Did you help to her financially?

[curmudgeon]

Someone with business experience can and will make a good mother. Someone who is currently a businesswoman can't make a good mother. This because she has chosen to devote 40 to 50 hours of each of her weeks to be pursue her career and not mother her childern. She has shorted each child on the average of 2,100 hours each year of her much needed mothering. While she might be a good mother when she is a mother what she really is is a parttime mother at best.

The original quote concerned perceived personality differences between a businesswoman and a non-businesswoman.

What you said applies to any woman who works with children, whether she works as a businesswoman or say, a doctor.

Not the same thing, at all.

[PeeWee]

The original quote concerned perceived personality differences between a businesswoman and a non-businesswoman.

What you said applies to any woman who works with children, whether she works as a businesswoman or say, a doctor.

Not the same thing, at all.

No. You misunderstood. I said that if a woman has her own childern and she is working, whether she is a business woman or a doctor or a teacher, it makes no difference, then it is hard for her to be a mother 24 7 because she is distracted for 1/3 of that time each day and she, as a result, is not with her childern, hence she is not being a mother to them.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

I was asking the same question time after time, but nobody wants to answer.
I do understand DonaZ case, who spent a lot of time with his girlfriend and asked her to quit, because he wanted her to be with him bot working somewhere for peanuts.... But this sort of situation doesn't hapen too often. Why does she have to quit her job months and months before her departure to prepare herself for trip to another country? Pteparing how? Doing what?

Maybe it is a control and a security issue, WO. If a guy gets her dependant on his monthly dole then he feels more secure in the direction of her life (control) and as she becomes more dependant on him for his money then maybe he thinks she is less likely to find another man? I agree. Sometimes it might be necessary for him to send some money for an emergency...I did it, but the monthy allowance just because well then that I don't understand.

Peewee

[Wild Orchid*]

No. You misunderstood. I said that if a woman has her own childern and she is working, whether she is a business woman or a doctor or a teacher, it makes no difference, then it is hard for her to be a mother 24 7 because she is distracted for 1/3 of that time each day and she, as a result, is not with her childern, hence she is not being a mother to them.  (mine WO)
Peewee

How long is woman expected to be a mother 24/7? Have you tried that?

[PeeWee]

How long is woman expected to be a mother 24/7? Have you tried that?

"24/7" is a saying, WO. Just means that someone does whatever it is that they are doing all of the time. My idea of a mother is that she is a full time mother...not a part time mother or one who works 8 to 10 hours each day at a job and then comes home only to spend a couple of hours with her children and her husband, if he is lucky, before she herself goes to bed.

Peewee

[Wild Orchid*]

"24/7" is a saying, WO. Just means that someone does whatever it is that they are doing all of the time. My idea of a mother is that she is a full time mother...not a part time mother or one who works 8 to 10 hours each day at a job and then comes home only to spend a couple of hours with her children and her husband, if he is lucky, before she herself goes to bed.

Peewee

he-he  My question wasn't about meaning of 24/7. I was asking if you are prepared to be 24/7 father year after year after year.... Or it is Ok when a child sees the father for 1 hour a day? 

[Turboguy]

A lot of the time a child is growing up there may not be that much difference between being a 24/7 mother or father.    Once they get into first grade they are off to school most of the day, off playing with friends some of the time they are home and often with boys may spend more time with their dad than their mother. 

Granted the first 5 years of so is usually a much bigger burden on the mother.

[Shadow]

My point of view, which I inherited from my parents, is that when the children are at home, one of the parents should be.
As long as my capacity to earn money is higher than that of my wife, it is going to be her who is at home when the children are. If the children go to school or daycare, I have no objection to her working should she desire to work.
When I come home my job as father will be the main thing for me.

I know this is an uneven job, and I remeber the remarks my mother used to make to my father.
"I get to tell them what they should not do and when daddy arrives they are only happy to see him"

[PeeWee]

he-he  My question wasn't about meaning of 24/7. I was asking if you are prepared to be 24/7 father year after year after year.... Or it is Ok when a child sees the father for 1 hour a day? 

it is impossible for both parents to be available to their children 24/7. One of the two must be the hunter of food for the entire family. Humans were biologically designed to operate as a family unit with the father, the stronger of the two parents, to be the provider while the mother is the raiser of the childern. Because of something we call "material" gains...bigger and better home, nice cars, etc, and the amount of money, or credit, that one has to amass to gain these things, then the children are set aside in favor of the material gains. We now farm out kids out to day care and the school system so that both mother and father can work, to earn more money to buy more toys, and as a result the childs pseudo parents now become the day care worker, the school teacher, and stupid TV characters such as Barney and the Teletube Babies. The system is screwed and so are the kids of the future because they have no mother anymore.

Peewee

[Wild Orchid*]

And that is exactly why MEN always sat that one of the parents should stay at home with the kids, because they know it won’t be THEM.  ;DYou try it first than debate what woman should and should not do. 

[docetae]

Just a quick note ... as soon you become a father, you are 24/7 ... no choice. After this is from the responsability of each one to know what he wants to transmit to his children ...

For me, this is the responsability for each parent to rise his/her children and I will not give my place for an empire .

[Wild Orchid*]

Then how will you explain that?

whether she is a business woman or a doctor or a teacher, it makes no difference, then it is hard for her to be a mother 24/7

Is it call "male logic"? Man can be at work 10-12 hours a day and still be a father 24/7, at the same time woman can't do the same... I know many women who stay at home watching soap-operas, chatting with their girlfriends, having parties night after night... They don't work. Are they good mothers? They are home most of the time, 24/7 as you say, but does any mother spend so much time with her children. Is it possible at all. I think nor. So why it is considered to be bad for woman if she wants to work and something she enjoys?

[PeeWee]

And that is exactly why MEN always sat that one of the parents should stay at home with the kids, because they know it won’t be THEM.  ;DYou try it first than debate what woman should and should not do. 

Men know it won't be them because it is not supposed to be them who stay home with the kids. Men are better earners than women are. Women are better child raisers than men are. When was the last time you saw a man nursing a baby? There is not debate about it, WO, mothers mother in the saftey of the family nest while the father goes out, beats the hell out of himself all day working, then returns home with the food and the family security. Both parents play an equal and important part. I have no arguement with that.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

Then how will you explain that?Is it call "male logic"? Man can be at work 10-12 hours a day and still be a father 24/7, at the same time woman can't do the same... I know many women who stay at home watching soap-operas, chatting with their girlfriends, having parties night after night... They don't work. Are they good mothers? They are home most of the time, 24/7 as you say, but does any mother spend so much time with her children. Is it possible at all. I think nor. So why it is considered to be bad for woman if she wants to work and something she enjoys?

WO, it is bad because, by design, the mother's responsiblily is first and foremost the care of her children. If she is working she is not caring for her childern. If she is not carring for her children she is not being a mother to them. She is being only a parttime mother to them. You need to know what your priorities are. Are they your children or your job and your income and all that it can buy? You cannot have both. That is not how it works because a person can only be in one place at one time.

Peewee

[Wild Orchid*]

Men know it won't be them because it is not supposed to be them who stay home with the kids.
Peewee

   And why is that? I know some families where father is staying at home with kids. There are even male nannies. Life is moving forward for most for us, you know… 
My boss is preparing to be a stay-home-dad, his salary is bigger than  some people have here, but it is very low  compare with his wife’s salary.

[PeeWee]

   And why is that? I know some families where father is staying at home with kids. There are even male nannies. Life is moving forward for most for us, you know… 
My boss is preparing to be a stay-home-dad, his salary is bigger than  some people have here, but it is very low  compare with his wife’s salary.

WO...a father who stays at home and while the wife works is what is called a "pussy". Or a man whose will is controlled by a woman. No real man would allow that to happen. What does he do? Clean the house with a scarff on his head? Go shopping for groceries in his slippers? Make sure that the kids are napping when it comes time for his favorite daily dose of Jerry Springer?

On the other hand you got my attention when you said that her salary is larger than his. This makes sense to me. It is rare when a woman will make more than her man will but in somecases he can be a wuss and let her earn the bread. Fortuante for me, and I do think in the end she will earn more than I will, at least I will not have childern to tend to. No childern no need to stay home. Duel income and duel fun.

Peewee

[Wild Orchid*]

WO...a father who stays at home and while the wife works is what is called a "pussy". Or a man whose will is controlled by a woman. No real man would allow that to happen. What does he do? Clean the house with a scarff on his head? Go shopping for groceries in his slippers? Make sure that the kids are napping when it comes time for his favorite daily dose of Jerry Springer?

On the other hand you got my attention when you said that her salary is larger than his. This makes sense to me. It is rare when a woman will make more than her man will but in somecases he can be a wuss and let her earn the bread. Fortuante for me, and I do think in the end she will earn more than I will, at least I will not have childern to tend to. No childern no need to stay home. Duel income and duel fun.

Peewee

So you recon it is Ok let say for me to Clean the house with a scarf on his head? Go shopping for groceries in his slippers? Make sure that the kids are napping when it comes time for his favorite daily dose of Jerry Springer?  even if I capable doing much more than just a houskeeping. But it is definitely not OK if I’m trying to picture you doing that. Are you trying to say that you are better than me? 

[swindoom]

WO...a father who stays at home and while the wife works is what is called a "pussy". Or a man whose will is controlled by a woman. No real man would allow that to happen.
Peewee

Very interesting to see prehistoric, backward looking macho men still exist in this day and age. These so called "real" men must be a real hit with the ladies in more ways than one.

[Bruno]

WO...a father who stays at home and while the wife works is what is called a "pussy". Or a man whose will is controlled by a woman. No real man would allow that to happen. What does he do? Clean the house with a scarff on his head? Go shopping for groceries in his slippers? Make sure that the kids are napping when it comes time for his favorite daily dose of Jerry Springer?

So, it is a control problem... You seem to be the type of man who don't seek a wife or partner but a domestic slave... Never forget that RW are real feminist, no like these in our "modern" western country... it is long time that RW are able to mix a good professional life and family life... If you wish a home slave, don't choice a RW, seek more a African or Asian women !

On the other hand you got my attention when you said that her salary is larger than his. This makes sense to me. It is rare when a woman will make more than her man will but in somecases he can be a wuss and let her earn the bread. Fortuante for me, and I do think in the end she will earn more than I will, at least I will not have childern to tend to. No childern no need to stay home. Duel income and duel fun.

Not so rare in ex-USSR... usually RW have more diploma that RM... they reach more high status that men who are mainly limited to manual work... Since you like use reference to physical performance, let say that women are the brain and men are the muscle in FSU... Beeing a brain pay more!

I don't know for USA but here in Belgium, for a same work, everybody have the same income... that you are colored or a woman change nothing... law protect the worker and punish boss who make segregation based on sex, color, nationality, etc...

No children, duel fun !!! Since you seem like basic biological function, here you contredict yourself... the goal of be a couple is to procreate... build the next generation... it is the natural order !

[curmudgeon]

No. You misunderstood. I said that if a woman has her own childern and she is working, whether she is a business woman or a doctor or a teacher, it makes no difference, then it is hard for her to be a mother 24 7 because she is distracted for 1/3 of that time each day and she, as a result, is not with her childern, hence she is not being a mother to them.

No you didn't. You said:

Someone who is currently a businesswoman can't make a good mother.

Nothing there mentions any othe type of work.

So let's go with your second (clarified) statement. I don't wish to make a comment on it. I merely wanted to make the point that what you said doesn't pertain to the original post at all (a statment that women in business make poor mothers due to their personality - not because they work). I disagree strongly with that.

[PeeWee]

So you recon it is Ok let say for me to Clean the house with a scarf on his head? Go shopping for groceries in his slippers? Make sure that the kids are napping when it comes time for his favorite daily dose of Jerry Springer?  even if I capable doing much more than just a houskeeping. But it is definitely not OK if I’m trying to picture you doing that. Are you trying to say that you are better than me? 

WO, now you are trying to read into my message. That is Russian. No where did I say or suggest that I was better than you. Here is what I mean; if I am the husband I won't do those things. Go back and start from the beginning. Mother stays home...what are her duties? Father earns the income and provides the family security...what are his duties? If the two parents are following the traditional family program then everyone's job is defined.

If the two switch roles. Now the father, a man who has willingly given his nads to his wife, will assume the role of homemaker and the woman, now a lady with all of the sex appeal of Hillary Clinton, will assume the role of breadwinner.

My original statement, going way back, was that a mother cannot be a mother if she is working 8 to 10 hours a day. She is not mothering, she is working. Someone else has been assigned the responsibility of raising the children. Father is working, mother is working, and the childern are being raised by a $5.00 an hour daycare worker. That was my point.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

Very interesting to see prehistoric, backward looking macho men still exist in this day and age. These so called "real" men must be a real hit with the ladies in more ways than one.

The original thought was that a mother cannot be two things. If she is a mother then she is the family caregiver. If she is a career woman then she is not the family caregiver. She can't be both because she cannot be in two places at one time. So what you have conviently done is taken a statement out of context and twisted it to justify your own lack of manhood. Or I would assume that is why you reacted so negatively to my comment. Are you a stay at home mom, by chance? If not, why?

Peewee

[PeeWee]

So, it is a control problem... You seem to be the type of man who don't seek a wife or partner but a domestic slave... Never forget that RW are real feminist, no like these in our "modern" western country... it is long time that RW are able to mix a good professional life and family life... If you wish a home slave, don't choice a RW, seek more a African or Asian women !

Not so rare in ex-USSR... usually RW have more diploma that RM... they reach more high status that men who are mainly limited to manual work... Since you like use reference to physical performance, let say that women are the brain and men are the muscle in FSU... Beeing a brain pay more!

I don't know for USA but here in Belgium, for a same work, everybody have the same income... that you are colored or a woman change nothing... law protect the worker and punish boss who make segregation based on sex, color, nationality, etc...

No children, duel fun !!! Since you seem like basic biological function, here you contredict yourself... the goal of be a couple is to procreate... build the next generation... it is the natural order !

Et tu, Bruno? You too have managed to take a comment and place it out of context. I made a statement that applies to a certain situation and not all situations. Further, these do not apply to me because I do not have children. I will not be living in a mother/father role relationship. Why would I be looking for a slave? I have no need for one. My idea, when I marry, is to have her explore and then do whatever it is that she wants to do. I am hoping that she wants to attend medical school. If so then I will help by providing the funds for the school, split the house work duties, or hire a maid, so that she can focus on her studies. None of this has to do with me and my situation. It has to do with an opinion of how things are or how they may be.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

No you didn't. You said:

Nothing there mentions any othe type of work.

So let's go with your second (clarified) statement. I don't wish to make a comment on it. I merely wanted to make the point that what you said doesn't pertain to the original post at all (a statment that women in business make poor mothers due to their personality - not because they work). I disagree strongly with that.

For you, much clarification is needed as you completely missed the point.

Women in business do not make poor mothers because of their perosnality. They make poor mothers because the work...meaning that they cannot be in to places at one time. Got it? Seems with you I had better be sure to cross my "t" and dot my "i's". LOL!

Peewee

[Mamma D]

I think what we have here is really a matter of semantics.....the real question is.....

When was the total commitment made?

For Dick, it was when he ask her to be his wife, and she said yes and he gave her the ring.
from that day he supported her and Basil.

He asked himself "once she is here and sees that I could have helped,and didn't.....how would she feel?"

They had been married a couple of years and I remarked that Irina was Conservative....He said she was downright frugal  She saves enough from her houshold account to make the trip home every year. Now that Basil will not be returning to Russia each year ...Sveta will come here to visit more often.

They live well on his salary.....when he was married to his first wife (an executive assistant in a large corp.) they spent every penny of both salaries and had little to show for it.

Irina works part time at the Libary and takes caare of our two boys (hers and mine    )vey well.

But each of you will have to TALK with your ladies and find the bst way for you.

PLEASE do not make her beg.................just to feel superior to her. It will not work and will end in resentment.