you did? But, you have repeatedly referred to the old bulls, the old guard yadda, yadda, yadda ad nausea. Most have had your own interest in mind yet, it's hard to fathom from that POV

agree 100% with FP

LT , dont take it so personally , my comment re its not easy was a general one to all of the readers who have not yet had that experience which you are now living

this forum is about discussion & informing others where possible to members experience etc etc
my posts are often written with that in mind , as a general info ,

so relax ;)
 if you look at my track record of posting i generally offer  more positive posts designed to give you reflective thoughts of experience & advice /help ,

not everyone is biting your ankles as you walk this path LT

SX
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Offline JayH

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #45 on: February 27, 2014, 05:48:35 PM »

 if you look at my track record of posting i generally offer  more positive posts designed to give you reflective thoughts of experience & advice /help ,

not everyone is biting your ankles as you walk this path LT

SX

+100% !! :)  Aussies would rather help everyone rather than assasinate them !! SX offers excellent common sense advice!! ;D
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

lordtiberius

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #46 on: February 27, 2014, 09:25:55 PM »
not everyone is biting your ankles as you walk this path LT

SX

I did this emotional jug exercise.

http://participant.pairs.com/when_someone_you_love_is_sad

Where I dug deep and shared out loud what I was afraid of.  I confessed that I am afraid that I am not even honest enough to myself about my own problems that I will never get them resolved.  That's pretty scary.  Imagine walking around your whole life with a tattoo on your face that every one can see but you.  You can't be that way in relationship. 

There is a lot going on in the relationship that is quite kinetic.  They are not for the forum because I have no perspective and they are unresolved issues.  For some people, it is wine and roses.  Some people mitigated their risks by taken well trod paths and practices.  I encourage that process whether it is refining what those steps should be or the act of following what should be done.

One of the things that you have to be prepared for if you are starting out is that you have to be prepared that this could go trainwreck.  Also I would say that relationships are built on communication and trust.  The common language is a big bonus.  But understand that there are still important cultural issues.  Here are a few minor ones.  Ukrainians don't put in ice in their drinks and if their feet get cold they get sick.  They eat a lot of soaps.  I lived in Arizona most of my life I couldn't tell you when I ordered soap.  The AC is always on and I never used a towel to dry out.  Those collisions seem minor.  But there is so many of these collisions and if you live in Ukraine for a year or a number of years, you will have those collisions too as will she.  Understand that this process will take at least a year - maybe longer.

And you cannot anticipate or mitigate this stuff.  You just have to meet that wave head on.  I don't know what to say except that mine is not a wine and roses case.

Online Faux Pas

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #47 on: February 27, 2014, 11:03:36 PM »

One of the things that you have to be prepared for if you are starting out is that you have to be prepared that this could go trainwreck.  Also I would say that relationships are built on communication and trust.

Certainly it could. What you "should" do at this stage is make sure that it isn't you insuring a train wreck ensues. Relationships are built on communication and trust. Make sure she can trust you even if the communication is lacking. She has to trust you, much more than you need to trust her.

 

Quote
And you cannot anticipate or mitigate this stuff.  You just have to meet that wave head on.  I don't know what to say except that mine is not a wine and roses case. Understand that this process will take at least a year - maybe longer.

One day at a time. Do everything you can to make her life easier because it's tough. Whether you make it easier isn't the point. It's that you want to.

Offline Misha

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #48 on: February 27, 2014, 11:12:17 PM »
They eat a lot of soaps? What exactly do you mean?

Offline southernX

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Re: адаптация
« Reply #49 on: February 27, 2014, 11:14:00 PM »
Quote
  LT - Understand that this process will take at least a year - maybe longer.

And you cannot anticipate or mitigate this stuff.  You just have to meet that wave head on.  I don't know what to say except that mine is not a wine and roses case.

LT

mate , i dont think many couples actually experience the wine & roses at the start either, at least not in long extended bloom periods , without some bumps  ;D
there are exceptions though , for most id think like ours was , it is a mix of bliss, romance, patience, trust understanding , learning , reflection on ones self , thoughts, intents and actions , and for small periods, possibly intense flare ups , of stubborness on both parts ,

the first two years will be a trial for many , after that you both usually grow together towards each other much more deeply that at the start ,,comfortable and your love deepens over time  or you grow apart slowly

much of what you are pondering is par for the course imho , given how varied the experiences can be in this international relationship game

SX
« Last Edit: February 27, 2014, 11:18:21 PM by southernX »
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