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Author Topic: My first experience through EM  (Read 21216 times)

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Offline msmob

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #75 on: August 01, 2018, 04:07:52 AM »
Thank you BillyB, you seem to completely understand the point here.  During the "getting to know each other" phase, both the guy and the girl put in efforts for communication and things to build up. Just as I was patient and forgiving with her, similarly she could have also been. Just as I got over quickly about the cruise incident, similarly she could have got over quickly if she didn't like what I said on the last day about the communication part. This was followed by me requesting her to meet before going so many times. That was extremely stubborn on her part and lack of understanding.

Girls who are very interested in a man would not be so stuck up with few things said if the other guy is putting in so much effort to clarify.

Surfer,

BillyB was incorrect in that any girl you like to invite to the UK can come to the UK' to try you for size' on a general visitors visa - provided you can show you can support her ...  It does not have to be a head long rush ))

Offline John Gaunt

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #76 on: August 01, 2018, 04:22:23 AM »
Surfer,

BillyB was incorrect in that any girl you like to invite to the UK can come to the UK' to try you for size' on a general visitors visa - provided you can show you can support her ...  It does not have to be a head long rush ))
Try before you buy????
Returns included.

Offline John Gaunt

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #77 on: August 01, 2018, 04:24:59 AM »
Hey John --my advice ( & from many others)  was for him to get one !! ;D
I meant the low wage part time (ZHC?) job he currently has on which he thinks he can import an FSUW.

Offline Bee Farmer

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #78 on: August 01, 2018, 09:30:18 PM »
Quote
It may be a roughly 50/50 split however only a small percentage are at either end and it can be not good news to be a the extreme end of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. Normally this IS inherited, occasionally genes mutate but it is normally derived from one parent or the other.

Trench, introversion can be influenced by genetics, but other factors affect it too.  Considering that most couples tend to be an introvert and an extrovert, it's easy to say it came from one parent or the other.

My dad was an extrovert, and my mom introverted.  Two of my siblings are extraverted (and object oriented) and another sibling and I are both introverted. (and idea oriented)

Quote
Once she is in a relationship with a guy, particularly after marriage & children she is likely to suit her own tastes and put her own needs for people avoidance first. This can be awkward and difficult. I personally think such women are best avoided, the kids can get the same and it's not a great thing to live with.

That's rather disturbing, and reflects a very poor understanding of relations. (and resentment, due to being maladjusted.)

I tend to fall on the extreme end of being introverted.  Crowds wear me out.  Yet, I attend a large farmers market that pulls in a few thousand people every Saturday morning for a few hours.  I just need to be alone the rest of the day, and sometimes Sunday, in order to recover my energy.

It's just really whacked to think that having an individual personality is putting your own needs first, and implying that someone should torture themselves because someone is obsessed with the Pygmalion project, and trying to make their partner be like them.

Quote
Generally people at the extreme introvert end, morsel women I find are NOT social creatures, they don't like/avoid social interaction - they tire during it, lack the practice to be good at it, take bad interactions to heart, and tend to be lacking in social bearing as to what to say and do. Most extreme introverted women are socially clueless by instinct and can also be clumsy physically lacking in co-ordination, a bit clutsy, which is not a good look. Imagine the archetypal extreme introvert girl, wears glasses, bookish, difficulty getting on with people, people avoidance and a lack of awareness of social surroundings.

That is NOT an apt description of introverts.  That is a description of someone who is socially challenged, and just happens to be an introvert too.  (Why do I get the idea you are projecting your views of your mother on all introverted women?)

Extreme introverts do quickly tire of social interactions, because it drains them on energy. (and they gain energy by a lack of these interactions.)  But this does not mean that they are physically clumsy, or bad at the interactions.  They can socially interact in large groups, but they just tire of it quicker.

Quote
I personally think Surfer mag be quite a chatty guy, enjoys interaction and conversation, he may even chat a lot and quite fast which can be extra draining for an extreme introvert to follow and especially draining. I don't think there a goid match, I think he would be best to move on from her. I don't think such a girl is really cut out for a relationship nor a goid idea that she does so but many still insist on doing it despite not at all being people persons.

Seeing as how you say you are an introvert, are you saying that you do not believe that you are cut out for a relationship?

I hate to tell you this, but even extreme introverts communicate just fine one on one.  Most introverts are not drained by it, and may even enjoy one on one conversations, especially if they are interested in the person.


Offline msmob

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #79 on: August 02, 2018, 08:16:00 AM »
BF .. you seem as 'good' at theorising about 'how things should be, in life'  as Trench is at 'how to date'...




Offline Surfer

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #80 on: August 02, 2018, 09:42:36 AM »
I have an Indian friend, living in Sochi, who has made gis life there with his Russian wife...

They seem blissfully happy

That's good. I knew a few such instances as well :)

Offline John Gaunt

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #81 on: August 02, 2018, 09:44:37 AM »
That's good. I knew a few such instances as well :)
Yes, but these are the exceptions as you like to point out.   :clapping: :clapping:

Offline Surfer

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #82 on: August 02, 2018, 10:02:23 AM »
The narrative of Russian woman is mostly true - they want a better employed version of Russian men without the crazy drinking and womanizing but a strong forceful person - so timid, politeness to a fault and waiting for them to make the first move is not going to get you much.

Yes, I agree with that and in my experience I observed some of this as well. I think I might be the better employed version of Russian men indeed ;) I have a decent job (approx. 100K GBP per year). It allows me to make a few trips to FSU as well.

On the topic of being of Indian origin, of course, it's true that there can be many stereotypes associated with it. I am aware of them and I am realistic about it. Several FSU friends already told me about it and they face a similar situation as well, related to stereotypes about FSU people.

I don't associate with the stereotypical Indian. People who know me in real life often tell me that. Someone pointed out earlier in the thread here about the arranged marriage tradition in India. I don't like or follow such a tradition although I know it's very popular. It's true that such a tradition still exists there.

During my interaction with people there, I realized the strong cultural ties between Russia and India since the Soviet Union times. Even a strong similarity between the Indian ancient language (Sanskrit) and Russian which made it easy for me to quickly learn Russian by myself.

Offline Surfer

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #83 on: August 02, 2018, 10:04:57 AM »
First steps are: Don't feel sorry for yourself. Your over-sensitivity gives you away. Who the f#@k really cares you're an Indian? LMAO! You should be so lucky! So chill out. Relax.

Thanks for your useful suggestions and yes, I'll learn from the experiences and get better at it.

Offline Surfer

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #84 on: August 02, 2018, 10:09:17 AM »
I personally think Surfer mag be quite a chatty guy, enjoys interaction and conversation, he may even chat a lot and quite fast which can be extra draining for an extreme introvert to follow and especially draining. I don't think there a goid match, I think he would be best to move on from her. I don't think such a girl is really cut out for a relationship nor a goid idea that she does so but many still insist on doing it despite not at all being people persons.

I am quite communicative although I would not call myself chatty )) This girl even mentioned a few times that she likes my communicative nature.

I'm an introvert too. We are all introverts to a different degree. This girl was more of an introvert than me. It was all okay. I noticed a problem with compatibility too although I think, after spending more time, something could have happened. I was there for only a week though.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #85 on: August 02, 2018, 12:58:27 PM »
Trench, introversion can be influenced by genetics, but other factors affect it too.  Considering that most couples tend to be an introvert and an extrovert, it's easy to say it came from one parent or the other.

My dad was an extrovert, and my mom introverted.  Two of my siblings are extraverted (and object oriented) and another sibling and I are both introverted. (and idea oriented)

That's rather disturbing, and reflects a very poor understanding of relations. (and resentment, due to being maladjusted.)

I tend to fall on the extreme end of being introverted.  Crowds wear me out.  Yet, I attend a large farmers market that pulls in a few thousand people every Saturday morning for a few hours.  I just need to be alone the rest of the day, and sometimes Sunday, in order to recover my energy.

It's just really whacked to think that having an individual personality is putting your own needs first, and implying that someone should torture themselves because someone is obsessed with the Pygmalion project, and trying to make their partner be like them.

That is NOT an apt description of introverts.  That is a description of someone who is socially challenged, and just happens to be an introvert too.  (Why do I get the idea you are projecting your views of your mother on all introverted women?)

Extreme introverts do quickly tire of social interactions, because it drains them on energy. (and they gain energy by a lack of these interactions.)  But this does not mean that they are physically clumsy, or bad at the interactions.  They can socially interact in large groups, but they just tire of it quicker.

Seeing as how you say you are an introvert, are you saying that you do not believe that you are cut out for a relationship?

I hate to tell you this, but even extreme introverts communicate just fine one on one.  Most introverts are not drained by it, and may even enjoy one on one conversations, especially if they are interested in the person.

Not necessarily so, extreme introverts can find it draining if with an extrovert, are tired after work, person they with talks real fast, not naturally into person they are talking to, etc A lot of the time of one introvert is talking to another the pace will be steady enough for them to cope ok.

The situation generally is if one parent is an extreme introvert they risk passing a lot of this onto their children, it will vary to the extent. Often a child is more like one patent than the other so it's 50/50 ish. Often though an extreme introvert parent tends to have more dominant genes and often will have an extreme introvert child more often than not. It tends to be women that pass the gene on since being quiet is not seen as odd for a woman plus they can get pregnant.

I do not believe a relationship for me is not something I am cut out for at all. I believe it in part hinders me in a UK dating market where the females have a monopoly. I don't believe it is a great trait to have in life and I think many females think so to. Many females attend speed dating events in the UK just to try and find a more extrovert guy and nearly always come away disappointed.

Let's face it tiring of social interactions is not a great way to go about in life or someone to date.

Being with someone who is low energy as Surfer was with here is not a joy. Our we supposed to just sit around whid that person 'recovers' all the time, lol. That's going to quickly become a pain in the rear. I just thank god I'm not as bad as the woman here and would not get with a women like this as I would not wish it upon any possible children I might have in case they suffered like the women in this trip report obviously does so.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline msmob

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #86 on: August 02, 2018, 02:29:57 PM »
Trench telling us what women want ? .... :popcorn:


Offline treddie

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Re: My first experience through EM
« Reply #87 on: September 24, 2018, 04:41:47 AM »
I am very late to this thread but I wanted to share an opinion, which I hope is constructive. Surfer, I think the replies you got from Bee Farmer and Boethius were closer to the mark than you give them credit for. We only have your words to go on but the two of you did not communicate well and it's not that one side is to blame and the other is "innocent". However, I think there are a few points you could learn from.

I don't think her reply sounded rude where she said, "I don't understand what you want from me."

I think that you didn't understand that she was uncomfortable with the idea of just sitting and talking and you also missed the reasons for her feelings. However you interpret your own actions, she was confused and it's understandably not appealing for her to be in a one-on-one situation with nothing to do but talk.

She might have wanted to experience time spent with you - doing things more than talking. A lot of your descriptions seem to involve you telling her things and trying to make her understand things. I think there's a real possibility that you over-talked situations and pushed her into a corner, mentally.

Of course, what would *really* be interesting is if we had her perspective. You would probably be surprised at how she'd describe the same events.

 

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