Update. Not Good.

[Boethius]

Taking a young woman's virginity under false pretenses

I don't think that is an accurate description of the event, at least, not as presented here.

[Morty]

It's kind of easy to criticise the guy toiling in the sun from the comfort of the shade.

DK hasn't experienced the level of animosity required to bring a once successful relationship to the nuclear option of divorce. It is easy to say what you would and would not do when you are not suffering all that emotional fallout. When someone has just run a bulldozer through your life, is likely calling you out for every bad thing you ever did and blaming you for everything, paying for the privilege is generally like tipping a burglar for trashing your house.

But let's talk context; if we are talking a long marriage where the wife gave up work and children are involved, you have a moral obligation to your kids to ensure they are taken care of, but also their mother. Your kids won't thank you for inflicting any harm to the person that raised them.

If the divorce was caused by your own malfeasance then you owe your partner compensation, if your negligence in upholding your marital contract puts them in a worse economic position.

If the divorce was caused by their malfeasance, then they deserve their problems as it was self-inflicted.

Generally where no agreement is made the law will protect the economically weaker party. Marriage is like a business partnership, and when broken the law generally ensures both parties can subsist economically without undue hardship.

And I think the point DK missed is people who get divorced are rarely in love, at least not with the person they are married to.

[jone]

Rather than take this thread off track,

I would like to ask Marta some questions:

1.  This woman that your husband is (according to you) having an affair with, where does she live?  I mean, does she live next door or in the town you live in?  Does she live close to Steve's mother's house?  Where does she live? 

2.  Who contacted who first?  Did you contact this woman before she contacted you?   You have put up responses where she was very critical of you.  I have to ask what you said to this woman to make her want to attack you like this?

When Steve came on here, there were many questions that were asked of him.  But, it seems to me, that if you still love the man, then you should be able to face the two questions above and give logical and direct answers.  And if your answers are illogical, then perhaps your anger and accusations at your husband are unfounded.  Such might be the basis for a reconcilliation.   

If Steve were still reading the forum, they are the same two questions I would ask him.  I am willing to be bet that your answers would be totally different from his. 

[dragonkid]

Who is arguing with this position?  I imagine most men here feel the same.  The key words are "start over,"  not to be supported for the long term unless the couple had common children.

What do you do for the woman if she does not speak English well, has no job skills, etc.?

There is actually two posters on here that feel the woman should get nothing, which is what i was debating with them over. I just wanted to see your opinion on the matter that is all. I feel like $3k a month for 10 months is more than enough, if she was actually serious about staying in the country, she would move to part of the UK which is cheap, spend a fraction of that money, and it would last her a few years if she worked part time.

It's kind of easy to criticise the guy toiling in the sun from the comfort of the shade.

DK hasn't experienced the level of animosity required to bring a once successful relationship to the nuclear option of divorce

True, a relationship is a lot different from a marriage. I tend to leave before things become nuclear, hence why i haven't been burnt too badly during a breakup.

Rather than take this thread off track,

I would like to ask Marta some questions:

why don't you leave marta alone?

It is very difficult to talk to family members and friends because you don't want them to have negative feelings about her.

He clearly did talk to his family and friends, which is why she wasn't invited during festive seasons, and was left alone whilst he enjoyed it with his family. Leaving his wife with mental health problems alone, in a foreign country. Both of them should be scrutinised, but why are you just going after Marta?

[dragonkid]

It sounds as if she loved the idea of him.  She likely idealized him because he was good looking.

At first it was just an idea, when they met she was deeply in love with the guy. After they parted, there were problems, big alarm bells. They met again recently, and apparently he is being a dick again.By the sounds of it, he is very similar to me, slightly worse, he is 28 i believe.Just to add, he is the only guy she ever been with.

[jone]

There is actually two posters on here that feel the woman should get nothing, which is what i was debating with them over. I just wanted to see your opinion on the matter that is all. I feel like $3k a month for 10 months is more than enough, if she was actually serious about staying in the country, she would move to part of the UK which is cheap, spend a fraction of that money, and it would last her a few years if she worked part time.

True, a relationship is a lot different from a marriage. I tend to leave before things become nuclear, hence why i haven't been burnt too badly during a breakup.


why don't you leave marta alone?

He clearly did talk to his family and friends, which is why she wasn't invited during festive seasons, and was left alone whilst he enjoyed it with his family. Leaving his wife with mental health problems alone, in a foreign country. Both of them should be scrutinised, but why are you just going after Marta?

DK,

You don't know what you're talking about.   I'm sorry.  You just don't know.  And I am not here to educate you.

[dragonkid]

DK,

You don't know what you're talking about.   I'm sorry.  You just don't know.  And I am not here to educate you.

Oh and you know what exactly? Convincing people to avoid sites like russiancupid for finding good women, and pursue travelgirls instead? A site where escorts seek sugar daddies to go abroad and women there convince others that they are not escorts. What exactly do you think you know?

I really don't want to trade blows with you, but your post prior, and now seems like you are very interested to do so.

[jone]

Perhaps,  just perhaps, you don't know everything in the world.  Perhaps you aren't smart enough when someone gives you a broad hint that there are things going on here that have nothing to do with your infantile opinions. 

The posts above were not made to you.  They were made to someone who's happiness and livelihood depend on her answering.  Yet you, in your limited wisdom, interject yourself.    So, yeah, butt out!

Let her answer the questions.

[dragonkid]

Perhaps,  just perhaps, you don't know everything in the world. 

Far from, but i just know that some advice given by you was very dangerous for someone like myself. Maybe you should leave marta alone. You exchanged a few messages with lonedark, you don't know the situation neither do i, i don't blame LD for everything. i know how hard it is to date someone with mental illness, really requires a guy to go beyond, to be compassionate and caring, maybe LD is not suited for it. You are not trying to help, you are  trying to defend your friend, but try and realise that Marta is really fragile at the moment, try not to wind her up

[jone]

Far from, but i just know that some advice given by you was very dangerous for someone like myself. Maybe you should leave marta alone. You exchanged a few messages with lonedark, you don't know the situation neither do i, i don't blame LD for everything. i know how hard it is to date someone with mental illness, really requires a guy to go beyond, to be compassionate and caring, maybe LD is not suited for it. You are not trying to help, you are  trying to defend your friend, but try and realise that Marta is really fragile at the moment, try not to wind her up

What gives you the idea that I have ever shared a message with LD?  Are you a mystic?  Did you read this in the cards?  You have no idea what goes through my mind.  So don't ascribe to me things I did not do.  Again, you don't know what you don't know.   You have only proved that you know absolutely nothing about divorce. 

[dragonkid]

What gives you the idea that I have ever shared a message with LD?  Are you a mystic?  Did you read this in the cards?  You have no idea what goes through my mind.  So don't ascribe to me things I did not do.  Again, you don't know what you don't know.   You have only proved that you know absolutely nothing about divorce.

Steve,

Just reminding you that you are among friends.  We're here to support you.

did you use your face recognition software to find steves name? So he is among friends? Friends that never exchanged PM's? Do you call everyone that posts on here a friend?

Didn't you tell Marta this?

Marta,

You should know that we are not your friends.  We are people that converse on an internet forum.  Most of us have never met before.

If you are going by LD's 600 posts to decide Marta is all to blame. Then you are more dangerous than i thought.

[Apash]

lonedrake, It is sad to read about it. But why did not you signed the marriage contract, when your wife came to the US? Now you're upset, but all will be well soon. You just chose a woman who loves money more than you. You were not lucky. Because we have a lot of very good and beautiful women who would love only you, no matter how much money you have, if you have problems. health or work. She'd always been with you. In any situation. It would be supported and cheered you. And she loved very much. You would feel stronger and would solve all problems. Sometimes it seems that our women give us too much love and care. But it only seems. When you absolutely will not have it, you will realize that once was much better. According to posts your wife looks cool and is very sharp. And her history does not look true. Sorry.