She wants me to send her money for her plane ticket....

[clarkcr]

There is a girl in Mariupol that I have been exclusivly talking to for the last month and a half.  I have bougth my plane ticket and made arrangements for accomodations in Kiev for 9/5-9/15.  We plan to meet there (for the first time) and then if things go well, I will go wtih her to Mariupol.  She says she does not like asking her mother for money, and wants to come to Kiev to see me...but doesn't want to take the long train ride or car ride there.  She is asking me for help in buying her plane ticket.

Now, I have offered to help her financially with money before and she refuses.  I offered to help her withe her Interent access and her phone charges, but she refuses, saying she has money.  Now, she says she doesn't have the $200 for teh plane ticket and wants me to WU it to her today.

I played with her a little and said I didn't like sending money.  She said that would make it difficult on her...I'm $2000 into this thing....do I throw $200 more into the pot?  Do I ask her something else to smoke her out? 

I have communicated with her A LOT!!  SMSs everyday and phone calls twice a week.  She is claiming to be head over heels for me and says I look like her dead father and all that.  Frankly, she's coiming on a little too strong even.  My brain says she's a scam...my gut says she's honest. 

[Faux Pas]

clarkcr

You haven't given us enough information to form a firm opinion. How did you meet her? What kind and how long were those phone conversations. Of quality? It's a questionable call but it's your call. I guess it would depend on how important $200 bucks is to you. Most likely you are not completely $2k into it. You can cancel your flight and use it another time with a penalty.

Normally I would recommend if your head or your gut says it's a scam it's not worth pursuing. That "feeling" might never go away regardless of the eventual outcome. However, you said you offered her assistance before and she declined. I would seem to me that she felt she could ask you. I personally don't know the distance between Kiev and Mariupol. Does her request sound plausible? 

[groovlstk]

If you invited this girl to meet you in a city far from her home, it's your obligation to make sure she gets there and back safely.

Mariupol is not Moscow, for most residents $200 is a small fortune. If you refuse to help her you'll likely be tagged as a G-man (greedy), which could be the kiss of death for your relationship.

There is of course a possibilty she's using you, but your only alternative to forking up the $200 would be to join her in Mariupol.

[Doll]

I don't see anything wrong in her request. I did same before we met in Moscow. Actually I didn't ask- he sent money himself (5 times more than I needed for the ticket BTW).
 

[clarkcr]

I met her on Anastasia-International.  The phone calls were 40 minutes to an hour.  She has sent me dozens of pictures of herself with her cellphone.  One little such photo shoot were of her wearing a tank top t-shirt I sent her....ah.....those turned out well!  :-D  So...it's not a "Boris"...that is for sure.  We SMS each other ALL DAY LONG...sometimes it gets monotonaous because if I dont' answer within an hour she starts smsing me asking if everything is alright.  That is what I mean my clingy.  So, if she's doing this with other guys....it is a SERIUOS full time job.  

The phone calls are always light an bubbly.  There is never an itenerary, but always just sort of....nice.  Know what I mean?  She isn't a drop dead knock out...and she is very shy about sending provocative photos.  What else can I really tell you?  Seems to be a really nice girl......but don't they all?  

What bothers me is that if she IS a scam...I have invested so much EMOTIONAL equity in her, I will quickly become very bitter to this whole concept and never come back.  I don't want that, because I truely believe there are soem really great girls over there.  Maybe I should have just gone over un-announced and seen what fell through the cracks.  mmmm....they didn't sound quite right!

[Jack]

I think one has to be very careful today of things coming out of the Mariupol/Meltipol region of Ukraine. It is, in my opinion only, the current scam capitol of Ukraine.

I also recently communicated with a quite beautiful woman from Mariupol,.... man, I wanted her to be real.  She was actually very good scammer, never asked for money, etc, and she was also going to come to see me in Kiev.  I talked with her on the phone a few times so felt it was not entirely Boris or Igor.  I did not want to send money for plane and asked her to take a bus, she said ok. So I thought what the heck, if I get scammed it will be only for a little amount of money, like $50.  Common sense coming from my big head was telling me scam, the little head, like that little devil sitting on my shoulder, was telling me "do it, do it".

So I decided to send her money by Western Union and that I had to have a copy of her passport as I wanted to make sure the name on her passport matched the name on the Western Union transfer.  If she turned out to be scam then I would have pretty good proof as to who she really was. 

Well, with this woman who was crazy about me, that was the last I heard of her.

clarkcr I would hate to tell you she is a scammer based on the little info you have provided, although if I was a betting man I would say this is a scam. Why don't you tell her you will send her bus, train, or even plane money but you need her to send you a scanned copy of her passport?  If you do send a little money and she is a scam, you lost a little money. If you send a lot of money and she is a scam, shame on you.

[clarkcr]

Jack where did you meet her?  What was her name?  When was this?  Reply privately if you want......  Do all citizens over there necessarily have passports??

[KenC]

I am firmly behind Doll and Groov's thoughts on this one.  Of course you should pay for all expenses incurred by the lady in regard to your meeting her!  The only "questionable" part to this story is that most RW are not so quick to dismiss a train ride vs. a plane ride in order to save money.  If you have offered to pay for things in the past, you have set the standard now, that you are willing to do so.  What the heck is the question then?  Step right up to the Western Union window and send her the money.  Also be prepared to cover ALL costs related to her trip to Kiev.

I also like the fact that going to Mariupol was mentioned.  (A very good sign)  I won't even criticize that you are meeting in Kiev vs Mariupol as I understand Mariupol is a big sh!thole.  Good luck.
KenC

[clarkcr]

Thanks Jack.  What was her name?  Where did you meet her?  If you want to respond privately, please do so.  This girl of mine (Olga) suggested Kiev first. 

Again, people, it's not the money.  If I get fooled, I won't have ANY confidence in my ability to see a fraud....and BELIEVE me I've stept over a few! 

[Kuna]

Errrr....  you haven't met her and she is asking for money?  I can't believe some people are telling you to send it.

1. My wife would have NEVER asked for, or accepted money to fund her trips to Kiev before we met.  Of course I gave her the money back after meeting but she would prefer to die than stoop "that low". - Just giving you a sense of how SHE, and many other good FSUW would see this...

2. Trains suck compared to the plane...  but if she was traveling for any other reason she would be getting a train or bus.  Why does she now want to get the plane?

3. Meet her in Kiev, if it goes well go to Mariupol?  Why not just go to Mariupol to save her the hassle?  It removes the money problem. Be aware, she'll probably be very insistent she meets you in Kiev if you tell her no to the $'s and you'll just go to Mariupol instead.

4. It doesn't sound like you've met yet though you've been offering her money for internet etc?  Mate, I've gotta say, you've started out the wrong way.  Would you offer a girl in your home town money to communicate with you?  Of course not...  why insult her by offering it (sound harsh - my wife most certainly would have seen it as an insult).


You can send the money if you want - it's only $200.  If she is a scammer she probably only scams 5 or 10 men a month...  maybe more... you would just be an extra one.

If she's not a scammer and she's asking for money I would still see it as a red flag.  I just can't imagine the type of person I was looking for asking a stranger for money.   (You ARE a stranger if you haven't met...  no matter how much you've communicated) 

If you refuse you may very well be seen as greedy...  but I'd rather be seen as "greedy" by someone who was asking a stranger for money than knowing I was a fool for sending cash to one.

Read the Ten Commandments at the top left of RWD...  There's good reasons why most men would suggest you never send money to a stranger!

Good luck!


Just saw your next post...  some thoughts!

Not Boris...  but maybe Boris' gf? 

Clingy, and you've never met?  Errrr.... RUN DUDE RUN!

and she is very shy about sending provocative photos

Oh man,  I've just realised I've been wasting my time.  You've been asking her for provocative photos? 

IMHO anyone asking a girl they don't know (any girl) for provocative photos isn't the "real man" a good FSUW would be seeking anyway!

Think about it...  then be the man!

I just don't think this will go well no matter what decisions you make.

All then best - I wish you luck no matter which direction your search takes.

[BC]

In for a penny in for a pound..

You're all set anyway for a trip to Kyiv.. I'd just enjoy it either way things went.

A non refundable ticket (or ticket only refundable to your CC) might be a way, Jack might know a reputable agency that could handle that part of it.. just tell her the booking fee is less than WU charges for the transfer (probably true) but in the end it will either be 200 bucks for good or a 200 buck lesson..  I guess she could be testing whether you intend to show up LOL.

If you're sweating 2k, might want to check the FAQ as it represents a drop in the bucket in the long run.

Emotional investment in someone you haven't met?.. yeah that's high risk.

[BC]

Errrr....  you haven't met her and she is asking for money?  I can't believe some people are telling you to send it.

Kuna,

The hole has already been dug.. only suggesting he make the best out of it.

[Doll]

If you have offered to pay for things in the past, you have set the standard now, that you are willing to do so.  What the heck is the question then?

That's right- what is the question?
The remark about Mariupol is very funny.
Guys, come on!The price of the doubt is just $200!
My AM was stupid then.

[Doll]

A non refundable ticket (or ticket only refundable to your CC) might be a way

Can't you relax? Hate the men who don't trust - for me it means they can deceive themselvs.
 

[chade1968]

Sometimes you have to roll the dice. You should not be asking us, ask yourself. Anna asked me for 200$ so she could get a taxi to pick me up in Moscow. I sent her 400$ because I wanted her to have a way home in case my plane got canceled. She was there and quickly returned my 200$ because 200$ was for for a round trip. We are married now and I glad I rolled the dice. I would not assume your girl is "clingly" you have to look at it from her point of view. You are very important to her, I am sure she always talks about her boyfriend to her friends an does worry about the relationship a lot. If you do lose the 200$ big deal... I bought Anna a ticket on-line for her to travel one time... you might just see if you can buy her ticket if you are too concerned.

Good luck

[KenC]

That's right- what is the question?
The remark about Mariupol is very funny.
Guys, come on!The price of the doubt is just $200!
My AM was stupid then.

Doll,
I have to agree with you again.  If the OP is questioning whether to spend the 200 bucks or not, how sincere is he in his feelings for the girl?  If $200 is the threshold for walking away, he is in the wrong game completely.

Years ago I remember a guy visited a woman in Ukraine, and gave her $200 to cover her expenses to apply for the K-1 visa.  He later gave the woman some grief when she couldn't account for $24 of the money!!!!!!! Thank God, the woman was smart enough to walk away from him.
KenC

[Shadow]

How much did you pay for the tank-top and the shipping costs ? Was it worth it ?

When you snt her gifts, you pay money. When you call her you pay money.
Now I would go to Mariupol. So it is said to be a s**thole. Are you going there to meet a future partner or going on a vacation ?

You will meet what you are thinking about. Remind yourself of that.

[kievstar]

I would recommend paying it.  My advice is to always try to meet a girl in her home city first.  Than if there is a connection try a different location on second visit.  You should assume you will pay all costs in this relationship.  There is no "going dutch" dating system there. 

[BC]

Can't you relax? Hate the men who don't trust - for me it means they can deceive themselvs.
 

Doll,

I do relax.. 

I personally would go the 'in for penny in for pound' at this point, but considering his doubts suggested a possibly viable alternative.  Would save her the hassle of having to go retrieve the funds at WU, and book a ticket.  I think the last and only time I did a WU (to my wife, after I knew her) the charges were a good portion of the sum sent.

[Turboguy]

I would suggest paying it also.   If worst comes to worst it would be better to be stuck in Kiev with a gal who doesn't show than in Maripol.  Finding a backup plan in Kiev would not be hard.   It is a small amount compared to the cost of your trip.   I have send money to women to travel to meet me in the past and never had one not show.

[diverboy70]

Clarkcr

You are spending what on your airfare? Why even think about these 200? Just spend it! If you really believe in this girl, it's nothing to you. If all goes to *snip* it's still the leat of your problems!

Do you know what the avarage pay is in Ukraine?

I "have to" pay for my girls train ticket to Helsinki to meet me (about 120 €) I am doing this on my own initiative, I don't want to even make her think about asking! Just to put in perspective she is making about 1000 €/month and is the best paid person in her family, by far!

[tim 360]

I wonder you are in a quandary about sending her $200 bucks to come and meet you.

If you do send her the money to come and meet you in Kiev...maybe you will be scammed for the $200?

If you do not send her the money...she will probably think you are greedy,aka cheap and you can forget about her.

Seems strange to me after all the nearly daily communicating with this girl which you posted about that you are now suddenly thinking she might scam you for a measly $200.  

Why you have blown far more than that in time and money already and now you are fretting about $200?  

You'll never know unless you send her the $$$.  Funny thing is that you are the one who has been communicating with her so you should know best, eh.

You mention she would not send you "provocactive photos"...so I have no idea of what kind of guy you are.  Do you usually ask girls for "provocative photos"?

[diverboy70]

I just don't get what the problem is? If you are insecure in this woman and are scared of getting blowed off? nomatter the sum, and just see that as a personal failure? I can see this if you have a big ego.

If you think $ 200 is something to talk about, monetary, you are clearly in the wrong game!

I would absolutely have understood your question if she was asking for a airfare to come to you. But this is part of the deal, you should pay for all her expenses in the dating process! And you will probably blow off more than yhose 200 on the first night out!

[groovlstk]

We SMS each other ALL DAY LONG...sometimes it gets monotonaous because if I dont' answer within an hour she starts smsing me asking if everything is alright.  That is what I mean my clingy.

This is absolutely not scammer behavior, not by a longshot.

[BC]

This is absolutely not scammer behavior, not by a longshot.

Is early 20's behaviour..