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Author Topic: The Sudden Silent treatment  (Read 8510 times)

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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #100 on: January 11, 2018, 10:18:21 PM »
Her English wasn't great but good enough to communicate.  It was more the attitude of her not compromising on figuring out a solution. 

This is the sort of attitude my last girl had, totally uncompromising, have many others here found the same? A kind of agree with what they say or nothing happens sort of attitude.

Online Davo2

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #101 on: January 11, 2018, 10:23:39 PM »
The only thing I am a little careful of --is getting too chatty with beautiful girls ! No amount of "I was just being friendly" gets past my lady! ( although she does laugh about it now !)
Despite not meeting her yet this is something I've had experience with recently and I've seen a little bit of jealously creeping in with some of my female friends.
I sent a video from a birthday party where I was sitting next to woman, this drew the question "Is this woman someone I intend to date?"
More recently I noticed her not as chatty as usual. Eventually she said, I might meet good Australian woman tomorrow and I should be open to that as it's easier for me than having a long distance relationship with her. I thought this was going to lead to her saying goodbye. I made it clear that I'm happy being single atm until we meet, and even if we only stay friends and there are no romantic feelings, I will remain single for the immediate future. I hadn't realized that another female friend had put a picture of us both on my Face book page, with our arms around each  other. My FSU friend can see my page and I'm almost certain this initiated her backing off in our conversations....things thankfully have now returned to  normal.
I guess this also ties into this thread  topic, simple things that we don't even think about, like a picture with your friends can be misinterpreted and cause issues.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 10:41:33 PM by Davo2 »

Offline Sting23

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #102 on: January 11, 2018, 10:31:43 PM »
I also ask myself somedays, why)))  One guy I know dates Phillipinos only in Moscow as the Russian girls are "too capricious" in his opinion.  I get "capricious Russian girls" but not Philipino girls.  I'm joking a bit, there are lots of nice and normal Russian girls, I just haven't got to meet one yet.


This has got to be the most unusual thing I've ever heard!  To only date a Phillipino in Moscow?!  That's akin to a vegetarian going to a steakhouse!  Why wouldn't he just move to a place where he likes the women.

I'm Asian, I think I saw 2-3 Phillipinos in my entire time in Moscow. I don't know how he would find someone.
I met Asian looking women, Chinese, Korean but they were Russian born and had a Russian mentality. 


Offline JayH

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #103 on: January 11, 2018, 11:05:03 PM »
  To only date a Phillipino

The word is Filipino   -- easy to understand Bounder channelling Trenchcoat type ignorance --more is expected of you !
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline Boethius

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #104 on: January 11, 2018, 11:21:04 PM »
"Ghosting" is a term with which I am not familiar. What does it mean?

Boe, is there a Russian equivalent to the term?

Hi Mendy,

"Ghosting" is a term that has come into use since the texting age.  I don't know if there is now an equivalent term in Russian, but there were a lot of terms used that described this in the past, depending on the context.  The one that comes closest that I know -

Лёг на дно, ушёл/ушла в подполье

I don't know if there is a direct equivalent that is more "modern"/up to date.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 12:11:27 AM by Boethius »
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline Sting23

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #105 on: January 12, 2018, 12:09:20 AM »
The word is Filipino   -- easy to understand Bounder channelling Trenchcoat type ignorance --more is expected of you !

sorry yeah must have unconsciously spelt it incorrectly after seeing  Bounder write it that way.   

"more is expected.." I don't get this line,  it's a spelling error no more or less.  Chalk it up to me typing too quickly.

Offline Fashionista

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #106 on: January 12, 2018, 02:43:06 AM »
Hi Mendy,

"Ghosting" is a term that has come into use since the texting age.  I don't know if there is now an equivalent term in Russian, but there were a lot of terms used that described this in the past, depending on the context.  The one that comes closest that I know -

Лёг на дно, ушёл/ушла в подполье

I don't know if there is a direct equivalent that is more "modern"/up to date.


I can suggest a few, послать в игнор/включить игнор/шифроваться

Anyhow, the idea is that another person can quickly take a hint and there is no big drama that has to be dealt with. You would appreciate this in the country where there is practically no legal recourse against stalkers.  You just gotta hide.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 03:06:43 AM by Fashionista »
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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #107 on: January 12, 2018, 04:10:19 AM »

I can suggest a few, послать в игнор/включить игнор/шифроваться

Anyhow, the idea is that another person can quickly take a hint and there is no big drama that has to be dealt with. You would appreciate this in the country where there is practically no legal recourse against stalkers.  You just gotta hide.

Before 2012 we in the UK had no law against stalking which is incredible that it took so long since it really took off in the nineties. There were problems with ex's bugging their former gf's here & there but I don't think the problem of stalking was that big there bit more with strangers. I don't think many women cut the guy out cold here for fear of stalking.

It may be a factor in the FSU but it's probably more the heavy bust up and/or seeing no point wasting time on the wrong guy I'm thinking.

Offline Fashionista

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #108 on: January 12, 2018, 04:29:51 AM »
Before 2012 we in the UK had no law against stalking which is incredible that it took so long since it really took off in the nineties. There were problems with ex's bugging their former gf's here & there but I don't think the problem of stalking was that big there bit more with strangers. I don't think many women cut the guy out cold here for fear of stalking.

It may be a factor in the FSU but it's probably more the heavy bust up and/or seeing no point wasting time on the wrong guy I'm thinking.


Even a single experience of having to sneak out the back door from work for a couple of months and watch out carefully for admirers with flowers next to where you live changes the outlook on things. And it's encouraged by the society, a man has to prove his love and be persistent. You never know when a person twice the size of you can turn violent, thinking that you are just playing with him, and it's better to be safe than sorry. But I suspect men will have hard time understanding that, to them it's just cold capricious behavior.
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Online msmob

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #109 on: January 12, 2018, 04:33:51 AM »
Before 2012 we in the UK had no law against stalking which is incredible that it took so long since it really took off in the nineties. There were problems with ex's bugging their former gf's here & there but I don't think the problem of stalking was that big there bit more with strangers. I don't think many women cut the guy out cold here for fear of stalking.

It may be a factor in the FSU but it's probably more the heavy bust up and/or seeing no point wasting time on the wrong guy I'm thinking.

More Trench inaccurate nonsense, I'm afraid ((

FACTS:


http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/stalking-and-harassment


"In this legal guidance, the term harassment is used to cover the 'causing alarm or distress' offences under section 2 of the Protection from Harassment Act 1997"





The internet, in the end, was not designed to give people the information they need. It gives people the information they want.

Offline Fashionista

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #110 on: January 12, 2018, 05:45:41 AM »
Guys living in Russia, don't get me wrong. I actually have admiration for westerners who moved to Russia for an extended period of time. It's courageous. Profoundly insane, but still courageous.  Безумству храбрых поём мы песню. At least I had lotsa help.  But you are immigrants now. Be immigrants. There are two sides to immigration. The positive side is you get to learn to live in a new world. The negative side is you get to learn to live in a new world. You certainly instantly move down the social status ladder. See which of the two experiences affects you more. I no longer read Russian expat sites in Canada, but when I was, every now and then someone would come out of the woods and say that Canadians are horrible because they don't do things the way we in Russia are used to do. They'd normally be laughed out of the building. 8) Integrate.
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Online msmob

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #111 on: January 12, 2018, 06:16:26 AM »
Wow, nearly 100 percent Golden Words....  ;)
The internet, in the end, was not designed to give people the information they need. It gives people the information they want.

Offline Jumper

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #112 on: January 12, 2018, 07:41:55 AM »

Even a single experience of having to sneak out the back door from work for a couple of months and watch out carefully for admirers with flowers next to where you live changes the outlook on things. And it's encouraged by the society, a man has to prove his love and be persistent. You never know when a person twice the size of you can turn violent, thinking that you are just playing with him, and it's better to be safe than sorry. But I suspect men will have hard time understanding that, to them it's just cold capricious behavior.

Very good point to those looking for a cultural reason *why*.

I think without living there men don't realize that the entire dating scene is a bit different than in the West, men there are supposed to pursue to a greater degree than in the  west, dating to marraige timeline is generally much shorter etc etc   and a lot of cultural things will factor in,and can create misunderstandings.
  If two people truly adore each other they will work thru it regardless, and like always
neither party should simply excuse poor behaviour on cultural differences .
   This case the girl did tell him she was breaking up, so the guy should simply just move on regardless if he felt it was sudden and a poor explanation of why. If it was a test to see if he would try to win her back ,he failed. So move on. If it was really just her wanting to move on, he should move on.
 There is a hat for every head(unless he has a really odd shaped head)
So same action for him regardless.

While ive seen the cut and run bit play out , personally I've had the opposite, where even after a breakup they may have  wanted to remain friends with benefits, so I think human relationships are just far too individual  to fit cultural generalities.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 07:48:29 AM by Jumper »
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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #113 on: January 12, 2018, 10:17:46 AM »
More Trench inaccurate nonsense, I'm afraid ((

FACTS:


http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/stalking-and-harassment


"In this legal guidance, the term harassment is used to cover the 'causing alarm or distress' offences under section 2 of the Protection from Harassment Act 1997"

Not always easy to be able to prosecute under 'harassment' otherwise they wouldn't have needed to bring in a stalking law. Getting sloppy on your old age Mobe ;)

Offline GQBlues

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #114 on: January 12, 2018, 10:33:09 AM »
....   This case the girl did tell him she was breaking up, so the guy should simply just move on regardless if he felt it was sudden and a poor explanation of why. If it was a test to see if he would try to win her back ,he failed. So move on. If it was really just her wanting to move on, he should move on....


Fully agree, AJ! That's really all the needs to be said. I can never understand why there are men (sic) out there that has the need to be pampered and/or nursed, undergo therapy, or yearn for some silly 'learning session' why he's an idiot and why she doesn't want him around in her life anymore.

I mean, how many more ways must a gal tell the idiot she no longer wants to be with him? Is there really solace for these men (?) to hear 100 different versions of that? WTF!
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 10:38:17 AM by GQBlues »
My wonderful rebuttal to the Prague Spring thread is now *relocated* again (being actively hidden, lol) in *Anything Goes* section, titled: Willy Waving. Hurry before she deletes it altogether. LMAO! Enjoy.

Online jone

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #115 on: January 12, 2018, 10:44:01 AM »
I had a friend of mine who taught me much at an early age.  He said if the girl in front of you is not the right one, wait sixty seconds and another one will walk by.  Some guys can never get that through their heads. 

A trait of FSUW is that once they decide you are not their man, they will have nothing to do with you.  But the good news is that if you were able to play in the FSUW sandbox once, you have proven that you will be welcome by some next woman.

I do not fault the OP's friend for dwelling on the woman.   But there is nothing wrong with the woman, just the guy's inability to move on.  The faster that is done, the quicker he will find the woman who fits.
Experience keeps a dear school but fools will learn at no other - Benjamin Franklin

Online msmob

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #116 on: January 12, 2018, 11:19:03 AM »
Not always easy to be able to prosecute under 'harassment' otherwise they wouldn't have needed to bring in a stalking law. Getting sloppy on your old age Mobe ;)

Sloppy is making statements about things you clearly do not understand.

The UK has had civil restraining orders / injunctions and breach of those is contempt of Court ...  What happens when you do ignore the summons or breach an order ? You could have gone to prison.

The 'Stalking Act' - simply made it a Criminal Offence - FASTER ....but Civil Injunctions require a lower burden of proof and were / are easier to obtain.

 
The internet, in the end, was not designed to give people the information they need. It gives people the information they want.

Offline Jumper

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #117 on: January 12, 2018, 12:29:08 PM »

Fully agree, AJ! That's really all the needs to be said. I can never understand why there are men (sic) out there that has the need to be pampered and/or nursed, undergo therapy, or yearn for some silly 'learning session' why he's an idiot and why she doesn't want him around in her life anymore.

I mean, how many more ways must a gal tell the idiot she no longer wants to be with him? Is there really solace for these men (?) to hear 100 different versions of that? WTF!

Air supply was quite  popular though, so there's that.lol

Que "I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you..."

 :deadhorse:
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Offline GQBlues

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #118 on: January 12, 2018, 12:42:49 PM »
Well, just to make sure I say this...I hope Sting doesn't get the impression I'm directly relating to his 'friend' as the 'idiot' since my referential usage of 'these men' is as anonymous as his 'virtual' reference of his 'friend'.
My wonderful rebuttal to the Prague Spring thread is now *relocated* again (being actively hidden, lol) in *Anything Goes* section, titled: Willy Waving. Hurry before she deletes it altogether. LMAO! Enjoy.

Offline Jumper

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #119 on: January 12, 2018, 01:22:10 PM »
Come on now GQ, you hummed along to Air Supply! I was a metal.head, and likely still did at least once. LOL

But pining after someone that was not interested in me ,was never something that crossed my mind, moving on quickly was pretty easy, perhaps I just don't have that gene,or not the romantic people tend to label me as lol
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Offline GQBlues

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #120 on: January 12, 2018, 02:23:22 PM »
Come on now GQ, you hummed along to Air Supply! I was a metal.head, and likely still did at least once. LOL...

Yeeaah, okay. I'll admit humming maybe once or twice to one of their songs. But if we are to talk about this type of 'pity-me-blue-and-cut-up-my-heart-to-tiny-little-pieces' genre, I remember liking 'Reasons' by Earth, Wind and Fire so much better. Even Bryan Adams' Please Forgive Me' was pretty good. Those would be my guilty pleasures.

But that era (80s), I was more into Teddy Pendergrass's 'Close the Door' and all of Marvin Gaye's groove. That, and all of the British Invasion II materials. Bronski Beat, Duran Duran...

Quote
But pining after someone that was not interested in me ,was never something that crossed my mind, moving on quickly was pretty easy, perhaps I just don't have that gene,or not the romantic people tend to label me as lol

I think the '80s were the beginning of the 'dumbing down' period of American men. Even TV sitcoms started changing. Gone was 'All in the Family', instead you have 'Married with Children', Everybody Loves Raymond', etc...

I remember my frustration with my buddies then when they convulse into a Chihuahua-like 'abandonment withdrawal syndrome'. Akin to what was shared in this thread. I don't know why so many of them get deep in that muck when they get ditched by their women. Especially in sunny SoCal with all the 'wanna-be' movie stars chics around them. The '80s was when SoCal was Playboy playmates central, man. LMAO. Even the Lakers' Jerry Buss would always have a limousine full of hot babes. Everyone had their personal harem here. I knew since then that everyone (men) was supposed to be the fox guarding the hen houses. To hear 'pitiful me' chapter actually still exists in men today is pretty sad really.

I don't know, I think the fact I was relatively 'new' in the US, coming from the island in my early years, and the fact I can't believe how many blonde beauts circling around me during those early times, I never saw any significant reason why I should only have, or deserve to have, just one of 'dem wimmen'. So, if a gal tells me no-go-no-mo Tarzan, then faster than a swinging ape I'd say, Well, Tarzan know where Tarzan Go!


« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 07:58:19 PM by GQBlues »
My wonderful rebuttal to the Prague Spring thread is now *relocated* again (being actively hidden, lol) in *Anything Goes* section, titled: Willy Waving. Hurry before she deletes it altogether. LMAO! Enjoy.

Offline Sting23

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #121 on: January 12, 2018, 08:56:53 PM »
I posted this story because of two contradicting points:

1- She said she liked my friend but he liked her more and so they need to break up.

2- She then blocked all contact.

I've heard of the normal reasons for breaking up, I've even heard of people going silent.  But this kinda defies logic.  It could be she found another guy, just didn't like him anymore and didn't want to say it.  Or simply a language issue. I don't know her English abilities.

He was quite shaken up by this, I could tell he was heartbroken.  It may have even been his first real love.

Yeah it's good he learned about this and to move on.  He just needs some time to process it all first.

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #122 on: January 12, 2018, 09:24:48 PM »
He was quite shaken up by this, I could tell he was heartbroken.  It may have even been his first real love.

Yeah it's good he learned about this and to move on.  He just needs some time to process it all first.


He's young and young people can get emotional so he'll probably need more time than the average guy to process what just happened. As he gets older, he shouldn't waste time processing. Better women out there, always so wasting time isn't smart.


Most people are emotional during breakups is because of selfish reasons. A lack of confidence in themselves to find someone better comes into play too so they are upset the person they're with breaks up with them. The breakup makes them feel less worthy. If they truly love the person, they want what's best for the person and wouldn't be upset if that person leaves to find what's best. If a woman tells me goodbye, I'll give her a hug, wish her the best of luck, and as she's walking away, I'll pick up the phone and line up another date.
Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Offline GQBlues

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #123 on: January 12, 2018, 10:14:41 PM »
I posted this story because of two contradicting points:

1- She said she liked my friend but he liked her more and so they need to break up.

2- She then blocked all contact.

I've heard of the normal reasons for breaking up, I've even heard of people going silent.  But this kinda defies logic.  It could be she found another guy, just didn't like him anymore and didn't want to say it.  Or simply a language issue. I don't know her English abilities.....

Contradicting? Defies logic? Language issues?

None of the above to me Sting. Certainly not cultural. Matter of fact now it makes a lot sense to me especially judging from your buddy's current emotional state.

The dude suffocated the gal. That's one of the top 5 reasons many of my female pals used to tell me before. Certainly my #1 reason before as well. I couldn't disappear fast enough and rid of her.. I (and they) may like the new squeeze but that doesn't mean life just stopped for all of us. When gals, or their boys, start to expect more time than the current relationship affords, then the opposite happens.

Learn to let these things take its course . #1 reason why badboys get the girls. They don't get so wrapped up with one gal especially not during the very early stages, or never at all. Clingy is not attractive, certainly can never be sexy. Women falls deeper because of how you are when you're with her not because you're constantly asking to be with her.

Anyway, I hope your buddy feels better soon and hopefully next time he finds better balance in his social disposition.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 10:22:33 PM by GQBlues »
My wonderful rebuttal to the Prague Spring thread is now *relocated* again (being actively hidden, lol) in *Anything Goes* section, titled: Willy Waving. Hurry before she deletes it altogether. LMAO! Enjoy.

Offline Fashionista

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Re: The Sudden Silent treatment
« Reply #124 on: January 13, 2018, 04:06:06 AM »
I posted this story because of two contradicting points:

1- She said she liked my friend but he liked her more and so they need to break up.

2- She then blocked all contact.

I've heard of the normal reasons for breaking up, I've even heard of people going silent.  But this kinda defies logic.  It could be she found another guy, just didn't like him anymore and didn't want to say it.  Or simply a language issue. I don't know her English abilities.

He was quite shaken up by this, I could tell he was heartbroken.  It may have even been his first real love.

Yeah it's good he learned about this and to move on.  He just needs some time to process it all first.


Oh, he loved her. OK that makes things simple, as I suspected. He loved her, she didn't love him, so she broke off all contacts not to lead him on. She explained this decision the best way she could. I suspect she was not educated by Hollywood to use the "I love you but I am not in love with you" or "it's not you, it's me" or "let's stay friends" safe rejection lines. Not using them defies logic? :rolleyes:

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.Would he prefer to be kept on the hook until she finds what she's looking for?
Find your inner Bart!

 

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