7 dating rules that also apply to your housing search

[2tallbill]

The article was written about searching for housing with roommates
but I think it makes better sense to look at the advice for dating.
The article was written for the Washington Post (behind the pay wall)
but it was also on the Jewish world review

Must-Know Info
7 dating rules that also apply to your housing search
By Nancy Goldstein The Washington Post
Published January 31, 2020


1. Determine your dealbreakers.
2. Think about what kind of relationship you're looking for.
3. Pictures can be deceiving.
4. Learn to spot euphemisms.
5. Once you're meeting in person, ask the questions that are important to you.
6. Whatever you do, don't let desperation cloud your judgment.
7. The quality of a relationship is more important than the labels attached.

http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0120/dating_housing_rules.php3

[2tallbill]

The first two items have to do with setting goals and expectations.
Maybe you don't want a smoker, somebody with 3 marriages or
something else.

If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Lewis Carroll

Make a list, prioritize it and decide what you want and what type
of person that would fit you best.

1. Determine your dealbreakers.
2. Think about what kind of relationship you're looking for.

[Gator]

I am not making light of your rules, as all of us could benefit from guidelines.  RWD's Ten Commandments helped me.

Your one quote opens a philosophical discussion.   

If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.

How is this resolved with Ralph Waldo Emerson's, "Life is a journey, not a destination?" 


Did anyone ever say, "Before selecting your road, you need to know where you came from and where you are now?   

[Boethius]

Everything worth anything that has happened in my life happened without any planning.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

[ML]

Everything worth anything that has happened in my life happened without any planning.

My experience (with regard to my own situation) has been exactly the opposite.

[2tallbill]

Your one quote opens a philosophical discussion.   

How is this resolved with Ralph Waldo Emerson's, "Life is a journey, not a destination?" 

If life were a destination then it would be over when you got there.
I had a goal of having an hot and loving wife to take the journey
with me. I think people will find that if they don't make any
goals or plans then they will run over the same pot holes
time and again.

Did anyone ever say, "Before selecting your road, you need to know where you
came from and where you are now?   

That would be excellent advice for the youngsters.

I've sat back and analyzed how I got into the spot I was several times.
I know when I was in Tblisi, I put the best face on things that I could
but I was discouraged that things didn't work out with a gal that I visited
there.

I reviewed every step that I had taken and tried to improve everything
that I did along the way.

[Patagonie]

I coud realize today that a lot of things very important and totally worth OF happened after a huge work and years of constant effort. And planning is about to maintain a constant direction on a regular basis.
 
I see nowadays tons of people in their fourties or fifties around me half broken or broken in different ways.
 
I was not helped from my young time to be happy but I worked hard two decades on this.
I had average dating in my life usually since I worked hard on this.
And as many people I had to make a living and finally I land today easily in the top 10% singles of my country, but I also worked for this, more than average people having the same occupation.
Many people have serious psychological issues and it comes barely under the radar when they are in their twenties or thirties but later it's a nightmare. They spend the most important last decade of their life in the mud.
 
Planning is not controlling all, with the time I understood that you have to let come in the destiny and give her more space and accept what you want to do to be flexible. If something after a while is pushing you off the road repeatedly maybe you didn't choose the right road.

[Gator]

Everything worth anything that has happened in my life happened without any planning.

How about these two important parts of your life: 

     -  You have children.  So using birth prevention pills is "planning," and not using them is not planning? 

     -  How about those years of studies to obtain a law degree - were they unplanned?

 

I met almost all of the women important to me in my long life  spontaneously as our circumstances just happened to intersect.  One could say I dressed to meet women, yet I always wore fine clothes, something my father instilled in me.  My mother taught me to wear clean underwear in case I was in an accident. 

Unlike all other women I met, when exploring a relationship with FSUW, I went to the FSU after much planning and pondering.    My plan contained some faults, requiring mid-course adjustments. 

A man pursuing FSUW needs a plan, starting first by going to the top of a mountain and looking inward. 

[2tallbill]

3. Pictures can be deceiving.

I've met women who had years old photos and many kilos added
since the photo was taken. I would also like to add, don't project
things into a photo or profile. A sweet smile doesn't mean she is
sweet for example. There are FSUW who look like angels that
would stab you in the eye with a fork if you won't buy them
new boots. Ask them questions, get on skype or a messenger
and look at their face when they answer questions.

From the RWD Ten Commandments
5. Verify the ladies you are writing to are real.

6. Do not fall in love with photos!!

7. Always be yourself. Show the ladies the real you. Be truthful. Use current photos.

[Gator]

Many people have serious psychological issues and it comes barely under the radar when they are in their twenties or thirties but later it's a nightmare.

Yes, the mother of my sons. 

Are you saying we should date women in their 40s and 50s, not in their 20s and 30s?   

Looking back over my life, when I was smitten by a woman, I overlooked much.   That's why its good if  they meet your friends.

They spend the most important last decade of their life in the mud.

Thinking it is because of other people, not themselves.   

[GQBlues]

>>dating rules that also apply to your housing search<<

Back in the old days, the board always likened MOB dating to automobile purchase instead of real estate. Test drives, age, model, new or previously owned types.

[ML]

Test drives, age, model, new or previously owned types.

Accumulated miles, signs of wear and tear, accessories, custom features, OEM or secondary market repair parts, top down or top up, sagging springs, prone to boil over when hot, needs frequent recharging, needs new paint job, hardly driven at all, hard to steer, needs frequent fill-ups, hard to start when cold, sluggish at start but really gets going in high gear - may even be difficult to bring to a stop.

[GQBlues]

Accumulated miles, signs of wear and tear, accessories, custom features, OEM or secondary market repair parts, top down or top up, sagging springs, prone to boil over when hot, needs frequent recharging, needs new paint job, hardly driven at all, hard to steer, needs frequent fill-ups, hard to start when cold, sluggish at start but really gets going in high gear - may even be difficult to bring to a stop.

Hah! Exactly right. Either High or low maintenance models too. Either burns through high octane or regular...and of course, every mileage varies. Some are acquired and stored in garages and never driven, while some are driven to the ground.

Some depreciates once drive out of the lot, while others remain 'classics'.

[2tallbill]

I'm not saying planning is a bad thing, just that some things happen despite all one's planning.

"I would rather be lucky than good."

Lefty Gomez
New York Yankees


 

[2tallbill]

4. Learn to spot euphemisms.

There are things that women American women put in their profiles
like "Learning to trust again" and "No drama!"

Those things mean WARNING! stay away, broken woman with
tons of drama and baggage.

I am not current on reading profiles, it's been years and some of
the guys with more recent experience are probably better at
pointing out things than I am. In the past I avoided any
woman who wrote "artistic" anywhere in her profile
because inevitably she turned out to be a total
flake.

Another observation that I was sure about was that I was
incompatible with women who liked dark chocolate rather
than milk chocolate. 100% of the time it didn't work out
with them.

I later discovered that Angel Eyes had an artistic streak
AND she preferred dark chocolate. I found both these
things out AFTER I was already head over heels for
her so I am letting others make claims about looking
for stuff in a girls profile that should alert you to problems.

[Gator]

I'm not saying planning is a bad thing, just that some things happen despite all one's planning.

Serendipity  can sometimes exceed your dreams.