Time for some Humor!!

[Vaughn]

I didn't notice any shoes, but those are prescription shades she's wearing. 

[Hammer2722]

Yeah, I have to agree. Didn't notice the green shoes but I am liking what I see. 

[ML]

Finally after years and years of
suspense . . .

The answer to the question everyone is
dying to know

What the HELL is  . . .  Victoria's Secret ?

[SANDRO43]

So it should be... Victorio's Secret ?

[ML]

You don't have to be an engineer to appreciate this story.

A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty
boxes, without the tube inside.  People with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with
timings so precise that every single unit coming out of it is perfect
100% of the time. Small variations in the environment (which can’t be
controlled in a cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality
assurance checks distributed across the line so that customers
all the way down to the supermarket don’t get irritated and buy
another product instead.

Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste
factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to
hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem, as their in-house engineering department was already too stretched to take on any extra effort.

The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor
allocated,  third-parties selected, and six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution — on time and on budget.

They solved the problem by using high-tech precision scales that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box would weigh less than it should. The line would stop, and someone would walk over and yank
the defective box out, and press a button  to re-start the line.

A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the results; and found them amazing! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints, and they were gaining market share. “That’s 8 million dollars well spent!” – he says, before looking closely at the other statistics in the report.

The reports showed that the precision scales were finding about 12 empty boxes a day for the first couple of days, but since then the scales found exactly zero empty boxes.  But yet there were no complaints about empty boxes from wholesalers, retailers or end customers.

Rather than ask his subordinates to investigate and explain this strange phenomenon, the CEO went down to the factory floor, and walked up to the part of the conveyor line where the precision scales were installed.

A few feet before the scale, he noticed there was a $10 desk fan, blowing empty boxes off the belt and into a bin.

“Oh, that,” says one of the workers — “one of the other guys put it there ’cause he was tired of walking over….. every time the bell rang”.

[Eduard]

From the profile of a Ukrainian girl:


О себе:

Купила мелок от тараканов. Теперь в голове тихо и спокойно… Сидят, рисуют…)

[Gator]

From the profile of a Ukrainian girl:


О себе:

Купила мелок от тараканов. Теперь в голове тихо и спокойно… Сидят, рисуют…)

This translates as, "About me,  I bought a pesticide chalk. Now in my head still and quiet ... sit, draw .. "
It sounds more profound than humorous.  In fact, I would want to talk to such a woman.   Obviously, I am missing something and would need an interpreter. 

[ML]

I just had my Gal  read this.  She says it does not make total sense, but  she  thinks it is a type of metaphor.

Her interpretation:  The girl bought  some chalk that might be used  to kill bugs.  She had some discomfort in  her head before, but now she is calm and imagines the bugs use the  chalk to draw pictures.

[Gator]

Her interpretation:  The girl bought  some chalk that might be used  to kill bugs.  She had some discomfort in  her head before, but now she is calm and imagines the bugs use the  chalk to draw pictures.

Excellent, this may be the answer to the many palmetto bugs (cockroaches)  in Florida.   Two questions:  Where can I purchase pesticide chalk?  How do you entice a cockroach to draw pictures?   

[Gator]

Here is clip of Russian businessman making a joke about bugs (a cockroach) to an American client.  Maybe bug jokes don't translate well, and we can only assme them a metaphor. 
 

[ghost of moon goddess]

I just had my Gal  read this.  She says it does not make total sense, but  she  thinks it is a type of metaphor.

Her interpretation:  The girl bought  some chalk that might be used  to kill bugs.  She had some discomfort in  her head before, but now she is calm and imagines the bugs use the  chalk to draw pictures.

In fact, the girl had bats in her belfry (crazy ideas flying around in her head) - In Russian - иметь тараканов в голове -(idiom) She bought some chalk for the bats. Now they seem to enjoy drawing, this keeps them busy and they are not flying)

[OlgaH]

From the profile of a Ukrainian girl:


О себе:

Купила мелок от тараканов. Теперь в голове тихо и спокойно… Сидят, рисуют…)

 

A joke about cockroaches drawing with insecticide chalk appeared in Russia with the first insecticide chalks made in China. In the girls case a scary thought would be what will happen when her cockroaches (that can not be killed even with insecticide chalk) get tired of drawing 

[ghost of moon goddess]

[Eduard]

Телосложение:

• Ухоженное тело, шелковистая кожа, красивые ноги, белые зубы, влажные губы, грязные мысли...)

[Eduard]

Берегите Родину -  oтдыхайте заграницей!

[Gator]

Now I understand why I have not seen Chinese inseccticide chalk - it is illegal in the US.

Illegal Insecticide Chalk, also known as "Miraculous Chalk"         or
"Chinese Chalk." You may have seen the chalk in a neighborhood         store or
sold on the street for about $1 a box. It is mostly imported         illegally
from China and often bears a label in both English and Chinese.         
Sometimes, like on the label we show here, the manufacturer makes claims         
that the chalk is "harmless to human beings and animals" and         "safe to
use." These claims are untrue and dangerous. Because         insecticide chalk
looks just like regular chalk, children often take it         in their hands,
write with it and put it in their mouths. The active ingredient         in
Insecticide Chalk is a chemical called deltamethrin, which is one of         the
most toxic pesticides of its kind. Insecticide chalk should be avoided         
at all times.

Source:  http://www.epa.gov/pesticides/health/illegalproducts/chalk.htm
 
Actually, the active ingredient deltamethrin is legal in the US, and is found in some insecticide sprays used in my home and garden. 
 

[ghost of moon goddess]

Если Вы хотите выйти замуж за умного, красивого и богатого, Вам придется выходить замуж три раза 

[GQBlues]

http://img52.imageshack.us/img52/174/lwl.mp4
 
(I can't embed a wmv file) Note: this author have no bias or opinion about this election process/result.

[Eduard]

this is cute:
Прежде чем назвать девушку " Зайкой ", подумайте, хватит ли у вас капусты и не подведет ли морковка.  : )

[Eduard]

from the same woman's profile:


В сексе я люблю:

• Относитесь к сексу с юмором. ..Не получилось - похохотали. ..и баиньки !

[ML]

Professor at Medical School is giving lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction.'

Realizing it is not  an exciting subject and that several students are looking sleepy, he decides to liven it it a bit.

He calls on gal in first row and asks:

"What is your a$$hole doing when you have an orgasm?"

She responds: "He is probably hunting deer with his buddies."

[ML]

A Redneck walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.

He puts the alligator up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside.

Then the gator will close his
Mouth for one minute.

"Then he'll open his mouth
And I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this
Spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar,
Dropped his trousers,
And placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth
As the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of the head.

The gator opened his mouth
And the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered,
And the first of his free
Drinks were delivered.


The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A Blonde woman timidly
Spoke up..........
"I'll try it -
Just don't hit me so hard
With the beer bottle!"

[ML]

What we have been waiting for finally arrived.

New sun-glass collection for Summer 2012

[Eduard]

from a RW's profile:
В сексе я люблю:

• В самой хорошенькой девочке в самой застенчивой лапушке запросто могут быть спрятаны блядские гены прабабушки

[Eduard]

О себе
Если у женщины искры в глазах - значит тараканы в ее голове что-то празднуют...