Are my experiences typical/normal?

[jmiller62]

Hello, I am new to the forum, and boy am I glad I joined. In the past couple of days my understanding of some things has risen dramatically, I think. However, that is not the point of this post.

First let me start off by saying I am using a slowed down write many approach that conforms to the time I have available to me. I use mainly Elenas Models and russian-ukrainian-women.com. I am a rather large man, and use recent photos in my profile so I do not get a ton of attention but I do get far more than I anticipated and this experience is vastly different and better than match and other services for AW.

Typically I do not get long letters from women, is this normal? I am usually quick to move women off of the dating site and straight into skype, and I am talking to a few women now that I have amazing conversations with and good flow on skype but in between our availability to skype the emails they send me are sparse with content, it seems to me that these women are either very reserved or do not like to talk about themselves, which again is vastly different than AW.

I had an amazing conversation in skype with one RW that was by far the most fun I have ever had in skype with any RW or UW but unfortunately she soon changed apartments and the internet has not been hooked up. I continued to email her thinking that she would respond, I only got responses from her maybe once every 1.5 weeks. I then told her that if she were an AW that she would think I was creepy for continuing to email her with no response and that american men like myself are trained to take silence as a hint that there is no interest. I then told her that I would appreciate if she were just honest and not assume that I will take any hint. She now emails me at least twice a day.

I guess I am just looking for any tips and feedback on whether it is normal to have far better interactions on skype and kind of boring sparse emails? I have been at this for about 4 months just learning the way it all works and this seems to be a trend I am seeing.

[ML]

Writing is becoming more and more of a 'lost art.'

Lazy people prefer to talk rather than write.

Now, factor in that English is not the first language for FSUW, and talking in a foreign language is easier than writing in a foreign language . . . and you get the result that most FSUW will not want to be writing much.

[Slumba]

A short emailed response, even one that seems laconic, is usual.  In fact, it is a good way to weed out actual and fake profiles when you first start communicating via email or private message on EM.  A long flowery letter when you don't yet know the person is very likely a form letter that is fake.

[jmiller62]

Writing is becoming more and more of a 'lost art.'

Lazy people prefer to talk rather than write.

Now, factor in that English is not the first language for FSUW, and talking in a foreign language is easier than writing in a foreign language . . . and you get the result that most FSUW will not want to be writing much.

This makes a lot of sense. I do encourage the women to write in their native tongue and will do the translation myself. In fact the woman I talk with the most is done entirely in russian. I dont know the Russian language but I am trying to learn it. This actually helps with my confidence, thank you.

[alex330]

Now, factor in that English is not the first language for FSUW, and talking in a foreign language is easier than writing in a foreign language . . . and you get the result that most FSUW will not want to be writing much.

Add to that she is probably talking to 50 guys most of who will never show up. Why waste much time writing long letters?

[BillyB]

Typically I do not get long letters from women, is this normal?

Normal. Girls get lots of men writing them and get tired of all the talk and no action. They've probably told their life stories to countless men with little results. You mentioned you're a large man and don't get a lot of attention. You can make some changes and increase the attention you get. You have competition for the ladies and you have to beat them. If a woman has the hots for you, she will give you the quality communication that you seek.

[jmiller62]

Normal. Girls get lots of men writing them and get tired of all the talk and no action. They've probably told their life stories to countless men with little results. You mentioned you're a large man and don't get a lot of attention. You can make some changes and increase the attention you get. You have competition for the ladies and you have to beat them. If a woman has the hots for you, she will give you the quality communication that you seek.

Oh I get the attention I want when doing the skype. As a large man I have had to learn quite a bit to be successful with the most picky women in the world AW haha. By a lot of attention I mean I dont get 10 to 15 unsolicited messages from new women a day, I get maybe 5 to 10 a week(it goes in cycles sometimes a lot sometimes very few). Also on skype I get the nice non-verbal queues that I look for, grooming of the hair, matching movement, laughing at stupid jokes. Maybe I am just expecting too much to get their life story within the first two or four weeks  Especially with the language barrier. Thank you for the insight though, I am already a shrinking man, gained a lot of weight with the last AW, stress eating haha.

[jmiller62]

Also I think part of my concern is that I am so used to AW talking my ear off, because I am such a "good listener"  Maybe I just needed to write this out to see it more objectively.

[Patagonie]

Hi,
You seem to have good success and start exchanging with RW is nice to get used with the culture.
However you cannot ask them to be fluent in english as you  are.
Good point that you are learning some russian.
Now it's time to prepare you next move and honestly set up a schedule for your travel in FSU.
Women will loose interest if you just keep talking.

[Gator]

Welcome jmiller!

You are doing fine.  Keep going.

What is your objective?  For example, do you want to narrow  the number of women with whom you chat, become very close with one woman,  and then meet her? 

[jmiller62]

Welcome jmiller!

You are doing fine.  Keep going.

What is your objective?  For example, do you want to narrow  the number of women with whom you chat, become very close with one woman,  and then meet her?

My goal is to find someone I am compatible with and whom I believe I can become close with and then go meet her, unfortunately I cannot travel until the october or november time frame because of work, I do realize now that I may have started the search too early. I am trying to keep at least 3 to 5 full contacts at once so I can make an objective decision on compatibility. I do have a feeling about the girl I mentioned previously that was fun to talk to on skype, but until she gets her internet hooked back up and I can spend more time with her on video chat then I cannot make a decision. In fact I told her the other day that I want to skype with her more when she gets her internet hooked back up but that I had a feeling that there was something special about her.

My only concern really is that I am not fooling myself and that I am at least trying to be somewhat objective on compatibility. A couple of years ago I was dating two AW and made a decision on just one when it became required. In hindsight I chose the woman that was more exciting but turned out to be a very bad choice with no real character or values. I don't want to make that decision again. Admittedly I was probably thinking with the wrong head at the time and rationalizing and while I am aware of that now I need to make sure I am keeping the blinders off. Part of that I think and the reason for the thread is to make sure the behaviors I am seeing are expected, which it seems they are. I guess I will continue the course and start participating more in this thread and asking for help when I need a reality check.

[jone]

JMiller, welcome to the forum.  Get Clownfish.  It will help with your Skyping sessions.  It shares an instant translation with you so that if there is a communication problem, any words you type will be displayed in Russian.  Same with hers to English (unless, of course, she is already writing you in English).

[jmiller62]

JMiller, welcome to the forum.  Get Clownfish.  It will help with your Skyping sessions.  It shares an instant translation with you so that if there is a communication problem, any words you type will be displayed in Russian.  Same with hers to English (unless, of course, she is already writing you in English).

I am using a mac so I dont think clownfish is mac compatible but I will check. Thank you for the advise. Now we speak exclusively in Russian and in english with other girls that know it better. I currently use the following site because it will retranslate the russian back to english so I can spot check it to ensure what I am saying is what I meant to say.

http://imtranslator.net/translation/english/to-russian/translation/

[jone]

I am using a mac so I dont think clownfish is mac compatible but I will check. Thank you for the advise. Now we speak exclusively in Russian and in english with other girls that know it better. I currently use the following site because it will retranslate the russian back to english so I can spot check it to ensure what I am saying is what I meant to say.

http://imtranslator.net/translation/english/to-russian/translation/

Clownfish for Mac.

[HoundDaddyLee]

Clownfish for Mac.

Also the newest version of Skype has Skype Translator built in (not sure if it is on the MAC yet). You type in English and it shows up in the target language on the other computer. Soon it will have a Star Trek like "Universal Translator" where you can speak and it will type out the translated text on the other computer. She will speak her language and English words will appear on your Skype. All very cool technology, but not quite ready for general release yet.


Good luck in your search.


HDL

[Gator]

My goal is to find someone I am compatible with and whom I believe I can become close with and then go meet her, unfortunately I cannot travel until the october or november time frame because of work, .... I am trying to keep at least 3 to 5 full contacts at once so I can make an objective decision on compatibility.

Your goal is reasonable.  October-November is appropriate for the level of understanding you seek.   That means you need to decide in September and then arrange the trip. 

Your method to achieve this goal is okay, yet needs some adjustments because it seems you do not have a lot of time to make several visits.  Thus, it is important that you develop a close relationship before taking the first trip. To do this, I recommend:

1.  Focus on women who speak fairly good English, so good that you need translation only for a few words that come up in your conversations.  I married a woman with limited English.  I made it work by taking years to get to know her.  If you do not have years, focus on the English speakers even if they are not as pretty as some others (she still will be prettier than your AW dates, or otherwise you would not make the trip.

2.  You seem to be stringing along too many women.  Instead of making a detailed analysis of every woman, go with your gut  feeling earlier about whether a woman is really interested in you, even likes you.   You should know this after say 4-5 conversations.  This may eliminate some good women who are reserved, yet I think it best to find a woman who expresses freely unless you have years for this plan.  The opinion of others may differ.   

3.  You are probably already doing this,  but be sure to understand the values and goals of each woman and how they align with yours.

[Patagonie]

As all old members know it,
I am a strong supporter of the WMVM (write many and visit many) in ONE CITY.
And i also did with success the WAVM, write any and visit many in ONE CITY (two eventually, but you have to be experimented).
So if you want to higlhy lower your risks, and therefore to have less problem later with the famous question "who to visit?",
You could choose a city and limit your prospects exclusively to the ones who live there.

You will find many advantages to follow this type of search, rather to visit randomly a fourth of the planet.

[Trenchcoat]

This is useful for me. I too find that some girls don't write long messages, even when I have been in contact with them a while. I put it down to their bluntness that FSW can have. Though of course long messages are a big time killer, a trap I often fall into by habit I think. Guess for both the girl and the guy short messages mean more people can be contacted in search. I know from one girl that many guys write but are short on action, which is what the girl is looking for. Apparently it has been estimated only 5 percent of guys make the journey. Probably less for the US than UK because of the longer distance/cost.

So yeah, agree with the above, I get the impression some girls have done the hearing/telling each others story so much that they get fed up with it - a pointless bother if the guy never shows up or shows up and either party or both are not feeling it.

[alex330]

The woman who wrote me long flowery and lovey dovey beautiful letters had no idea who I was when I arrived in Odessa.


I married the woman who kept it short, casual, and friendly. She was real.

[2tallbill]

My only concern really is that I am not fooling myself and that I am at least trying to be somewhat objective on compatibility. A couple of years ago I was dating two AW and made a decision on just one when it became required. In hindsight I chose the woman that was more exciting but turned out to be a very bad choice with no real character or values. I don't want to make that decision again. Admittedly I was probably thinking with the wrong head at the time and rationalizing and while I am aware of that now I need to make sure I am keeping the blinders off.

You're a guy, and guys make mistakes like that. Now you need to become the driver
of the bus. This is a numbers game and you need to write a zillion girls before you can
find the best girl for you. How do you do that? by ruthlessly (but politely) kicking any
girl to the curb who is not the future Mrs Jmiller or any girl who is dishonest.

You can't waste time on a barely compatible girl just because she is hot. You want
an excellent girl not a so-so girl. You want a girl who will love you, be interested in
you and will be completely trustworthy.

Lastly have a backup plan. In my opinion a backup plan is NOT meeting with a girl
that you've previously discarded or who previously discarded you. Don't recycle girls!

If you want to see how to set up a back up plan you can read about it here.
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.0

Udachi!

Bill

[jmiller62]

You're a guy, and guys make mistakes like that. Now you need to become the driver
of the bus. This is a numbers game and you need to write a zillion girls before you can
find the best girl for you. How do you do that? by ruthlessly (but politely) kicking any
girl to the curb who is not the future Mrs Jmiller or any girl who is dishonest.

You can't waste time on a barely compatible girl just because she is hot. You want
an excellent girl not a so-so girl. You want a girl who will love you, be interested in
you and will be completely trustworthy.

Lastly have a backup plan. In my opinion a backup plan is NOT meeting with a girl
that you've previously discarded or who previously discarded you. Don't recycle girls!

If you want to see how to set up a back up plan you can read about it here.
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.0

Udachi!

Bill

Thanks  Bill,

I actually was just reading your trip report right before I saw this reply. Good info there! I have already cycled through a lot of girls, I had to recently take a break because I got very busy with my business but one of the women I liked the most thus far moved and told me she wouldn't have internet, I thought she just wasn't interested but kept emailing her every once and awhile. Well she got her internet back and we immediately spent 2.5 hours on skype. I'm starting the discussion with her for a potentiall trip to visit her and I want at least a few more skype sessions but I am planning the trip for November or December. Based on your and other trip reports I'll have a couple angencies in mind as a backup.

So to recap emails seems to be cheap, skype is much richer, and nothing replaces an in person visit.