Is this a scammer?

[Boethius]

If you look at sites originating in Russia, addresses are how I listed them.

In Moldova, addresses are in the standard Western style.

[Trenchcoat]

I can't believe there is so much argument over how to put down an address. I'm sure it will get to where it needs to go whether quite the correct form is used or not. The local florist will no doubt be able to advise/put down the address as needed anyway I would have thought.

[ML]

Who would ever want to send someone a disposable asset . . . other than nourishing food?

[Trenchcoat]

Who would ever want to send someone a disposable asset . . . other than nourishing food?

Indeed, I agree ML. I learnt along the way to start communication with a woman after International Woman's Day, that way I avoid all of the expense of sending flowers etc on a relationship that may be over well before the next year's International Woman's Day.

My mother never liked cut flowers, at least those that are bought as she thinks it's a waste as they are only thrown out at the end. Her preference is to have a potted plant instead as the gift keeps on giving as they say.

I heard that some women like cut flowers as it's a sacrificial kind of thing. I never really found it to be much if a boost with the ladies when dating in the FSU. I think if she likes you it may be a boost otherwise it can just kind of fall flat..

I think the problem with RWO here is that he started out so early before being able to visit and now doesn't wish to decline the woman's requests as he fears he may get ditched, which would probably happen, but he instead risks being roped into demand after demand until he can get out there in six months time and that could end up a fair bit. On meeting there is no saying if she will feel anything for him and at its worst may not have much respect for him if she thinks he's easily taken. All depends on how it goes down I think , she hasn't asked for money, yet, so who knows maybe RWO might still be in with a chance.

[Boethius]

I don't think flowers are a waste of money.  They are beautiful and bring joy.


RWO wasn't asked to send the mother flowers.  He offered.  It doesn't seem there was "demand after demand".  That's your own insecurity flaring up again, Trench.

[Trenchcoat]

I don't think flowers are a waste of money.  They are beautiful and bring joy.


RWO wasn't asked to send the mother flowers.  He offered.  It doesn't seem there was "demand after demand".  That's your own insecurity flaring up again, Trench.

No he wasn't asked but she put it out there and so after previously asking for care & support, flowers, food & gifts for birthdays, etc was likely possibly to see if he might pony up with anything. RWO hasn't met or communicated with the Mother in any form so to me at least too odd to send flowers in my opinion.

[RussianWomenOnly]

I offered to get flowers.  Then she tells me her mother is sick.  I offered to get flowers for her and her mother.  She accepted.  But I'm having a hard time reading Romanian or Russian.  I plan to call and see if any of the florists can speak English. 

[Trenchcoat]

I offered to get flowers.  Then she tells me her mother is sick.  I offered to get flowers for her and her mother.  She accepted.  But I'm having a hard time reading Romanian or Russian.  I plan to call and see if any of the florists can speak English.

What about this one:

http://www.chisinauflowers.com/

I've never used them before but some good reviews up so may be worth a look into. I've no idea how good they might be though. A lot of websites may offer to translate into English if you have Google Translate installed on your phone. Alternatively they might have an English (or American) Flag button in the corner of the screen to press on to translate the page. With doing it from a distance it can occasionally be hit or miss whether you get decent service/a good bunch of flowers along but often it can work. Just really take a chance and see how it goes really.

[RussianWomenOnly]

She got the flowers and she sent pictures to me with it.  However, the address she gave me is not good.  The florist texted me and said they need to confirm with the recipient.  So when the flowers were delivered, I asked the courier whether it was the address I inputted in or was it a different address.  The courier said it was a different address.  So, she is still not 100% honest/open with me.  But at least she got the flowers.  She said she really like them. 

[Boethius]

I don't know about Moldova, but in Ukraine, the sending of flowers by WM to UW was an industry in and of itself.  The woman would take a photo with the flowers, then return them to the florist.  The florist would sell them to someone else at local prices, and the girl would get a cut of the price of the flowers paid by the WM.

[RussianWomenOnly]

The courier took a picture and send to me.  It seems like she was outside. She then took 3 pictures and sent to me, it seems like she was inside somewhere.  Besides, she didn't chose the florist, I did randomly. 

[Trenchcoat]

She got the flowers and she sent pictures to me with it.  However, the address she gave me is not good.  The florist texted me and said they need to confirm with the recipient.  So when the flowers were delivered, I asked the courier whether it was the address I inputted in or was it a different address.  The courier said it was a different address.  So, she is still not 100% honest/open with me.  But at least she got the flowers.  She said she really like them.

Then you have learnt something as a result, that in itself is useful experience and cheap at the price for you. You made a smart move clarifying whether it was the address she gave you, there's hope for you yet

I'm not saying there isn't sometimes a genuine reason but my gut tells me that there likely isn't in this case. It's normally not a good sign and an early warning to be wary. Possibly she might be wary and gave you a different address because she is wary who knows. At this stage I wouldn't go making excuses for her but just keep what you learnt to yourself for the moment and see what else you can pick up on along the way.

Or,

Some might say to call her out on it, she might respect you more for finding her out. She'll probably make up an excuse unless she has genuine reason. The choice is yours really, keeping quiet may make her become more daring in terms of stuff and audacity of her requests and she may lose more respect for you. Calling her out will make her aware your aware so you might lose the opportunity to see what other tricks she is capable of, if this is indeed a trick.

Possibly yes I guess she might go back to the florists and ask for a refund saying she doesn't like the flowers or something. Could be interesting to see how this plays out.

[ML]

I don't know about Moldova, but in Ukraine, the sending of flowers by WM to UW was an industry in and of itself.  The woman would take a photo with the flowers, then return them to the florist.  The florist would sell them to someone else at local prices, and the girl would get a cut of the price of the flowers paid by the WM.

Please don't tell such stories here.

Now I will have nightmares when I sleep, even as I never sent any flowers to a gal.

So just . . . Tell Me It's Not True, Petula Clark

[RussianWomenOnly]

I messaged her today and she told me that her family is going to Israel for finding a good doctor for her mom.  I wanted to call her but she refused.  I am worried about her mother and this whole situation.  I feel bad because I told her that I am here for her but it just seems like she's treating me like I'm not someone that she trusts or confides in. 

[krimster2]

no MONEY!!
no HONEY!!

not FUNNY?

how about,
your nose is...
RUNNY!!

or
your love life
not so SUNNY

thank you, thank you very much
hope you all enjoyed the show
I'll be here all week..


.

[Trenchcoat]

I messaged her today and she told me that her family is going to Israel for finding a good doctor for her mom.  I wanted to call her but she refused.  I am worried about her mother and this whole situation.  I feel bad because I told her that I am here for her but it just seems like she's treating me like I'm not someone that she trusts or confides in.

Of course not, you're just some guy of the internet!!!

You've never met her, she doesn't really know you, you don't really know her.

I think you are well over thinking the amount you feature in this woman's life. To most FSW communicating with some guy on the internet doesn't hold a lot of weight for them.

In Soviet times you would be damn careful who you trusted and confided in moreso outside the immediate family in many cases. Even today the world over telling some penpal of the internet your personal business isn't necessarily the best idea depending on what it is and who you are telling/think you are telling. That's all you are to her at the moment a penpal and not one she's willing to have an Oprah moment with.

Sending a bunch of flowers won't make her want to make you privy to the ins and outs of her business. Again as said before FSW aren't the same culturally, their not American/Western women wanting to connect with an emotional exchange of their problems at any given moment, even I know that

Now whatever you do at this juncture I would seriously recommend in my opinion that above all - YOU DON'T SEND MONEY. Whether she ask you or not. If she asks you to send money to help with the cost of it, it's very bad news and undoubtedly a scam.

Certainly don't offer money to her for costs for her Mother's care either (assuming any of it is remotely true) that will totally screw up your chances of a relationship if you ever get to meeting her.

[Patagonie]

I messaged her today and she told me that her family is going to Israel for finding a good doctor for her mom.  I wanted to call her but she refused.  I am worried about her mother and this whole situation.  I feel bad because I told her that I am here for her but it just seems like she's treating me like I'm not someone that she trusts or confides in.

All this words are just western usual BS,"I told her that I am here for her" 
No you are not here for her. 
Not at all and you have already postponed a travel. 
In FSU manhood, you have not been capable to do what you said. She is treating you very normally because you are not someone, you are just another Keyboard Romeo at this stage. Why would she trust you since she has never met you?
The western people are making a world about bla bla 
While FSU people are making a world about real actions and camping in the reality. 
 
Everything if fine, she treats you in the exact needed manner you deserve to be. You have NOT, even shown up.   
Trust by internet? Are you kidding me? from a guy she has never seen and met. 
 
You look upset because she is keeping her distance. What's important? What do you think? 
But what you think is of no importance ... this is what SHE thinks that's important because it gives the level and the pace of your communication, love it or leave it. 

[Hammer2722]

All this words are just western usual BS,"I told her that I am here for her" 
No you are not here for her. 
Not at all and you have already postpone a traveil. 
In FSU manhood, you have not been capable to do what you said.She is treating you very normally because you are not someone, you are just another Keyboard Romeo at this stage. Why would she trust you since she has never met you?
The western people are making a world about bla bla 
While FSU people are making a world about real actions and camping in the reality. 
 
Everything if fine, she treats you in the exact needed manner you deserve to be. You have NOT, even shown up.   
Trust by internet? Are you kidding me? from a guy she has never seen and met. 
 
You look upset because she is keeping her distance. What's important? What do you think? 
But what you think is of no importance ... this is what SHE thinks that's important, because it gives the level and the pace of your communication, love it or leave it.

Well said Pat, well said!! 

[Boethius]

The reference to an Israeli physician suggests to me she is a scammer.  Expect a request for money.

[Trenchcoat]

The reference to an Israeli physician suggests to me she is a scammer.  Expect a request for money.

Lol, yeah I was thinking the same, sets it up nicely for a, 'its going to cost this much! OMG how am I going to pay??? - unless????'

The whole Israel thing just seems an unlikely port of call to my mind.

How is it going with her RWO?

[RussianWomenOnly]

The mom's health situation as well as the sudden going to Israel looking for doctors is very unexpected.  What makes me feel even worse is that she has not been very communicative.  She said they book a hotel in Israel for 3 nights and will make changes if needs be.  Here are the people I think are going:. Her, her son, her mom, her sister and her sister's husband.  Her mom has a friend in Israel that she's known for almost 30 years.  She has not asked for help in going to Israel like airfare, hotels, etc.

Boe:. Can you be more specific?  Is Israel medical visits always scams? 

[Trenchcoat]

The mom's health situation as well as the sudden going to Israel looking for doctors is very unexpected.  What makes me feel even worse is that she has not been very communicative.  She said they book a hotel in Israel for 3 nights and will make changes if needs be.  Here are the people I think are going:. Her, her son, her mom, her sister and her sister's husband.  Her mom has a friend in Israel that she's known for almost 30 years.  She has not asked for help in going to Israel like airfare, hotels, etc.

Boe:. Can you be more specific?  Is Israel medical visits always scams?

Not likely ask for air fare, she might but that she mentioned a physician suggests a likely lead into, 'we found out today my mother's medical expenses are going to be so much (shock horror!)' and then either asking directly or just waiting on the thinking that you'll offer. If you don't offer then either asking directly or she could keep impressing how much they cost and what a sticky situation they are in and unless her mother gets the treatment she's going to die!!!

Happens all the time, these sorts of set ups going over well trodden ground. They may vary slightly but it's pretty much all the same format. The old one was the asking of air fare money to come visit then when sent that's the last heard of the girl. The medical one features regularly to squeeze money out of guys. That she's dropped in going abroad for treatment means that in theory she's given herself license to ask for a lot.

The way guys get suckered in is that because they have communicated with the girl, particularly if by video chat and because the girl has been sooo sweet to them during video chat the guy really thinks the girl is into them and can't believe she would try to scam him. Odds are she's quite attractive looking so the guy doesn't want to believe that she is being anything other than telling the honest truth. The scam tends to put the guy in the position that if he feels anything for this girl which of course he does he won't want to let her down by not sending the money to show that he trusts her even if he is somewhat skeptical.

Everything tells me this is almost certainly a scam in play and I would be extremely surprised if it doesn't roar it's head very soon with the medical bill cost surfacing. Whatever you do don't ask about the cost of it all as although that's likely to surface I wouldn't do anything to make it a topic from your initiation.

[RussianWomenOnly]

The wording that she messages me is "My mom is my life..."; "I am scared of what she will be facing"; "I am so scared to think about how she's going to cope".  Since yesterday, my viber messages are just now 1 grey check Therefore, we are not talking with each other at all since yesterday.  This tells me either....

1.  She blocked me because she is a scammer and I have no made mention anything of financial/monetary support so she is now be done with me.  In fact, she and I have had very limited texting back and forth the last week or so ever since she said about her mom is very sick.   

2.  She is really stressed out and don't want to talk to me (I am just, as so many of you call me, an online keyboard romeo) and has no time to deal with me because her mom REALLY is sick and she has no mood for online romance.

3. Again, her mom really is sick and that she actually went to Israel (I never confirmed the dates) and has no internet/mobile access but once she's back, she will have internet again.

Whatever the situation, I am just in waiting mode right now.  Of course I pray for her and her mother that they will be ok.  However, if she is scammer, I hope she blocks me indefinitely.  I rather not talk to her ever again if she is a real scammer. 

Given the situation above, I just want to list in detail of what I think are red flags but other signs that I think she is real: 

Signs that she is real:

1.  We video chatted.  The pictures she sends me is really her.  Some maybe older pictures because she looks a little younger in the pictures
2.  She has not asked for money or any other support.  Even when I wanted to get her flowers, she seemed hesitant but accepted after I keep asking to send her flowers.  I received a picture from the courier and I received 3 pictures from her.  1 of the pictures is the note that I send her and the note is in front of the exact flowers that I sent her. 
4.  She has sent me mp3 songs that she listens to.  This might seem non-supportive but to me it is.  The music that she sent me are so beautiful. To me, this is a spiritual connection that no scammer would take the time to find good music and just sent it to someone online.  I feel scammers would not waste that time. 
5.  She has not logged in on the online dating website where I found her for over 2 weeks now.
6.  She has a child.  I can only think that this might be the strongest sign that she is real.  In fact, I talked with him on our second video chat (I just said hi and he said hi).  I think someone like her wants a better life for her and her son and would rather find a husband/provider for long term than short term scam.

Red Flags:

1.  The flowers I sent her, the courier texted me saying they had trouble finding the address.  I texted her and she said to give the courier her phone number which I did.  Afterwards, I contacted the courier and they said the address of which it was delivered was a different address.  (However, I feel that this could be a non-issue:  I've only known her for 1 month.  Would a woman just give out her address like that?  Did she even believed that I would of sent her flowers?)
2.  Even though she has not logged in to that online website but she could have many other online profiles at other websites. 
3.  I've asked for her birthday a few times so I can get her birthday gift.  She never gave it to me
4.  As mentioned above, her mom's health and going to Israel is a little suspicious. The timing is just really weird. 

I'm sure there are other red flags but those are the main ones right now.  There are signs that i think she's real but then there are signs that are just suspicious.  I want to call her out on a few things but I never mentioned it to her such as the address and her mom's sickness.  I want her to show me documentation about her visit to Israel and maybe doctor or hospital documentation but I think that's a little overboard.  Bottom line, what I know to be 100% truth is that there is no denying is that she is a real person and that she actually does live in Chisinau and she has not asked for money.  I think if she is a scammer, she will start asking for money.  Until then, I wait for her return and that I still plan to visit her in January. 

[Trenchcoat]

Yeah the whole Israel thing is very suspect RWO, FSW don't usually tend to up and start globetrotting. That all costs a lot of money and visa's and all sorts, a very few are wealthy enough but most aren't and in this case we have a single mother so I very much doubt she is. Single mothers don't get enough money from the gov to live on, so they are normally a burden to their wider family. Whether she really gets any money from the so-called ex-husband and whether he is still really in the frame who knows.

The odds are that she has just switched her mobile off to make it look authentic. You don't know for certain that her mum is alive or keeps contact or what, it's just her say so that she is in hospital, you never got to see any photos of her mum with the flowers or even the flowers at hospital bedside. If she is a scammer don't worry if she has to she will definitely ask for money outright. She has invested time with you and she's not going to let that pass. She thinks she's got you on the hook and is leaving you wriggling a little while before getting back to you.

I think you are doing the right by waiting and not calling her out on any off it. Just wait and see, a scammer always shows their hand at some point, she has too, she has no other choice than to make a play for it by first setting up the scene then if she has to asking for money.

My guess is that very soon you will see that she will play her hand.

I've no doubt she is real, there is a possibility that she might not have set out to scam but chose to when she thought you were wasting her time and lying to her about coming. If a guy says it's going to be six months or more many FSW won't think he is being truthful about visiting. Its why I'm not rushing to get messaging on FSU dating websites at the moment as timing is everything in FSU dating, too early and it can spell disaster.

[ML]

Scammers.

Information on foreign men has been passed down to FSU gals from other FSU gals since at least the 1990s.

This is the same situation as info being passed along to members here on this forum.

So what have the FSU women learned over time regarding scamming foreign men?

1) Be careful in asking for anything of monetary value (especially actual cash) too early in the 'game.'

2) Do a lot of 'stuff' to build your authenticity credentials.
(Many here can identify specific items in this category.)

3) Many (most) western men (especially from USA) are such soft touches that you don't even need to ask them for help or money.
You simply give hints about problems you or your family are encountering . . . and the men will quickly offer to help.

4) . . .

5) . . .