Sumy Detective and Overly paranoid

[Iamthere]

I believe I have met a nice lady and would love to set up an allowance to make her life easier, but I follow Regan's Advice. "Trust, but verify." I would like to verify I am the only one. Any recommendations for Detectives and what should I ask for and how much would this cost? What should I ask for?

[Maxx2]

www.Russian-Detective.com

I used them a long time ago to check out a scamming agency. They might still be in business. Elena Garratt a Russian woman married to am American used to run if it is still in business then I think her cousin in Russia does.

[msmob]

PLEASE .. Do not use such a biz...

How do you know they will not simply contact the subject of your interest ...? and you will look a complete dork ....

If you think you know this woman - you'll have spent time with her .. it may not reveal all about her .. but aren't you the best investigator of all ?

IF you haven't met her ... 'Sorry' .. WHY are you sending her money at all ?

This is not meant to be rude... it's a wake-up call..

PS I have sent money to a woman I hadn't met to come and meet me .. I bought her a plane ticket from Siberia to where I lived in Europe...   she came ... the 'risk' was she might not come.. I knew she would ...

From there I did my own 'investigation' ..

[Boethius]

If you can't trust her, then don't give her money.  Unless you can trust her, your relationship is doomed.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

[Faux Pas]

I believe I have met a nice lady and would love to set up an allowance to make her life easier, but I follow Regan's Advice. "Trust, but verify." I would like to verify I am the only one. Any recommendations for Detectives and what should I ask for and how much would this cost? What should I ask for?

You're putting your cart well ahead of horse. Stop, don't even think about an allowance at this point and do your own deducing without a detective. If you offer it and she takes it, you likely don't want her any way. I'm sure she seems like a nice lady and it's great you hit it off however, implementing such a plan at this stage of the relationship will torpedo it.

Hold your horses and learn to trust her before sending or even offering her money. Sure you can make her life better and an instant improvement giving her money but it won't solve your insecurities. It will amplify them. She's gotten along apparently quite well without you this long. She will continue to without your financial help and learn to trust you as well

[jone]

You're putting your cart well ahead of horse. Stop, don't even think about an allowance at this point and do your own deducing without a detective. If you offer it and she takes it, you likely don't want her any way. I'm sure she seems like a nice lady and it's great you hit it off however, implementing such a plan at this stage of the relationship will torpedo it.

Hold your horses and learn to trust her before sending or even offering her money. Sure you can make her life better and an instant improvement giving her money but it won't solve your insecurities. It will amplify them. She's gotten along apparently quite well without you this long. She will continue to without your financial help and learn to trust you as well

+1  Good post, FP.

[Patagonie]

I believe I have met a nice lady and would love to set up an allowance to make her life easier, but I follow Regan's Advice. "Trust, but verify." I would like to verify I am the only one. Any recommendations for Detectives and what should I ask for and how much would this cost? What should I ask for?

You didn't tell us more about this relationship. Year after year we have a lot of keyboard romeo who come here to tell us amazing things about their ladies, they haven't never met her in the real world.
Hope you don't belong to such category.
Anyway even if you have met her for real, have you bedded her yes or no?
How many time have you spent with her?
Is this allowance comes 100% of you or don't think that she dropped some evidence to let you find the track for an allowance?
We don't have enough details to appreciate your request.
I have nothing with trust and verify, that's a good point.

[LiveFromUkraine]

This post was composed without the aid of google.

This got a chuckle out of me.  haha  I wonder how we ever survived before Google. 


Regarding the topic...  You got some great advice already. 

For me, I enjoy helping people if I can and I do so without expecting anything in return.  Just the act of helping and how it feels is reward enough. 

If I were in your shoes, I would need to figure out why I wanted to help this particular person.  Was it because I wanted to be in a relationship with her?  Would I help her if I didn't want a relationship? 

If I decided I wouldn't help this person if we didn't have a relationship, then I would need to figure out why I don't trust her.  Like Bo said, no trust no relationship.  I understand that nobody wants to be played or scammed.  If that is a possible issue then you may need to spend more time with her or figure out what is causing you to worry about it.

I like to believe most, if not all, of us are good people who enjoy helping others.  So if you decide to give then just give and not expect anything in return.  Even if the relationship doesn't work out you can smile at the idea that you helped someone.  Nothing wrong with that. 

I'm assuming you already met her.

[GQBlues]

I believe I have met a nice lady and would love to set up an allowance to make her life easier, but I follow Regan's Advice. "Trust, but verify." I would like to verify I am the only one. Any recommendations for Detectives and what should I ask for and how much would this cost? What should I ask for?

In all my years on this adventure, the one consistent thing that I witness happen to men is believing they are knights in shining armor atop a white steed with graceful flowing mane. When in reality, they're nothing more than a jackassed-driven mules. 


How can you ever believe someone is nice that just cannot be trusted? Oxymoron! Credit to the gentleman for another  validation that keeps this train churning!

[jone]

This got a chuckle out of me.  haha  I wonder how we ever survived before Google. 


Regarding the topic...  You got some great advice already. 

For me, I enjoy helping people if I can and I do so without expecting anything in return.  Just the act of helping and how it feels is reward enough. 

If I were in your shoes, I would need to figure out why I wanted to help this particular person.  Was it because I wanted to be in a relationship with her?  Would I help her if I didn't want a relationship? 

If I decided I wouldn't help this person if we didn't have a relationship, then I would need to figure out why I don't trust her.  Like Bo said, no trust no relationship.  I understand that nobody wants to be played or scammed.  If that is a possible issue then you may need to spend more time with her or figure out what is causing you to worry about it.

I like to believe most, if not all, of us are good people who enjoy helping others.  So if you decide to give then just give and not expect anything in return.  Even if the relationship doesn't work out you can smile at the idea that you helped someone.  Nothing wrong with that. 

I'm assuming you already met her.

That's it, buddy.   You don't expect anything in return. 

[Boethius]

Although the woman has survived without OP, helping her is not a sin.


In your shoes, I would forgo the investigator, and send her, say $50-$60 a month.  Don't ask her how she spends it, but if you visit her, take note of it.  That's likely nothing to you, but in Ukraine, that can make a difference if she is a single mother with an average job.  If she asks for more, you will know she is not a good candidate for marriage.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

[Faux Pas]

Although the woman has survived without OP, helping her is not a sin.


In your shoes, I would forgo the investigator, and send her, say $50-$60 a month.  Don't ask her how she spends it, but if you visit her, take note of it.  That's likely nothing to you, but in Ukraine, that can make a difference if she is a single mother with an average job.  If she asks for more, you will know she is not a good candidate for marriage.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

Yeah it really is. He just met the lady and thinks she is nice. He needs to learn about her and more importantly learn to trust her, if he is to have the slightest chance of a relationship with this woman.

I disagree with you. It is you that preaches WM using the economic disparity and attempting to buy EW. Here you appear to promote it. Too early for him to send stipends to make her life easier IMHO. It's time to work on the relationship, have one then assist where he can

[BillyB]

Guys help women they never met because they got sex on their mind so yeah, it's a sin. They discriminate and wouldn't help men they never met. Helping a woman is only done for selfish reasons.

[Boethius]

You're putting your cart well ahead of horse. Stop, don't even think about an allowance at this point and do your own deducing without a detective. If you offer it and she takes it, you likely don't want her any way. I'm sure she seems like a nice lady and it's great you hit it off however, implementing such a plan at this stage of the relationship will torpedo it.

Hold your horses and learn to trust her before sending or even offering her money. Sure you can make her life better and an instant improvement giving her money but it won't solve your insecurities. It will amplify them. She's gotten along apparently quite well without you this long. She will continue to without your financial help and learn to trust you as well

The OP didn't post about the stage of their relationship.  You assumed it's early.  I assumed they are committed.  In either case, how she responds to the extra cash will say a lot about her personality.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

[2tallbill]

I believe I have met a nice lady and would love to set up an allowance to make her life easier, but I follow Regan's Advice. "Trust, but verify." I would like to verify I am the only one. Any recommendations for Detectives and what should I ask for and how much would this cost? What should I ask for?

I assume you've been to see her in person face to face. If not you are barking
up the wrong tree. A good girl won't accept an allowance and everyone else
you wouldn't want to give one to. After you've met in person several times
and she thinks that you are a keeper a good girl will let you help her somewhat
but will protest every time.

I helped my wife Angel Eyes and daughter Smiley girl get English lessons, but
I met them first and I knew the English teacher. I've never gave Angel Eyes an
allowance when she was in Russia. 

Eventually if things work out you will be paying for all sorts of things but setting
up an allowance is probably a bad idea. If you are engaged and waiting on a visa
there is a chance she will lose her job. If that happens then by all means help her
out, but don't set up an allowance with a girl you aren't engaged to.

If you don't trust her, then don't do it. If you trust her then you don't need us to
advise you.

[2tallbill]

If you can't trust her, then don't give her money.  Unless you can trust her, your relationship is doomed.

+1000

[JayH]

I believe I have met a nice lady and would love to set up an allowance to make her life easier, but I follow Regan's Advice. "Trust, but verify." I would like to verify I am the only one. Any recommendations for Detectives and what should I ask for and how much would this cost? What should I ask for?

Forget this detective BS !

Pat asked about you --  before any answer here means anything is for you to tell us more about yourself -- and  how you "met" this lady - and exactly how you are communicating.

Whatever your reasons may be re  investigating -- telling us more here may answer your questions.

[Iamthere]

I met her through a matchmaker. I have met her in person. I have been to her place and her place of work. No sex, not because of her. Did try to hug her, but pushed me away. I am somebdy who is so willing to believe a lie, just not to feel alone

[I/O]

Spend your money on another trip - she survived before you, she'll survive during and after you...

[jone]

Matchmaker gets paid.   Tools a friend of hers along to meet you.   Split the money for the matchmaking services.   Old story.

Let me put this in all caps:   YOU WILL KNOW WHEN AN EASTERN EUROPEAN WOMAN IS INTO YOU.   IF YOU DON'T KNOW, THEN THEY AREN'T INTO YOU.   IF YOU'RE HER MAN, THEN YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY KNOW IT. 

This is a dry hole.   Find someone else.

[msmob]

Matchmaker gets paid.   Tools a friend of hers along to meet you.   Split the money for the matchmaking services.   Old story.

What ARE you posting tosh about, now..?

Some match-makers foolishly believed their partner and bring along a friend and find a scary reality - and no protfit to the match-maker but a lot of 'noise' from the subject of said match ..

[Patagonie]

I met her through a matchmaker. I have met her in person. I have been to her place and her place of work. No sex, not because of her. Did try to hug her, but pushed me away. I am somebdy who is so willing to believe a lie, just not to feel alone

So thank you to have honestly bring some details in your answer.

I would make it clear. Matchmakers could be a nice way to meet someone. We use them all time. You know the good friend who introduces you to a nice a lady during an "arranged event". It's a sort of matchmaking.

Concerning hiring a detective at this level of relationship. There is no relationship so absolutely no needs to hire one. Purely and simply.

Trying to kiss her : very likely, and definitively too early.

Are you able to assess accurately her level of attraction? I bet NO.

Better to use your money and spend few hours with a PUA and ask him : "please teach me how to assess women's interest". The best RIO of the world for your money.

Last, but it will take you a lot of time : spend time here to know the culture.

At the end your last sentence "I am somebdy who is so willing to believe a lie, just not to feel alone" raises a red flag.
No woman is likely to fall for GENUINE reasons to a guy who is sweating loneliness. This is carrying on a lower value  and decrease your value on the romance market.
So the question is : are you finding yourself enough atttractive? What's your level in self confidence?

A woman will never fulfill your emptiness and many will sniff it from the FIRST SECOND they see you. They will flee you like ebola.

It's always better to work on your weaknesses rather to plug the holes with artificial solutions

[Patagonie]

Question :
May you tell me clearly which signs of interest this woman had delivered to you? 

[Patagonie]

You probably didn't get it (a poster already wrote it here) but it is possible that your matchmaker is just earning some money by introducing a friend and they share the money after.

You don't know the culture but in FSU that is a current practice to make foreigners a fool.

This option you have to consider.

But members of RWD will be able to give you a sharp answer only if you bring a high level of details about this matchmaker.

Depends on you and what you really want to know.

[msmob]

You probably didn't get it (a poster already wrote it here) but it is possible that your matchmaker is just earning some money by introducing a friend and they share the money after.

You don't know the culture but in FSU that is a current practice to make foreigners a fool.

You joined the Jone school of daft, Pat..

FAR more likely the match-maker was genuine ...  What IS it with some posters and suggesting FSU folks are all on the make ?

[Boethius]

Most of them are on the make in some way, or another.  The better half is from the culture and always says that.


OP, the fact the woman didn't want to hug you tells me she is not attracted to you.  Time to move on and find someone who wants to be with you.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

[msmob]

Most of them are on the make in some way, or another.  The better half is from the culture and always says that.


OP, the fact the woman didn't want to hug you tells me she is not attracted to you.  Time to move on and find someone who wants to be with you.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

Not MY experience of guys who asked my ex-wife /  present partner to help them ..   I'll have to disagree with your better half - having more recent experience

I can assure you there is a heavy cost attached - emotionally and even financially

[2tallbill]

I met her through a matchmaker. I have met her in person. I have been to her place and her place of work. No sex, not because of her. Did try to hug her, but pushed me away. I am somebdy who is so willing to believe a lie, just not to feel alone

Congratulations, you got on a plane, met a girl in a far away land and
managed to survive without getting your organs harvested. 90% of men
never get on a plane. Most fail after their first trip and never try again.
It didn't work out with this girl, but you've gained valuable experience.

It didn't work out on my first trip either. There is a ton of information on
this forum that can help you. Starting over sucks @ss but what's the
alternative? I'm assuming you aren't going to give up on girls and join
the gay pride parade. I found my wife because I was too stubborn or
too dumb to quit.

Udachi!

Bill

[Boethius]

Not MY experience of guys who asked my ex-wife /  present partner to help them ..   I'll have to disagree with your better half - having more recent experience

His most recent experience is this year - he goes back to visit family annually.  Last year, I went as well. 


I think foreigners are never truly exposed to these "truths" the way someone from there is.  In fact, I know a UW who emigrated to Canada, and hides the fact she lives in Canada when there, because she is subject to the same rip off attempts if people realize she's not local.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

[GQBlues]

You probably didn't get it (a poster already wrote it here) but it is possible that your matchmaker is just earning some money by introducing a friend and they share the money after.

You don't know the culture but in FSU that is a current practice to make foreigners a fool.

This option you have to consider.

But members of RWD will be able to give you a sharp answer only if you bring a high level of details about this matchmaker.

Depends on you and what you really want to know.

This post is exactly the one I posted that was deleted.

I agree with this post 100%. Do not trust matchmakers, especially the unlicensed one who promises matches in the shadows. If you received a message from someone on this board already, et us know who it is and we'll be happy to tell you their integrity very easily.

Iamthere, your post/s makes you the perfect victim. You already painted a bullseye on your back. Be very careful.

[msmob]

This post is exactly the one I posted that was deleted.

If it has this.. hardly suprising - given the 'inuendo' you can't help yourself from dropping everywhere ..

If you received a message from someone on this board already, et us know who it is and we'll be happy to tell you their integrity very easily.

Like you are any kind of 'judge' ..

Match-making is now longer on SC's 'nice things to do for a friend', list.. even if no financial gain was intended ..

[GQBlues]

If it has this.. hardly suprising - given the 'inuendo' you can't help yourself from dropping everywhere ..

Like you are any kind of 'judge' ..

Match-making is now longer on SC's 'nice things to do for a friend', list.. even if no financial gain was intended ..

Hhhmmm...in most circle, this would be classified as 'consciousness of guilt'.

But going back to the topic...

Iamthere - be very CAREFUl on who you receive messages from promising you a 'match' from a friend of a friend, etc...if you need help trying to determine the authenticity of the person's intent, do let us know who it is. The board will be happy to help and let you know.

[msmob]

Hhhmmm...in most circle, this would be classified as 'consciousness of guilt'.

Only by those with warped minds ..

amthere - be very CAREFUl on who you receive messages from promising you a 'match' from a friend of a friend, etc...if you need help trying to determine the authenticity of the person's intent, do let us know who it is. The board will be happy to help and let you know.

Still not learning from you recent folly ..

This is one case where the dog-house is appropriate - while you persist in posting bollox ..

Rest assured .. my beloved will not be trying to match-make ever again .. and it's got NOTHING to do with you or your inuendo .. more the accusations from the 'aggrieved' male party when it goes south..blaming all and sundry .. and even denying any blame was attached..

[LiveFromUkraine]

His most recent experience is this year - he goes back to visit family annually.  Last year, I went as well. 


I think foreigners are never truly exposed to these "truths" the way someone from there is.  In fact, I know a UW who emigrated to Canada, and hides the fact she lives in Canada when there, because she is subject to the same rip off attempts if people realize she's not local.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

It sounds like the corruption isn't getting any better there. 

[Patagonie]

His most recent experience is this year - he goes back to visit family annually.  Last year, I went as well. 


I think foreigners are never truly exposed to these "truths" the way someone from there is.  In fact, I know a UW who emigrated to Canada, and hides the fact she lives in Canada when there, because she is subject to the same rip off attempts if people realize she's not local.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

There is an agency/matchmaker in Canada (yes they do both) who advertizes to setup a profile on the site which from the frist word tells all about the real financial surface that a guy belongs.
I adertize men to NEVER do such a thing, you can say something like " i have enough  to raise a family, that's largely enough."
Like Bo said, and especially in North America, many men don't have a clue of how this can kick their asses back.

[ML]

. . . especially in North America, many men don't have a clue of how this can kick their asses back.

Hey . . . why pick on we naive men here in North America !!

[Patagonie]

Hi ML There is a cultural trait that i found : people here in Europe are more likely to hide their wages while in North America they have no reserve to tell you the truth, am i wrong?

[Steamer]

Hi ML There is a cultural trait that i found : people here in Europe are more likely to hide their wages while in North America they have no reserve to tell you the truth, am i wrong?

Yes I believe you're wrong. People in the US look down (way down) on people that brag about how much they make because they are trying to raise themselves up while putting others down. Not cool.

[ML]

Hi ML There is a cultural trait that i found : people here in Europe are more likely to hide their wages while in North America they have no reserve to tell you the truth, am i wrong?

In USA, people do not readily disclose their wages, even to close friends.

In FSU, people readity disclose their wages.

I cannot speak to anything about western Europe.

[Patagonie]

In USA, people do not readily disclose their wages, even to close friends.

In FSU, people readity disclose their wages.

I cannot speak to anything about western Europe.

So finally we have the same behavior in my country than in USA.