new to RWD, married to AM for 24 years, trying to match make for my young friend

[Trenchcoat]

Yes I know It's pretty hard to make money these days.
This is why young men are now seeking wives who also make some money.
But men your age by now ususally have made a good life for themselves unless they have lost everything in a divorce.

It varies, there are a lot more single men and consequently women than there used to be many years ago. There are also a lot more single mothers than there used to be many years ago, about half of all parents are single parent families these days in the UK.

In general with the dating scene/women being single a lot more I would say it tends to be that it tends to be a case of 'No Deal' from the women, that like your friend they are after more than the market of men tends to offer. They might not be after a 6 figure (UK equivalent) salary but they tend to have too high expectations, hold out way too long for their own good. So many single career types of women around.

A lot of this disparity between what the woman wanted and what the nen had to offer tended to show up most starkly at Speed Dating. Roughly 20 Men to 20 Women, roughly around the same or similar age grouping, all supposedly single. Anyway, I went about for times, each time much the same situation, the women generally rarely ticked any guy, nothing particularly wrong with most of the guys there, mostly everyday normal guys, always the odd strange one on either side but generally everyday girls & everyday guys. Anyway, the women were all hold outs, thought that they were due a much better deal than on offer so no deal, despite many being near or in their thirties.

It's kind of the bizarre situation that happens a lot in the UK and probably no doubt the US. Women holding out as if a rich princely knight in shining armour is just going to round the corner. This despite them aging and starting to get past their best with their biological clock ticking to out of time status lol. They are literally heading for a of the point where no guy will likely want to bother with them yet they seem to think by holding out that they keep their value high and it will come good for them in the near future

That is what I would say about your friend, that she is valuing herself too highly. The type of guy she is after will probably be after a model looking girl and a younger girl, if he is mid thirties then he will likely be looking mid to late twenties at the oldest possibly even at younger women. If your friend tries to hold out, well I guess there is never a never but she is likely to end up going without finding a guy also. She needs to get away from fairly tales and get with reality. Guys that are truly wealthy rarely want to bother with an over the hill woman or one getting on the verge of it.

[olgac]

That is what I would say about your friend, that she is valuing herself too highly. The type of guy she is after will probably be after a model looking girl and a younger girl, if he is mid thirties then he will likely be looking mid to late twenties at the oldest possibly even at younger women. If your friend tries to hold out, well I guess there is never a never but she is likely to end up going without finding a guy also. She needs to get away from fairly tales and get with reality. Guys that are truly wealthy rarely want to bother with an over the hill woman or one getting on the verge of it.

Yes I told her that this was my experience as in my field I do know a lot of the good provider guys in their 30s and most married women 25-28.
I myself met my husband when I was in my 20s and he was in his 30s.
Unfortunately the fairy tales are now being propagated by many russian-speaking bloggers and instagram influencers. I know because she constantly sends me these videos I think she is starting to understand. One good sign is that before she was saying how she wants a guy who will tell her it's OK I will take care of everything if she "gets tired of working". But now with my help she is starting to learn more programming to find a better job (she doesn't like her job). I think (hope) she has accepted that she will need to find an equal or maybe even the man who earns less and she will HAVE to work.

This is because she doesn't want a man older than 40

I guess with her current job she just feels she is very tired of it and wishes someone would tell her you can quit tomorrow and I will take care of everything.
She was dating men for a short time and was complaining that she feels bad she has a boyfriend yet has to solve all her problems by herself.
I think she just needs a better job But she should also be careful not to lose what she has and be thankful, as not many people in Reno make that much.

[olgac]

It's interesting that she knows a UW here who came as a refugee, same age. And that UW did find a good looking local guy with money, who pays for everything. She asked this woman what would your boyfriend said if You told him you no longer want to work or you need like a year or 2 off. And the UW told her that her boyfriend told her in no uncertian terms that he doesn't want a woman who doesn't work and takes advantage of him. So my friend exclaimed "what kind of man is that? It's not a REAL man, I wouldn't want such a man!" And the UW told her that she is delusional and must be living in some fantasy world.

[Trenchcoat]

Yes I told her that this was my experience as in my field I do know a lot of the good provider guys in their 30s and most married women 25-28.
I myself met my husband when I was in my 20s and he was in his 30s.
Unfortunately the fairy tales are now being propagated by many russian-speaking bloggers and instagram influencers. I know because she constantly sends me these videos I think she is starting to understand. One good sign is that before she was saying how she wants a guy who will tell her it's OK I will take care of everything if she "gets tired of working". But now with my help she is starting to learn more programming to find a better job (she doesn't like her job). I think (hope) she has accepted that she will need to find an equal or maybe even the man who earns less and she will HAVE to work.

This is because she doesn't want a man older than 40

I guess with her current job she just feels she is very tired of it and wishes someone would tell her you can quit tomorrow and I will take care of everything.
She was dating men for a short time and was complaining that she feels bad she has a boyfriend yet has to solve all her problems by herself.
I think she just needs a better job But she should also be careful not to lose what she has and be thankful, as not many people in Reno make that much.

Yes but that is what we ALL want! lol

Seriously though what Man wouldn't wish for something to come along and say, 'hey it's ok if you're tired of working, I'll do it and provide for you!' lol. It could be a woman, winning the lottery, inheritance, lucky pick on the stick market, etc. I think most of us as the same, sure there are a few odd bids who feels they must work whatever the weather but I think most of us male or female would like out if it didn't affect our lives negatively.

That potentially is one solution out of the problem for her. If she could find a guy who had money behind him, she saves up money from her job but instead of working to buy a place with a big mortgage could be instead rent a place together and put their money into a business. It would have to be carefully researched and no guarantees of success but if it was successful it could relive both of them of the workplace and the business would then provide for them, pay for the nice house etc

That would help be rid of silly criteria or at least make it more realistic. Ok not saying it wouldn't be without hard work being needed or plain sailing but it is a possible solution I think. Krim did similar plowed his high salary earnings as a Software Engineer into business. Odds of being successful in business can be a lot more if good money is put in. Better if she does it with a guy she is into in a business they can both agree on, put in equal share of money, effort, etc. A couple running a business means the work can be shared between the two of them. Kind of seems silly otherwise to expect a man to put up with something (a job) that she doesn't want to put up with herself. I find a lot of women seem to want an out from the world of work and what to convert to a lady of leisure through having a baby in that they tend to want to stop work soon after some not wanting to ever go back.

With age criteria anything can happen but on an odds basis if she is lucky she may get late thirties, she may have to except that the guy will be over 40. Not all bad news she may inherit if he passes early Most guys I think will go for an average a girl 5 - 8 years younger than them in their thirties & forties, some more. The few years younger tends to be guys in their late teens & twenties. Basically it's the old looking old thing kicking in that men don't often like a woman looking old. Anyway, hopefully some stuff to think over there.

[olgac]

Yes but that is what we ALL want! lol

YESS this is what I keep telling her! That men ALSO want to have a backup in case they lose their job or something happens!
And if they don't like their job they would LOVE for someone to say it's OK You can quit.
In fact I told my husband just that! He retired 4 years before I did.

And yes running business together is a great idea!
But basically you can expect to be building wealth together unless you find some older dude with a house and lots of savings

[ML]

From today's newspaper, Relationship Advice:

DEAR HARRIETTE:
My boyfriend recently took me on a trip to California, and I was under the impression that he was covering the expenses. At no point during the planning or the trip itself did he mention that I would need to reimburse him for any of the costs.  I truly appreciated the effort he put into making the trip special, and I was grateful for what I believed was his generous gesture.  However, upon our return, I was completely blind-sided when he sent me a $2,000 Venmo request. I was shocked and confused, as this was the first time he mentioned that I would need to pay him back for any of it. Is it reasonable for me to feel upset about this, and what can I do to avoid such misunderstandings in the future?

[olgac]

From today's newspaper, Relationship Advice:

DEAR HARRIETTE:
My boyfriend recently took me on a trip to California, and I was under the impression that he was covering the expenses. At no point during the planning or the trip itself did he mention that I would need to reimburse him for any of the costs.  I truly appreciated the effort he put into making the trip special, and I was grateful for what I believed was his generous gesture.  However, upon our return, I was completely blind-sided when he sent me a $2,000 Venmo request. I was shocked and confused, as this was the first time he mentioned that I would need to pay him back for any of it. Is it reasonable for me to feel upset about this, and what can I do to avoid such misunderstandings in the future?

I guess in her case ut wasn’t totally stupid to assume he was paying for a trip that he planned and invited her to. In case of my friend the man she was seeing did tell her in advance the trip she wanted to go to was too expensive for him and she offered to split but didn’t like it. It was a small 4 day roadtrip

[Trenchcoat]

From today's newspaper, Relationship Advice:

DEAR HARRIETTE:
My boyfriend recently took me on a trip to California, and I was under the impression that he was covering the expenses. At no point during the planning or the trip itself did he mention that I would need to reimburse him for any of the costs.  I truly appreciated the effort he put into making the trip special, and I was grateful for what I believed was his generous gesture.  However, upon our return, I was completely blind-sided when he sent me a $2,000 Venmo request. I was shocked and confused, as this was the first time he mentioned that I would need to pay him back for any of it. Is it reasonable for me to feel upset about this, and what can I do to avoid such misunderstandings in the future?

My guess would be that he has the buyers remorse lol.

He's probably thinking of braking up with her in the near future so would prefer to get some money back before he does so. That or she has acted poorly to him either on the trip or thereafter hence him feeling it wasn't really appreciated.

I personally don't think that any guy who valued his girl would risk such an approach unless she had really pee'd him off. For me I either state upfront or just except it's sunk money. If it turns out to be a mistake then I see it as the cost in learning so it's not a complete loss in that.

May depend on what she earns also, if she earns as much or more and is a western woman it may feel like it's taking the pee that she expects everything free with him paying while she could easily chip in herself and is doing nicely thank you. Usually though I consider it bad form not to state upfront if requiring money and then sending along a demands out of the blue, it just looks real bad.

[Patagonie]

It's interesting that she knows a UW here who came as a refugee, same age. And that UW did find a good looking local guy with money, who pays for everything. She asked this woman what would your boyfriend said if You told him you no longer want to work or you need like a year or 2 off. And the UW told her that her boyfriend told her in no uncertian terms that he doesn't want a woman who doesn't work and takes advantage of him. So my friend exclaimed "what kind of man is that? It's not a REAL man, I wouldn't want such a man!" And the UW told her that she is delusional and must be living in some fantasy world.

   
Privet Olga, you are a wise and successful lady, smart and well minded for your friend.   
Your friend hasn't still understand that she is suffering from the double strike effect, but not really in her benefit.

Let me explain this. When I go to FSU I will pay everything during the dating time. As I say to folks who are meeting an Ukrainian or Russian lady, if you don't like those dating rules, don't date a FSU woman.
When I go to a Muslim country during Ramadan I will not smoke during the days among people in the street...
You get the idea. If your friend don't like the "share the bill", so she'd better to stay in Russia...
So she wants to be dated like in Russia plus having all the Western bonuses, career, economical perspectives, better opportunity for men... 
     
Let me detail this last one. 
The little problem she don't know is that America is producing out of the college at least 60% of graduated females and only 40% of males. 
Do you really think that these women, who work and are likely to make good money, will cry out "Ohhhhhhhhhh look, a young Russian lady now in the tumbler, we need to push ourselves aside to let her a slot". 
That's not gonna to happen because, and that's the genita, the DNA of women, they will search an UPPER status man. And they are damned ready to fight for this.
But, but
they have also a long excel spreadsheet of probably fifty or sixty lines (1/ must make more than $$$$$$ 2/ must be tall as 3/ at least graduated as me 4/ audacious but respectful 5/ make nice liposuction to my little pussy and the list goes on and on 
That's a good new somehow for you friend because they get tons of problems with this type of list BUT
Your friend is having the same insane list, that's the bad news (and you know it)
     
In every big cities in America there is a big shortage of the exact man she is searching for and ALL the graduated American women from colleges (and you have already noticed during your time here that the guys who looked like this kind of profile were gone quite quickly), while there are a bunch of women who are chasing them. 80% of women are chasing the few top % of men (and that's barely the same in the opposite direction for the most beautiful women).
But 
Your friend is close to approach the red zone. She only have few years to make baby TIK TOK TIK TOK         
And when she will be 38 she will be not the only one on the shell, they are tons of crazy women who want to get a baby at this age and like 39, 40, 41 and more. A not foolish man will avoid them like the plague especially the oldest. Because generally after the baby, life showed me that, in an outstanding proportion, they throw the man away like a towel but keep the custody and the alimony (and the child of course).     
So the question is, rather to be obsessed with her Excel spreadsheet, what does she bring on the plate?
Because, and we come back to the beginning, what could make her "different", if I was bombastic I would say "unique" on the dating market. Avoiding in fact to end up miserably in a "X millions American women that real men hate" +1
   
You should explain to her what happens to men in the West. She wants to have a house, babies, not working? Men have have A LOT to loose. She needs to have an education about this.   
BUT   
Not everyone owns the necessary empathy.
     

You have perfectly nailed this, there a no paradise where you just show and everything is owed to you. This world is a forgery. You have build your relationship with your husband shag za shagam, da? moladets

[Trenchcoat]

I guess in her case ut wasn’t totally stupid to assume he was paying for a trip that he planned and invited her to. In case of my friend the man she was seeing did tell her in advance the trip she wanted to go to was too expensive for him and she offered to split but didn’t like it. It was a small 4 day roadtrip

It sounds like your friend is pretty high maintenance lol That is one thing that draws the attention, she perhaps comes across as very materialistic?

That can be a big negative with men. I mean if the man is a multi millionaire or billionaire then he may not kind so long as his girl is smoking hot with a great slim figure, ample body assets and all together very much a model type.

One thing that's not be good into yet is her natural attraction to a man. Is she going to pass over on a guy with a lie incline she is attracted to for a high income guy she is not, even if the stats are all there?

I think stuff like natural chemistry, emotions she has for guys may be worthwhile her not disregarding. It's easy to draw up a list of theoretical criteria when at home not surrounded by the opposite sex but in practice people cons in all shapes & sizes including income. We may not be that keen on a particular aspect of someone but if we are into them then it can be better to put that to one side. That aspect we may not like might go away over time or be one less important or just be something we come to live with.

I think the main impression I get with your friend and it can be common to many women these days is that she is all too willing to draw up a set rigid criteria and hold herself to it for dear life. That is nearly always a recipe for disaster as all too often no man ever quite matches up and as Krim says she prices herself out of the market until she's well past her sell by date. I think it's better just to have a criteria as a general idea but be willing to shift a bit on it with this or that man if he generally seems in her ball park.

[krimster2]

OTOH, if you want to look for Rich men....
where do rich men go, what interests do they have????
has she spent any time thinking about this?

women are used to being opportunists
the idea that you should go out and actively seek what they want escapes them completely

in Ukraine, it's the men who are the opportunists
as a foreign man, you just go to one those "outdoor markets" on a Saturday when the weather's good
and you position yourself in the area that's selling women's clothing
and you will "see some titties" when they're buying clothes and trying them on...
the ones that make you "gasp" can be asked to go to lunch and they will always say DA!!!
then later, you go have "Naked Bania" and see her breasts again
how you say in English, "Piece of Cake, NO?"

and no my friends, I am not joking...

Ukraine was a sexual paradise for Anglo-Saxon looking men, even older Sean Connery lookin dewds
the women there will "sex you up" like no other women EVER will...

all you gotta do, is be their dictionary, problem solver and bank
which are all easy tasks for what you get in comparison

I'm a happy Americanski Moosh

[olgac]

It sounds like your friend is pretty high maintenance lol That is obd thing that draws the attention, she perhaps comes across as very materialistic?

I actually wouldn't say she is high maintenance at all. She is not very much into expensive brands for clothes, shoes etc or doesn't constantly go tto spa
for example. But she does like her vacations. And when she is dating someone she keeps telling me that she is diappointed he doesn't get her a suprise gift
or organize a vacation to take her on (and pay for it). Her other problem is that the men she dated don't take an initiative even planning dates, they are
asking her where she would like to go or what she would like to do, so she has to do all the planning. She likes men who take charge.

[olgac]

in Ukraine, it's the men who are the opportunists
as a foreign man, you just go to one those "outdoor markets" on a Saturday when the weather's good
and you position yourself in the area that's selling women's clothing
and you will "see some titties" when they're buying clothes and trying them on...
the ones that make you "gasp" can be asked to go to lunch and they will always say DA!!!
then later, you go have "Naked Bania" and see her breasts again
how you say in English, "Piece of Cake, NO?"

Very smart!
I for example always fly first or business class when traveling (I am claustrophobic otherwise since a really bad flight 6 years ago )
And I see many successful men in first or business class One time my husband and I were sitting
in different first class rows because we both wanted a window and the man next to me was obviously flirting
So I hear some young women fly business or first class just to meet men there
But I noticed these men are never young, so...

[krimster2]

Moscva Art Gallerys were a great place for meeting oligarch daughters

her biggest problem is it sounds like she doesn't have a very marketable job or education background
and that limits what she can earn on her own

most rich men I know are "not very nice" people
some I know are downright dangerous

if she focuses on money, she'll overlook the other things that might make her life really unhappy

she should focus on finding someone to have fun with
and go get an education that's worth something

and find a job that she like doing

that doesn't involve killing innocent people (this is why I'm retired now)
but hey, that's just me...



 

[olgac]

Moscva Art Gallerys were a great place for meeting oligarch daughters

One of my Russian male friends who himself has family wealth has married such an oligarch daughter.
Her father had a "serious talk" with him every time he didn't do something right in a marriage like
didn't get up at night for a crying baby There is something to be said for a wife having some strong family backup

her biggest problem is it sounds like she doesn't have a very marketable job or education background
and that limits what she can earn on her own

I think this can be fixed. She has a BS not in computer science but in an engeneering fiels. And she has been working as QA(tester)
for the last 7 years. BUT she is a manual tester, meaning you just sit and click on buttons and see what happens
Most companies right now want testers who know test automation (writing scripts that do testing for You)
and for this one needs to know some programming (not as much as a real developer) and know the tools.
I have no idea why in 7 years she has never learned it! I think she had it in her mind that she doesn't have brains to do programming.
But now she is taking an online programmign class (finally!) and I am helping explain things and do the homeworks.
She will need to take several of these classes.
If she has this on her resume this will greatly increase her chances and the salaries are also at least 20K higher.
I too would hate a job where I just sat all day and did manual testing of how some product works midlessly!
So yeah this is a good thing to focus on as opposed to hunting for a 6 foot tall young and wealthy guy.
Maybe if she got another job that she likes with more money she wouldn't be so damn hung up on someone rescuing her from working
and then she can date just regular guys on her own level or even the one making less!

most rich men I know are "not very nice" people
some I know are downright dangerous

if she focuses on money, she'll overlook the other things that might make her life really unhappy

Yes this is very tru! Exactly the same can be said about very attractive and fit men spoiled by all the attention!

Yes thank You for Your advice!

[Patagonie]

Moscva Art Gallerys were a great place for meeting oligarch daughters

her biggest problem is it sounds like she doesn't have a very marketable job or education background
and that limits what she can earn on her own

most rich men I know are "not very nice" people
some I know are downright dangerous

if she focuses on money, she'll overlook the other things that might make her life really unhappy

she should focus on finding someone to have fun with
and go get an education that's worth something

and find a job that she like doing

that doesn't involve killing innocent people (this is why I'm retired now)
but hey, that's just me...

 
Well written bro 

[krimster2]

"very attractive and fit men spoiled by all the attention!"

YES!  this was always "my problem"....
well..maybe just a little...
ok...not really....

merci mon ami!!!

How to pickup girls in Ukraine...
http://x.com/i/status/1826908188211314840

This has about a 50% success rate for average dewd depending on how good his "rizz" is
guys that are multi-lingual will do even better

you want to dress like a "rich kid" even if you're just a "poor boy" and learn what "virtue signaling" means
and the deavotckie (sp?) will be swarming over you, like flies over fresh moist "kakashka"

I mean, I assume that's what you ALL WANT, RIGHT????
and not lookin for an internet pen pal

For example, In Trench's case his profile picture should feature him inside some castle "here's a picture of me lounging around at home"
Sir Trench DeVille, Esquire


I am not like you "seekers"
I seek nothing from this world anymore

at my age, what I want is "peace"
and cookies....
lots and lots of cookies
and peace
did I already say, "cookies"?

za mir russki mir
ras, vas, tree
kick them in the knee
ras vas tras
kick them in the ass

ya plohoi malchick, slovo....

you can also make good money at the tungusta impact site
with a metal detector and digging up iron meteorites tha are worth $100 per pound or more
and having 1,000 pound days are common if ya have good diggers. mosquitos are a problem!!!


Tales of Adventure and Romance on the Russian Steppe
Published by Godzilla Gazetta Press, Grozny Russia

[olgac]

за какой русский мир???
точно что плохой мальчик!

[krimster2]

da! oichen!!!

[Trenchcoat]

How to pickup girls in Ukraine...
http://x.com/i/status/1826908188211314840

There's no way such a stunt would work on Western Women, try that on Western Women and Embarrassment and Humiliation would become your new best friends lol.

[olgac]

There's no way such a stunt would work on Western Women, try that on Western Women and Embarrassment and Humiliation would become your new best friends lol.

It depends on what the man looks like!
There was a comic about harassment at work, where a geeky guy tells a coworker her dress looks nice and she is like "I will call HR"
then the tall and handsome coworker says the sawm thing and she is all "awww thank You" and blushing

When I was at work I enjoyed all compliments even from unattractive men and women

[ML]

Same idea works with humor.

One guy or gal tells a joke and people laugh big time.

Another guy or gals tells the same joke, and people say:  No one likes a smart ass.

A lot of so called 'sexual harrassment' just means that the preferred guy did not say or do it.

- - - - - - -

I was once in a group where we all had to attend a class on such.

The woman presenter told we men:
You can look at a womans shape in the elevator, but for no longer than 3 seconds.

- - - - - -

Another funny thing was in the news big time a few years back.

A female presenter was telling the guys what they could and could not do.

She was walking down the center aisle and put her hand on a man's shoulder and kept it there for an extended period of time.  She said to the men, this is what you should not do to a female.

Subsequently the man's wife filed a sexual complaint against the presenter !  :-)

[krimster2]

"Embarrassment and Humiliation"

that's what my Father called me...
but he said it affectionately
a little bit...
sometimes...

it didn't bother me...
not too much...

[olgac]

Subsequently the man's wife filed a sexual complaint against the presenter !  :-)

OMG so funny

[ML]

When I was at work I enjoyed all compliments even from unattractive men and women

In her first few years here in USA, my wife would say to me how disappointed she was that no one at the University complimented her on her dress attire, looks, etc. as she had enjoyed in Ukraine.

I kept telling her how they would get in trouble if they did.

Now she has accepted it and doesn't complain any more.

- - - - -

On another occassion, after a presentation by a female outsider, one of the female professors said loudly:  "Great heels" as the presenter was leaving the room.

This was relayed by another professor at a later get-together and stated in great horror to be . . .  'inappropriate.'

We have gone overboard crazy at times.