Back to Dating: Experience in USA

[Pkeel1]

Summer is over here and I decided to get back into dating.  Thought I would describe my luck for the last week.

I met one girl online, met for a drink and some live music.  Wound up seeing her baby daddy while we were there.  Went to two different bars after with him tagging along.  She had 4 shots with him.  We ran into her ex boyfriend.  He got into a fight with her and with the girl he was with.  Wound up with police at the bar.  On the way back to the cars her ex boyfriend showed up again.  He threatened me, chased her fighting and arguing the entire way back to her car.  Evening ended with her getting a dui.

Second lady and I took my puppy for a nice long walk along a trail.  3 days later she disappeared for the weekend and comes back to say she needs to learn how to love herself better before she gets into a relationship.  Spent the weekend alone at a friends camp crying about how bad her life is. 

I so love dating in the area.  I love the people that keep telling me what wonderful ladies are available.  I especially love the ones that tell me to stop looking and one will show up.  Lets see I didn't look from late June into late August and surprisingly while I wasn't looking.... I did not go on a single date.

In the meantime I have kept in touch with a couple of online friends from Ukraine.  One lives in Donetsk, she is happy, goes to work, and posts pictures of the building next door with windows blown out from the fighting.  Another in Kaliningrad goes about her daily life, enjoying friends and family. 

Pretty sure I will be getting back online and looking for a woman in the FSU. 

[Shadow]

Drop the one in Donetsk. She is aiming for a free holiday as ´damsel in distress´.
As for the stories about the US women, if you would only know the daily lives of those inthe FSU...

[lonedrake]

I met one girl online, met for a drink and some live music.  Wound up seeing her baby daddy while we were there.  Went to two different bars after with him tagging along.  She had 4 shots with him.  We ran into her ex boyfriend.  He got into a fight with her and with the girl he was with.  Wound up with police at the bar.  On the way back to the cars her ex boyfriend showed up again.  He threatened me, chased her fighting and arguing the entire way back to her car.  Evening ended with her getting a dui.

That was a hell of a date...all in one night no less.  At least it wasn't boring

[pokerintherear]

You attract the same as who you are.

Maybe time to take a deep breath and reboot with you as the priority.

[Gator]

I met one girl online, met for a drink and some live music.  Wound up seeing her baby daddy while we were there.  Went to two different bars after with him tagging along.  She had 4 shots with him.  We ran into her ex boyfriend.  He got into a fight with her and with the girl he was with.  Wound up with police at the bar.  On the way back to the cars her ex boyfriend showed up again.  He threatened me, chased her fighting and arguing the entire way back to her car.

Been there, done that, except I ended up rolling around on the bar floor fighting with the ex- after he hit woman and then swung at me.   He was a good fighter....thank God for bouncers!

The woman was incredibly beautiful and made an interesting first impression, so I pursued her.  And then her younger sister entered....bottom line:  the two women were both terminally immature if not mentally unstable. 

Run Forrest Run!  Unless you like melodramatics and police knocking on your door. 

Evening ended with her getting a dui.

Sounds like both of you had too much to drink if you let her drive. 

Second lady and I took my puppy for a nice long walk along a trail.  3 days later she disappeared for the weekend and comes back to say she needs to learn how to love herself better before she gets into a relationship.  Spent the weekend alone at a friends camp crying about how bad her life is. 

She seems self-absorbed and negative.  Did you ask her what was so bad about her life?    Did you ask her what were the blessings in her life? 


Run Forrest Run!  Unless you like playing psychologist every day for trivial matters.   

Pretty sure I will be getting back online and looking for a woman in the FSU.

Good choice.  My experience with FSUW suggests they avoid melodramatics.  Plus they can deal competently with obstacles and misfortune in life.  Nevertheless, as Shadow wrote:

As for the stories about the US women, if you would only know the daily lives of those inthe FSU...

One way FSUW cope is to forget about the past.  They are reluctant to talk about it.  Yet, when they eventually do open up,  do not be surprised.  In fact, your hair may stand up on the back of your neck.  In contrast, AW tend to share too much too soon. 

[Pkeel1]

I feel horrible about her getting the dui.  I was totally sober, but totally uninterested in getting into a fight.  This was our first meeting and we both drove to get there.  If I had thought it out, I would have taken her keys from her when she forgot her purse in the bar.  I was not expecting the ex boyfriend to return.

I enjoyed the evening, it was all somebody elses drama and has no effect on me or my life.  And yes this lady is very hot and attractive and a good deal younger than I am. 

The other one is a slight nutjob only.  Prone to listening to the psychosis of the day.  She has taken classes to learn how to take charge of the worlds energy and use it to help her life or some such silliness.  Again, just another lady to not have a second date with.  I did ask her about why she thought she didn't love herself enough... She blamed it on her first of two ex husbands cheating on her 20 years ago. 

Yes I will not date either one again.

The lady in Donetsk has been a penpal for almost 2 years as has the lady in Kaliningrad.  They are nothing but internet friends.  The lady in Kaliningrad asks me advice about men that contact her and I ask her about some of the things ladies say to me.  It is very interesting to get the perspective of a Russian lady.  They both are only interested in men from Europe as the USA is too far away to see their families on a regular basis.

These Americans are one and done dates, so I am not so sure they reflect anything.  I just think it is funny to go back to dating and have 2 quick and strange adventures.

[Drew]

Pkeel, referring back to your original post in this thread; that read better than any soap opera.

Have you thought of trying to sell this stuff to some soap opera?

Perhaps you could go on more dates with these and other women and it could make an entire season on TV.

I really do feel for what you went through, so sorry.

[fathertime]

Hey Pkeel, if you are stuck dating in the USA for a while you can always try that silly Eharmony site...my buddy who is 46 years old is lining up dates quite often from them...some of them turn out to be duds but he has been satisfied enough overall...and it at least gives you a chance locally.....but yeah overall if it were me, I'd be travelling somewhere abroad as soon as I could.


Fathertime!   

[jone]

Pkeel, referring back to your original post in this thread; that read better than any soap opera.

Have you thought of trying to sell this stuff to some soap opera?

Perhaps you could go on more dates with these and other women and it could make an entire season on TV.

I really do feel for what you went through, so sorry.

I've always thought that someone could write a great book or, for that matter, a TV show.  Call it 'Kova'.

[Muzh]

[Slumba]

You attract the same as who you are.

Do you seriously believe that?  Fairy tales are more believable...

 

[Aloe]

I went on a date in america too. The guy turned out to be 10 years older, 20 kg heavier and 2 children richer than in his photos and profile 

[Lily]

Do you seriously believe that?  Fairy tales are more believable...

They say, similar is attracted to the similar 

[vwrw]

They say, similar is attracted to the similar 

We like people who are similar to us, but we not necessarily find them attractive. 

[Steamer]

They say, similar is attracted to the similar 

I think that we find the exact person we are looking for. The problem is that we don't always know what's good for us.

[Shadow]

I went on a date in america too. The guy turned out to be 10 years older, 20 kg heavier and 2 children richer than in his photos and profile 

And probably he blamed you for not looking like your profile....

[pokerintherear]

Do you seriously believe that?  Fairy tales are more believable...

Believe what you want. Fairy tales or not.

The OP tells of his dating adventures. The first date he explains they run into "baby daddy's" and "ex boyfriend" of his date. He goes on to explain how one of them tags along for the rest of the night.

Most guys with a little self respect would end the date and walk out when his date takes more interest in her ex's than him. Of course he did not do this which brings into question....... why***?

I think it says much about the man.


*** Disclaimer ..... Now if he was just looking for a good time, one night stand, or maybe a threesome his actions of not walking away can be excused. But if this is the case he attracted the "correct" woman and again what does it say about the man?

[CaptB]

I don't even own a cell phone. Had one once for a year.....found I really didn't need one. Yes I am a geezer.......but not stuck in the past. I don't get the "texting" thing......seems redundant.....since the invention of the telephone (line or cell). I get annoyed when folks can't put down the cell to give the check-out girl a minute of your time. The check-out girl is giving me a smile.....and even an occasional "flirt"......because I can give her a minute....unlike the "rude" guy.....who can't. I once went over to talk to an attractive girl at the library. She was at a computer (our library had about 50 at the time). I
feigned being a computer illiterate and asked if she could could show me how to do something. I told her "thanks".....sat down at the computer next to her. I continued with my project......no longer giving he any attention. She eventually struck-up a conversation....and we went out for coffee. I once went out with a girl from a video store. I always chatted her up....not really flirting.....just giving her attention. We eventually went out on a few dates.....and remained friends long after. Actually remaining friends "after" has always been a recurring theme in my past dating life. Only one or two psychos....when I was very young.


About three years after my divorce I was at a bar. A small group of people were a table laughing and having fun. I saw a very pretty girl.....with a very pleasant demeanor. I kept sneaking glances at her......then noticed her looking over in my direction....every once in awhile. I asked her to dance. We talked. I said "thanks for the dance".......and went back to the bar. An hour later they were leaving the bar.....and she stopped for a moment and said "thanks for the dance". I noticed a guy in the group who was an aquaintence. I ask him for "his" phone number...and told him I had a few questions....and that I would call him tomorrow. I called him the next day...to ask about "her". I never saw her before because she normally didn't frequent bars. She had lived in Florida for 15 years....and was homesick for the U.P. of Michigan....and had only been back for three months. It was her birthday celebration at the bar. I did not want to be the guy trying to "pick her up".....in a bar. I came up with a plan. I obtained her phone number from my friend. I have been told many times I have a voice that would be good for radio. I decided to put it to good use. After writing a short script and a little practice.......I called at about 8pm one evening. I said "hello....this is Marc ****** from WMQT radio.........is this *******?". She replied "yes".
I explained that that we had a "business card" lunch drawing every thursday night. She said she did not drop-off a business card in the jar at the sponsoring restaurant.......across the street from her place of worked. I said....maybe your boss did? I said I would now asked her the "country music question of the day"........for the free lunch. She answered correctly.....and I said you are the "big winner". I told her there is a catch though......she would be having lunch with one of the stations DJ's. She had three to choose from.......but no names.....just descriptions of their "personalities". I said she could choose "handsome stud"........"the intellectual".......and finally...................."the comedian". She asked me.......which one are you? I said......"the comedian". She said......I choose the comedian. I said.....well you would have got me anyway......I am also the other two. She laughed. She came into the restaurant for her "lunch date" the next day. Upon seeing me.......she said "hey......I know you!" I told her after our (great) lunch....she had been set-up. She laughed.....left me her number......and left. We had a nice relationship for about four months. We had the worst, coldest winter in history that year. She said she was going back to Florida.....she really did not miss winters here. She asked me if I would consider relocating. I said if my kids were older (at the time they were 5, 8 & 11)....I would give it serious consideration......but that I really couldn't at this time.
We decided to part company at that time. Even the occasional date would be a little painful......it was easier to just move on.


Lots of other places over the years......grocery stores, bus stops, schools, art shows.......with and without my kids......before they were grown.Yes....I even had a date or two using a .........COMPUTER!!!!!! People are losing..................their "people skills". We all know there are a ton of guys here who are socially inept......thats why.."they"... are here. For me the computer was just one of..... "many ways".... to find a date...or a partner. For the other folks here.....a computer may actually be.........a hinderance. It doesn't take the place of "people skills. Looking to Russia for a possible mate.....was just one of many ways....."for me".  I never gave-up on American women. I just happen to find the right person....somewhere else.


Capt B         

[l8_apx]

Capt B, nicely put and thanks for posting.  There are some good reminders in there for myself!

[RoboCop]

Summer is over here and I decided to get back into dating.  Thought I would describe my luck for the last week.

I met one girl online, met for a drink and some live music.  Wound up seeing her baby daddy while we were there.  Went to two different bars after with him tagging along.  She had 4 shots with him.  We ran into her ex boyfriend.  He got into a fight with her and with the girl he was with.  Wound up with police at the bar.  On the way back to the cars her ex boyfriend showed up again.  He threatened me, chased her fighting and arguing the entire way back to her car.  Evening ended with her getting a dui.

Second lady and I took my puppy for a nice long walk along a trail.  3 days later she disappeared for the weekend and comes back to say she needs to learn how to love herself better before she gets into a relationship.  Spent the weekend alone at a friends camp crying about how bad her life is. 

I so love dating in the area.  I love the people that keep telling me what wonderful ladies are available.  I especially love the ones that tell me to stop looking and one will show up.  Lets see I didn't look from late June into late August and surprisingly while I wasn't looking.... I did not go on a single date.

In the meantime I have kept in touch with a couple of online friends from Ukraine.  One lives in Donetsk, she is happy, goes to work, and posts pictures of the building next door with windows blown out from the fighting.  Another in Kaliningrad goes about her daily life, enjoying friends and family. 

Pretty sure I will be getting back online and looking for a woman in the FSU.

International romance is much better than dating domestically in my opinion. I tend to think their are too many barriers preventing people from bonding naturally. I don't know if it's a phenomenon peculiar to the Western world, but in my experience dating in America is more similar to a game of poker; where both parties keep their cards close to their chest, not wanting to come off as vulnerable. This leads to a lack of openess and transparency in the dating culture, that just doesn't seem to exist in other countries. After the first few dates, if I tell a girl that my ultimate intention is to get married and settle down (a perfectly healthy and normal thing to want) I'd probably come off as "desperate," but this wasn't so with the women I communicated with from the FSU.

Then again, it could just be the nature of internaional relationships, given the level of commitment required from both parties to make things work, that only the serious apply.

[lordtiberius]

I love it when men open up about their experiences and all these Monday morning quarterbacks crawl out from the basement to offer their sincere advice.

My only advice is chin up, onward and upward, you can get what you want if you have confidence and charm.

That seems to be in short supply around here.

[AC]

International romance is much better than dating domestically in my opinion. I tend to think their are too many barriers preventing people from bonding naturally. I don't know if it's a phenomenon peculiar to the Western world, but in my experience dating in America is more similar to a game of poker; where both parties keep their cards close to their chest, not wanting to come off as vulnerable. This leads to a lack of openess and transparency in the dating culture, that just doesn't seem to exist in other countries. After the first few dates, if I tell a girl that my ultimate intention is to get married and settle down (a perfectly healthy and normal thing to want) I'd probably come off as "desperate," but this wasn't so with the women I communicated with from the FSU.

+1     

It's not only better with FSU women, it's better with most all non-Western women as well. 

[Shadow]

International romance is much better than dating domestically in my opinion. I tend to think their are too many barriers preventing people from bonding naturally. I don't know if it's a phenomenon peculiar to the Western world, but in my experience dating in America is more similar to a game of poker; where both parties keep their cards close to their chest, not wanting to come off as vulnerable. This leads to a lack of openess and transparency in the dating culture, that just doesn't seem to exist in other countries. After the first few dates, if I tell a girl that my ultimate intention is to get married and settle down (a perfectly healthy and normal thing to want) I'd probably come off as "desperate," but this wasn't so with the women I communicated with from the FSU.

Then again, it could just be the nature of internaional relationships, given the level of commitment required from both parties to make things work, that only the serious apply.

Not being able to understand half of what is said is somtimes a positive as well.

[Boethius]

International romance is much better than dating domestically in my opinion. I tend to think their are too many barriers preventing people from bonding naturally. I don't know if it's a phenomenon peculiar to the Western world, but in my experience dating in America is more similar to a game of poker; where both parties keep their cards close to their chest, not wanting to come off as vulnerable. This leads to a lack of openess and transparency in the dating culture, that just doesn't seem to exist in other countries. After the first few dates, if I tell a girl that my ultimate intention is to get married and settle down (a perfectly healthy and normal thing to want) I'd probably come off as "desperate," but this wasn't so with the women I communicated with from the FSU.

Then again, it could just be the nature of internaional relationships, given the level of commitment required from both parties to make things work, that only the serious apply.

That's your subjective experience.  I know many WM/WW couples who are happily married, many for decades. 

[AC]

That's your subjective experience.  I know many WM/WW couples who are happily married, many for decades.

You keep talking about happily married Western couples.  None of us here who are single are going to try to break up any of these couples and date the married female portion of this couple.  If I wanted to shag married women I can go to Ashley Madison and do it 5 days a week.  That leaves the left-over scraps for the single guys (and the married guys who chose a different path know).  If you would listen to the single guys you might hear what they are saying.  And don't give me a false choice between "feminists" and the quiverfull movement.  I'm not yet interested in either one.

Single guys are smart to expand their dating pool to Internationally born women with a different mindset, however you don't need to go to the FSU to do it, you can date many foreign-born women as you travel or here in the USA as well.