Score of 1 means it was NO
factor in your divorce. Score
of 5 means it was a
MAJOR factor in your
divorce.
Hi Dan,
I don't mean to be dense, but can anyone with an opinion participate in this poll or is it for DIVORCED people only?
I chose cultural, commitment, communication. Everything else is just typical of any divorce in any relationship. Those that i chose, I think, are routed in the difference in culture, mentality, perception...thus no understanding of commitment or communication on her part in the way American men do.
I chose cultural, commitment, communication. Everything else is just typical of any divorce in any relationship. Those that i chose, I think, are routed in the difference in culture, mentality, perception...thus no understanding of commitment or communication on her part in the way American men do.Then you must be assuming that cross-cultural relationships end for different reasons than same-culture ones do.
Dan,
I don't want to come off as an assh*le, but I think you missed an important factor.
As I have stated before in other posts, I live in an area (Sunny Isles Beach, N.Miami Beach) that is referred to by locals as "Little Russia". Anyway I speak to a variety (all ages) of RW/UW every day. Several ladies that my wife and I know are divorced from AM.
One common complaint that I hear from these ladies is the location, here in the USA, that their husband's brought them too. From what they say about their experiences with small towns (they call them "VILLAGES" ) here in the USA, they were VERY unhappy.
I am not saying it (location) was the reason that they left their husband's, I am just saying it was a factor, more or less the final straw that broke the relationship.
Some RW/UW have very strong feelings about "villages".
Anyway, just my 2 cents. Rick
Well, yes and no. And then my line of thought was to say that cross-cultural marriages end because of this and this more often than common marriages because of this and this....but then I caught myself thinking, that I don't really know, it just seems to me. In general cultural differences affect all of the aspects, thus making it even more prone to end than a relationship with the same language and culture.
As I have stated before in other posts, I live in an area (Sunny Isles Beach, N.Miami Beach) that is referred to by locals as "Little Russia". Anyway I speak to a variety (all ages) of RW/UW every day. Several ladies that my wife and I know are divorced from AM.
One common complaint that I hear from these ladies is the location, here in the USA, that their husband's brought them too. From what they say about their experiences with small towns (they call them "VILLAGES" ) here in the USA, they were VERY unhappy.
I am not saying it (location) was the reason that they left their husband's, I am just saying it was a factor, more or less the final straw that broke the relationship.
Dan,
My wife reminded me last night of a lady we met on the beach last summer who left her husband because he turned out to be some kind of "RELIGIOUS ZEALOT".
Because of his religious beliefs and behavior, he made life uncomfortable and downright impossible for her. So, she moved to Miami. She has family (Sister) and friends here, but she was thinking of returning to Russia (after citizenship).
So, what do you think about religion or religious beliefs as a factor?
Rick
Dan,
I completely follow your line of thinking. If you don't mind, can I ask why you didn't include a factor category of " None of the Above". This would obviously cover all other contingencies. Rick
Dan,
I completely follow your line of thinking. If you don't mind, can I ask why you didn't include a factor category of " None of the Above". This would obviously cover all other contingencies.
IMHO, I think it would also build in a "false-positive" for your model.
Rick
They go thru a lot of hassle of bringing the hot piece here .... and ooops! they need viagra to keep on going!
If those guys wouldn't marry girls 20 years younger than themselves then they wouldn't run into problems like that. ;D Although I don't see anything wrong with Viagra as a tool when needed.
I think sex factor is one of the marriage breaking ones. I am ready to be kicked out of what not but less see.... Some men (I am carefully fishing for words guys, ok? SOME men get so fascinated by Russian/FSU culture that they miss many points. They get "stories" and "legends" from other folks about mystical russian women sexuality and hurry to Russia to try Russian flesh and... they get it! They go thru a lot of hassle of bringing the hot piece here .... and ooops! they need viagra to keep on going! LOL joking here. But from my friend's experience I can conclude that many marriage just don't last because of different tempers and - let's also remember it - different ideas of what is acceptable in bedroom. Some men (again SOME men) grab a woman and try to cover her with a blanket (metaphorically yapping) so no other could enjoy looking at her - jealosy issue here. Others cyber f"""" all their life and cannot stop it even after bringing Natashas here. Guys, get real. Sex is MAIN reason for divorces. Language - it is learnable of course if the lady wants to work on it 8)
Surprised?
Two largest categories in that poll are:
Men are older than women (on average) by 6 to 10 years. (40%)
and
Men are older than women (on average) by 11 to 15 years. (48%)
In my book 15 years is quite a lot....
Is that any clearer?
>>Guys, get real. Sex is MAIN reason for divorces.<<Hmm... WM = white males? I am sort of new to this abbreviation. Anyways, what I meant.
That is an interesting opinion. The claim that "sex is the MAIN reason" leaves a few questions unanswered.
Are you saying it is because the WM are not getting enough sex from their wives? Or maybe that the quality of the sex is sub-standard?
What, specifically, is it about "sex" that you believe creates such strife in the marriage that it leads to divorce?
- Dan
WM = white malesWestern Men :D
Hmm... WM = white males? I am sort of new to this abbreviation. Anyways, what I meant.
It is very awkward to discuss these subjects but as far as I know, and - unfortunately - from several men and women's sad experiences (I know several international couples split and divorced) sex issues were the main marriage-breaking factor in their life together. For some men who brought ladies to the US ceratin sexual routines were not acceptable although they could cyber all night long before :P for some girls who agreed to marry mature men Viagra turned out to be an obstacle although even some normal men on this forum expressed total agreement with its usage. Another thing is ... some men (SOME) believe they can try very close to illegal things in bedroom just because she is a foreign and her official status is pending.
Off topic here. Would it be much safer for a lady - and for a man too - if they gave them more than 90 days period to explore each other??? Would THAT solve lots of problems? After talking to one lady who was not sure what she was doing in the US: I just thought I could bear him for a year or so... sic!
To return to sex subject. Many men don't even marry gals from FSU, they just turn into sex tourists and that is f""""""" sad!
I have always thought that lack of desire to communicate is triggered by some problems in relationship and thus, it is an effect, not cause.
I am surprised to see that lack of desire to communicate have gathered 11 votes.
I have always thought that lack of desire to communicate is triggered by some problems in relationship and thus, it is an effect, not cause.
In every relationship the ability to communicate is essential and marriage is no different. If the partners in a marriage close off to each other instead of working to resolve conflicts the problems just continue to grow larger under the surface until one or both partners explode. It is important to the success of the marriage to be able to talk to each other about dreams, hopes, and fears and feel safe about it. The bible says that “the two become one” in marriage. It is impossible for this to happen without good communication. It takes two to make a marriage work and if communication is an issue then both partners must agree to fix it.
If people don't even speak the same language in lots of cases of AM/RW marriages then lack of communication seems pretty logical to me... :-\
If people don't even speak the same language...
If your hypothesis turns out to be true, then the results we publish should show statistically significant correlation between Language and Communication.
I would point out, however, that the question in the survey was pretty explicit in seeking to segregate any language issue vice a lack of willingness to communicate effectively.
Back then, I thought the question to be unfair. Now I know it was not only fair, but a very intelligent,
and relevant one.
Well.... A dog may wish to communicate effectively but he has no means for it. ;) I'm joking of course, but if a person cannot express his/her thoughts then willingness may dwindle pretty quick out of frustration... :(
In 2002, several Russian ladies we know were asked by the Moscow interviewer, "If your English is so weak, and
he speaks little or no Russian - how can you two possibly have a meaningful relationship?" More than one
interview fell apart that summer, with the unprepared applicant in tears.
Back then, I thought the question to be unfair. Now I know it was not only fair, but a very intelligent,
and relevant one.
I think you make the point perfectly. If a dog, with a decidedly smaller capacity for intelligence and communication (and without language) can make its feelings known to humans - then it stands to reason that a man or woman, with far GREATER intelligence and capacity can find ways to effectively communicate even without language skills - IF THEY ARE MOTIVATED TO DO SO.
Of course, the greater the motivation - the higher we are ready to jump through different hoops to get the result. ;) But from the other hand, dogs don't always get what they want. I seriously doubt that they want their **** cut off, for example. :o
I chose cultural, commitment, communication. Everything else is just typical of any divorce in any relationship. Those that i chose, I think, are routed in the difference in culture, mentality, perception...thus no understanding of commitment or communication on her part in the way American men do.
And if the dog could take a similar poll/survey, do you suppose they might claim that lack of language created their problem?
:D :D :D
Well, if that dog can communicate as an equal partner would the thought of snipping him ever enter your mind? ;)
The survey is what it is - and it is not perfect - but it is a vast improvement over anything that has been done in the past ...
Dan, I didn't mean to undermine your efforts in any way. I'm just chatting... instead of doing some choruses... :-[ :D
Thanks for chatting - and if you really meant "choruses" (and not 'chores'), I hope your other choir members do not mind your absence 8)
In most cases it upholds what most of us already knew from 'common sense' - and in a few cases, it presents some surprises with new insights.
- Dan
Dan, I'm just curious as to what where the biggest surprises for you.
Dan,
In the original survey, where 40% of respondents were actually divorced - were those surveyed
all ex-husbands, ex-wives, or a mix of both? If the latter, was it close to 50/50?
It seems logical, given human nature, that while an AM (for example only) might claim there were
communication troubles - his former FSU wife might claim he was quite a control freak....often there
are contradictory reasons claimed.
I wasn't necessarily asking if both members of a marriage (or former marriage) responded - but to ask
if the entire pool of those surveyed was equally represented by males and females... if that is even known.
Gender specificity.
You raise the issue of causality. We looked at that issue, and as best we could (nothing is perfect) tried to establish independent variables for the survey responses.
Could anybody enlighten me about what incompatible cultural differences one would bear in his/her mind when selecting it as biggest contributor?
Could anybody enlighten me about what incompatible cultural differences one would bear in his/her mind when selecting it as biggest contributor?
Good question. You would think such a conflict would have been evident prior to marriage, e.g., religious vs. heathen.
IMHO it has more to do with cultural mentality than culture itself.
Here some examples:
She makes me take my shoes off.
She won't wave or blow a kiss standing inside the doorway.
I can't whistle inside the house.
I think for the future and she thinks for the day.
Discussions are to be enjoyed.. the louder they get the better they are.
Mustard powder in my socks will help me get over my cold as will hot milk with butter and honey.
but... I have found true heaven.... I can leave the toilet seat up!
will help me get over my cold as will hot milk with butter and honey.That's not an FSU exclusive, I remember being treated with it (sans the butter) as a kid. Scott may help us here, IINM the milk/honey combination is an emollient (softener) mixture that usually soothes irritation of the upper respiratory ways, hence relieves some symptoms of a cold (sore throat), but obviously does not cure the cause itself (viral infection) ;).
One thing you have to be cautious of is the idea (not limited to RW but I think more pronounced with them) that if a little is good, more is better.Yes, I mentioned spoonfuls, not LITERS or worse yet GALLONS :( ;). The latter a word which, for some strange mental association, always reminds me of gAllons enfants de la Patrie !! ;D
Could anybody enlighten me about what incompatible cultural differences one would bear in his/her mind when selecting it as biggest contributor?
Sandro, we have men here who for the most part, eat only beef and potatoesVaughn, I pity them for ignoring the Mediterranean diet, a US discovery since 1945, after all (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mediterranean_diet) ;).
Vaughn, I pity them...
How willing the bride and groom are to tolerate and accept changes in their habits and lifestyle
is key in overcoming those differences. It's difficult for some candidates to even give an inch.
The man answers, she puts mustard powder in my socks and feeds me borsch.:ROFL:
Finances | Sex | Abuse | Infidelity | Children | Family | Stress | Language | Cultural | Communication | Commitment | Goals | |
Men | 2.45(6) | 2.62(4) | 1.96(10) | 2.55(5) | 1.61(12) | 2.04(9) | 2.39(7) | 1.62(11) | 2.11(8) | 2.83(3) | 3.24(1) | 3.04(2) |
Women | 2.65(6) | 2.67(5) | 3.24(1) | 2.27(9) | 1.75(11) | 2.12(10) | 2.73(4) | 1.55(12) | 2.41(8) | 2.73(3) | 2.53(7) | 3.00(2) |
... they call them "VILLAGES" ...
:ROFL:
"It's like VILLAGE!!!" Oh man, if I had a dime for every time I had that one thrown in my face I could retire to Seychelles! Except NYC ain't no small town.
Here's what led to my divorce, that and I had to call the cops on her once (needed to call more than one but didn't):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
Two different psychologists, both Russian-speaking, and she refused to address anything. The psychs were "stupid" and in fact all psychs are "stupid," and the first thing I did wrong was being born, with the most recent being that I'm still alive. She did finally enter therapy with our neighbor's wife (AW) whose professional qualifications are a high school diploma and a troubled marriage. So finally after way too long I filed for divorce. Good riddance, but not soon enough.
How she got me was, she lied to herself until she believed her own lies. She even got herself.
How do you weed these types out?
In a word --- facetime - and it's not foolproof.
Is just ONE good woman too much to want for... sigh. ;) Any good monasteries around?Define monasteries more precisely, nuns may not be suitable/willing to fulfill much of your wants ::) ;D.
Define monasteries more precisely, nuns may not be suitable/willing to fulfill much of your wants ::) ;D.
Sandro, have you red Giovanni Boccaccio's "The Decameron" ;)Of course, but that was set in the XIVth century, when Popes, too, used to have mistresses and sons therefrom that they made into cardinals. Things have changed somewhat since then, nun-wise.
not that there seem to be many monks/priests celibate these days. :ROFL:Priest-wise, not much: yesterday night they aired on TV a report where an actress faked being the mother of a molested child and went visiting with a hidden microcamera 5 other parish priests to ask for their advice in this delicate situation. Except for a young priest fresh out of seminary, ALL advised her NOT to tell her husband, NOT to report the fact to police authorities. Three opined she might consult the area vicar, and one just to pray for the errant priest ::).
Of course, but that was set in the XIVth century, when Popes, too, used to have mistresses and sons therefrom that they made into cardinals. Things have changed somewhat since then, nun-wise.
Oh, nuns don't hire the dumb gardeners any more? ;)I don't think male gardeners, dumb or clever, are even allowed on the convent premises, but that probably depends on the Regola of the specific monastic order :).
I don't think male gardeners, dumb or clever, are even allowed on the convent premises, but that probably depends on the Regola of the specific monastic order :).
I picked very close to you with language, cultural and communication. I guess
language and communication should be considered the same however.
The three main causes of divorce are:
<b>Communication</b>- Marriage is a team work and communication is one of the important ingredients to a happy marriage. It is important to open up your feelings or thoughts with your spouse. Some couples play with their emotions, they try to hide it which suddenly burst to anger.
<b>Money</b> Money is always the culprit of divorce. Divorce may come ahead if if one spouse spends lavishly than the other or if the spouse gambles the money.
<b>Cheating</b>. Some marriages survive infidelity but many don't. Trust is the foundation of marriage;when it crumbles, it will smash marriage and create a chasm in the relationship.
Well, duh. This reminds me of a study I once read about why children fall off their bicycles. The authors of the study concluded that there were two reasons:Off topic... but an even more interesting study was made towards the cause of traffic jams.
1. They lose their balance
2. They run into things
:rolleyes2:
Even better OT:Perhaps we could get funding to do a research about forum threads wandering outside the original topic. I have a hunch it might be to poster making off-topic posts.
A few years ago, a British study spent over £200,000 to answer the question of why men fall asleep after sex. Their answer? They're tired. :D
Or, there never was much communication to begin with. I've met a few couples who marched to
the wedding altar as complete strangers. What's more, I might get into a conversation with a newly
married AM - as my wife engages his new RW bride. The stories, the expectations and perceptions
sometimes don't mesh. They are worlds apart, and soon will find the road ahead a rocky one.
Effect and cause, good thought. I see a few items in the poll that could fall under one heading,
maybe disappointment - or - trust issues. Those were two issues about which my wife was most
concerned, and long before we tied the knot, or even filed K-1.
For every "nice guy" who ends up being used - I'd wager there are fifteen "nice ladies" who end
up being misled. The disappointment comes first, then the trust breaks down. And then - their
reason for divorce (depending on who tells the story) is assigned one of the reasons above.
The more I read, the more aware we are that Elvira and I dodged some very nasty bullets through
some blind luck, and by giving one another sufficient time to build trust. There's no luck at all
involved in maintaining that trust - that's where the work is.
Please correct me if I am wrong.
My attorney said that it's very common for RW's to use their fiancee's as transport to a better life but then betray them once a better deal arises
the wife was looking for more cash than I had to offer.
Even showed her my pay stubs. I had a decent 4 br house a car and a good job which sounded better in Russia than it really was in the USA where there are bigger fish available than me. She didn't love me to begin with.
In my state of Georgia, distribution of marital assets is based on performance. So because of the adultery, she got nothing. Had I lived in another state, I'd have been screwed.
Some men/Sir Galahads on these forums are in self-denial about FSU women who are bitches..they always dig and try and lay the blame with the man.
Same as the many foreign men that get scammed in the FSU,particularly in Ukraine,it's always the mans fault for being a trusting idiot...whilst the lying scammer woman seems to get absolved of all blame. :rolleyes:
You said "every FSU woman i've met (and then some )"..so don't try and weasel your way out of it and instead show all these FSU women i've met.
"Bitches and whores" is plural..meaning more than one.
If you're going to make a personal attack on someone..back it up .
And yes you openly bragged on the other forum about how you love to buy women bottles of Champers when you meet them..not just in the FSU...and how any guy that doesn't lead with his money is a cheapskate.
My feeling is that it is ok if a man has 'charisma and chooses to wine/ dine and lead with his wallet, also...especially if it is somewhat sustainable. Women want to have novel experiences with their 'man' and often those experiences require money....i.e. a helicopter tour of the city in the evening.or something of that nature.
Fathertime!
My feeling is that it is ok if a man has 'charisma and chooses to wine/ dine and lead with his wallet, also...especially if it is somewhat sustainable. Women want to have novel experiences with their 'man' and often those experiences require money....i.e. a helicopter tour of the city in the evening.or something of that nature.
Fathertime!
She seemed to be fine in Russia; from a good family.
There are always two sides to every story. Always. That doesn't excuse a woman behaving badly, but it is life.
Character matters, and it amazes me at how fast some engagements and marriages happen. This game of international marriage is designed to put two people on a conveyor belt at high speed, and it is up to the man to slow things down. He is the one with the power of traveling to her, paying for the process of migration and assimilation, and so he is the one who can shift into a lower gear.
If a woman insists on staying in the fast lane, find another woman. The sad fact is that men, all of us, are capable of falling in love with photos and we project the character traits we want her to exhibit onto that photo, this making it hard to recognize the red flags that appear.
Slow the process down, make more visits, spend more time on Skype (but never mistake Skype for being in person), and instead of flying women off on exotic vacations, spend as much time as possible in her natural environment. Then spend some more time in her natural setting, and allow her to get to know you as you get to know her.
This stuff is hard, and shortcuts rarely end well.
Some men/Sir Galahads on these forums are in self-denial about FSU women who are bitches..they always dig and try and lay the blame with the man.
Same as the many foreign men that get scammed in the FSU,particularly in Ukraine,it's always the mans fault for being a trusting idiot...whilst the lying scammer woman seems to get absolved of all blame. :rolleyes:
Chelsea, keep what happens on other forums at those forums. BTW, I think stalking someone you have never met in person, based on questions he asks you on a forum, calling him at work, and threatening him is the epitome of bad form. Even if done because of desperation.
As for Muzh, he visited one, exactly one woman in the FSU, and he ended up marrying her. In American culture, at the time Muzh was single, no self respecting woman would have looked twice at a man who was not willing to pay for dinner/drinks, etc. Anything else, and he would have been viewed as a cheapskate, not worth the time to get to know.
Muzh has been married for what? 100 years now. :P Maybe the keys to a happy marriage is free flowing champagne. haha
I never understood why some guys care so much about how much they spend while dating. It's suppose to be about having fun and getting to know someone.
As for the the bitches and whores comments. I think everyone can have bitchy tendencies while also having good qualities. It is almost never black and white. There must have been some good qualities that attracted you, in the first place. Divorce may make you forget about them. haha
The stalking bit is disturbing and should be addressed with a professional.
Some men/Sir Galahads on these forums are in self-denial about FSU women who are bitches..they always dig and try and lay the blame with the man.
Same as the many foreign men that get scammed in the FSU,particularly in Ukraine,it's always the mans fault for being a trusting idiot...whilst the lying scammer woman seems to get absolved of all blame. :rolleyes:
I'm at a bar and single. Instead of using the old and tried, not to mention, cheap way to start a conversation with a single woman at the same bar by offering to buy her a drink, I suggested if they wanted to join me in drinking some champagne.
Muzh has been married for 15 years, so I don't think he has been bar hopping in quite some time. He was also a single father of 2 very young children before he married his current wife, so I doubt he was bar hopping then, either. I get the impression, from past posts, that Muzh was into the bar scene before his first marriage, but he can clarify. I know couples who met in bars, all when they were in their twenties. I think it is just another way to meet people. In their forties? Not so much, it's more like this -
We were recently on vacation, and stopped for dinner at a local pizza joint. It had a long sports bar at the front of the restaurant. I was seated on a platform, above the bar, and could see the action from my vantage point. I noticed a young man, and two pretty girls, sitting separately. Then, the man bought the girls drinks, and they moved over to sit with him. He didn't look desperate or old, in fact, he looked very much like this -
(http://malecelebbio.com/gallery/2012/08/Devin-Paisley-12-118x150.jpg)
The dynamic was interesting, as one girl was very into him, but he wasn't picking up on the girl's signals.
M., I find it very interesting that you got married 15 years ago. :popcorn:
Guess trying to buy some company in a bar when you were single and desperate did not turn out.
What kind of guy goes to a bar alone today, and then when he is so desperate for some company, offers to buy a perfect stranger some champagne? Oh that's right, the geriatric desperate type who can't get a date, so he ends up in a bar.
115!! And man, you are so right about free flowing champagne and a happy marriage. :clapping:
BINGO!!!
Absolutely. However, I do question those who constantly complain about every woman they meet (and haven't met yet.)
[/size]
LFU
You have no clue how close it came to that.
Boethius,
In your post 121 you say "The man is going to a foreign country and leading with his wallet.So yes,i would say in a sense,he is to blame ".
You also don't absolve the women who use the men from blame.
So,we're in agreement.
Yet,you extol the virtues of a member who believes in leading with his wallet to gain the affections of women...namely Muzh...so you contradict yourself.
Not for Muzh the cheapskate ( in his opinion) method of getting to know a woman by offering to buy her a drink..oh no,no less than bottles of Champagne to buy her affection will suffice...a classic leading with his wallet believer who splashes the cash to impress the girl.
This is NOT about normal dating where a man dates a woman and pays for everything,restaurant,drinks etc...this is all about a guy who bigs himself up by saying "look how great i am,i can afford to buy bottles of Champers for girls i've just met..never mind the charisma i haven't got,just feel the bulge in my wallet ".
It is not self-denial when I have a problem you labeling every FSU woman you've met (and then some) as bitches, whores, etc.
Well,according to the forum expert on dating women,the romeo named Muzh,buying drinks( Champagne) for women you don't know IS the way to impress them.
So,maybe he knows little about women eh ?
And the some doesn't mean anything to you?
I never used dinero to impress any woman.
How much dinero do you think a civil servant can amass?
The problem you may have is the lack of charisma.
BTW, I was told by many damsels that I'm a charming person. Is that the same as charisma? ;D
LMFAO
I'm at a bar and single. Instead of using the old and tried, not to mention, cheap way to start a conversation with a single woman at the same bar by offering to buy her a drink, I suggested if they wanted to join me in drinking some champagne.
As I said, charm and charisma. Of course you would not know what I'm talking about. ;D
I'm pretty sure you would ask them to buy you a drink so you don't get the impression they are after your money, right Romeo?
I am actually curious:
Now that you've eliminated the need to go to work every day, and you are building your dream house, how has your life changed in your spousal relationship? Are you underfoot, as they say? Does she let you golf occasionally? Is it a more relaxed lifestyle?
Please, do tell.
Back before I started working for myself, I was working for a company that had me in different locations. I really didn't have a home per say. I could either stay in the hotel or go out, have a drink and be around people. I prefer being around people instead of being in a hotel room. I understand why some people can't do it, but hardly desperate for those that have no problem in social environments. I met some great people going out alone that I am still friends with to this day.
Not to mention the times I have traveled to other countries on my own. If that is desperate, I prefer that to waiting for someone to go with me and hold my hand. :)
LFU
Maybe the problem some of these guys have is that, being social rejects, it is painful to go into a crowd and mingle. I love interacting with other people. I find most people have something interesting to say. There is nothing prettier that watching a babe smile and giggle when telling a story or listening to one.
Now, those who state that people going to bar are desperate, I guess the world is full of desperate people based on the number of bars/pubs/night clubs/etc. out there. And you can see how much they are suffering by being happy, celebratory, and INCLUSIVE.
OR maybe it is these guys' own failings and insecurities that preclude them from being social and interacting with other people, ESPECIALLY those of the opposite sex.
I feel sorry for those. There is no help. But hey, to each his own. Right?
It seems to me that Muzh was probably in his early to mid 40 's when dating after a divorce. So he went out sometimes to a bar and bought bottles and whooped it up. He made money and spent it when during the brief windows of opportunity he had...while also attending to his children most nights which from what I gathered he was doing. I wouldn't begrudge him for any of this. He probably did have some flair to his personality...as I doubt it twas his good looks that got him anywhere. ;)
Fathertime!
Hmm, I don't know about the "social rejects" part of your post, Muzh.
I think people enjoy different things. You are probably right about extroverts. However, a man who doesn't enjoy that type of scene is not going to be happy with a woman who does. And vice versa.
It looks like you were able to make unsubstantiated insults and allegations about Chelseaboy's character here. Very interesting.
Boethius,
In your post 121 you say "The man is going to a foreign country and leading with his wallet.So yes,i would say in a sense,he is to blame ".
You also don't absolve the women who use the men from blame.
Boethius,
Seriously..you don't think buying women you've just met in a bar Champagne instead of just a drink isn't done to impress them ?
You know little about men it seems.
Ok..maybe you can enlighten us to how buying women you've just met ChampagneI don't believe I ever stated that. Perhaps you can point to that in my post.
shows a man has charm and charisma...which Muzh claims it shows he has.
Charm and charisma is part of a persons personality..you either have it or you
don't..any man flashing his cash can buy Champagne for women he's just met..that
doesn't give him charm or charisma...far from it.
It shows he lacks the personality,charm and charisma to get the attention of a girl just through who he is.
BTW a bottle of Don Perignon will set you back USD 485 from Selfridges in
London.and a man of such charisma and charm as Muzh could offer a girl he's just
met in a bar no less i'm sure.
But why stop there ?
As the wallet
is out..lets offer her a weeks holiday to the Maldives while we're at it.
I don't know about where you live,but a good haircut and highlights for a woman doesn't cost USD 300 here,and i doubt it costs a months average salary in Ukraine either.
BTW a bottle of Don Perignon will set you back USD 485 from Selfridges in London.and a man of such charisma and charm as Muzh could offer a girl he's just met in a bar no less i'm sure.
But why stop there ?
As the wallet is out..lets offer her a weeks holiday to the Maldives while we're at it.
You have no idea who you're making yourself look foolish to..you're utterly
clueless LOL.
LMFAO
I'm at a bar and single. Instead of using the old and tried, not to mention, cheap way to start a conversation with a single woman at the same bar by offering to buy her a drink, I suggested if they wanted to join me in drinking some champagne.
As I said, charm and charisma. Of course you would not know what I'm talking about. ;D
I'm pretty sure you would ask them to buy you a drink so you don't get the impression they are after your money, right Romeo?
Muzh makes it quite clear that he was doing this not just because it was different, but specifically because it was not a cheap way to start a conversation.
Whether guys or gals want to admit it or not, most guys try to take advantage of the economic disparities. I've been guilty of it myself. You want to show a girl how good you are at providing for her, and you go a little too far. (Probably trying to overcompensate for other shortcomings, or simply because it is easier to spend some extra money than to show someone other qualities like loyalty, courage, dependability, care and affection, etc.)
I don't need to buy Champagne for a girl in a bar to distinguish myself from the average Muzh in the bar..capiche ?
For some reason, guys think they need to spend little to no money in order to make sure a woman is only interested in their sunny disposition.Cheap skates cut off their own snouts to spite their face. If a man has a little coin, I see no harm in using it to help get their foot in the door and meet the ladies. I'm pretty sure this has been the crux of mating since the prehistoric days when cavemen with big warm fires and meat attracted a sincere buxom cave woman.
It doesn't matter if Muzh actually wanted to drink champagne.
So if Muzh wanted some champagne and invited someone to share it he is trying to be big baller. Should he order a Schlitz and some popcorn to test the woman?
For some reason, guys think they need to spend little to no money in order to make sure a woman is only interested in their sunny disposition.
It doesn't matter if Muzh actually wanted to drink champagne.
So if Muzh wanted some champagne and invited someone to share it he is trying to be big baller. Should he order a Schlitz and some popcorn to test the woman?
Worst case scenario was Muzh enjoyed some champagne with some good company and that was it. Hardly a bad thing, imo.
I buy people drinks all the time when I am enjoying their company. Both men and women, it isn't a big deal to me. I am more interested in having a good time instead of worrying about how much is spent. I certainly won't be drinking cheap stuff just because some people need to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. :)
LFU,
You are SOOOO out of touch.
Don't you know its Michelob and some tortilla chips with a little lime? Where have you been for the past five years?
Cheap skates cut off their own snouts to spite their face.
If a man has a little coin, I see no harm in using it to help get their foot in the door and meet the ladies. I'm pretty sure this has been the crux of mating since the prehistoric days when cavemen with big warm fires and meat attracted a sincere buxom cave woman.
Fathertime!
LFU,
I already told how i do it in my very next post yesterday..same as most men i'd guess.
If you're looking for dating advise though..clearly the man of self-styled charm and charisma..Muzh...is the man to ask about that. :rolleyes:
Women in Ukraine/Russia were more open to marrying foreign men using their economic leverage more than 10 years ago,practically any man who could afford the air-fare could find a wife there ..not so much since then as desirable women can be more choosy as their lifestyle has improved.
The current hostilities in Ukraine may mean the men using economic leverage,rather than their charm and personality,to find/buy a wife will have their day again.
But even professors of universities, who are supposed to be exceptionally smart, fail to do it, for some reason.
Actually, we have 2 times more women registering daily than 2 years ago in 2014.
finding a foreign husband is definitely going mainstream in Russia. Especially because now nearly every woman knows someone who got married to a foreigner and moved abroad.
It's quite interesting to read about the causes of divorces in international couples. From my experience, a lot of those reasons can be united under the large subheading "Failing to manage expectations". It's absolutely essential she knows your daily routine, has seen your home on video and knows what your town (city, village) is like. But even professors of universities, who are supposed to be exceptionally smart, fail to do it, for some reason.Check "58 questions to ask Russian, Ukrainian women when dating" (just Google it). If you do not know answers to these questions and you are as much as planning a personal meeting, you are in trouble. Find out these things before moving anywhere further.By the way, in response to Boethius, MOB industry didn't "dry up" in Russia. It also is not flourishing in Ukraine. PPL (pay-per-letter or "paid correspondence") which is plagued with scams is rampant in Ukraine but not in Russia - but not for the reasons of GDP differences. Simply in Russia everything people do online is being watched. No one wants to be the next guy to go to jail. In Ukraine, a different story. It's (how to say it in a politically correct way?) plenty of freedom there.In fact, we on Elenasmodels.com (http://www.elenasmodels.com/) have more women from Russia than from Ukraine. Because in Russia they push "family values" much harder, it's the government's policy, and single women and girls are depressed if they don't have a husband and a child. Seriously - I had a person commenting on the blog about suicide groups, girls as young as 26 are depressed and want to "cut it" because they don't have a baby and are not married.So, maybe the PPL industry is flourishing in Ukraine (it definitely seems so, judging by the number of ads on Ukrainian job portals for people to work in "dating chat"). But it's not real dating anyway, it's "paid correspondence". You are just paying to someone to talk to you. (Think phone sex, it's about the same.)However, there are more serious Russian women seeking partners abroad (who will talk to you for free) than ever. Actually, we have 2 times more women registering daily than 2 years ago in 2014. Maybe it's the economic crisis, maybe the accessibility (every young woman has a smartphone with Internet access and free Wi-Fi is easily available at coffee shops and shopping centres). More than 64% of women on our site are from Russia - not Ukraine.The undisputed fact is, we have MORE women not less who want a foreign husband than before. We have more women seeking a match with a foreigner from BOTH Ukraine and Russia than 2 years ago.So, I don't know where you get your numbers from, finding a foreign husband is definitely going mainstream in Russia. Especially because now nearly every woman knows someone who got married to a foreigner and moved abroad.
I saw a week ago an interesting statistic -
50% of first marrige will end with devorse.
Only 40% of divorced people will mary again and only 40 % will devorse second time.
Then only 20% will try again and will devorse 30%.
So if we take 100 % people it will be like 50 m 50 d, then 12 m 8 d and then 1,6 m and 0,48 d.
50+12+1.6=63,6 % will be in marriage any way. 36.4 % will be alone afterwards.