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Author Topic: Update - 13 years later  (Read 212952 times)

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Offline missAmeno

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #550 on: January 12, 2014, 07:36:17 PM »
Let's add one more twist ...  :devil:

She is not the only one. You get such request regularly from various women from abroad. Do you go meet every one of them? Or you do not bother wasting your time and try to find someone who interested just in you instead of all those who inviting you for cup of tea in order that they could evaluate you in comparison with all other their dates?

Offline calmissile

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #551 on: January 12, 2014, 07:41:56 PM »
Even if you do not say to her anything at all about it, it is something that you will think about and try to understand the reasons behind her actions.

Same with FSUW when guys offer them meeting for cup of tea while they are in the country to meet as many women as possible. Some FSUW will agree to meet and ask more questions, some will decide it is waste of time because more likely something is wrong with a guy in a first place.

MissA,
I have to agree with you.  It is awkward to announce you are looking for a wife.  That is why after my train wreck a couple years ago, I decided to take a 3 month vacation to Ukraine and I told the women that I wanted to meet many people and make friends.  No mention of looking for a wife.  I also advised them while on vacation, I planned to visit all the war history sites and memorials.

I was extreemely lucky on the trip.  Even though I visited several women, no one could hold a candle to the qualities of Larissa.  Not only her looks, but how she treated me.  She made the arrangements for us to visit all the war history sites.  She wasn't really happy about me visiting other women, but I was not going to shut down the whole vacation and plan, to get locked into the first woman I met.  She tracked me all over Ukraine and wanted to know who I was seeing, how I knew them, etc.  I suspect that is normal female behavior.

When I got back to Keiv, she convinced me to delay my departure for a week and take me on a vacation to Sevestopal (with her 4 year old dauther).   I suspect this was as much a test of how her daughter and I would get along as well as explore the chemistry between her and I.  This is the week we fell in love.  No distractions from family or her work.  It was great being together as an imaginary family.  The rest is history.

If I had it to do all over again, I would do it the same way.  Vacation, meet and befriend a  lot of locals, and explore the culture.  It worked a lot better than making a trip with only one mission in mind.     ;D
 I should also point out  that in the process of meeting locals, there are friends of friends and it seems everyone has a friend or relative that they want you to meet (women).

Doug (Calmissile)

Offline calmissile

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #552 on: January 12, 2014, 07:44:18 PM »
Let's add one more twist ...  :devil:

She is not the only one. You get such request regularly from various women from abroad. Do you go meet every one of them? Or you do not bother wasting your time and try to find someone who interested just in you instead of all those who inviting you for cup of tea in order that they could evaluate you in comparison with all other their dates?

That's the beauty of Skype.  You can sort out the 'not interested' from the 'maybes'.
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline fathertime

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #553 on: January 12, 2014, 07:54:48 PM »
Let's add one more twist ...  >:D

She is not the only one. You get such request regularly from various women from abroad. Do you go meet every one of them? Or you do not bother wasting your time and try to find someone who interested just in you instead of all those who inviting you for cup of tea in order that they could evaluate you in comparison with all other their dates?


Since I'm a guy and if we are talking about beautiful women from abroad that are coming to meet me (among other men)...I'd meet everyone I reasonably could! It sounds like fun to me.


Fathertime!   
I just happened to be browsing about the internet....

Offline jone

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #554 on: January 12, 2014, 08:00:20 PM »
Sleeping with some or one?  Northkape is discrete about sex and what little he has revealed suggests very little sex.

And if he had sex with more than one woman, so what.  He is a grownup as are the women he meets.  Sex is wonderful with the right person at the right time.

He is now.  Ever since Lone Drake called him on it. 
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline Misha

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #555 on: January 12, 2014, 08:19:24 PM »
Gator/Mish, you both commented only that you would meet but said nothing if you would question (even if at least in your mind) why she has to travel so far for dating. Good looking woman without issues should not have a trouble finding someone locally and here you are meeting good looking girl who instead of dating locally setting up number of dates abroad. Your mind will just blank out that fact?


That is a good question and I would certainly try to bring it up discretely when we met in person. Again, what would I have to lose? If ever the date is a dud, I would simply find a way to cut it short. Okay, fine, I will meet her in a public location just in case she is a serial killer  ;)

Offline Misha

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #556 on: January 12, 2014, 08:21:19 PM »
Let's add one more twist ...  >:D

She is not the only one. You get such request regularly from various women from abroad. Do you go meet every one of them? Or you do not bother wasting your time and try to find someone who interested just in you instead of all those who inviting you for cup of tea in order that they could evaluate you in comparison with all other their dates?


Well, I confess, I will be like most men and will decide within ten seconds of seeing her photo  ;)  If I get a continuous stream of attractive women asking me for dates, then, yes, I would certainly try to meet them all as I know dating is a numbers game.

Offline jazztropy

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #557 on: January 12, 2014, 08:29:47 PM »
Let's add one more twist ...  :devil:

She is not the only one. You get such request regularly from various women from abroad. Do you go meet every one of them? Or you do not bother wasting your time and try to find someone who interested just in you instead of all those who inviting you for cup of tea in order that they could evaluate you in comparison with all other their dates?

Thanks for your point of view.

Offline Shadow

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #558 on: January 13, 2014, 12:51:23 AM »

Well, I confess, I will be like most men and will decide within ten seconds of seeing her photo  ;)  If I get a continuous stream of attractive women asking me for dates, then, yes, I would certainly try to meet them all as I know dating is a numbers game.
Now lets add another twist. The women are not attractive, but very sweet and can offer you a better lifestyle due to them being daughter of an olicharch.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Misha

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #559 on: January 13, 2014, 01:45:12 AM »
Now lets add another twist. The women are not attractive, but very sweet and can offer you a better lifestyle due to them being daughter of an olicharch.


Let's see, had I met such a woman in my twenties, would I have been willing to consider the option to be a kept man, perhaps going to Harvard, Yale or Oxford for example as the husband of of the daughter of an oligarch and then staying at home to raise children and dedicate myself to my personal and professional fulfilment... Hmmm, let me think. To answer the question, I will cite Sarah Palin: "You betcha!"  ;D  So, yes, I would still have met these sweet daughters of oligarchs and gone on a date with them  ;)
« Last Edit: January 13, 2014, 01:46:44 AM by Misha »

Offline Gator

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #560 on: January 13, 2014, 08:51:44 AM »


Now lets add another twist. The women are not attractive, but very sweet and can offer you a better lifestyle due to them being daughter of an olicharch.



Regarding the constraint that the women were not attractive, that would give me pause.   I am sure one or more would have many redeeming qualities.  Nevertheless, I would probably be one of those whose profile was up on an agency's site for 10 years. 
« Last Edit: January 13, 2014, 08:57:44 AM by Gator »

Online Faux Pas

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #561 on: January 13, 2014, 08:54:47 AM »
Now lets add another twist. The women are not attractive, but very sweet and can offer you a better lifestyle due to them being daughter of an olicharch.

AND, quite a bit older 12-15+ in years

Offline Shadow

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #562 on: January 13, 2014, 08:59:46 AM »
AND, quite a bit older 12-15+ in years
But looking much younger.. well... only in their own mind. ;D
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Gator

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #563 on: January 13, 2014, 09:01:33 AM »

Let's see, had I met such a woman in my twenties, would I have been willing to consider the option to be a kept man, perhaps going to Harvard, Yale or Oxford for example as the husband of of the daughter of an oligarch and then staying at home to raise children and dedicate myself to my personal and professional fulfilment... Hmmm, let me think. To answer the question, I will cite Sarah Palin: "You betcha!"  ;D  So, yes, I would still have met these sweet daughters of oligarchs and gone on a date with them  ;)

To be comparable, one needs to add still another twist.  Marriage would require you to move to Moscow on a permanent basis.  Instead of Harvard, Yale  or Oxford you would go to Moscow State University.

How many of us can leave our country, even if the rewards are dining on caviar, front row seats at all venues, best universities, fast cars, and the like?   When in my early 30s I considered working for the UN.  After two years I proved the world was round by going home.  Yes, I missed my friends, my family, my language..... the biggest driver, however, for my return was dreaming I could accomplish more in my profession and wanting a family, kids, home and dog.

There are many international professionals who make a career of wandering the world with UN and a host of other organizations and businesses.   At RWD we have members who are expats in a foreign land.  Some people can do it.   So some of us can do it, some of us can not.   Most can not and perhaps that is why the number of RW on bridal agency sites is a small percentage of the RW population.

Now adding still another twist, assume America had become a place whose socioeconomic situation inhibited my ability to accomplish something in my professional life.  If so, I would probably move. 

Offline Daveman

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #564 on: January 13, 2014, 09:25:35 AM »
I am actually quiet intrigued now about what would have been your thoughts, guys, if you would have ended up being put in same position.

So ... you met online woman from different country who informs you she is seeking husband. She for one or another reason doesn't like men from her own country and wants to find husband from your country. She is planning to visit your country shortly and offers you meet for cup of tea to see if there is any chemistry between you two. While she is visiting your country she is planning to do such meetings as with you as with many men as possible in order for her to find the best potential husband. Do you meet her or not? Will you think she could be the one for you or you would wonder why on earth she needs to get on the plane to have a cup of tea with random guys? Would your mind do not play with idea she has some issues otherwise she would not have trouble to date in her own country?

 :devil:  :devil:  :devil:

Honestly, if she were a woman out of the blue I don't think I could make it past the first sentence.  To understand that I was being scrutinized as a potential husband from the beginning would be an absolute put-off for me.  I would think to myself "man, this is weird. I'm going to have to pass."  I think that's pretty natural for most men.  The out of the blue scenario doesn't really work though, because she would have found my profile on a dating site with an emphasis toward marriage which itself suggests a spousal hunt.

Of course there is the understanding that to be together marriage is inevitable when dating someone from a foreign country but even so, my focus was always on attraction and fun, then whatever else would either grow from there or it wouldn't.  I was put off by anyone who seemed in a hurry to marry. 

As far as meeting: I'd have met anyone who was attractive, seemed like she'd be fun and didn't put me off in some way.  Her meeting others wouldn't bother me. I'd go have fun with her and see what happened.

I think the problem goes back to something we touched on here a few years ago.  Historically, men are used to being in competition for the attention of a woman whereas women are used to having multiple suitors competing over her.  Men tend to accept and often thrive in competition whereas women have the tendency to shy away from it.






The duty of a true patriot is to protect his country from its government. -- Thomas Paine

Offline Misha

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #565 on: January 13, 2014, 10:10:42 AM »
To be comparable, one needs to add still another twist.  Marriage would require you to move to Moscow on a permanent basis.  Instead of Harvard, Yale  or Oxford you would go to Moscow State University.


I would still have met this theoretical woman even if she had been from Burkino Faso  ;)  It is a date after all, and I wouldn't have been chained up and put on a plane after finishing my dessert  :P

Quote
Now adding still another twist, assume America had become a place whose socioeconomic situation inhibited my ability to accomplish something in my professional life.  If so, I would probably move.


If I were offered a job tomorrow where my quality of life would be better (less snow for example and better biking) and where I would have a better economic status, I would move tomorrow even if it meant having to learn another language.

Offline fathertime

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #566 on: January 13, 2014, 02:56:48 PM »
Now lets add another twist. The women are not attractive, but very sweet and can offer you a better lifestyle due to them being daughter of an olicharch.


For me, it would be a non-starter if the woman wasn't attractive to me....so no dates or anything else.   


Fathetime! 
I just happened to be browsing about the internet....

Offline Patagonie

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #567 on: January 14, 2014, 03:08:50 AM »
Gator  :blowkiss:

I never understood 'I am looking for wife/husband'. In my mind you meet someone first, then build relationship to the point when you want to spend the rest of your life with that person and only then think about marriage. When I found these forums I was shocked there are people who decide to marry first and only then start to search whom they should marry.  This concept for me is backwards from what I see as natural process.

I have noticed that it makes a lot of difference.

If you are a player for the bang and go to FSU saying i am here for job/vacations, a lot of FSU are not stupid and will detect it. As generally this type of guys stay one week they will test him one week.

Now if you let go to their mind that you are here to find a serious partner and have a commited relationship things will go very differently. Because this is, culturally, what a lot of FSU ladies want. They will test you accordingly, in a different way. This case is quite different of the previous one.

It is why Ukraine is not considered as a favorable place for bangers (i don't speak about the paid sex which attracts a lot of foreigners in Kiev mainly)

There will be no real couple without a man aware of his capacity of commitment (and the same for the woman, which is all the difficulty).
"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

Offline Muzh

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #568 on: January 14, 2014, 08:41:14 AM »
Let's add one more twist ...  >:D

She is not the only one. You get such request regularly from various women from abroad. Do you go meet every one of them? Or you do not bother wasting your time and try to find someone who interested just in you instead of all those who inviting you for cup of tea in order that they could evaluate you in comparison with all other their dates?

This is what I would do.
 
I'd be very selective. I'd look at the pictures and see if there are any characteristics that are compatiible with my reasoning. That would include the form of her eyes, how she smiles and posture in addition to the 'usual suspects.' So far I've been on the money when I characterize a person by the way they express themselves, especially through their eyes.
 
After that first assessment, I would establish some sort of brief communication, be it by meeting for coffee or having a phone conversation. I prefer the phone conversation.
 
What I would NOT do is schedule a set of meetings with a lot of women. That is like hoping there will be a much better one right around the corner. Basically, that would say I'm not sure of what I want or I'm not confident in my own judgement.
 
And regarding how beautiful she is, let's say that I loved one Cheer's episode of the bartender's homely daughter and her father's response when she claimed she is not beautiful. Google it.
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Online northkape

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #569 on: January 14, 2014, 01:12:15 PM »
Jone
It is difficult to keep track of my story through all these pages, but I never spoke about sex in my search this year,
and only implicitly told about a single relationship where it might have been a possibility.

Miss A
There were always marriage agencies, and matchmakers for those who wanted to find someone to marry.

Your reasoning about first meeting someone, then building a relationship for in the end to marry is valid, and the way most do it.
At least when you are younger with years to spend, and there is a large pool of mates to choose from.

To achieve the same effect in long distance Internet dating, I feel like I'm doing exactly that,
meeting a number of women that I have some knowledge about, to see if there is a feeling of attraction with some of them.
For then to choose the one where there is mutual interest in going forward with more meetings, to see what happens.
And finally when both feel comfortable to do so, make a decision about marrying at some point in the future.
   
Personally I'm not much interested in marrying as such, it's just a necessity for being able to get her here.
But I'm definitely looking for a long term relationship, so it doesn't bother me to marry my woman either.


Offline Misha

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #570 on: January 14, 2014, 02:38:37 PM »
What I would NOT do is schedule a set of meetings with a lot of women. That is like hoping there will be a much better one right around the corner. Basically, that would say I'm not sure of what I want or I'm not confident in my own judgement.


Sure, perhaps scheduling in advance is not something that I would want to do, but conversely, I do not see the need to screen candidates for a simply date with such precision to ensure perfection. Sometimes, it can be fun and interesting to meet new people even if their eyes are not quite the right shade or shape or they may even have different interests and do not agree with you on each and every point. Sometimes, surprises can be fun, and meeting people simply because you enjoy people can also have its rewards. That is precisely what I liked about dating in Russia way back in the day: women were much more willing to meet with men if if they did not seem perfect.

Offline tfcrew

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #571 on: January 14, 2014, 02:48:13 PM »

 
What I would NOT do is schedule a set of meetings with a lot of women. 

That rarely happens unless it's a tour or something and I've really seen very little about those since I've been married.
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Offline Muzh

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #572 on: January 16, 2014, 11:00:07 AM »

Sure, perhaps scheduling in advance is not something that I would want to do, but conversely, I do not see the need to screen candidates for a simply date with such precision to ensure perfection. Sometimes, it can be fun and interesting to meet new people even if their eyes are not quite the right shade or shape or they may even have different interests and do not agree with you on each and every point. Sometimes, surprises can be fun, and meeting people simply because you enjoy people can also have its rewards. That is precisely what I liked about dating in Russia way back in the day: women were much more willing to meet with men if if they did not seem perfect.

Thank god for choices, eh?
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Gator

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #573 on: January 16, 2014, 11:32:08 AM »

Thank god for choices, eh?

Do I detect a note of irony for emphatic effect, the irony that WM have choices and FSUW do not?   The unchosen turn  to the unchosen, the woman reluctantly, the man enthusiastically.



Dog with a bone, eh, as that was another thread, now defunct?


May we please allow Northkape to continue his story.
  I believe the man is close to revealing a major step in his chosen path.   

Offline Gator

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Re: Update - 13 years later
« Reply #574 on: January 16, 2014, 11:38:30 AM »


.....I feel like I'm doing exactly that,
meeting a number of women that I have some knowledge about, to see if there is a feeling of attraction with some of them.
For then to choose the one where there is mutual interest in going forward with more meetings, to see what happens.
And finally when both feel comfortable to do so, make a decision about marrying at some point in the future.
   

Exactly the way it should be done.  Please continue.  We want to know who is the one.

 

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