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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 473705 times)

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Offline Seeker

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1100 on: April 18, 2010, 07:24:36 PM »
A Western man is lost in a remote area miles outside of Ekaterinburg. In this remote area, there are
only two groups of people: liars and truthtellers.

He encounters two beautiful Russian women at a fork in the path. One path will lead him deeper
into wilderness, the other will lead him safely back to the city.

He is allowed to ask each woman one question. Which two questions could he ask to ensure he
selects the path back to Ekaterinburg?

Question to first:  If I were to ask which was the safe path, would she (the other one) lie to me?

If the answer is no, then she is the liar.  I ask the second which is the safe path.

If the answer is yes, I ask the second the same question, and go the other way.

But then again... it is late and I am distracted.   ;D

And of course both could be telling the truth.. or not... I missed that at first.  I thought it was exclusive, but that was never said.

« Last Edit: April 18, 2010, 07:27:37 PM by Seeker »
"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein

Offline Markus

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1101 on: April 18, 2010, 07:25:27 PM »
Vaugh was right on target. I think he googled it. It took me years to figure that one out on my own.

For the reply, I'll have to deal with that tomorrow as my mind is tired and coming down to everyone else's level.

Since Seeker has already seen this thread with modified approval, I will add one more before bed:

What goes up a chimney down but cannot go down a chimney up?

« Last Edit: April 18, 2010, 07:37:15 PM by Markus »

Offline Seeker

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1102 on: April 18, 2010, 07:51:54 PM »
A Western man is lost in a remote area miles outside of Ekaterinburg. In this remote area, there are
only two groups of people: liars and truthtellers.

He encounters two beautiful Russian women at a fork in the path. One path will lead him deeper
into wilderness, the other will lead him safely back to the city.

He is allowed to ask each woman one question. Which two questions could he ask to ensure he
selects the path back to Ekaterinburg?

Assuming one is always truthful and one always lies...

I could pick up a large rock and ask number one "Will it hurt number two if I hit her with it?"

If the answer is no, I ask number two which is the way to go... and go that way.

If yes, I ask number two which way is the right way, and go the other.

There are a lot of ways to go with this...  :D
"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein

Offline Seeker

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1103 on: April 18, 2010, 08:11:25 PM »
Vaugh was right on target. I think he googled it. It took me years to figure that one out on my own.

For the reply, I'll have to deal with that tomorrow as my mind is tired and coming down to everyone else's level.

Since Seeker has already seen this thread with modified approval, I will add one more before bed:

What goes up a chimney down but cannot go down a chimney up?



The classic answer is umbrella.  But to keep things clean, I will leave it at that.   :P
"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein

Offline Vaughn

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1104 on: April 18, 2010, 08:24:05 PM »
Assuming one is always truthful and one always lies...

I could pick up a large rock and ask number one "Will it hurt number two if I hit her with it?"

If the answer is no, I ask number two which is the way to go... and go that way.

If yes, I ask number two which way is the right way, and go the other.

An honest "Yes" by No. 1 doesn't guarantee No. 2 is a liar though.

Offline Seeker

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1105 on: April 18, 2010, 08:33:13 PM »
An honest "Yes" by No. 1 doesn't guarantee No. 2 is a liar though.

True, she might like being hit by a rock... damn this is hard.  No one told me there would be essay questions!   :ROFL:
"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1106 on: April 21, 2010, 12:31:17 PM »
Depending on the state of your sense of humor, I thought this may well be the best place to post this.

It's pretty funny....or maybe not.
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1107 on: April 22, 2010, 01:05:45 PM »
LOL

Blago's situation just keeps getting really ridiculously comical.

" In court documents filed Thursday, the attorneys argue that President Obama could give important testimony about two prosecution witnesses. The first is a person identified only as "a labor union  official" who, the government has claimed, *was in contact with Obama about the Senate seat he vacated*. The second is Tony Rezko, the Chicago real estate developer who the defense lawyers call "President Obama's former friend, fund-raiser, and neighbor....The court documents note the *favorable deal Rezko gave the future president for his Chicago house, a deal which Obama later called a mistake.*"
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline ConnerVT

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1108 on: April 24, 2010, 04:38:14 AM »
A group of 40-year-old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for
dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean
View Restaurant, because the waiters there were good looking and had
buff bodies.

10 years later at 50-years-of- age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should
meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the food there was very good and
the wine selection was good also.

10 years later at 60-years-of- age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should
meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because they could eat there in peace and
quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later at 70-years-of- age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should
meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the restaurant was wheel chair
accessible and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80-years-of- age, the group once again discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should
meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because they had never been there before.

Offline tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1109 on: April 25, 2010, 08:18:17 AM »
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~
~Think about the intelligence of the average person and then realize that half of the people are even more stupid than that~

Offline tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1110 on: May 02, 2010, 08:47:22 PM »
Introducing the 2011 Obamamobile-----


[Admin Note: Image removed from suspected attack site. Was triggering a Google malware warning]

It runs on hot air and bull manure.
It is a three wheeler but it [unfortunately] makes only left turns.
It comes complete with two TelePrompters so you can easily talk your way out of tickets.
  
It won't get you to work, but hey, there aren't any jobs anyway!  
 
 
« Last Edit: August 19, 2010, 09:59:09 PM by Admin »
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~
~Think about the intelligence of the average person and then realize that half of the people are even more stupid than that~

Offline I/O

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1111 on: June 04, 2010, 05:59:54 AM »
A rich man tips the waiter $5, the waiter enquires, Sir, your son was here yesterday and tipped me $50, why the difference? The rich man answers, simple, yesterday you were tipped by a rich mans son, today you've been tipped by a farmers son.

Offline OlgaH

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1112 on: July 14, 2010, 10:25:47 PM »
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xg7zwT2gQk[/youtube]
...

Offline Seeker

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1113 on: July 14, 2010, 10:45:49 PM »
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xg7zwT2gQk[/youtube]
...

I knew I was doing it right!    :P
"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1114 on: July 15, 2010, 12:07:14 PM »
The year is 1947
 
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .. This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.
 
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
 
Albert A. Gore, Jr..
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

 
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses? I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you.
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline ConnerVT

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1115 on: July 17, 2010, 09:02:43 AM »
For those of us raising kids, a fun watch:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZa7hU6tP_s[/youtube]

Online Faux Pas

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1116 on: July 17, 2010, 12:43:54 PM »
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says "you can stay but, don't start anything"

Offline Seeker

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1117 on: July 17, 2010, 03:36:16 PM »
For those of us raising kids, a fun watch:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZa7hU6tP_s[/youtube]


Wow... now that brought back memories.  :D
"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein

Offline sjg-uk

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1118 on: July 17, 2010, 08:03:44 PM »
Thanks for making me smile this morning with this funny video - all Dads will understand it - but I'm not yet old enough for socks and sandles !
Simon in Kharkov
English/Ukraine Business Est. 2001
Email ; kharkov.for.rent@gmail.com 
Great Info Link ; www.kharkovinfo.com

Offline tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1119 on: August 02, 2010, 11:15:27 AM »
RUN-DMC straight from the Kremlin............

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoQb8vb4blA[/youtube]
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~
~Think about the intelligence of the average person and then realize that half of the people are even more stupid than that~

Offline ConnerVT

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1120 on: August 13, 2010, 06:14:20 PM »
The language is a little coarse, but very funny...


Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1121 on: August 13, 2010, 09:09:01 PM »
For those of us raising kids, a fun watch:

Man! How the heck did I miss this one? That's TFF!  :ROFL:
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline Seeker

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1122 on: August 14, 2010, 02:36:01 PM »
Okay... here is one I like....
"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein

Offline OlgaH

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1123 on: August 19, 2010, 08:37:08 PM »
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Old Lady: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see ... Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?

Old Lady: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Old Lady: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.

A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his
half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Old Lady: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1124 on: August 24, 2010, 10:59:01 AM »
Too funny but it's true in more ways than just a horse race....Classic!

vs. Mywifedoesntknow. It was pretty close race, but the truth edged out the challenger by more than a lenght!
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

 

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