Russian Women Discussion
RWD Discussion Groups => Starting Out => Topic started by: Bim on September 30, 2020, 02:45:52 PM
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I've dated/married Russian women before so I get the whole scene. Really wasn't looking to do it again, but a Russian friend of mine introduced me to a really nice Ukrainian woman that I've been writing to for a couple weeks. I know how it is to write to scammers, they are wonderful to wrote to because they never run out of things to talk about, guess that's because they get paid well (my buddy just fell for one of them to the tune of $5,000😳). But it seems that talking to one that works all day am takes care of her daughter at night that conversation is a bit more difficult. I try to ask questions that'll spark conversation but the answers I get are somewhat short. I think it's partially that she isn't exactly english fluid, and so she keeps it short and sweet to avoid mistakes. But talking to her is a bit like pulling teeth sometimes. Maybe it's just that I'm not creative enough to converse with someone I've never met for long periods of time. Long story short, I need some ideas of things to talk about to get to know her better. Any input is appreciated!
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I've dated/married Russian women before so I get the whole scene. Really wasn't looking to do it again, but a Russian friend of mine introduced me to a really nice Ukrainian woman that I've been writing to for a couple weeks. I know how it is to write to scammers, they are wonderful to wrote to because they never run out of things to talk about, guess that's because they get paid well (my buddy just fell for one of them to the tune of $5,000😳). But it seems that talking to one that works all day am takes care of her daughter at night that conversation is a bit more difficult. I try to ask questions that'll spark conversation but the answers I get are somewhat short. I think it's partially that she isn't exactly english fluid, and so she keeps it short and sweet to avoid mistakes. But talking to her is a bit like pulling teeth sometimes. Maybe it's just that I'm not creative enough to converse with someone I've never met for long periods of time. Long story short, I need some ideas of things to talk about to get to know her better. Any input is appreciated!
Without knowing more it's difficult to diagnose your problem. So I will
give some generic advice and you can get more specific if you wish.
Either she isn't a good girl and you need to dump her
OR
She doesn't think you are either
A. serious or
B. a good match
A good girl who is interested in you will find the time and work out a
solution IF she thinks that you are serious.
So either she doesn't think you are serious or she isn't a good girl.
If you like the girl then convince her you are serious. If you are
indifferent then dump her.
Udachi!
Bill
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Meet her to show her that you are serious.
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Bim, I wrote to many women at any given time when I was single. After exchanging messages/emails, I moved onto phone calls. Some women had poor English but I was willing to visit a woman with poor English if she was into me. Is the woman you're calling thrilled to hear your voice? If not, find a woman who is thrilled to hear your voice.
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That's my plan, but I'm booked up till the beginning of next year.
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Bim, I wrote to many women at any given time when I was single. After exchanging messages/emails, I moved onto phone calls. Some women had poor English but I was willing to visit a woman with poor English if she was into me. Is the woman you're calling thrilled to hear your voice? If not, find a woman who is thrilled to hear your voice.
Well I haven't called her yet, like I said just started messaging her less than a couple weeks ago. I did tell her tonight that if she would like to talk on the phone I can call her. I have a feeling her English isn't great. She says she can understand my messages, but that she needs translator to write back.
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I did tell her tonight that if she would like to talk on the phone I can call her.
Don't ask for her phone number. Don't ask if she'd like to talk to you on the phone. Tell her you want to call her and hear her voice.
I have a feeling her English isn't great. She says she can understand my messages, but that she needs translator to write back.
Her answers may be short because she is using a translator and afraid it may not translate well and you'll think less of her. Some people struggle with cut and paste messages to translate so messaging may be slow. You can show her you're making the extra effort by using the translator below. Write to her in her language and tell her she can write to you in her language.
http://www.online-translator.com/
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I’ve been there in the early stages of correspondence and actually even to this day I feel like I’m the one leading the conversation, but when I get her on video chat and in real life I can hardly get a word in edge ways 😄
What site did you meet her on? That can tell a lot about the woman you’re chatting with.
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Bim, welcome to the forum.
As you have some experience of FSUW you would know that dating without sharing a common language is a BIG headache.
It is my experience that when FSUW who speak little English get letters that they like it when you write in English and translate into Russian - apologising for it's probably being atrocious ..and amusing.
It is also my opinion that if a woman has put herself on a dating site, she will also want to see / hear the man.
Lastly, they ALL want to see a man with conviction, who can travel to meet, sooner rather than later. This oten puts those in salaried positions, with limited holiday ( 'vacation') time as a major disadvantage.
At a time where COVID-19 prevents trip plan making, I'm surprised you guys haven't moved on to video chat ...this is the 21C.
Skype, for example, allows translation as you speak.
Good luck
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Hi Bim,
Maybe record a short video clip of yourself and send it to her. Nothing fancy just a quick informal penpal type greeting that you enjoy chatting with her etc and see what you get back. Who knows, might grow from there.
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:applause:
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Just my two cents.
Try to etablish a nice level of communication with her.
Then you try to check her interest.
It can be done like this :
"would be interested to meet me in the future?"
You can be very upfront, no problem.
Depending of her level of interest let her know that you will warn her as soon as you will be able to travel.
Send her just a little message every ten days and that's all.
So you avoid the pain of maintaining a high level of communication, you make her confortable because it means no pressure on her.
And you maintain the emotionnal drive low, which is good and honest for both of you if you cannot meet.
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Well I haven't called her yet, like I said just started messaging her less than a couple weeks ago. I did tell her tonight that if she would like to talk on the phone I can call her. I have a feeling her English isn't great. She says she can understand my messages, but that she needs translator to write back.
To be clear, you really didn't say that. This is what you said.
....<snipped>...But it seems that talking to one that works all day am takes care of her daughter at night that conversation is a bit more difficult. I try to ask questions that'll spark conversation but the answers I get are somewhat short. I think it's partially that she isn't exactly english fluid, and so she keeps it short and sweet to avoid mistakes. But talking to her is a bit like pulling teeth sometimes. Maybe it's just that I'm not creative enough to converse with someone I've never met for long periods of time. Long story short, I need some ideas of things to talk about to get to know her better. Any input is appreciated!
...and we're conversing in the same language.
Anyway, you do know (and I'm assuming) WhatsApp gives you the ability to connect and talk via phone, right? If you're already texting her, what stopped you from just simply 'calling her'? Are you just writing emails at this time? If so, you're already having a difficult time figuring out what to talk about?
As for topics of conversion, create a few interesting one yourself. Having been in a relationship/marriage with a woman from Russia, I'm certain you have more than ample basis of understanding what can be of interest to a woman even from Ukraine?
add: Technically, you're not a newbie anymore - BUT - just to lay out some ideas FWIW - zero in on her universe since you said you wanted to get to know her better. Ask and/or discuss her aspirations, ambitions, share yours with her, inject humor (she can digest) at proper times - be attentive to her answers - show some enthusiasm at (hers) 'significant' responses/replies - don't be pretentious, predictable, a bore by defaulting to the usual hands-in-the pocket miser, don't be presumptuous but allow the interest to grow between the two of you. Be fluid and avoid pre-planned, pre-rehearsed, worn-out tired liners to enable her begin to explore herself within you. Let her wander and wonder things about you. There'll be nothing more interesting for a woman to talk about than a man she can envision, and eventually dream of, becoming a huge part of her time, maybe even life.
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But talking to her is a bit like pulling teeth sometimes.
Maybe it's just that I'm not creative enough to converse
with someone I've never met for long periods of time.
Then why are you pursuing her?
Long story short, I need some ideas of things to talk about to get to know her better.
Any input is appreciated!
Do you have children, does she?
Do you want children or more children, does she? If yes, how many?
Who should get up with a sick child? Who should discipline a child in various
situations? Should you spank a child? What punishments are appropriate
for various things?
If she leaves who will take care of her parents? What if they get sick?
What thing about your country scares her the most?
Would she like to work in your country? What would she like to do?
If everything went perfectly between you how does she imagine her
life to be like, or her typical day to be like.
What are her top ten pet peeves? What type of movies does she like
the best? Does she cry at movies? Music, Art, Books, etc. Favorite
foods, least favorite foods.
How often does she like to have sex per week? How does her number
compare to yours? How is she groomed? How does she dress for bed?
Does she wear babushka underwear, a wool sweater and socks?
What things go into the refrigerator and what food things go into
the cabinets or other unrefrigerated space?
What things does she like to do on holidays/vacations? What does
she wear to the beach?
Would she like to go to ballroom dancing, snow skiing, hiking,
site seeing, scuba or snorkeling, swim with the dolphins or sharks?!
When was she most proud of somebody?
Who did she have her last argument with?
What rules should married people observe during arguments?
What are some good reasons for divorce?
Does she drive? Does she need lessons? What's her plan
to improve her English?
What is better or more exciting
Sex on a rooftop or sex in the forest?
The mile high club or on the kitchen table?
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Sex on a rooftop or sex in the forest?
Poison Ivy is rarely encountered on rooftops.
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Then why are you pursuing her?
Do you have children, does she?
Do you want children or more children, does she? If yes, how many?
Who should get up with a sick child? Who should discipline a child in various
situations? Should you spank a child? What punishments are appropriate
for various things?
If she leaves who will take care of her parents? What if they get sick?
What thing about your country scares her the most?
Would she like to work in your country? What would she like to do?
If everything went perfectly between you how does she imagine her
life to be like, or her typical day to be like.
What are her top ten pet peeves? What type of movies does she like
the best? Does she cry at movies? Music, Art, Books, etc. Favorite
foods, least favorite foods.
How often does she like to have sex per week? How does her number
compare to yours? How is she groomed? How does she dress for bed?
Does she wear babushka underwear, a wool sweater and socks?
What things go into the refrigerator and what food things go into
the cabinets or other unrefrigerated space?
What things does she like to do on holidays/vacations? What does
she wear to the beach?
Would she like to go to ballroom dancing, snow skiing, hiking,
site seeing, scuba or snorkeling, swim with the dolphins or sharks?!
When was she most proud of somebody?
Who did she have her last argument with?
What rules should married people observe during arguments?
What are some good reasons for divorce?
Does she drive? Does she need lessons? What's her plan
to improve her English?
What is better or more exciting
Sex on a rooftop or sex in the forest?
The mile high club or on the kitchen table?
I married without discussing any of the above, other than we both wanted children, and even that was just in passing as it was sort of a given.
I think all these things are very subjective, and I'm not certain they matter much. I think it's important to share the same values in life.
This post was composed without the aid of google.
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If conversation is like pulling teeth, unless you enjoy pulling teeth you may be better off avoiding such conversations.
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If conversation is like pulling teeth, unless you enjoy pulling teeth you may be better off avoiding such conversations.
Quite correct.
I have spent time with over a hundred FSU gals and found there is ample opportunity for misunderstandings.
Add in weak English skills and you have a recipe for disaster.
Even now having lived with my FSU wife for over 9 years, and her having very good English skills . . . there are still misunderstandings. Luckily for me, she is rather on the calm side as compared to the volatile nature of many FSU gals. Otherwise, we likely would not have lasted one year.
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I married without discussing any of the above, other than we both wanted children, and even that was just in passing as it was sort of a given.
I think all these things are very subjective, and I'm not certain they matter much. I think it's important to share the same values in life.
This post was composed without the aid of google.
Bo, the guy can't figure out things to talk about and asked about how to
have a conversation with a woman he was interested in. I can't imagine
being interested in a woman and then not having anything to talk about,
but talking about your goals, values and potential life together might be
a good start. Also you didn't begin in a long distance relationship and
when you did the long distance stuff you already had an established
relationship.
We have men that have complained on these very forums that they married
a woman and he wasn't allowed to discipline her existing son. How could they
get married without discussion about existing children?
We have men who married FSUW who assumed she would do or not do a
great many things. They are thousands of miles apart and just getting to
know each other, what would you suggest that they discuss?
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There'll be nothing more interesting for a woman to talk about than a man she can
envision, and eventually dream of, becoming a huge part of her time, maybe even
life. [/font]
+100
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Bo, the guy can't figure out things to talk about and asked about how to have a conversation with a woman he was interested in. I can't imagine being interested in a woman and then not having anything to talk about, but talking about your goals, values and potential life together might be a good start. Also you didn't begin in a long distance relationship and when you did the long distance stuff you already had an established
relationship.
We have men that have complained on these very forums that they married a woman and he wasn't allowed to discipline her existing son. How could they get married without discussion about existing children?
We have men who married FSUW who assumed she would do or not do a great many things. They are thousands of miles apart and just getting to know each other, what would you suggest that they discuss?
Conversations should just develop "organically". If they don't, then she may not be the woman for you.
I don't think a stepfather should discipline stepchildren, unless the children view him as their father.
This post was composed without the aid of google.
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I don't think a stepfather should discipline stepchildren, unless the children view him as their father.
Disagree, having worn the t-shirt.
If they live under your roof and you provide for them and their Ma agrees a united front on discipline..it can be a good thing...
But, I also asked for the biological Dad's permission.
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Quite correct.
I have spent time with over a hundred FSU gals and found there is ample opportunity for misunderstandings.
Add in weak English skills and you have a recipe for disaster.
Even now having lived with my FSU wife for over 9 years, and her having very good English skills . . . there are still misunderstandings. Luckily for me, she is rather on the calm side as compared to the volatile nature of many FSU gals. Otherwise, we likely would not have lasted one year.
+1
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I think that Boe's response is something that might have legs. So
I am going to reply here but also start a thread where the conversation
can go into different directions unrelated to the OP and this thread.
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=24683.msg544100#msg544100
Conversations should just develop "organically". If they don't, then she may
not be the woman for you.
Or you might not be able to pull this off online at a distance.
I'm not going to mention names because this thread is about the topic
in the OP, but there members here at the forum who have expressed
that they have difficulties having a conversation with a woman they
don't know well.
If you are interested in a woman then you need to communicate that to her
and get her interested in moving things forward. [Warning sports analogy alert]
You have to keep the ball moving forward or else punt and move on. [Analogy Over]
Conversations should just develop "organically".
They should but they don't always happen that way. Every single guy on the
forum has fumbled up conversations with a hot woman. I have. It's rare since
I got divorced but I remember it. I usually turn to humor and get them to
laugh and then suddenly everything is organic again.
Back when I was a school boy I fumble-butted conversations with cute girls a
million times.
I don't think a stepfather should discipline stepchildren, unless the children
view him as their father.
If a woman thinks that way then she probably needs to wait until her children
are raised before she gets remarried. If you mean spanking, then I mostly agree
with you, but if the child is 0-13 then they will definitely need guidance, rules,
boundaries and discipline including punishments.
You also DEFINITELY need to discuss how things are going to work BEFORE hand
and come to an agreement. This is not the type of thing to discuss in the first
conversation (or first ten) and it doesn't have to be the same when dating and
being married.
When dating a woman I would never think of disciplining their child. First of all
you are probably never going to be alone with them where they can't do it for
you, but when you live under the same roof then you inevitably will be and
kids will test you, the rules and the boundaries. I can't stress how important
it is to
I don't think a stepfather should discipline stepchildren, unless the children
view him as their father.
Let me explain two different situations.
Smiley Girl was a very good girl 98% of the time and Angel Eyes almost zero help
from me. SG never considered my her father but she did respect me (almost always).
When Angel Eyes gave birth to Mini-me we made a rule that you had to take your
plate to the sink and rinse it off. One time Smiley Girl refused to take over her plate
so I told her I wouldn't drive her to school and that she could walk instead. (it was
winter in North Dakota) SG decided to take her plate over and rinse it off.
What that disciplining SG? Yes
SG was never a problem 99% of the time, but SG and Angel Eyes were arguing
about something in Russian and eventually SG was screaming at her mother and
after a while I said "That's enough! you can speak in a normal tone of voice"
She continued screaming at her without batting an eye, so I walked over picked
up her I-phone and put it in the trunk of my car.
SG did not require much discipline from me. He had more disagreements with her
mother (teenage girls tend to scrap more with their mothers).
A wife can't leave kids in your care if you can't discipline them. You don't send your
kids to school without the teachers having a few discipline tools to use if required.
A teacher can issue detention, extra work, a trip to the principal and other things
if a child doesn't follow the rules in their care.