Time for some Humor!!

[tfcrew]

 This guy was having an affair with a 17-year-old girl who had lied about her age. When he learned the truth, he broke it off and over the next few weeks, guilt set in and he confessed to his wife.
 
 She screamed at him, "How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman?”
__________________________________________________________________________ _______
What ‘competitive salary’ really means--
 
  It means your salary will be competing with your bills.
 
 

[ML]

I found this humorous.

At first, I couldn't figure this out.

Then I thought it meant, since Russia has universal health care, it will cost its government a lot to take care of the wounded Russian soldiers.

At second thought, maybe it's that America spends a lot on military rather than health care, which serves us better in times of conflict.

Anyway, jokes are not supposed to be funny if explanations needed; but maybe I'm the only dense one!!  :-)

[ML]

Three minute timer

[ML]

Darth Putin@DarthPutinKGB
Day 34 of my 3 day war.
My army advances backwards, most of my agents are no longer secret and Abramovich has unfriended me on Facebook.

[Chelseaboy]

Very good 

[2tallbill]

Three minute timer

My poor wife uses the same method, but has to do it twice.

[krimster2]

cuz ya fell back asleep?

[Nightwish]

 

[Grumpy]

[Grumpy]

http://youtu.be/dqIpI68-6pQ

[ML]

I got a belly laugh when near the end the narrator said:  The Russian tanks, etc., can be sold for scrap metal or if they are in good shape could be sold on ebay.

[Jumper1]

I got a belly laugh when near the end the narrator said:  The Russian tanks, etc., can be sold for scrap metal or if they are in good shape could be sold on ebay.

Did you know the Ukrainian government passed a regulation making those russian military  items collrcted and sold income tax free?

[Nightwish]

Now it all makes sense...

[tfcrew]

Wife--- “I’m having an affair.” Husband---“Do we need to hire a caterer?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Waiter---“I see your glass is empty, sir. Would you like another one?” 

Diner----“Why would I want two empty glasses? One of us is an idiot!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 He opened a restaurant called "Peace & Quiet”. Kids meals start at $65
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  A WW2 pilot visited a girls school 

He was talking to the pupils about his time in the battle, and he said,
“I was flying in formation when three fukkers came up behind me”.

The teacher quickly interjects, “young ladies, you must understand the
‘Fokker’ is a type of German airplane”.

The pilot replies, "Well that's true but these fukkers were flying Messerschmidts”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Piano player split his pants and his balls were hanging out , someone said --

  Do you know your balls are hanging out ? Piano player-- I'm not sure... hum a few notes. 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Why put off 'til tomorrow what you won't do then either.

[Steven1971]

RE Russian lies

I think if you caught a Russian having sex with your wife/girlfriend he would say: "it's not true. I've tested your bedsprings and you will be pleased to hear that they are in good working order"

[Nightwish]

- Mom, I'm in Ukraine. They're shooting, it's scary, our BMP was smashed, there is such a meat grinder here!
- A meat grinder? What for? You'd better take a blender."

[ML]

- Mom, I'm in Ukraine. They're shooting, it's scary, our BMP was smashed, there is such a meat grinder here!
- A meat grinder? What for? You'd better take a blender."

I don't get it.

[Nightwish]

I don't get it.

Have you not seen the looting by the Orc's? Anything that is not tied down comes back home, old electronics like CRT monitors, doghouses  , used clothes, childrens toys...

[ML]

Have you not seen the looting by the Orc's? Anything that is not tied down comes back home, old electronics like CRT monitors, doghouses  , used clothes, childrens toys...

OK now I understand; thanks.

[Grumpy]

Have you not seen the looting by the Orc's? Anything that is not tied down comes back home, old electronics like CRT monitors, doghouses  , used clothes, childrens toys...

How thoughtful of them to put a hitch on the back for the tractor. 

[Nightwish]

New statement has been released by Azov battalion. Details of the operation below

[krimster2]

Young men from rural Russia prepare to die for Putin inside $4 million tank in Ukraine while their home villages have 50 meters of tarmac for main street and no running water
friendly reminder: 20% of Russians don't have indoor toilettes

[Grumpy]

[Grumpy]

[ML]

Apparently Russia let the policy lapse.