Depression after move to the USA

[5150]

I've read countless stories from men who are married or were married to a Ukrainian or Russian lady, or for that matter Colombian or Filipino. That is ALWAYS followed with some reference to the lady going through a period of depression due to homesickness or trouble adjusting to a whole new culture. For the most part for you guys that ARE/WERE married how long was it BEFORE that depression set in? I just want to be prepared. I have discussed this matter with my wife so I guess we just want to "be prepared" if that is at all possible.

[Elen]

The law of psyche - no one "health" depression can long more than 1 year (whatever reasones it was caused) After that period (or early) people either overstep their peoblems or it's already a case for doctors (Buit I don't think it will happen to your wives. New life with you guys can't be such bad)

( Just waiting :Dwhen Tiger'll run in a hurry to say I babbling nonsence again. Never mind coz I'm right like always:P:P)

[Bruno]

5150, these depression can come later in the marriage... it is your work to make your marriage a happy experience... if you help her at all level, all will be right... but same after some year, if she know some bad experience, she can feel some depression, regret his country... you need work on your relation not only the first year but during all your life.

[5150]

I don't think you guys understand my question. I've seen it I believe also stated before perhaps on this board on another thread. When the lady first arrives she's happy & everything is new to her. Then she falls into a routine & starts to miss her family & home & goes into a depression...anyways that's what I was referring to.

[Elen]

No one can tell you how long it would take for your wife's psyche to adapte:? so only time will tell

[BC]

First 3 months were a breeze, somewhere around 6 to 12 months was a b!tch with pregnancy n baby stresses added in. Things really settled down a little over the two year point and has been quite easy going since then. Planning a church wedding next time we return to RU together.

It's not a walk in the park.. the most challenging relationship I have ever experienced.

[5150]

BC tht's what I was talking about. I"ve heard pretty much on "average" anywhere from the 4 month on & usually lasts 1 - 3 months.

[jb]

My wife never went into a homesickness funk.  She missed her friends back in Russia very much but that problem was solved by having a good long distance phone plan that allowed her to call home as often as she wished.  

Like you stated, I expected it, but because of her personality, her immense love for me, her prior trips to the USA, she already knew what life here was like, and the fact that her oldest son was already here attending university, she just never got bored with conditions enough to worry about it.   I will say that her being selected for an adjunct professorship at a local college early on was a big help, it kept her busy and interested in her academic life.  When that got a little boring we enrolled her in a post grad program at Texas A&M to round out some PG math courses she needed so that she could expend the number and types of classes she can teach each semester.

Now that she has been accepted as a full professor I hardly ever hear about "how much better things are in Russia" anymore.  She will be going to Moscow this summer for a visit and she's looking forward to it with mixed emotions, while seeing friends and old family is important, she knows that her home is here now.

I'd say bringing a girl over on a marriage visa and confining her to the "cozy home" would be a sure fire way to have a very unhappy woman on your hands.  Just like you, they need a life outside the house.

[catzenmouse]

5150,

 Elena went through the first couple of months just fine then about the third month she started getting depressed and missing her family and friends a lot. Partly due to her boredom as her status is not adjusted yet so she can't work, learning how to drive (which I now wish that I had thought of before hand and got her driving lessons in Russia) and because her grandmother fell and broke her hip. It took about two months for her to get beyond this and get back to being herself. Of course with all things in life each person will have different reactions and different timeframes.

Ken

[chuckinwdc]

I wouldn't say my wife was depressed, but the first six months or so were very difficult for her.   She didn't know anyone else in the States besides me, and she felt lonely and isolated. Then, coupled with the difficulty she had of finding a job, she began feeling frustrated as well. It was tough on her.

After a while, though, she gained confidence driving around and eventually found a job. Now she's doing much, much better.  Also, we've worked to establish a network of Russian/American couples as friends, and that seems to help.

Chuck & Veronica

[Donna_Pedro]

I went trough a year just fine, but then when the initial exitement vanished, and I got to learn more about the culture, that  was when the depression started. The more I learnt about this culture, the more I disliked it. Jb is right, and I followed this way too - you just need to  stay busy, find yourself a job or two,  keep your head always occupied with something and you will have no space to  think and analyze something that you have no power to change.

[anono]

donna, one reason i left the usa at age 18 for a three month trip to western europe was for the same reason you post above. our culture sucks. even at age 18 i thought there had to be a better way. i saw the false fronts, the fasade so many americans live. i thought people everywhere else were more "real". it just took me 30 more years to figure out they are in ukraine and russia.

back then, i thought i was leaving the usa for good ( other than to visit family) but then i realized i had to make a living, which i could not do in europe at the time...

[START2]

Frank,

 Ive seen on the other forum that you're having problems with your young wife and have already considered divorce by asking if a k-3 can be revoked. I don't know about that but you were married in Ukraine and you can be divorced in Ukraine. It takes about 30 days. You just go to her local zags, file  and sign when the day arrives, BUT STOP RIGHT HERE!!!!!!! What are you thinking? First you married a child that's never been away from home. Have patience with her. Show her you love her. Sure she's homesick but now you need to step up to the plate and be the man and get things under control. Is your love for her that weak? Don't go buy that expesive dog. Get a cute little mutt.  It'll give her something to hold on other than you. Mama seems as dramatic as her so use your charm man. Your 30+ I think. Right? Give it time, hopefully she'll come around but your dealing with a young woman that has always been sheltered by mama and papa. Good luch and hang tough dude.

[Frank]

[user=297]START2[/user] wrote:

Frank,

 Ive seen on the other forum that you're having problems with your young wife and have already considered divorce by asking if a k-3 can be revoked. I don't know about that but you were married in Ukraine and you can be divorced in Ukraine. It takes about 30 days. You just go to her local zags, file  and sign when the day arrives, BUT STOP RIGHT HERE!!!!!!! What are you thinking? First you married a child that's never been away from home. Have patience with her. Show her you love her. Sure she's homesick but now you need to step up to the plate and be the man and get things under control. Is your love for her that weak? Don't go buy that expesive dog. Get a cute little mutt.  It'll give her something to hold on other than you. Mama seems as dramatic as her so use your charm man. Your 30+ I think. Right? Give it time, hopefully she'll come around but your dealing with a young woman that has always been sheltered by mama and papa. Good luch and hang tough dude.

Start2,

Are you sure you have the correct Frank?  My wife didn't come here on a K3 visa.  She came here on a K1 and I have never entertained the idea of having her visa revoked.  I wasn't married in Ukraine either.  "Mama" is not dramatic. Neither is my wife a little child.  Neither am I:P  She is definitely an adult-not as young as some of the other guys wives.   As for lunch, it was very nice.  My wife likes to smooch during lunch:D  Also, I'm hanging tough......marriage is work:shock:

You might want to paste a quote next time when you are responding to it. That way you will make sure you have the correct guy.

[START2]

Not you Frank but 5150 Frank. Sorry for the mix-up and yes I'll post the quote next time. I just assumed it would hit home with the right one.  He's got a bad ordeal right now. PL has it if you read. Glad to hear all is good for you.

[Frank]

Okay.  I'm glad all is going well also.  Now, I just hope the 5150 Frank will be okay:)  By the way, thanks for your concern:)

[Leslie]

Where does 5150 call himself Frank??

[Bruce]

They are referring to "Frank O" on the PL board:

http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/russian/messages/99991.html

[Leslie]

Yes I know Bruce.

Some guys build castles in the clouds but Frank O has spent two years living in his.

 

[Frank]

Do you guys think I should change my name so no one thinks I am Frank O?  This is the only board I post on. 

[jb]

Frank,

There are some here who are also active on other boards, if your name confuses them, that's their problem.  I wouldn't change my name if I were you.  As far as I'm concerned you are Frank from Oregon,,, 'nuff said.