Question

[ML]

I believe the State you live in can play a factor, . . .

Not correct.

The rules are Federal . . . doesn't matter what state.

[BillyB]

there have been two visits.  She's in California, me in Michigan. 

With her visa issue, the amount of face to face time to really understand if she likes you or trying to use you will take longer than the norm and you two aren't getting enough face to face time. I would drop her and move on. You may be doing her a favor. If you take it slow, you both would be risking losing years of your life for each other over a long distance relationship. If a woman had a question about her character and she lives close to me, I would date her more than once to figure her out. If a woman had a question about her character and she lived thousands of miles away, I'd move on. Keep dating others and don't put your life on hold for this one.

[mendeleyev]

Many people have come to America using illegal methods. Sneaking on boats, crossing the desert, and violating visas.

We will have to disagree on this one, Billy. Dishonesty isn't measured by degrees.

[Shadow]

There is no real rush here, so I will proceed slowly.  We have met face to face, there have been two visits.  She's in California, me in Michigan.  She did say she could come here to Michigan.  As its nice she has a child, to me that was a plus, as at 49, going to be 50 later this year, so having a baby I'm too old.  I'll proceed slowly, not rushing and ask more questions on this with her.

Charlie Chaplin had a baby well in his 80´s. 

[ML]

Charlie Chaplin had a baby well in his 80´s. 

No, he fathered his last child at age 73.

[BillyB]

We will have to disagree on this one, Billy. Dishonesty isn't measured by degrees.

We all lie and for those who deny it, they lie to themselves. Humans aren't perfect so we need to accept dishonesty to a certain degree. I can accept a person who violates a visa more readily than someone who swindles millions of dollars from people. A guy may not get used by a woman who enter this country illegally. I vote for phantom leaving the woman because of the distance they live from each other which makes it much harder to verify her feelings and character. I'm not writing her off because of one misdeed.

[phantom]

I'm not going to rush into this, also get to know different women that are a bit closer as well.  Well, 49/50 not too old to father a child, 73 though.  Going to get t to know others, not rushing into it, now that I'm back to searching.  Make a few trips here and Russia and Ukraine as well, perhaps.  Feelings have to be verified.  Going to slow down, not too much, don't want to waste another 3-4 years.

[mendeleyev]

We all lie and for those who deny it, they lie to themselves. Humans aren't perfect so we need to accept dishonesty to a certain degree

Of course we all lie from time to time, but there is a place for admitting, extending an apology, and then walking a different path afterwards. Violating a visa over stay and continuing to live in the host country is not just one lie--it is habitual and continual. No, we do not need to accept dishonesty. That is akin to allowing an employee to steal money, but shrugging it off. A wise mentor used to say that someone who will steal a postage stamp will also steal millions if given the chance.

[BC]

Of course we all lie from time to time, but there is a place for admitting, extending an apology, and then walking a different path afterwards. Violating a visa over stay and continuing to live in the host country is not just one lie--it is habitual and continual. No, we do not need to accept dishonesty. That is akin to allowing an employee to steal money, but shrugging it off. A wise mentor used to say that someone who will steal a postage stamp will also steal millions if given the chance.

Although the overstay is indeed illegal, the 'loophole' does seem to allow adjustment of status in some (maybe many) cases.  In any case I believe a solid relationship will need to be established for it to get through the system and be acceptable.  That in itself will take time.

I do agree the overstay is not proper and illegal, especially after such a long period of time but in the end what's the choice, go back to her country with a 10 year ban for re-entry and apply for a K-1/K-2?

I think this 'loophole' is well known and even tolerated by design.  Otherwise it would have been closed up tight eons ago.

Phantom did not bring this woman over on a tourist visa so he should not be faulted.  They are just courting after the fact.  If it is or becomes 'love' or something close then it's best to just let it be IMHO and save the ensuing drama.  After all it seems the K process is a no brainer and the bar is not set that high so what the heck.

It should however be a 'heads up' as it regards motive.

Stranger things than this have happened in the past LOL.

[2tallbill]

Not correct.

The rules are Federal . . . doesn't matter what state.

Marriage laws vary from state to state but you are correct that
visa laws are Federal.