18 month relationship story

[JayH]

in regards to money and the setting of expectations concern, I’m going to assume that you used the high expectations as a way to sway your GF, am I a little right here?

if so, I think you already know the answer to this and won’t repeat it again, the fact that you met someone means you don’t need to hard sell your self with these kind of expectations!

if you use moderation at first, then she gets a pleasant surprise later, A Russian woman will like this, as opposed to starting with more flamboyance but then getting an unpleasant surprise later, actually Russian women really don’t like surprises much at all unless it’s jewelry!! WORD!!!!
 

Under promise and over deliver!
If you survive the first round --   all plus from there .

Raising expectations and or not doing what you say you will is a certain relationship killer.  Even more so -- not being capable of what said is even worse !

[ML]

  I moved into the  master bedroom and bought a new king size bed when Elena came to visit.

So who was using the MBR before you moved into it?
And where were you sleeping before moving into MBR?
Nothing to do with the gal in question . . . but seems a little strange.

[krimster2]

bjorncode12,
forgive me for prying, but since I started out hunting Russian fox at a younger age then you and had quite specific goals that may have been different from yours (I wanted to start a family), what exactly are your goals here?

also, again sorry, but what kind of interests/hobbies do you have?  what’s this sporting event you mentioned?  I ask these questions, because it might help me point you in some direction you may not be aware of, and frankly I enjoy living vicariously through others!

indulge me please, and my knowledge will be your reward!

[ML]

There is a poster here whose grown son, and his girlfriend, moved in with him, his RW, and his RW’s children. His RW has zero issues with this. It’s very much an individual thing. I don’t think you made a mistake. If your sons are an important part of your life, any woman you become involved with must accept this. If she doesn’t then she is not the woman for you.

Yes, we all understand that the woman must accept the man's previous children; just as the man must accept the woman's previous children . . . if the relationship is to survive.

But, some behavior by the children can nix the deal.

In this case, the man's two grown boys having a loud argument in front of the woman effectively killed the deal.  Especially when the man brushed it off, it seems.

Many persons (including myself) do not want to be around situations of loud arguments; and we (the woman in this case) can be worried that much stronger behavior might be coming at any time.  i.e. Physical violence, weapons, etc. 

Then add to this, the current thinking that verbal and physical abuse is a learned behavior from parents . . . and the third party (woman in this case) can be thinking that the father is really like this also, but has hidden it up to this point in time.

I spent some time with an FSU gal who had a late teenage son.
They seemed very close . . . but very strange to me . . . they often got into very loud arguments.  This was very unsettling to me; so I pulled the plug.

[krimster2]

bjorncode12,
what I was kind of going to do was to facilitate your creation of a new concept!
which is this, you take your sporting event to Ukraine!

you write off the expenses
while there you need to hire a “facilitator” someone who does things like signing documents, paying bills, translation, etc. 
this person will cost you about $500/month and will be at most 28 years of age.
I can show you how to hire a facilitator who I can guarantee 100% will sleep with you with no strings attached, I can show you this, because I’ve done it myself exactly 3 different times before I was married.

you can do this, or not do this, you can call me crazy, that’s fine, they called the Wright brothers crazy and look what those boys did!

 but I do know that if I didn’t already have a beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters, I’d be out there doin what I just described and having a rip roaring blast doing it!

[ML]

while there you need to hire a “facilitator” someone who does things like signing documents, paying bills, translation, etc. 
this person will cost you about $500/month and will be at most 28 years of age.
I can show you how to hire a facilitator who I can guarantee 100% will sleep with you with no strings attached, I can show you this, because I’ve done it myself exactly 3 different times before I was married.

WOW . . . doesn't this define a 'user' in the worst sense of the word?

[krimster2]

see that’s always the thing, it’s the narrative!
so your narrative in its simplest form is “rich foreigner meets poor Russian”
everything in the following script has to follow that, so you can see right away where the conflict in the story is going to be, right???

but what I’m about to tell you will blow your mind man, it did mine when I figured this all out!

you see “rich foreigner meets poor Russian” ain’t the only narrative you can use, there are more and even better narratives than that, you feel where I’m going with this yet?

[krimster2]

oh ML, don't be so bourgeois, all sex is a transaction, currencies may vary, not all may be legal tender

[bjorncode12]

in regards to money and the setting of expectations concern, I’m going to assume that you used the high expectations as a way to sway your GF, am I a little right here?

 

This is a complicated question.  It was obvious to me that she wanted to be travel to high end destinations and stay in 5 star hotels.  My brother in law (an american software entrepeneur who had a lot of money) was married to her best friend.  But I wasnt exactly trying to sway her because I was not even sure I wanted to marry her.  I just kind of went with the flow.  I am successful enough that I could pay for it without stressing on the bill.

I do think, and this is the part that is the most difficult to get past, that she badly wanted me to step up and tell her what I really thought, what I felt comfortable paying for in the long term.  She asked me to be a man and take the lead and I never did this.

[bjorncode12]

So who was using the MBR before you moved into it?
And where were you sleeping before moving into MBR?
Nothing to do with the gal in question . . . but seems a little strange.

I had a roommate, a friend of mine from college.  He was a doctor.  He moved out just before Elena came to visit.

[bjorncode12]

bjorncode12,
forgive me for prying, but since I started out hunting Russian fox at a younger age then you and had quite specific goals that may have been different from yours (I wanted to start a family), what exactly are your goals here?

I was pretty clear with Elena from the start that I had no intention of starting a family.  I was done with that.  I had a vasectomy when I got divorced.  I was simply looking for a partner for life.

I would rather not divulge the sporting event because I think it is best to protect my anonymity, for my sake and for those I am close to.

[bjorncode12]

I am not sure if this is within the rules because I am a first time poster so I will do it anyway.

My email is pretty obvious from the name on my account.  You could add a common domain and contact me directly.

[krimster2]

bjorncode12,

don’t beat yourself up, none of this is your fault and not a nanogram of blame can I find in you, and believe me if I found it, i would skewer you like you were a little bug

how you just described your Russian GF is COMPLETELY at odds with EVERY other Russian woman I’ve ever known and that’s a pretty big number!  for examples, girlfriends/wives all made me walk or take the bus to save a couple of grivna and I’m like, “why, a taxi’s not even 2 bucks here”, I’d want to take them and their friends out to dinner, and they’d pull me aside, and say “don’t it’s too much”, they behaved this way out of reflex, I’ve never met a “big spender” Russian woman as you described!!

haha, but that changes once you marry them!!

also, I can spot other obvious problems, but I believe your sub-conscious is planting these clues for me to present to you for analysis, am I a little right?

by that I mean your GF’s connection to the rich friend, it means she has to compete with her friend, hopefully you’ve drawn some conclusions about this, but if you just do a simple logical negation of the issues you have presented, I come up with the following:

1. be anonymous, your GF shouldn’t have any other connection to you
2. go to a small out of the way place where women aren’t exposed to unrealistic expectations
3. don’t over sell your self

[bjorncode12]

With regards to the three points:

1.) yes, I prefer to be anonymous.  I have no interest in anyone knowing who I am.  But from Elena's perspective, she knew, she came to the National Sporting Event, she knew the company I founded, and most importantly she knew my brother in law, and he was a very very successful man who had picked his Russian wife off the street for a second marriage and to this day takes her on five star vacations everywhere in the world.
2.) I took Elena to places that she wanted to go and that were also convenient for me as far as my business was concerned.  I think the unrealistic expectations had less to do with the destination than with the style of travel, the star level of the hotel.
3.) this one I probably could have done better with.  I have been reasonably successful and I have never hesitated to talk about this.  I don't boast exactly, but I know that women are interested in successful men and so of course, I talk about it.

[krimster2]

sorry, nodding off here,
also I see where you never went over there to meet her, how could I have overlooked something so obvious here, all your contact with her was over here, to be quite honest with you, I think you were setup by a predator, and you should tell your friend to hold on tightly to his pre-nup.

what you did here, it’s called taking the easy way, and you know what always happens when you do that right?

so let me be clear!

no, no, no, they do not come here, you must go there!!!!!
this is the only way brother
you have quite a journey to make and in more ways than one
but I believe you can make this journey if you decide to do it,
but you must put everything about Elena behind you except for the valuable lessons learned

[bjorncode12]

The story is not over.  Elena's trip to see me last summer and stay at my house did not end the relationship.  It did not end until November 1st, 2 weeks after I flew to Riga to see her in person.  I will share this tomorrow.

Maybe it is not over yet?  Well probably it is.  I am sad about that.

[krimster2]

"Maybe it is not over yet?  Well probably it is.  I am sad about that."

of course you feel bad, that's what love really is, just another word for pain my friend...
and this is why you need to "check" yourself!!!
why do you think you love this woman?
you have to stop this kind of thinking
it's not healthy, I hope you can see what your "false hope" is setting yourself up for

 

[alex330]

how you just described your Russian GF is COMPLETELY at odds with EVERY other Russian woman I’ve ever known and that’s a pretty big number!  for examples, girlfriends/wives all made me walk or take the bus to save a couple of grivna and I’m like, “why, a taxi’s not even 2 bucks here”, I’d want to take them and their friends out to dinner, and they’d pull me aside, and say “don’t it’s too much”, they behaved this way out of reflex, I’ve never met a “big spender” Russian woman as you described!!

Dunno man, my wife is pretty thrifty but times are a changing and there are many RW just like the OP described. I know at least 5-10 of them here in Miami and a number back in Odesa.

[krimster2]

" know at least 5-10 of them here in Miami and a number back in Odesa."

haha, and there are probably a few more in Hollywood and Manhattan to, but these are not women anyone on this board should be interested in
I'm talking about the average woman, not a gold digger who freakin gets a tourist visa, gets on a plane, and freakin comes over here tryin to poach herself a sugar daddy, uhhhhmmm

haha only tigerpaws was in the yacht set here on RWD

[bjorncode12]

"Maybe it is not over yet?  Well probably it is.  I am sad about that."

of course you feel bad, that's what love really is, just another word for pain my friend...
and this is why you need to "check" yourself!!!
why do you think you love this woman?
you have to stop this kind of thinking
it's not healthy, I hope you can see what your "false hope" is setting yourself up for

yeah.  I have been asking myself that question because it has been affecting me deeply.  Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.  I have had my share of life's struggles and they are not topics that this forum is focused on but suffice it to say that my life has not been perfect.  But I have never been attached to a woman like I was attached to Elena.  The reasons for this go deep and it has to do with more than her being Russian so I won't get into it on this forum but I will say that she was very very deeply attached to me and it was related to an event in her life that occurred shortly after I met her, and on my side it was related to trauma I experienced when I was young, and back to her side,  trauma that she experienced in her youth as well.  I know it is not healthy and I will get past it......

[bjorncode12]

I don't think I ever would have posted on this forum unless I had some very deep issues that derived from my relationship with Elena, and ironically, they are related to the intercultural differences but they transcend it also.

[krimster2]

bjorncode12,

the trauma stuff sounds deep and dark, not something I’d really want to embrace, especially considering what your other options are.  learn from Elena, if she can come hunting over here and damn near bag someone, why the hell can’t you do the same? 

don't make it about the trauma, make it about something positive, if the big head's having issues, let the little one drive, what's wrong with that?

[msmob]

I can certainly recommend Trenchcoat as a good listener and expert on FSW..heavy UK, irony

[Trenchcoat]

I can certainly recommend Trenchcoat as a good listener and expert on FSW..heavy UK, irony

  Appreciate the recommendation Mobers

To be fair it sounds like Bjorn had a similar experience to me but even more severe so you may well be right in me being the best listener/expert on this one, lol.

[Trenchcoat]

The story is not over.  Elena's trip to see me last summer and stay at my house did not end the relationship.  It did not end until November 1st, 2 weeks after I flew to Riga to see her in person.  I will share this tomorrow.

Maybe it is not over yet?  Well probably it is.  I am sad about that.

I would say leave it and move on, find another woman to get your mind of this one and don't repeat the same mistake. Focus just on getting into an everyday domestic relationship with her, no holidays or mention of for the first couple of years, if she bring it up just refuse it. Don't let on that you are that wealthy - i.e make out you just manage the company or it is bogged down in debt, etc. Play down your wealthy side. You can keep Elena as a contact by all means but I wouldn't contact her not for a long while, give it some time to see if she rethinks her actions, she probably won't but you may later decide you don't want to take things up with her again anyway. I personally think this is another relationship that is irretrievable in any decent form so probably best to learn and move on.

Also with women that act in such ways some guys have come to an ominous end, once the woman is married to the guy and believes she can claim a stake on any inheritance the guy ends up having a sudden 'accident'. I'm not saying that this may have happen with this woman but with the way she was acting you might have been more fortunate than you realized that the relationship has ended.