My plans for 2018 FSU Dating

[BillyB]

Trench, If I had to do this over and over, I'd be 100% successful each time. Some guys worry if they'll have any success finding an FSU woman. There's enough advice in this forum to be 100% successful. If you can't identify the best advice and use it, you won't be successful. If you don't make some changes to yourself, how you view women, and in your beliefs, you won't be successful. In the time you've been here, I'd be dating tons of women if I were single in that span and would be able to choose the best out of the lot. You're sometimes picky. You're sometimes paranoid. You have a hard time identifying the good from the bad. You're sometimes overthinking things. You're all the time doing something wrong. Life will pass you by and it will be too late. You won't be able to go back and fix the time you lost.

[Trenchcoat]

You can find any personality.

Materialism isn't completely tied to fashion  though.Those can be separate issues lol

  Anyway, my wife is more conservative with money than even trench scrouge coat possibly lol.
 She has good fashion sense but isnt all that label conscious, nor is shopping some real hobby.

Women have more interests than shopping TC.
If you havnt found one yet , then you are dating women I'd find infinanetly boring.

 I dint expect a g/f to enjoy the exact same hobbies i do, but i did look to share my life with someone who enjoyed an active lifestyle. Who when wee went on vacation woukd enjoy the same places I might,  or same excursions etc.
I'm not going to just bake on a beach for more than a day, nor am I going to do hours if shopping if I'm in some city or country I've never explored. i'd rather watch paint dry, and thats coming from a guy who loves the beach. So id want someone who would like to go snorkling,diving,  or go off sight seeing or fishing or hiking or whatever. I also like to do stuff on a whim.
If I have to take days to plan it out , then it's far less interesting.
So that's a small part of what I looked for in a partner.

You need to decide what would fit you and your personality and life.

Without that you are just chasing the shortest skirts , and possibly the worst long term compatibility  possible.

Thanks Jumper, that's handy to know, the woman you have seems more along the type of personality I need. Though I wonder if she might be a little too cost saving even foe me, lol. The last girl I was with said she had the odd hobby but didn't seem interested in doing it. Neither much else either like she might crack a nail or something. We did bowing once which she seemed ok doing but it's something you can only do here or there. She was dismissive of the idea of going on one of those boats with an underwater viewing area when abroad. I mean she can't have even done that stuff before where she lives & money she is on. So anyway, it's handy to know that you think there are a range of personalities in women. I'm just going to have to tune in a bit more to what I'm after now that I have a better idea of what I'm after, many thanks

[Trenchcoat]

Trench, If I had to do this over and over, I'd be 100% successful each time. Some guys worry if they'll have any success finding an FSU woman. There's enough advice in this forum to be 100% successful. If you can't identify the best advice and use it, you won't be successful. If you don't make some changes to yourself, how you view women, and in your beliefs, you won't be successful. In the time you've been here, I'd be dating tons of women if I were single in that span and would be able to choose the best out of the lot. [/size]You're sometimes picky. You're sometimes paranoid. You have a hard time identifying the good from the bad. You're sometimes overthinking things. You're all the time doing something wrong. Life will pass you by and it will be too late. You won't be able to go back and fix the time you lost.

Thanks Billy, I know I have not got things right along the way. I think I'm getting better and advice from you and a few others have really been helping. I kind of wish I made more of an effort on all of this ten years ago when I would have had more time for learning. I feel I've learnt a fair amount in the last couple of years but still time is getting on. The last part you state about looking back and it being too late is something I think about, I think I will have no other choice than to do what I do and accept that this may end up bein ghe case - I would rather try than not try at all even if I may never get to where I want to be.

On the good/bad girl thing, I accept that I have been having a little trouble on that. I can identify an obvious scammer girl. However, anything else is not always easy for me. I now think the girls I was with are essentially good girls but cultural differences made it harder to determine/got in the way. The last girl was the hardest to determine, it kept seesawing in my mind from 'she seems honest and up front' to 'but how she acts/what she asks for makes me wonder'. I think like Boethius has said that she is manipulative (but not necessarily a 'bad' girl) and that was not helping matters. With her it's a difficult one, I could still contact her to give it another go but I'm between the thoughts of 'I can't be too picky' and 'there are problems there' and I don't know if they can be resolved if she isn't willing to work on them with me. Till now she has just wanted to do things the way she likes so I made little headway. I know 2tallbill said he was not willing to settle but he was at this search ten years due to that with do doubt more ability at all of this than me. I just need to get a little closer to what I need I think, I don't need perfect just close enough I'm thinking

[2tallbill]

I think you're right Boethius, what you have put has made me think about
what is important/suit me best.

Earlier I asked you to make a list of everything you want in the future
Mrs Trench and to keep it to yourself. You don't need people in the peanut
gallery picking your list apart. It's your list of goals of what you want, not
theirs. Once you have a list of goals then you can make a plan on how to
find a girl that fits.

Take two items from my list. Trust and Honesty. If you don't trust a girl
then you aren't with the right girl. If the girl isn't honest then you can't
trust her. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER compromise on character.

You can ask all sorts of questions to find the type of girl that fits your
goals. But what you MUST do is dump the girl if she isn't a good fit.
You can't keep hanging on to her just because she's hot or is willing
to drop her knickers. I really think that was your problem on the
previous girls. Once you see the girl isn't the one you can't keep
seeing them or else you will spend all your spinning your wheels.

Lastly, girls can't be fixed! If a girl has a character problem then
move on.

Unrelated Side Note:
My wife loves, loves, loves, loves, loves shopping, but she doesn't like
spending money. I can't tell you how many times she went shopping
for hours and came back with nothing because she didn't find a good
enough value for her to part with our money.

When my wife shops for something, she checks it like they check the
steam pipes on Nuclear power plants. She checks every stitch of thread
in everything she buys. She inventories everything she's seen and
compares every single feature and option and if she isn't completely
impressed nothing is purchased.

I didn't even have frugality on my list. I got it as a bonus part of the
Angel Eyes package.

[2tallbill]

I know 2tallbill said he was not willing to settle but he was at this search ten years
due to that with do doubt more ability at all of this than me. I just need to get a
little closer to what I need I think, I don't need perfect just close enough I'm
thinking

I spent 9 years, but I spent a lot of time doing things the wrong way.
I did make different mistakes each time and kept refining what I did.

I also had some big, huge things in my life happen that affected my
search in the middle of it. A family sickness and death, a very tough
economy prompting a move to North Dakota (I would never move there
if things weren't especially dire where I was) and many other things.

I wasn't looking for a perfect woman (what would she want with me?)
I was looking for an excellent, high quality woman, with looks and
brains, who I could trust and had the same values as I did.

[Sting23]

Trench you're going about it the wrong way..who cares about these girls' shopping habits. that's the last thing you need to think about. can you even have a conversation with them? or hang out with them and have fun.  that's what you gotta ask yourself. or are you boring in real life too.

You spent an awful long time doing this without much luck.  Reality is you gotta try something different.  Go hit the gym and get in shape.  Other than money what do you offer them?  Cause if that's all there is they'll be gone as soon as the money runs out.

[Trenchcoat]

Earlier I asked you to make a list of everything you want in the future
Mrs Trench and to keep it to yourself. You don't need people in the peanut
gallery picking your list apart. It's your list of goals of what you want, not
theirs. Once you have a list of goals then you can make a plan on how to
find a girl that fits.

Take two items from my list. Trust and Honesty. If you don't trust a girl
then you aren't with the right girl. If the girl isn't honest then you can't
trust her. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER compromise on character.

You can ask all sorts of questions to find the type of girl that fits your
goals. But what you MUST do is dump the girl if she isn't a good fit.
You can't keep hanging on to her just because she's hot or is willing
to drop her knickers. I really think that was your problem on the
previous girls. Once you see the girl isn't the one you can't keep
seeing them or else you will spend all your spinning your wheels.

Lastly, girls can't be fixed! If a girl has a character problem then
move on.

Unrelated Side Note:
My wife loves, loves, loves, loves, loves shopping, but she doesn't like
spending money. I can't tell you how many times she went shopping
for hours and came back with nothing because she didn't find a good
enough value for her to part with our money.

When my wife shops for something, she checks it like they check the
steam pipes on Nuclear power plants. She checks every stitch of thread
in everything she buys. She inventories everything she's seen and
compares every single feature and option and if she isn't completely
impressed nothing is purchased.

I didn't even have frugality on my list. I got it as a bonus part of the
Angel Eyes package.

The girl I was last with was fussy in the clothes shops but she wasn't at all frugal, lol. For sure a bit of time needs to be spent to get the right/best, right colour, style, etc fit otherwise its like wasting money anyway but yeah some women do go overboard which can be a pain if with them.

Well the girl being manipulative is a character flaw (for her though I guess she see it as a useful way of getting what she wants and as from a poor background is no doubt useful to her - she may even see it as am attribute). I think you're right this can't be fixed but I could deal with it better by being aware of it and not being taken in with it, sane with the materialism not being taken in with it and saying no.

I think I've got some time to see if there is a more right choice out there for me. I think most people would have trust & honesty on their list (yep I remember you saying about writing a private list ) but I thin I didn't realize at the beginning of this search how important 'trust & honesty' was. I think part of the problem up till now has been that I haven't really that clued up on what I wanted/would best suit me to put down on that list, this thread has helped to sort that out for me The first girl I didn't even know she was into ballet, opera, etc (at least not that much) until after we had decided to meet up and had made arrangements. I should have of course gone into that more heavily before hand, but I guess at least the experience was useful we had a nice time together and it was interesting to see the performing art scene in an area well known for it at least just once. Now though I am more focused and feel I can do better at this, many thanks Bill

[Trenchcoat]

Trench you're going about it the wrong way..who cares about these girls' shopping habits. that's the last thing you need to think about. can you even have a conversation with them? or hang out with them and have fun.  that's what you gotta ask yourself. or are you boring in real life too.

You spent an awful long time doing this without much luck.  Reality is you gotta try something different.  Go hit the gym and get in shape.  Other than money what do you offer them?  Cause if that's all there is they'll be gone as soon as the money runs out.

It's all about how we suit each other Sting. Yes of course I can have a conversation with them, both the first girl and the last girl I did and we had good times together. The first girl was better on conversation (in part as her English was near perfect). Am I boring? I think most people can be boring if they don't align well to the other person. I'm not the greatest entertainer but I try to enjoy the moment if there is a moment to enjoy.

I haven't really spent a lot of time doing this at all, I mean actually doing it. I've spent a fair while on here and doing research on the internet on You Tube, reading websites & books, etc. This I find very useful so I (hopefully) have more of a clue and not just going out there wasting time, effort & money making mistakes I could have learnt how to avoid on here and aimlessly looking in all the wrong places. I'm looking to improve in all areas so am always doing work on these but I think the case is really finding the right girl that best suits my criteria.

[Sting23]

I haven't really spent a lot of time doing this at all, I mean actually doing it. I've spent a fair while on here and doing research on the internet on You Tube, reading websites & books, etc. This I find very useful so I (hopefully) have more of a clue and not just going out there wasting time, effort & money making mistakes I could have learnt how to avoid on here and aimlessly looking in all the wrong places. I'm looking to improve in all areas so am always doing work on these but I think the case is really finding the right girl that best suits my criteria.

Forget all the reading and stuff man. just go out there and meet girls and talk to them.  Some won't give 2 bits about you. Others will be lukewarm. some will like you.
"best suits my criteria"..only problem is if she doesn't like you then it's game over.  We've all been there. you like a girl but she doesn't like you.  Or vice versa.

So both people have to make it work.  At this point you're better off to take a month vacation.  Go to Moscow or St Petersburg and hang out, hit the bars or events and chat up the girls. 

[ML]

  Go to Moscow or St Petersburg and hang out, hit the bars or events and chat up the girls.

Good way to waste a lot of time and money.

Instead, draw up a battle plan. 
Contact a thousand gals in a large city or area using 3-4 monthly pay dating websites.
Screen them down to a dozen or so. 
Set up dates with them before you even arrive.
Arrive and start working through them.
Might not find the one . . . but you will have had dates with 12 gals rather than aimlessly walking the streets.
You will have gained a lot of experience which will help you the next time around; if you need a next time.

[Sting23]

Good way to waste a lot of time and money.

Instead, draw up a battle plan. 
Contact a thousand gals in a large city or area using 3-4 monthly pay dating websites.
Screen them down to a dozen or so. 
Set up dates with them before you even arrive.
Arrive and start working through them.
Might not find the one . . . but you will have had dates with 12 gals rather than aimlessly walking the streets.
You will have gained a lot of experience which will help you the next time around; if you need a next time.

Everyone here has told him to do that a hundred times or more.  He doesn't want to or won't do it.  Won't message or Skype them.  I have little faith he can set up a date at home.  So he needs a new approach.  Just wing it and see what happens!  at least he'll improve his social skills.

[JayH]

!  at least he'll improve his social skills.

Nah -- he will probably get arrested for loitering !

[Trenchcoat]

Forget all the reading and stuff man. just go out there and meet girls and talk to them.  Some won't give 2 bits about you. Others will be lukewarm. some will like you.
"best suits my criteria"..only problem is if she doesn't like you then it's game over.  We've all been there. you like a girl but she doesn't like you.  Or vice versa.

So both people have to make it work.  At this point you're better off to take a month vacation.  Go to Moscow or St Petersburg and hang out, hit the bars or events and chat up the girls.

You are generally right with what you day here Sting and it is the stage I am at present. My plan was to do a long stay of at least a month in St. Pete's or Moscow. However, the whole Russia scandal makes Russia a more risky option. If it leads to visas being revoked at some point in the future then it's going to up the difficulty & cost substantially of getting something together with a said bird in the future.

I also won be ready to do a long stay until late summer because the finances aren't there. Essentially I am likely to be able to return to my job on return but it is not entirely assured so I don't want to risk it without a fallback in place of independent income of a decent amount. I am though at the stage where I wish to get out there much sooner. So two weeks will have to suffice around late May as the best I can do, any shorter would be pointless as I agree that a 7 day to sort out a relationship is a grasp especially for me I think as I don't think it would do me no favours.

So the location has changed as I briefly mentioned in another thread. Even applying for visas is something I have little time on my hands to do at the moment what with work and all. Poland is looking like an option I would like to explore. It's in the EU so does away with visas & immigration mule issues. It's even nearer to the UK and it's a reasonably cheap destination since I don't believe they use the Euro either. Crucially the women are brought up there with a similar mindset to the Russians/Ukrainians etc with regards to the status of men, wanting family and being feminine towards men I'm thinking like you say if I hit on a load of women there that show attraction towards me I could potentially source our a good one that is not way of my criteria.

[Trenchcoat]

Good way to waste a lot of time and money.

Instead, draw up a battle plan. 
Contact a thousand gals in a large city or area using 3-4 monthly pay dating websites.
Screen them down to a dozen or so. 
Set up dates with them before you even arrive.
Arrive and start working through them.
Might not find the one . . . but you will have had dates with 12 gals rather than aimlessly walking the streets.
You will have gained a lot of experience which will help you the next time around; if you need a next time.

That's a great strategy for those if us retired ML

Seriously, I would literally have to give up work to have the time to do that. It's like what agency scammers do but in reverse i.e writing as their job, lol. I would probably be best of outsourcing such a task at least until the Skype stage and work even cuts me short in time for that at the moment. I'm not adverse to a little internet preparation as a fall back but I think hitting the bars & streets is probably my best option. I don't mind hitting on women if I know there is a decent likelihoid that they will be receptive & not awkward to chat up. UK women are veryyyy awkward & difficult to chat to, they are not adverse to rudely humiliating the guy even if they like him! Feminism has caused a lot of difficulty between men and women here. In the FSU of course it is different and they are usually fare more welcoming of an approach so I should be fine

[Jumper]

More recently with all the stuff been going on between UK & Russia I've been thinking Poland might be worth checking out, its in the EU so easy to get to, some of the women there look hot and it removes any immigration mule issue for the UK at least. While women may not be as numerous as Russia/Ukraine, etc its still more than the UK and the upbringing crucially is still better - more like Russian/Ukrainian values. So if I find one that is into me I'm thinking its worth a shot.

Poland has plenty of beautiful women.
The culture is a bit different and religion is primarily Roman Catholic.
Like most cultures they will marry within their own.
No need  or want for most to relocate,
  Chicago region (where I'm from)  has millions of polish. Likely more open to mixing up dating outside of another pole, than those in Poland,  so just go to Chicago TC.
Added advantage is all the other Lithuanian, Latvian, Serbian, croation, Russian, Ukrainian ,Uzbek, Estonian, etc etc etc.( there are more Lithuanians in my subdivision,and the two adjacent ones,than anywhere else in the USA.)

I always thought London was pretty diverse as well? I wouldn't exclude places in your search.

[Jumper]

You do realize you are making some stereotype of feminism at home,while somehow ignoring the very strong Soviet culture and influence was women completely immeresed  in the work force, and running the household as well

Anyway, I did not date women that would fret chipping their nail polish.Thats entirely incompatible for me. I need a bit of a tomboy.
That eliminated the bulk of the FSU female population under 50yo.
 
And I knew this very well. I knew the odds were already long,and my own stipulations  would make them longer.
I did not care if I found *her* there or not, or in what time frame .

Now other men would not like a tomboy at all, and in fact search in the  fsu for that perfectly manicured fashionista barbie doll that is impecabbly dressed to go to the corner market.This look may take 3 hours to accomplish though, so there can be downsides. I know many of them and they are interesting , smart women.But  that doesn't mean compatible.


So it's vitally important you know what is compatable  in your life.
I agree with bill that there is no need to share it,  but you do need to know what it is you are looking  for.
There is no need to hit it off with a girl that ultimately wouldn't suit you,even if you suit her.

There is zero,I mean zero reason, to look outside your own city, if you are not going to be very selective and at least attempt to look for true compatibility.

Wandering about with no real idea other than a vague - She should be nice, honest etc- is not a good reason to look beyond your twenty block area.

So-

Do, or do not,there is no try.
Yoda.

 

[ML]

Chicago region (where I'm from)  has millions of polish. Likely more open to mixing up dating outside of another pole, than those in Poland,  so just go to Chicago.
Added advantage is all the other Lithuanian, Latvian, Serbian, Croation, Russian, Ukrainian, Uzbek, Estonian, etc etc etc.( there are more Lithuanians in my subdivision,and the two adjacent ones,than anywhere else in the USA.)

Given the prevailing thought on beauty of EE women . . . then some areas of Chicago should be known nation wide for their women.

But I actually haven't heard any talk in that regard.

[Trenchcoat]

Poland has plenty of beautiful women.
The culture is a bit different and religion is primarily Roman Catholic.
Like most cultures they will marry within their own.
No need  or want for most to relocate,
  Chicago region (where I'm from)  has millions of polish. Likely more open to mixing up dating outside of another pole, than those in Poland,  so just go to Chicago TC.
Added advantage is all the other Lithuanian, Latvian, Serbian, croation, Russian, Ukrainian ,Uzbek, Estonian, etc etc etc.( there are more Lithuanians in my subdivision,and the two adjacent ones,than anywhere else in the USA.)

I always thought London was pretty diverse as well? I wouldn't exclude places in your search.

Granted that may be a bit of an issue, the Polish that are already here came after Poland joined the EU and they gained access across our borders - they essentially often came with their guys or mainly exist within the Polish community and just date within that community (hence the would be immigration mules). There are loads of Poles here, some might be on western online dating sites but they are then open to all comers which for men is very many men to compete with, so pointless back to keyboard spamming.

Going over there to date for sure there is the local dating thing. I essentially would be looking for a girl that is unattached and appears to have chemistry with me to carry the day. Being a foreigner might come with some allure and I hear many Polish girls do not find their men folk that attractive. On the living abroad front I can do it for a long while in the future but I would want to come back home for decent amount of stays every so often to be around family (I have no children of my own though) and to sort out business here. So perhaps essentially doing two or three months at a time then coming back here for a week or two.

I would need to secure an independent source of income first which I can achieve later this year. On the plus side flights from the UK are cheap, just around £100 there & back and its only just over a two hour flight So long as the girl doesn't  get any entrenched views as to me being there every day of the year it could well work out I'm thinking. If she becomes open to living in the UK then all jolly good.

The culture being more in tune to ours I think may also make the relationship easier as less chance of cultural misunderstandings. The women their though are apparently family orientated so that is what I am after. I'm not Catholic but there is some of that in our family way back from a few of my ancestors. Probably easier to understand than Orthodox religion so as long as the girl is not a real heavy bible basher I would do what's needed so long as she didn't expect me to attend Church regularly. I thinking it may be the best option for me.   

[Trenchcoat]

Given the prevailing thought on beauty of EE women . . . then some areas of Chicago should be known nation wide for their women.

But I actually haven't heard any talk in that regard.

I'm not totally up on Chicago but my limited understanding is that this grouping goes back quite some way now to the late 1800's. So not like the more recent immigration we have seen in the UK in the last couple of decades. My guess is that its either all filtered out over time through regional genetic change or maybe even a different group of people all together given the history of the 20th century and the wars & population loss and movements in Eastern Europe since then.

[alex330]

Given the prevailing thought on beauty of EE women . . . then some areas of Chicago should be known nation wide for their women.

You must have not ever visited the beautiful South-side of Chi-town on a warm summer night. Women strolling down the sidewalks in their short shorts. You are really missing out...

[mendeleyev]

There you go again . Solidarity with the expelled Brits?

In my own defence, they are some of the best neighbours! Very colourful at parties. 

[BillyB]

Trench, some people believe you need to make a list of the type of woman you want and go get her. The list won't help you. You should mold yourself into a man that is appealing to women. Once you're appealing to women, you can attract women anywhere in the world. You will have a variety of women to choose from and can select from the lot. If you can attract just 10% of the women out there, you will be a very busy man. Write 100 women and 10 of those women would want to date you. Write a 1000 women and 100 women would want to date you. Surely out of a hundred, you're going to find a few gems. Then the question becomes can you keep a gem for yourself. If you're not attracting women or only insincere women, you're doing something wrong and need to make changes.

[Jumper]

Given the prevailing thought on beauty of EE women . . . then some areas of Chicago should be known nation wide for their women.

But I actually haven't heard any talk in that regard.

I agree i havnt heard such.

But most anyone who has spent time on the magnificent mile, the lake shore,or the north side would tell you there is no shortage at all of attractive women.
(Nor is at all uncommon to hear Russian ,and polish is quite prevalent, and yes they are known locally as typically beautiful and for dressing hot.)
The west side had Ukrainian village for a long time,with a ton of signs in Cyrillic. About 300  thousand Ukrainians.
They tended to distrust outsiders even though the girls where known for their beauty. You can find a lot if models originally from chi towns burbs, and often eastern European decent.
Ukrainian village changed in recent years and many relocated,but there are still a lot and specific Russian goods stores are common place on the west and north sides.
 You go into any known label name store downtown, and the girl working is very likely to be fsu, or fsu decent,and a big percentage of the shoppers
.you won't go to such and not hear russian or not notice attractive women speaking it..
Well known here much like NYCs  club scene.

I certainly dated them.locally.Bringing a Slavic woman here is like bringing sand to the beach.while I've done so, it's a tad silly.

[Jumper]

Trench, some people believe you need to make a list of the type of woman you want and go get her. The list won't help you. You should mold yourself into a man that is appealing to women. Once you're appealing to women, you can attract women anywhere in the world. You will have a variety of women to choose from and can select from the lot. If you can attract just 10% of the women out there, you will be a very busy man. Write 100 women and 10 of those women would want to date you. Write a 1000 women and 100 women would want to date you. Surely out of a hundred, you're going to find a few gems. Then the question becomes can you keep a gem for yourself. If you're not attracting women or only insincere women, you're doing something wrong and need to make changes.

Agree. That is step one.

But there is something to be said for also knowing what he wants or is compatible  with.
When he has choices,if he doesn't know what  he wants , it will do him little  real good.
He can be a kid in the candy store,and never choose.
He can have 100 beautiful smart women interested him and pick 99 that arnt truly compatible.

You cannot find something specific, if you don't have clarity on what it is you are looking for.

This would  also tie into being a man, THAT type of woman would be interested in, I think that's already assumed and implied.

[2tallbill]

So both people have to make it work.  At this point you're better off to take a month
vacation.  Go to Moscow or St Petersburg and hang out, hit the bars or events and
chat up the girls.

That might work somewhat for the younger guys, but the only thing I
found in bars the last 10+ years were bar flies. I've had better luck
asking the girl in line at the super market.