AM and RW ... are we compatible?

[calmissile]

What AM need is a well written letter by someone like OlgaH that lives in the US, is happy in the US, and understands both cultures.  The letter should describe the American culture in detail and the changes a RW would need to accept and adopt to integrate into American life.

I had a chat on Skype today with a guy that left the forums and I had not heard from him in about a year.  He found a Russian woman in the US through a personal introduction from a Russian couple and they have been very happy together for about a year.  She has integrated into the US culture and considers herself an American.  She had come on her own to the US and started a successful business and is very happy to be here.  She said the US is #1. She further stated that she could not possibly have accomplished her achievements had she stayed in Russia.

Perhaps if we AM can send a letter as I described, we can learn very early if the woman we are hoping to court has the desire to immigrate.  It might save a lot of time and money to see if she has a desire to make the necessary changes for cultural compatibility.

[Globetrotter]

I still believe it actually depends on what you each "bring to the party, and what you want".  Just imagine our middle aged poster married to the 19 year old...and imagine his chances for success...as he is pissing up a rope, and he must know this or is as stupid as imaginable.  Anyway, everyone is different.  It only depends on the individuals involved!!!
 
I actually think that everyone here knows what they have to offer, and if they can "own up" to this fact, they will be able to determine how they may fare!
 
Sure, everyone is different, and being from a different country and culture would accentuate this fact.  Also, people chanee, emotions change, finances change...no different over there than they change here.
 
I just don't think cultures or languages make the differences, but I do think that really unrealistic expectations do, and can cause devestation! 
 
So, just ask yourself if you are in "dreamland" or are of a mindset to do the work necessary for what you have embarked upon, which is not easy....also not easy if you were to marry a girl from your own culture and country!!!
 
Anyway, you all know best. 

[Boethius]

I wager that a card-carrying NRA Republican strict Protstant American would have less compatibility with a Democrat, Unitarian Universalist, anti-war Occupy Wall Street protestor than many AM/RW pairings, but my American friends can correct me if I am wrong

But she is Catholic, I believe.

[Boethius]

The letter should describe the American culture in detail and the changes a RW would need to accept and adopt to integrate into American life.

You're assuming the U.S. has one culture.  I don't think it does.  Plus, there is lots of information on Russian language sites/forums.

I don't think there is a homogenous reaction to emigration.  My husband, for example, never missed Ukraine, has no desire to even visit and would not were it not for my "encouragement" (which is really about his elderly mother, not the country), and never missed the language or anything else.  Now, he does go to the Russian store, but mostly for the kids (to buy drinks and unique sweets), and for the incomparable Ukrainian sunflower oil, but he didn't have this option for a decade, and didn't miss it.  We know other immigrants who need to have contact with the community, need the language, and "need" those things from "home".   So, I don't think that would be beneficial.  It must be lived, I think, to be understood.

[CG7]

Men and women from any place on the planet are incompatible, Unless they want to be. IMHO
 But don't forget the biologic need to mate for the survival of the species.

[Donna_Pedro]

What AM need is a well written letter by someone like OlgaH that lives in the US, is happy in the US, and understands both cultures.  The letter should describe the American culture in detail and the changes a RW would need to accept and adopt to integrate into American life.

American culture in detail? Hmmm.. That would merit a Nobel prize. As far as changes goes - RW does not need to accept anything that she does not want to accept. She does not have to integrate anywhere either, but into her own family, the one she herself is going to build.So I do not see a problem here. 

[Misha]

But she is Catholic, I believe.

He is familiar, but I can't place him ???

[CG7]

American culture in detail? Hmmm.. That would merit a Nobel prize. As far as changes goes - RW does not need to accept anything that she does not want to accept. She does not have to integrate anywhere either, but into her own family, the one she herself is going to build.So I do not see a problem here. 

I disagree, any one that moves to another country has to many degrees intigrate into that culture.
 I do agree like Russia or china, the US is a large country, and made up of many regions, which could be likened to a few small country's, to whit the south west US is very differant from the north east US, actually about 5-6 country's I think, each with its own culture, unique issues.

[Daveman]

American culture in detail? Hmmm.. That would merit a Nobel prize. As far as changes goes - RW does not need to accept anything that she does not want to accept. She does not have to integrate anywhere either, but into her own family, the one she herself is going to build.So I do not see a problem here. 

LoL... How individualist!  Ah well, so much for that collectivism theory.. 

[calmissile]

Donna_Pedro
Of course you do not see the problem!  There may be many AM that might like to eliminate women with your attitude early on and instead seek a wife that wants to integrate into society like everyone else.   You can live in isolation with your Russian culture if you like, but most men I know want a wife that becomes integrated with American culture, as many do.

Different strokes for different folks!  We read of so many trainwrecks where the cultural differences are not  realized until late in the realationships.  A clear understanding between the parties as to cultural differences and who is going to change (if either), can eliminate compatibility issues early on.

Boethius,
I am sure there are references about American culture on the internet.  It certainly is not apparent that many women do the research based upon the letters and conversations with them.

[Doll]

I disagree, any one that moves to another country has to many degrees intigrate into that culture.
 I do agree like Russia or china, the US is a large country, and made up of many regions, which could be likened to a few small country's, to whit the south west US is very differant from the north east US, actually about 5-6 country's I think, each with its own culture, unique issues.

Easy! We don't have to do anything like "integrating to many degrees". Same with our husbands- they do no have to "integrate to many degress" meaning russifying (not sure if there is such a word, but still..))))))

[calmissile]

Misha

He is familiar, but I can't place him ???
It is one of Boethius's heros.   

[Doll]

  but most men I know want a wife that becomes integrated with American culture, as many do.


 

I am sure they want   Then they both have to agree on it before she is here.
 

[Doll]

Speaking of integration. Am I the only one who sees "Spanish option" in any bank or hospital?

[Misha]

Misha

He is familiar, but I can't place him ???
It is one of Boethius's heros.   

I need a better hint For some reason the name Carvey comes to mind, but that can't be right...

[calmissile]

I am sure they want   Then they both have to agree on it before she is here.

Exactly my point!  There are many resouces including the e-book on this site that describes the FSU culture.  What I was suggesting something similar that describes American culture from the eyes of a RW that knows both cultures and lives in the US from personal experience.  It would allow the parties to discuss the topic from something prepared in advance rather than every man trying to descibe the culture from only an American persective.

[JohnDearGreen]

I need a better hint    

The image URL is a big hint.
http://kwaminyamidie.com/blog3/James%20Carville%20Mary%20Matalin%20and%20daughters%20in%20their%20home.jpg

[calmissile]

I need a better hint  For some reason the name Carvey comes to mind, but that can't be right...

Misha, you are too funny.  Boethius put the photo up to make the rest of us sick to our stomach.
She succeeded!   

[Misha]

I didn't see the URL until you posted it John

[Daveman]

Boethius,
I am sure there are references about American culture on the internet.  It certainly is not apparent that many women do the research based upon the letters and conversations with them.

I personally think America is too young to have much of its own culture.  We're a hodge podge with too many identities to collectively relate to anything in particular.  American Soul would be something like ... Christian Rabbinical Taoist Muslim Bullwinkleist agnostics with a hankering for Freedom, Beer, Bloodshed, Santa and Guns!   Not necessarily in that order.


But you're right about many of them having fairly bizarre thoughts about the USofA...

[Doll]

calmissile, if AM take time and read Russian women forum, that will be the best source for it. There are Russian, Ukrainian, Belorussian women there ( and all the other parts of FSU as well).
They share everything sincerely.

[Darth_Budda]

I disagree, any one that moves to another country has to many degrees intigrate into that culture.
 I do agree like Russia or china, the US is a large country, and made up of many regions, which could be likened to a few small country's, to whit the south west US is very differant from the north east US, actually about 5-6 country's I think, each with its own culture, unique issues.

Even in our culture their are people who don't fit the "main stream mold."

For example I am a pro-gun - Pro-Choice - Socialist - Anti Radical feminist - Pro OWS
who supports Nuclear power and small business.

Man I just don't fit in....

But on the plus side My Marx reading does not scare away the UW I am talking to...
But should it? 
The fact that I own guns seems to bother her more.
Whats seems most important to her is my view on family life and my close ties with my parents/family.

[Boethius]

He is familiar, but I can't place him ???

James Carville.  He ran Bill Clinton's 1992 campaign.  He met his wife, Mary Matalin shortly before that time.  She was running George H.W. Bush's campaign.


Cal, I like them both, though neither are my heroes.  Carville's politics are probably closer to mine.

[Misha]

James Carville.  He ran Bill Clinton's 1992 campaign.  He met his wife, Mary Matalin at that time.  She was running George H.W. Bush's campaign.

Still not at the extremes of either parties from what I am gleaning :x

[Doll]

I personally think America is too young to have much of its own culture.  We're a hodge podge with too many identities to collectively relate to anything in particular.  American Soul would be something like ... Christian Rabbinical Taoist Muslim Bullwinkleist agnostics with a hankering for Freedom, Beer, Bloodshed, Santa and Guns!   Not necessarily in that order.


But you're right about many of them having fairly bizarre thoughts about the USofA...

There are many typical American patterns in how people here act and think (regardless the "country of origin")