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Author Topic: new guy here  (Read 12718 times)

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Offline Rembrandt

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #25 on: November 01, 2014, 12:12:26 PM »
What pigs don't fly in your neck of the woods? ;D  Again it depends on the people involved and their particular situation.  As you stated all marriages have problems.

If it's a single woman approaching 30 (or older) and she has a child she has few to no options in Russia or Ukraine.  A man who is about 50 with a good job and a home might be a Godsend for her.  If he treats her right the marriage will likely last; considering that she is a normal woman invested in the relationship. 

It may not be "normal" but then I suspect most people don't think any of these East/West international relationships are normal.

I see where you're coming from and don't think you're wrong per se, however, I want to stress that the examples you choose are the exception to the rule, rather than being the rule in East-West relationships.

Of course, a single mother in her early 30s with limited options will consider a 50 year old financially stable man. But then you need to question if it's a marriage based on financial necessity, or one that's based on genuine attraction. Needless to say, it's better to be single than be with someone whse feelings aren't mutual.

Offline AC

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #26 on: November 01, 2014, 02:26:11 PM »
I see where you're coming from and don't think you're wrong per se, however, I want to stress that the examples you choose are the exception to the rule, rather than being the rule in East-West relationships.

Of course, a single mother in her early 30s with limited options will consider a 50 year old financially stable man. But then you need to question if it's a marriage based on financial necessity, or one that's based on genuine attraction. Needless to say, it's better to be single than be with someone whse feelings aren't mutual.

Men and women have completely differing concepts of what love is anyways, so what's a guy going to do?

 :ROFL:

Offline Faux Pas

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #27 on: November 02, 2014, 09:40:56 AM »
What pigs don't fly in your neck of the woods? ;D  Again it depends on the people involved and their particular situation.  As you stated all marriages have problems.

If it's a single woman approaching 30 (or older) and she has a child she has few to no options in Russia or Ukraine.  A man who is about 50 with a good job and a home might be a Godsend for her.  If he treats her right the marriage will likely last; considering that she is a normal woman invested in the relationship. 

It may not be "normal" but then I suspect most people don't think any of these East/West international relationships are normal.

You're believing the hype, don't let me interrupt your fantasy. You and Rembrandt can probably talk yourselves into a whole bunch of other crap about FSWU that aren't true, too. Carry on

Offline notforone

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #28 on: November 02, 2014, 11:51:41 AM »
If it's a single woman approaching 30 (or older) and she has a child she has few to no options in Russia or Ukraine.  A man who is about 50 with a good job and a home might be a Godsend for her.  If he treats her right the marriage will likely last; considering that she is a normal woman invested in the relationship. 

Exactly right! I would add that if you have children, it is ok if she has a child. But I don't have children, so I don't wish to take care of someone else's off-springs.

Nevertheless, the way I see it, the choice is mine, I choose. They offer themselves for relocation, they have something to sell and I am a potential buyer. It is very nice to think about love and feelings and so on, but I don't think love is something that can develop over correspondence and Skype calls. So, these relationships are very pragmatic and down to earth.

I have read all that has been written about the preps prior to a trip, the timing, the wmvo vs. wovo and so on. I agree with one thing, you must have backups. The rest is nonsense. There are no rules. Every situation is different. I'm a hustler. I figure things as I go. For instance, before my last trip, I communicated with a few women from a single site during a period of a couple months. Every woman I wrote to replied to me. About 3/4 were obvious scams, the rest I believe where for real. I focused on one woman, I saw her on Skype several times without makeup. I also had her stand up and turn around so I could verify she doesn't have any extra pounds vis a vis the pictures (I pretended I wanted to see her beautiful outfit). I also sent her flowers delivered as a surprise at a time I knew she'd be back from work, tired and without makeup. She looked very good every time. So, she passed the appearance test. We also developed a close acquaintance, so I figured sex was likely although not a given. I note that my goal was not to go for sex as I can have it in my country. My goal is to find a woman for a committed relationship. However, I am pragmatic and know that most of the time things won't work out. Going there and coming back empty handed (aka. not even getting laid) sucks.

Every trip I ever made to Ukraine was for one woman (with backup contacts) and I always got laid in that trip and never used the backups. If I see a woman I really like and can live with her, I will commit. I will know when I know. With this last woman, I lived with her for about a month. I figured I couldn't live with her in the long run, but we had a wonderful time. Marriage is a very serious thing, looks are a must, but being able to live with each other on a daily basis and not drive each other nuts is even more important.

Finally, someone mentioned competition by other (younger) men going there. Most of the younger men who go there are inexperienced and can't get laid in their own countries. I know it when I read the complaints about western women. Supposedly they are all fat and ugly and don't know how to treat a man while Ukrainian women do LOL. Maybe I am being too cynic, perhaps there is competition, and so what??? There are tens of thousands of women out there desperate to find a western man. I am 47, I live a good life, I date in my country and am looking to those countries as an alternative, an adventure, something different that may or may not develop to a long-term relationship and either way it's ok.

Offline AC

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #29 on: November 02, 2014, 12:12:39 PM »
Exactly right! I would add that if you have children, it is ok if she has a child. But I don't have children, so I don't wish to take care of someone else's off-springs.

Nevertheless, the way I see it, the choice is mine, I choose. They offer themselves for relocation, they have something to sell and I am a potential buyer. It is very nice to think about love and feelings and so on, but I don't think love is something that can develop over correspondence and Skype calls. So, these relationships are very pragmatic and down to earth.

I have read all that has been written about the preps prior to a trip, the timing, the wmvo vs. wovo and so on. I agree with one thing, you must have backups. The rest is nonsense. There are no rules. Every situation is different. I'm a hustler. I figure things as I go. For instance, before my last trip, I communicated with a few women from a single site during a period of a couple months. Every woman I wrote to replied to me. About 3/4 were obvious scams, the rest I believe where for real. I focused on one woman, I saw her on Skype several times without makeup. I also had her stand up and turn around so I could verify she doesn't have any extra pounds vis a vis the pictures (I pretended I wanted to see her beautiful outfit). I also sent her flowers delivered as a surprise at a time I knew she'd be back from work, tired and without makeup. She looked very good every time. So, she passed the appearance test. We also developed a close acquaintance, so I figured sex was likely although not a given. I note that my goal was not to go for sex as I can have it in my country. My goal is to find a woman for a committed relationship. However, I am pragmatic and know that most of the time things won't work out. Going there and coming back empty handed (aka. not even getting laid) sucks.

Every trip I ever made to Ukraine was for one woman (with backup contacts) and I always got laid in that trip and never used the backups. If I see a woman I really like and can live with her, I will commit. I will know when I know. With this last woman, I lived with her for about a month. I figured I couldn't live with her in the long run, but we had a wonderful time. Marriage is a very serious thing, looks are a must, but being able to live with each other on a daily basis and not drive each other nuts is even more important.

Finally, someone mentioned competition by other (younger) men going there. Most of the younger men who go there are inexperienced and can't get laid in their own countries. I know it when I read the complaints about western women. Supposedly they are all fat and ugly and don't know how to treat a man while Ukrainian women do LOL. Maybe I am being too cynic, perhaps there is competition, and so what??? There are tens of thousands of women out there desperate to find a western man. I am 47, I live a good life, I date in my country and am looking to those countries as an alternative, an adventure, something different that may or may not develop to a long-term relationship and either way it's ok.


Well that's an interesting story and approach.  Now be prepared to get hated on for telling the truth about what happened... :crackwhip:

Offline fathertime

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #30 on: November 02, 2014, 01:17:17 PM »
Exactly right! I would add that if you have children, it is ok if she has a child. But I don't have children, so I don't wish to take care of someone else's off-springs.

Nevertheless, the way I see it, the choice is mine, I choose. They offer themselves for relocation, they have something to sell and I am a potential buyer. It is very nice to think about love and feelings and so on, but I don't think love is something that can develop over correspondence and Skype calls. So, these relationships are very pragmatic and down to earth.

I have read all that has been written about the preps prior to a trip, the timing, the wmvo vs. wovo and so on. I agree with one thing, you must have backups. The rest is nonsense. There are no rules. Every situation is different. I'm a hustler. I figure things as I go. For instance, before my last trip, I communicated with a few women from a single site during a period of a couple months. Every woman I wrote to replied to me. About 3/4 were obvious scams, the rest I believe where for real. I focused on one woman, I saw her on Skype several times without makeup. I also had her stand up and turn around so I could verify she doesn't have any extra pounds vis a vis the pictures (I pretended I wanted to see her beautiful outfit). I also sent her flowers delivered as a surprise at a time I knew she'd be back from work, tired and without makeup. She looked very good every time. So, she passed the appearance test. We also developed a close acquaintance, so I figured sex was likely although not a given. I note that my goal was not to go for sex as I can have it in my country. My goal is to find a woman for a committed relationship. However, I am pragmatic and know that most of the time things won't work out. Going there and coming back empty handed (aka. not even getting laid) sucks.

Every trip I ever made to Ukraine was for one woman (with backup contacts) and I always got laid in that trip and never used the backups. If I see a woman I really like and can live with her, I will commit. I will know when I know. With this last woman, I lived with her for about a month. I figured I couldn't live with her in the long run, but we had a wonderful time. Marriage is a very serious thing, looks are a must, but being able to live with each other on a daily basis and not drive each other nuts is even more important.

Finally, someone mentioned competition by other (younger) men going there. Most of the younger men who go there are inexperienced and can't get laid in their own countries. I know it when I read the complaints about western women. Supposedly they are all fat and ugly and don't know how to treat a man while Ukrainian women do LOL. Maybe I am being too cynic, perhaps there is competition, and so what??? There are tens of thousands of women out there desperate to find a western man. I am 47, I live a good life, I date in my country and am looking to those countries as an alternative, an adventure, something different that may or may not develop to a long-term relationship and either way it's ok.


Your attitude, approach, and opinions seem to be reasonable enough to me.  If you are in a strong position regarding the ability to travel and finances, it just puts you in a great position to really enjoy the ladies.   


Fathertime! 
I just happened to be browsing about the internet....

Offline Boethius

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #31 on: November 02, 2014, 03:12:34 PM »
The stated idea that a woman is akin to a commodity, to be acquired by a "buyer" is repugnant.  Pragmatic?  Perhaps.  But it is really about an economic power differential.  Nothing more.  The chance of any kind of respect, let alone love, developing in such a dynamic is remote, I think.  The number of failed marriages in this endeavour is witness to that.
True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Offline AC

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #32 on: November 02, 2014, 03:18:46 PM »
The stated idea that a woman is akin to a commodity, to be acquired by a "buyer" is repugnant.  Pragmatic?  Perhaps.  But it is really about an economic power differential.  Nothing more.  The chance of any kind of respect, let alone love, developing in such a dynamic is remote, I think.  The number of failed marriages in this endeavour is witness to that.

I thought the same thing when I read that.  I would say that he may find out later that such an approach may result in himself also being thought of as a commodity; or more precisely a means to an end.

Offline Faux Pas

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #33 on: November 02, 2014, 03:50:21 PM »
The stated idea that a woman is akin to a commodity, to be acquired by a "buyer" is repugnant.  Pragmatic?  Perhaps.  But it is really about an economic power differential.  Nothing more.  The chance of any kind of respect, let alone love, developing in such a dynamic is remote, I think.  The number of failed marriages in this endeavour is witness to that.

I wonder why when he does have them on skype he doesn't inspect their teeth. What a wasted opportunity

Offline Rembrandt

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #34 on: November 02, 2014, 09:05:16 PM »
The stated idea that a woman is akin to a commodity, to be acquired by a "buyer" is repugnant.  Pragmatic?  Perhaps.  But it is really about an economic power differential.  Nothing more.  The chance of any kind of respect, let alone love, developing in such a dynamic is remote, I think.  The number of failed marriages in this endeavour is witness to that.

+1.

I think it's okay he treats this like some form of a transaction, as two commidity to be traded in the market place, but it's quid pro quo, he has no right to be upset if she treats him like a commodity as well and leaves when his perceived value diminishes.

Online Gator

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #35 on: November 02, 2014, 09:31:37 PM »

notforme,

I find your attitude realistic albeit not romantic. 

For Boethius, FP, AC and others who take exception with notforme's attitude, keep in mind that he married  a 19-yo whom he met in Ukraine around 2002-2003.   That was a time when men were spending only a week or two with FSUW before deciding to marry.   The disputed, unpublished Chester Arthur survey in 2000 reported 60% of the FSUW did not love their husbands when they married (vs. 99% of the men 'loved' their wives when they married).

I guess notforme is saying that most FSU women have a "plan."   I would have a plan too if I were moving permanently from my country, language, culture, friends, family, job, etc. to live with a stranger in a strange land.   I would not call it a hidden agenda, but a pragmatic realization that marriage to a stranger has a higher probability of not lasting.   Call it a survivor attitude.   

I dated FSUW mostly in their 30s and 40s (now 40s and 50s).  Such FSUW had survived periods of turmoil and insecurity, and had callouses if not scars to show for it.   When discussing the concept of marriage with them, I felt their sense of commitment to a relationship was less than one would expect with Western women of my era.  For example, most FSUW expected a man to dally.  Starting from that perspective, I think it impossible to envision and work for a loving, enduring marriage.

IMO commitment to the relationship should be paramount, yet I believe the mindset of most FSUW I met in the agency game was commitment first to themselves (and their kids if any).  For sure they wanted a good man,  yet it was primarily for security, someone to stand beside them.   Before thinking me too jaded, I did feel that most FSUW I was attracted to would marry in good faith and try to make it work, yet meanwhile would become prepared for the worst.

Back to notforme:  IMO you are missing something very important.  I suggest that you focus on one woman and take a couple of years to see if love develops.  When I say "love," I mean that it is obvious to you and to those who see the two of you.   I have other suggestions but every woman is different.  Based on my experience I would suggest women whose parents are happily married, women who do not use the "L" word early (discount the great sex as it does not count), not shy about expressing their disfavor with you when you screw up,   whose face lights up when you meet them, .... (say again, every woman is different). 

Offline Boethius

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #36 on: November 02, 2014, 09:36:38 PM »
Quote
For Boethius, FP, AC and others who take exception with notforme's attitude, keep in mind that he married  a 19-yo whom he met in Ukraine around 2002-2003. 


Same song, same result.
True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Offline R19Pype

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new guy
« Reply #37 on: December 11, 2014, 05:42:37 AM »
I believe you followed me here mate. Youre just unhappy that no one gave you that cold one yet. Shouldnt you be driving a truck or something?

Offline Faux Pas

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #38 on: December 11, 2014, 07:31:08 AM »

Same song, same result.

His value has likely diminished since his last foray and his teeth may not pass the inspection of the 19 year old fvc sex slave maid girl

lordtiberius

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #39 on: December 13, 2014, 12:44:14 PM »

30 year old IS obtainable. Even younger is possible.  My thoughts are as follows:  It depends on what you are REALLY looking for...If you want a woman that is 'forever' then going a little older is better odds.  It always depends on the two individuals involved...think about yourself, and what you bring to the table and what you are willing to tolerate. 


Fathertime!

This is good advice.  The biggest problem men have is their own clay feet.  God Bless You.

Merry Christmas

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #40 on: December 13, 2014, 10:25:15 PM »

In agreement with Mila. Heck, I almost always agree with Mila!

Also with the very wife comments from Lily. Go back and read her post.

I think that it is generally a mistake to bring home a wife who could be a big sister to your children, if you have any. Speaking from experience, of all the relationships that will impact your new marriage, the relationship between you/her and any children will come in a close second, a very close second, to your own relationship. Mess that one up and the marriage is toast.

For many marriages, the next important relationship just may be between you and her mother.
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Offline CDW

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #41 on: December 13, 2014, 10:29:11 PM »
You all have wasted your time cos Kevin Pietersen hasn't been here since his 1st posting!
I am an X-MEN called "WOVO Man"

Offline RoboCop

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #42 on: December 23, 2014, 06:08:12 AM »
This thread cracked me up. Everyone has given him a hard dose of reality to such an extent, he hasn't come back.

One of the guys I work with, who is 49, has an account on the dating website where I met my wife. Well I scoped out his profile and it has his real age, but he mentions he looks early 30s in real life. Well, 30 compared to who? He probably looks better than a 30 year old ice user who has been abusing his body for more than a decade, but I've got an Asian mate who is 35 and still looks 20. How old you look is so subjective. Most people in an effort to make themselves feel better pick the worst looking guy at their age, and say they look young and healthy compared to them.

Most people say I look like I'm in my mid to late 20s, it doesn't change the fact I'm still 35.

Also just to let you know KevinP, most people underestimate how old a person really looks, so as not to offend them or to give them some sort of backhanded compliment.
Married 3 years now, with a 2 year old son. Wife is from Baku, the capital of Azerbaijan.

Offline Shadow

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Re: new guy here
« Reply #43 on: December 23, 2014, 06:17:42 AM »
This thread cracked me up. Everyone has given him a hard dose of reality to such an extent, he hasn't come back.

A usual occrrance. Most new posters expect to be applauded for their insanity and if that does not happen they decide the membership is to blame for everything, including later misfortune.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Online 2tallbill

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Maximum age difference formula
« Reply #44 on: January 25, 2021, 11:53:30 AM »
New guy here. What is the appropriate and realistic age range for a woman if I'm 47? Not wanting a 20 something but I do want younger. I'm a young minded guy. Most people think I'm mid 30's. Is a 30 year old very realistic for me or is that too young?

Yes, a 17 year age gap is too much unless you are ridiculously handsome, rich,
famous, funny and glamorous.

Here is a rule of thumb for FSUW take your age and subtract 10 years.

ridiculously handsome, +2
ridiculously rich, +2
ridiculously famous, +2
ridiculously funny, +2
ridiculously glamorous, +2
Speak fluent Russian +2
Her Mamma loves you +2

All the above = +10
No combination of the above things can
be allowed to add up to more than 10. 10
is the max. 

Subtract all the following
Fat = -3
Short = -3
Bald = -3
Ugly = -3
Boring = -5
Poor = -10

About the girl if she is ugly, short, fat, dike haircut, boring etc.
then you can add a year to the age difference for each of those
ugly, = +1
short, = +1
fat, = +1
dike haircut, =+1
boring = +1


Now you have a formula to figure out what the max age difference
you can seek and have a reasonable chance of success. Lastly, you
have to be honest about the grading. Garbage in garbage out, figures
don't lie, but liars can figure.

Udachi!

Bill

Lastly, I am not a social scientist, a mathematician and the value of
my magic formula is what you are paying for it (nothing). The purpose
of this experiment is to honestly judge yourself and to be reasonable
about your prospects.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline ML

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Maximum age difference formula
« Reply #45 on: January 25, 2021, 12:43:37 PM »
Then there are the age gaps that are 'too much' like mine, which have worked for 16 years (first met, 10 years living together and 6 years married) for some inexplicable reasons.

Wife still cares for me hand and foot through my broken ribs and clavicle for 4 weeks now . . . even as I cannot provide her with standard sex.

How long will it last . . . who knows ?

Maybe until it is safe (after Covid) for her to go bar hopping.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online 2tallbill

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Maximum age difference formula
« Reply #46 on: January 25, 2021, 01:42:15 PM »
Then there are the age gaps that are 'too much' like mine, which have worked for 16 years (first met, 10 years living together and 6 years married) for some inexplicable reasons.

What is the age difference?

My wife is 13 years younger than I am. I must have a few things on the
list that makes me worth those extra 3 years.

Wife still cares for me hand and foot through my broken ribs and clavicle for
4 weeks now . . . even as I cannot provide her with standard sex.

You provided enough sexy time for her in the past for her to reasonably
assume that your short term clavicle injury won't hamper your future
abilities to provide sexy time in the months and years ahead.


How long will it last . . . who knows ?

Maybe until it is safe (after Covid) for her to go bar hopping.

Unless you met her and developed your relationship in a bar, I doubt that
you will find her in a bar looking for your replacement. Bars are the best
places to find drunks and bar flies.

You found a good girl, she loves you and is patiently waiting until you
recover enough to give your clavicle and ribs a good thrashing. You
probably don't need to worry too much unless you find a hole dug
somewhere in the garden large enough for you to fit inside. If
you find a hole like that THEN you need a backup plan and a
food taster.   ;D

« Last Edit: January 25, 2021, 02:26:45 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline I/O

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  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Maximum age difference formula
« Reply #47 on: January 25, 2021, 03:32:35 PM »
Here is a rule of thumb for FSUW take your age and subtract 10 years.

ridiculously handsome, +2
ridiculously rich, +2
ridiculously famous, +2
ridiculously funny, +2
ridiculously glamorous, +2
Speak fluent Russian +2
Her Mamma loves you +2
Bill, you missed the major one - add 5 if you're hung like a jack donkey and of course, subtract if the "matrix" goes the other way....🤭

Offline GenMish

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  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: new guy here
« Reply #48 on: January 25, 2021, 03:44:38 PM »
Age gaps in the 90s were high, mine was relatively low at 8

Get this, one guy with a 19 yr age gap(he was 38 and she was 19) LEFT HER after 12 years

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
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  • Posts: 11075
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Maximum age difference formula
« Reply #49 on: January 25, 2021, 05:05:46 PM »
Bill, you missed the major one - add 5 if you're hung like a jack donkey and of course, subtract if the "matrix" goes the other way....🤭

There can always be more but the total can't exceed
10 on the plus side

-5 if you hit on her sister. Death if it was her kid sister.

+4 if her arch nemesis hit on you and you rejected her,
an extra point awarded if several of her friends saw it
happen.

« Last Edit: January 25, 2021, 05:07:41 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

 

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