Update - 13 years later

[LiveFromUkraine]

ne
Similar, yes. But not the same. Because while men do their law/medical school - it takes a toll on family finances and on the family in general, as they are never around. I saw no facts in this story showing that OPs wife drained money from the family and was never around. She did raise their children and took care of the home, didn't she?

I don't know what she did in the relationship just as I don't know what the OP did.  I guess I am not understanding our discussion.  haha 


Did someone say she used the OP?  I don't think she used the OP. 


They were married and had some kids.  The marriage didn't work out and now it is over.  It sounds like they both got married for the right reason so I fail to see why there would be questionable intent on her part.

[mies]

They were married and had some kids.  The marriage didn't work out and now it is over.  It sounds like they both got married for the right reason so I fail to see why there would be questionable intent on her part.

I think so too.

[Gator]

Jone,

You are feeling better today about your divorce decision than you were this past weekend.  Good.

You did not have two kids going through their adolescence at the time your marriage was breaking up. 

Having raised two sons I certainly know the difference between an adolescent and a high schooler.   Quickly, my high schooler had a serious condition.   It created much stress on his mother and me.  His mother could not deal with it on a daily basis.   

His course of action can only end in severe trauma for these children, no matter how lovingly he plays it.

Severe trauma?   That seems melodramatic.   


He has a plan.  IIRC, it will be more than a year before the kids know of another woman.  I do see a conflict - how can he be a full-time parent if he is driving around UA?   

He should obtain counseling from a qualified marital counselor - not from this bunch of Armchair Quarterbacks.

He could use some professional therapy.  However, analyzing suggestions and criticisms from people who understand UW is also helpful.  Opinions expressed at RWD should prompt some questions to ask his psychologist.

[Boethius]

You really expect us to believe this reasoning.  Trying to save her from colleagues finding out is pretty funny reasoning but anyone with half a brain can see right through it.


Some of you guys display narcissistic behavior thinking your opinions are gospel.   Typically people getting involved in others affairs are the people who should be working on their own shortcomings.

I am generally opposed to seeking out anonymous individuals.  However, in this case, Lena is not a participant on this forum, yet, her full name is tied to this forum, photos from her past presented.  She may very well be fine with this.  But, she may not be.  We do not know if she granted her permission.  This is why, when posters such as CalgaryCowboy come here and post a woman's full name, and she is not here to respond, the name is deleted.  Same when allegations are made that a particular woman is a scammer, if there is nothing online to support that claim.

Personally, I would not be okay with my kids' photos being displayed, together with their full names, so, were I contacted by someone in such circumstances, I would be grateful.  Therefore, I see nothing wrong with contacting Lena.  If she does not want strangers on a forum seeing her photos, or those of her children, or reading about her, she will have the information to take action.  If she has no issue with it, at least she is aware.

[GQBlues]

I am generally opposed to seeking out anonymous individuals.  However, in this case, Lena is not a participant on this forum, yet, her full name is tied to this forum, photos from her past presented.  She may very well be fine with this.  But, she may not be.  We do not know if she granted her permission.  This is why, when posters such as CalgaryCowboy come here and post a woman's full name, and she is not here, we delete that name.  Same when allegations are made that a particular woman is a scammer, if there is nothing online to support that claim.


Personally, I would not be okay with my kids' photos being displayed, together with their full names, so, were I contacted by someone in such circumstances, I would be grateful.  Therefore, I see nothing wrong with contacting Lena.  If she does not want strangers on a forum seeing her photos, or those of her children, or reading about her, she will have the information to take action.  If she has no issue with it, at least she is aware.

That's actually a good angle to look at this. I don't know why folks engage in dogs and pony show in this forum to begin with without their wives' or SO's knowledge. Of course, the better thing would be having the OP offering up to his wife about what he's done (present their personal info with pictures) himself and give his wife the link for this specific discussion so she can participate and let us 'read' what she thinks of the whole thing first hand.

[missAmeno]

Just in case some miss this comment ...

About my life with Lena and our divorce,,
any sane and polite person here, is free to call her and ask her directly,, I will not give the number, but where in the justice department she works, then it is possible to call there and ask for her by name. She speaks fluent Russian, Ukrainian, Norwegian and good English also.
a

BTW I believe Northkape should not have ever said anything like that as well as his wife more likely knows about this thread without anyone contacting her.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Personally, I would not be okay with my kids' photos being displayed, together with their full names, so, were I contacted by someone in such circumstances, I would be grateful.  Therefore, I see nothing wrong with contacting Lena.  If she does not want strangers on a forum seeing her photos, or those of her children, or reading about her, she will have the information to take action.  If she has no issue with it, at least she is aware.

This type of behavior isn't an isolated occurrence.   If someone has to stalk family members to contact because they can't deal with internet disagreements, well, there is something very wrong with those people.   


He is their father and has every right to post pictures of his children if he wants.  Heck, people posts their entire lives on the internet now.  No one here has any right to tell the guy what to do or meddle in his relationship with his ex wife because they don't agree with him.   


As long as he isn't doing anything illegal of course.


If this was the first time, I could see your point of view.  However it isn't.  We will just have to disagree, but don't worry, I won't call your husband. 


I would think the person was crazy if they contacted me because of an online argument.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Just in case some miss this comment ...

BTW I believe Northkape should not have ever said anything like that as well as his wife more likely knows about this thread without anyone contacting her.

Yeah, call her at work so she can discuss something on a forum with a complete stranger.  There is a whole lot of strange going around in this thread.

[Boethius]

This type of behavior isn't an isolated occurrence.   If someone has to stalk family members to contact because they can't deal with internet disagreements, well, there is something very wrong with those people.   


He is their father and has every right to post pictures of his children if he wants.  Heck, people posts their entire lives on the internet now.  No one here has any right to tell the guy what to do or meddle in his relationship with his ex wife because they don't agree with him.   


As long as he isn't doing anything illegal of course.


If this was the first time, I could see your point of view.  However it isn't.  We will just have to disagree, but don't worry, I won't call your husband. 


I would think the person was crazy if they contacted me because of an online argument.

The contact is not about an online argument.  It is about her personal information being posted, all of which is readily available. 


It does not matter whether or not it is legal to post the information, it is still a breach of Lena's privacy.  As I noted, she may be okay with it.


Given I do not post my name, you would have to hunt down my information to call me, or my husband.  That is different.

[GQBlues]

Yeah, call her at work so she can discuss something on a forum with a complete stranger.  There is a whole lot of strange going around in this thread.

IMO, it isn't about 'any argument' from my POV.

The wife works for Norway's DOJ and according to even the OP, there are protocol for every employees to adhere to as a condition of employment i.e. privacy. Even her social media was apparently closed down....how is that any different than what had already been posted here and/or is available for everyone to see..more over, with 'private' information about their marriage/relationship affairs.

Plus, considering she's suppose to seek a 'new life and beginning' on her own, you don't see any of this as being silly? She can come here on her own, by virtue of Northkape's bidding and assistance, and tell everyone everything is just fine with her. Nothing wrong with that, no?

If not, as the ladies here contend, then the site or the mods can take them all down...

[jone]

I can see how, after reading missA's post, Northkape did give permission to contact his wife.  She, however, did not.  This does somewhat cloud the issue. 

My initial reading of this was that he was a whack job, giving such (unconfirmed) permission, almost as if he wanted someone to contact her to let her know how much he had been misbehaving.

But, hell, I've never been to Norway.  So how do I know how Norwegians think?  But if it were here in the United States and someone did what this guy has done, it could probably be means for a restraining order. 

I am now quite believing that we are all being dragged into the middle of an ongoing psychological battle that is being played out quite nicely, where we are all unwitting dupes participants.

Whack job confirmed.

[LiveFromUkraine]

It does not matter whether or not it is legal to post the information, it is still a breach of Lena's privacy.  As I noted, she may be okay with it.

Yes, he violated his wife's privacy and it's pretty messed, imo.  With that said, it is no different to people on this forum violating other members privacy. 


 

[GQBlues]

...Whack job confirmed.

Finally! I knew someone will see the light!

FWIW, this could well be a ploy to endanger Lena's chances of holding her position at her work. Purely speculative on my part (I still get my site-issued speculation card per month), but how hard will it be for a state's DOJ to surf the 'net and see Lena's personal information still so readily visible despite her admittance to adherence to their policy?

[LiveFromUkraine]

IMO, it isn't about 'any argument' from my POV.

Sure, there will always be an excuse besides "argument".  I wonder what excuse someone had to contact Riv's girl in Ukraine.  I am sure the were trying to save her.

The wife works for Norway's DOJ and according to even the OP, there are protocol for every employees to adhere to as a condition of employment i.e. privacy. Even her social media was apparently closed down....how is that any different than what had already been posted here and/or is available for everyone to see..more over, with 'private' information about their marriage/relationship affairs.

That is still between her and her husband or ex or whatever they are.

Plus, considering she's suppose to seek a 'new life and beginning' on her own, you don't see any of this as being silly? She can come here on her own, by virtue of Northkape's bidding and assistance, and tell everyone everything is just fine with her. Nothing wrong with that, no?

If not, as the ladies here contend, then the site or the mods can take them all down...

This whole thread is silly.  That is why I stayed out of this thread up until someone decided to cross the line again.


The last thing she should do is come here and create more theater.   


 

[GQBlues]

Sure, there will always be an excuse besides "argument".  I wonder what excuse someone had to contact Riv's girl in Ukraine.  I am sure the were trying to save her...

I'm outside the realm of any argument and is speaking solely from my own personal viewpoint. As for Riv's gal, I can't tell you who did that or if anyone actually ever did, so I don't believe that's even relevant here.

....That is still between her and her husband or ex or whatever they are...

Exactly! That was the point. So far we have only heard this from one of the two.

...This whole thread is silly....

Thread?!? LOL. The entire MOB industry is whacked.

.... That is why I stayed out of this thread up until someone decided to cross the line again....

The line was crossed when the OP posted personal information knowing full well such display of information in the internet is counter to his wife's employment policy. Seeing anyone have the right to post their own personal information, shouldn't those 'involved', who is (speculatively) NOT aware of such actions being made available for the consumption of the world wide web, also reserve the right to make the decision as well? I say that based solely on her employment requirement.

...and lastly, the OP himself already GAVE the permission to make contact with Lena. So this isn't like anyone will be doing anything counter to the OP's wishes, no?

...The last thing she should do is come here and create more theater....

Like those lookey-lous on the other side of the freeways slowing to a stop to gawk at the carnage on the other side of the freeway. C'mon, Live...it's human nature. Why else has most everyone stuck in this thread all through the weekend?  Folks love theaters and train wrecks.

Me, I just want to see once and for all if Elvis is still alive.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Riv's situation is relevant because it shows this behavior isn't a one time deal.  There will always be an excuse to cross that line.   Ade trying to find Billy's girl so he can point her to a thread.   You don't really see this type of behavior unsavory?

...and lastly, the OP himself already GAVE the permission to make contact with Lena. So this isn't like anyone will be doing anything counter to the OP's wishes, no?

It is already clear the OP doesn't care about his family's privacy but that doesn't mean she would want strangers contacting her.  I would be offended if anyone stuck their nose into my relationship even if it is to point out what is being said online. 


Hell, I would think they were crazy to feel the need to contact me.


I am starting to wonder if this is normal behavior and it's common to contact strangers on the internet because of online discussions. 

Like those lookey-lous on the other side of the freeways slowing to a stop to gawk at the carnage on the other side of the freeway. C'mon, Live...it's human nature. Why else has most everyone stuck in this thread all through the weekend?  Folks love theaters and train wrecks.

I know and I hate to be a party pooper but she still would do better to stay out of the drama. 

[GQBlues]

Riv's situation is relevant because it shows this behavior isn't a one time deal.  There will always be an excuse to cross that line.   Ade trying to find Billy's girl so he can point her to a thread.   You don't really see this type of behavior unsavory?...

Sure it is. But it isn't relevant because Northkape already gave his blessings to do exactly that. There's world of difference bettwen *invasion of privacy* from an *invitation to verify*. Do you not agree?

...It is already clear the OP doesn't care about his family's privacy but that doesn't mean she would want strangers contacting her.  I would be offended if anyone stuck their nose into my relationship even if it is to point out what is being said online....

Understood clearly! And it goes without saying, that you'd like to know if anyone violated your right of privacy, don't you? Especially if you're so guarded with it because not least of which is your employment protocol and agreement and your future along with it, NO?

...Hell, I would think they were crazy to feel the need to contact me....

Not if there's vital information being conveyed to you that may prove important for you to know. Besides, she doesn't seem adverse to the idea for any of the ladies he's dating/boinking contacting her apparently to get some steamy love juice.

...I am starting to wonder if this is normal behavior and it's common to contact strangers on the internet because of online discussions....

This is nothing, man. I can tell you wilder stories than this I've come to know. Hence, I caution you not to make yourself too available with the MOB crowd too much.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Understood clearly! And it goes without saying, that you'd like to know if anyone violated your right of privacy, don't you? Especially if you're so guarded with it because not least of which is your employment protocol and agreement and your future along with it, NO?

No, I don't want strangers contacting me.  I learned a long time ago that people will do what they want even if I don't like it.  It is better to concentrate on stuff I can control in my life and let those who want to do retarded stuff do retarded stuff.   I don't want any part of it. 


Sometimes ignorance is bliss.   

[Daveman]

Just a reminder:


It is not the responsibility of RWD pass judgements on or to vet either breaches of privacy or permissions granted for photos or information presented here for public consumption.  Each individual takes full responsibility for what he or she posts upon agreeing to the ToS when joining RWD.

[flitabout62]

 Ask yourself if you were in the same situation where the ex husband gets the kids and living in Norway. You would fight for your kids and I'm sure in Norway you would win and put a restraining order on your ex if he did do something horrible. I'll bet you're a lady with a passion for your kids and would never give up.....but FSU women aren't the same when it comes to kids. Some kids are well taken care of, some spoiled, some neglected and some put in orphanages and unless things have changed in the last few years, most kids are aborted.


If I had to guess with the story presented, I would say Northcape's ex is less into kids than most women because she's not putting up much of a fight for custody.

If you are a foreign citizen getting divorced while you live as an ex pat in Norway, there might be consequences for your residence permit. The dependent spouse might not get his or her residence permit renewed, if it was obtained based on a relationship (cohabitation) or marriage to a Norwegian citizen. Special rules apply, depending on your circumstances and the situation for the children (education, under the age of 18, etc). For more information, contact the Norwegian Directorate of Immigration at: http://paguro.net/destinations/moving-to-norway/all-documents-oslo/norway_oslo_divorce

I don't know the details in this case and I'm not sure I want to know any more... but, If this is correct information (and i'm not an attorney) it's possibly a "no brainer". Custody probably goes to the citizen and not to the resident who risk losing residency. 

[Boethius]

So on this thread, there is too much information (for some posters' satisfaction) leading to an all-too-easy way to verify what NorthKape writes--something for which NorthKape is criticized.

On the BillyB thread, there is not enough proof of the marriage or other way to verify if the marriage took place (to some posters' satisfaction)--something for which BillyB is criticized.

Got it ...   

Northkape is, of course, free to post whatever he wishes about his life.  My point was, he doesn't have the right to post a third party's personal information (i.e., that of his soon to be ex wife) without her consent.  I didn't make a judgment about northkape.  AFAIK, his wife knows about this thread, or has no issue with it. 

AFAIK, Billy has not posted his full name, nor, unlike northkape, has he provided a link to his full name.  He doesn't even post "A''s" name.  So the two situations are not analogous, no matter how many straws you pull.

Please point to the post where I asked Billy to post a wedding photo.

[Boethius]

Sure, there will always be an excuse besides "argument".  I wonder what excuse someone had to contact Riv's girl in Ukraine.  I am sure the were trying to save her.

That one worked out well in the end.  I know he didn't think so at the time, but Zon would be the first to say that.  He is now with the woman he was meant to be with.

[northkape]

I will reply in general, to some of the comments from the last two days,
even if it's repeating the same thing over and over again.

Lena isn't of the opinion that she has left our boys, seen from her side, we are splitting custody,
only difference is that I will be together with them more than she is able to do.
The reality however will be very different,,, as boys are getting older,
they certainly don't want to spend every weekend in Oslo the next five years.
I believe that Lena will be very frustrated when she realizes how difficult this will be.
My repeated warnings about the large holes in her plans doesn't get through to her at all.
This is also the reason she still stays at my home most of the time.
She is unable to let go of her total control of how they are dressed, haircut, appearance, ++,
and what they should be eating,, not eating and on and on.
(she is actually a very good mother that cares deeply about our lovely sons)

My "future wife" really needs to get along as a friend with Lena, if we are to survive this future together... smiles

As I have repeated several times,, I tried to save our marriage, but didn't do enough when it was still possible.
Later when Lena finally made up her mind to divorce, there was nothing more to discuss..

And no, Lena didn't work in the Norwegian Justice Department when the info in here was posted,
she is officially starting in her new job there, on the 2nd of January 2014.
Till now she has been working in the Norwegian Tax Department.

Crazy funny,, how some people suddenly starts worrying about these ordinary family photos of me and Lena,
that was posted here a almost a year ago. For some strange reason, having those photos on the "open" Internet
became so dangerous during this week, that there is an urgent need for getting in touch with Lena and warning her.
I have been active on a long list of forums since 1995, but for me this is the most bizarre event ever on the net.
The fact that these people are utterly afraid of revealing even the tiniest slice of their own identity,
on the dangerous "open" Internet couldn't bother me less.
But wanting to save total strangers they will never meet, from having their family photos on the "open" Internet,
I have no words for it.
 
Well, Lena hardly believed it either, before I read it aloud for her.
On the other side, she see no reason for me to have her photos in my postings on the net after we are divorced.
Which I totally agree with, I will have that part removed when I remarry and finish my story.
A decision that was perfectly acceptable for her also.

Jones
Sorry,, Don't feel left out... I read your comments, and as such didn't ignore you.... smile

Gator
That part about bragging, for me I would like to see a lot more "bragging".
Personally I would like to see more trip stories that are illustrated with photos of the women they met with.
This is after all "Russian Women Discussion" so what is up with this seemingly strange aversion to showing photos of Russian Women?
I'm not writing my story or posting the photos for the sake of the female audience here.
Actually I don't understand what is their interest in Russian women, but it doesn't bother me much either.
But I get the feeling that many here are trying to be somewhat "political correct" to not irritate these "ladies".
What I have found more depressing is their desperate need to "control" what is allowed or not, and trying to sway the moderators.
Anyway, for me not a big deal, as I will be gone from here within the next year, hopefully forever if I marry the right woman.

[Doll]

Involving yourself in a stranger's relationship is rather pathetic.  Maybe it is time you get a more productive hobby Doll.

Why would you care who I contact to?
I am connected with hundreds of people though Internet- dare to judge too?
Posting on this board is NOT a productive hobby as well.
(забыла спросить, с кем мне общаться)))

[Doll]

Doll,

I too disagree with your contact of the man's wife.

You too please send me your official approval. Can't wait.