Russian Women Discussion
RWD Discussion Groups => Introductions and Ice-Breaker => Topic started by: GenMish on May 26, 2018, 09:42:04 AM
-
Hello,
I have been lurking here for the last few weeks. You see, I was married to an intelligent beautiful Russian Lady I met in the early 90s for 23 years, but now recently divorced. Im thinking about giving it a second try at 53 years of age. If nothing else I want to share advice with the many good people I have seen posting here since I have travelled extensively to Russia, and have experience with the people.
-
"I was married to an intelligent beautiful Russian Lady I met in the early 90s for 23 years, but now recently divorced"
would you feel like sharing what went wrong with your marriage that led to divorce ,were there kids?
what part of the evil empire is your ex from?
-
"I was married to an intelligent beautiful Russian Lady I met in the early 90s for 23 years, but now recently divorced"
would you feel like sharing what went wrong with your marriage that led to divorce ,were there kids?
what part of the evil empire is your ex from?
Hi Krimster
She is from Yekaterinburg, but with family in Moscow.
I think the marriage was a good one, I think we enjoyed the time together, but after our one child grew up and went to College my Ex wanted the independence to do what she wanted when she wanted and spend money on what was important to her.
-
ohh great, I have 2 teen girls who are about to embark on their college journey
hope my wife doesn't get crazy!
hopefully your divorce left you in reasonable financial condition
you know having been there that ya gotta pay to play
if you're not picky about age, and if you're going to pass on more kids
a lot of 40 yr olds to pick from, some of them pretty hot looking for 40
-
ohh great, I have 2 teen girls who are about to embark on their college journey
hope my wife doesn't get crazy!
hopefully your divorce left you in reasonable financial condition
you know having been there that ya gotta pay to play
if you're not picky about age, and if you're going to pass on more kids
a lot of 40 yr olds to pick from, some of them pretty hot looking for 40
Kimster
You will be fine if you spend time with her
The warning sign I missed was when she changed her set of close friends to divorced ladies. I think If I would have stepped in and spent more time with her and steered her back to our married friends things would have been OK. Instead I played lots of golf, and she was a golf widow.
I would like to find a nice 40ish European Lady
-
I spend a lot of time with my wife, I'm a partner in her business (skin salon)
I also work at home on my own businesses, so I (and with pleasure) helped raise our 2 daughters
who are the true love of my life
now they are both talking about medical school
so bachelor degree is now called pre-med
and I will have to come up with $250,000 for medical school
for each...
there went the condo and dock in Newport, Oregon...
i'm never gonna get the sail boat I always dreamed about, never...
-
I spend a lot of time with my wife, I'm a partner in her business (skin salon)
I also work at home on my own businesses, so I (and with pleasure) helped raise our 2 daughters
who are the true love of my life
now they are both talking about medical school
so bachelor degree is now called pre-med
and I will have to come up with $250,000 for medical school
for each...
there went the condo and dock in Newport, Oregon...
i'm never gonna get the sail boat I always dreamed about, never...
If your children can get into a US Med School, just do loans. There is a shortage of Doctors, and out of residency they can easily get a position that will pay off those loans. It might mean working in a rural setting for a few years, but its worth it.
What you need though is a good University that will help your daughters score well enough on the MCATs to get into a US Med School. Here in the Midwest, about 30k/yr will suffice for undergrad. If they cant get into a US Med school, figure a Caribbean Med School will cost about 100k each
-
looking at Rice or Baylor for medical school maybe undrgrad as well, pricey
school loans carry an extreme interest rate wouldn't want to do that
was going to use the 401k for condo/boat
was...
but will be happy if they're docs
it means they'll marry well
and I'll have grandchildren to entertain
someday..
-
Caribbean med schools are subpar. The "best" Caribbean med schools have a residency match rate of 70%, compared to 94% for US schools, plus it is almost impossible to match to competitive residencies.
-
Welcome, GenMish!
I should think you'd have interesting perspectives on a number of things.
-
so GenMish
how much travel time can you manage to get?
this is pretty much best time to be in FSU right now
since you're familiar with Ekateringberg
will you return or go elsewhere
i am an ardent advocate for hunting in Ukraine
simpler visa
cheaper
there are some totally untapped hunting grounds
a guy your age can easily date 35+ yr olds with no problem
these women are completely undatable in Ukraine
you will have no competition
your blue passport would be considered as good as gold by the right woman
in other words you won't have to chase them as much as be chased by them
if you like a certain kind of woman
a professional of some kind with an advanced degree
i've met phds in chemistry biology, ecology, math
who were drop dead gorgeous and had no dates
and gave me the best sex I ever had in my life (with the possible exception to this being my wife)
my personal attorney in sevastopol was a woman 32 yr old
never married
beautiful girl, dark brown hair, green eyes, about 5'4", perfect figure
had one date in 5 yr, she said she couldn't find anyone and begged me to set her up with a friend
IMHO the kind of woman for you
and they are everywhere in any big city in Ukraine
you might be able to go younger but it will be risky
you sure you want to get married again?
if I were your age and single I'd consider "keeping" a woman there
having dual residency
and don't bring her to usa with usa divorce laws
ya feel me...
-
a lot of arrangements are possible with relationships in Ukraine because the odds are so MUCH in your favor there.
before I was married, I did a sabbatical in Kyiv and set up a software development company there
my first employee was what I called a “facilitator”
besides being a translator, they have to do things like stand in line to pay bills
fill in all paperwork, and help setup a small office, and be my “front" in negotiations
$500 month was a good salary in 1996 for such a person
the first time I paid my first facilitator her monthly salary
she started shaking and crying...
I met her at St Michael’s in Kyiv
she could tell I was a foreigner
she spoke to me first in German
and I replied, ich bin eine Amerikaner”
and she replied in awesome english with nearly no accent
she was cute with short blond hair like a little blond elf and big blue eyes
she asked where I was from and I said Mountain View California
also known as silicon valley
we talked about computers
she got her masters degree in linguistics the previous year
I asked her out to lunch
and she accepted
by the end of lunch I had hired her
the next day I get a knock on my apartment door
it’s her with a bunch of pots and pans
she decides just like that, that being my assistant also means making my meals!
she was sly
she slowly started moving in with me
and after about 2 weeks
she just stayed and we went and got her clothes together
and brought them back
it was comforting after working together all day
to just lay in bed naked together and hold each other while watching tv
she was so sweet and innocent
i’m sure we “loved” each other
but our relationship was one of convenience only
we never talked of our future
she knew the exact day i’d be leaving
and when I no longer needed a facilitator
she said goodbye and I never saw her again
-
Thank you for the Welcome Myrrdin. I have enjoyed your postings while lurking these past few weeks.
Thank you for the advice on Ukraine Krimster, and I would like to explore those possibilities. Getting visas for Russia was never my favorite thing to do. Is there a region of the Ukraine I should consider over others? as you said 'untapped' hunting grounds. Which is the best website to start making contacts?
btw...In 1993, I went with a small agency that specialized in the Urals, really just a woman that had many contacts throughout the area. She introduced me to several wonderful women, all 8s, 9s, and 10s. But that agency closed down about 20 years ago. The woman that ran it was older then, so Im not sure she is even around any longer
It appears the main ways people are using now is
1) Socials
2) Online Dating Sites with unlimited contacts, the strategy after texting to Skype
3) Anything else?
-
you have to understand what an “agency” is
an agency is a business entity designed to make its OWNER a profit
by selling YOU something
the purpose of the agency is for the owner and not you
go get it yourself with no middleman
big difference for you between 20 yr ago and today is scammers
much more scammers now
so if you use an agency you spend most of your time on this issue
everyone’s hoping that taking shortcuts like agencies will work out for them
and it’s possible, but agencies have become a feeding ground for sharks
Crimea used to be the perfect hunting ground, there was a large number of agricultural labor settlements built during the soviet period that are still there, but agriculture in Crimea has disappeared. average “house” in these villages is a 3 room shack with no indoor toilette in about 50% of residences, with mud streets, average monthly household income about $200-$400
no car in household
you’ll see these girls out walking, sometimes there’s no store in their village, so their parents send them out to the next village on foot to get daily groceries
just the most lovely young girls you could ever imagine
so natural, no makeup, wearing mamas or grandmas old clothes
most have never met a foreigner
I’ve taken girls like this to Istanbul clothes shopping
and then down to Mamaris
they are so young, so eager
you can mould them into whatever you want
there are other agricultural areas in Ukraine
that will similar agricultural labor settlements
30 min on google will show you
they’re kindof like lost puppies
very fun to play with
but when you start thinking about keeping them is when you run into issues
-
The warning sign I missed was when she changed her set of close friends to divorced ladies. I think If I would have stepped in and spent more time with her and steered her back to our married friends things would have been OK. Instead I played lots of golf, and she was a golf widow.
Welcome to the forum GenMish. Sorry to hear your first marriage with a RW didn't work out. We continually make mistakes and people change. Doesn't mean we're bad, just means we're being human.
Young women want a man who loves them more than their car. Old women wants a man who loves them more than golf. ;)
-
you might be able to go younger but it will be risky
you sure you want to get married again?
if I were your age and single I'd consider "keeping" a woman there
having dual residency
and don't bring her to usa with usa divorce laws
ya feel me...
Now you're talking my language Krimster ;D
I think ideally if possible FSW are best kept in their own habitat also. Take them out off that setting and they no longer necessarily look up to you. Western society can also be a bad influence I think.
Myself I think about an 8 for a FSW is about as high as I would prefer to go. 9s & 10s are most likely to be dodgy and even if not loads if guys would be interested in her both in the FSW and even more so in the west in my opinion.
I hear Ukraine doesn't recognise any other nationality than its own for its citizens but they don't prohibit dual nationality. Whether this amounts to anything or is just pointless point making I've no idea.
As a sidenote I'm not sure I see the point of paying $250k for med school Krimster. Probably more financially sound for them to start their own business perhaps. I mean what if they find the going too hard, get fed up, decide they want to do something else, fail the course, etc it would be a load of money down the crapper. Worst case of course if a student didn't passed away in life early, then a lot of money spent, if on an unsecured loan then perhaps not so bad in that instance. Not sure how it would mean someone marries well either, a bit Jane Austen sounding to me.
-
I think ideally if possible FSW are best kept in their own habitat also. Take them out off that setting and they no longer necessarily look up to you. Western society can also be a bad influence I think.
:puke: :puke: :puke:
They won't "look up to you" in Ukraine, either. Your attitudes toward women will always defeat you.
I hear Ukraine doesn't recognise any other nationality than its own for its citizens but they don't prohibit dual nationality.
Wrong again.
-
To the OP - moby has a post here with the photos of three women in their forties who are looking for husbands. You could search his posts, or PM him, as at the very least, those women are sincere.
-
Krimster
Thank You for the wonderful advice.
I will start exploring my options. Any advice you have would be greatly appreaciated
Hello Billy, yes I think I goof'd
I thought she didn't mind my time away playing golf
Hi Boethius
I did a member search for moby, and didnt find a member with that name. Can you post a link?
-
Here you go-
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=22074.msg465916#msg465916
-
there went the condo and dock in Newport, Oregon...
i'm never gonna get the sail boat I always dreamed about, never...
Something like this?
http://www.yachtworld.com/boats/2008/Morris-48-3144145/Mamaroneck/NY/United-States?refSource=standard%20listing#.WwtU8sgh1sY
-
GenMish,
Welcome to this forum.
Love is timeless but attitudes and realities do change.
I would carefully consider if you want to do round two. But certainly I think it is possible to find a woman from the former Soviet Union. And yes I would consider women aged 35 + if you wish to prosecute this search.
ANYTHING that a poster called Trenchcoat posts should be read and discarded. He is an outlier and challenged.
YankeeCloggie
-
ANYTHING that a poster called Trenchcoat posts should be read and discarded. He is an outlier and challenged.
YankeeCloggie
Clueless is more like it.
-
Hello GenMish, welcome to this forum. Apologies on behalf of the UK for Trenchcoat's pearls of wisdom, as illustrated by the following classic comment ...
I think ideally if possible FSW are best kept in their own habitat also. Take them out off that setting and they no longer necessarily look up to you. Western society can also be a bad influence I think.
@Trenchcoat What do you mean by this statement? Are you now planning to leave any FSUW wife of yours in Ukraine? BTW marriage is
a partnership of equals, and so no wife should be expected to look up to her husband!
-
Thank you for the link Boethuis
Thank You for the warm welcomes Blighty , Bdhva
I guess things have changed since round one. My friend went 9 months before I did in 93. He returned with a beautiful sweet girl, that convinced me to go. I met my Ex wife the first trip, I think she was my 3 rd introduction. Then another friend of ours went, and found a Spouse. That little agency was 3 for 3 with us, and when I was there another man from NY. All 4 of us married. 2 have now divorced, 1 still married, the last fellow from NY, I lost track of over the years.
I like Kimsters reply having a wingman. The fellow from NY that was there when I was, sure helped me. It was nice to have a like minded person to talk to after introductions and dates. Anyone wants to be my wingman, let me know
-
I guess things have changed since round one.
having a wingman. The fellow from NY that was there when I was, sure helped me. It was nice to have a like minded person to talk to after introductions and dates.
I've always thought the best way is to go over for as long as your situation and resources allow (though I don't see a reason to avoid website contacts beforehand). Meeting and dating is just easier than in the West.
Some details may change, but I doubt things/people have changed that in 10 (or 20) years.
No matter how much advice you're getting, your own experience and reflection is paramount.
Good luck
-
Meeting and dating is just easier than in the West.
Exactly! and there are members on this forum that tell me to date at home. When I tell them how much harder it is they don't believe me. It certainly is easier to date over there, I've found that so has many others. Sure it's a mixed bag what you get but that's similar to dating anywhere. Just a case of chose which method/strategy you want to use GenMish and try your luck is the way I see it.
-
pretty much...
but...
why not do both?
you better start playing your "A" level game
you're not getting any younger
-
Exactly! and there are members on this forum that tell me to date at home. When I tell them how much harder it is they don't believe me. It certainly is easier to date over there, I've found that so has many others. Sure it's a mixed bag what you get but that's similar to dating anywhere. Just a case of chose which method/strategy you want to use GenMish and try your luck is the way I see it.
It is easier to 'date' there as the lady isn't as sure of you .. The Brit girls havec- clearly - worked out 'your number' pretty quickly ...
THAT is why you are dating abroad ..
You'll see get found out - over there - until you change your attitude
Those that can be attractive to the opp sex are attractive everywhere
-
Hello,
I have been lurking here for the last few weeks. You see, I was married to an intelligent beautiful Russian Lady I met in the early 90s for 23 years, but now recently divorced. Im thinking about giving it a second try at 53 years of age. If nothing else I want to share advice with the many good people I have seen posting here since I have travelled extensively to Russia, and have experience with the people.
Welcome to the forum!
Bill
-
Hello,
I started out and am already chatting with some ladies from one of the online dating sites recommended here, but Im going to need some advice. As you know, the online situation is very different from my experience a quarter century ago. Where should I start a new thread? Or should I message individuals?
-
How do you think the situation is much different ? It is interesting to hear your opinion
My guess is that you might have been knocked down in the rush for attention ? ;)
FSU ladies are much wiser to the keyboard romeos and sex tourists and in the case of Russia - they hear that western economies are as bad as - or worse - than their own
-
Perhaps my experience was unique msmob. It was a small agency specializing in the Urals. I knew it was real because a friend brought home his bride, and she knew many of the other women because the agency sold them a class on living in the USA. So my friends wife spent time with the other women, and I could ask her questions about specific women. All the girls were serious, and all the men going there were too. I think if someone went as a sex tourist, they would change their minds. These women were that good.
But with online dating, its like a past time for some of these women. Yes I am being rushed, but in an odd way. Its like many are just throwing as much #@$! against the wall as they can, and seeing if any sticks
My first visit, I met handful of ladies, all beautiful, intelligent, serious, and who wanted to show they had all the qualities of a good wife(keeping a good clean home, cooking, sewing, raising children, etc) However now the few I like and I think are serious, the conversations feel more like a conversation in a bar which is issue #1. One reason could be phone calls were $2 minute then and the phone lines were horrible. Now Im getting a few dozen 'how was your day' texts.
So Im going to narrow it down and start skyping. Which brings up issue #2, there is a big geographic distance in the ladies I like. So if I see more than one, I will need extra travel time.
Issue #3, I am getting the vibe that some wont see you if they know you are going to see other ladies. In that case, I would be making a trip for just one
So I have 3 issues, and Im just starting
-
Issue #2 is why *I* prefer visit one.... Women ain't daft
-
Russian women were not daft 25 years ago either. It was understood that there wasn't going to be hanky panky until a commitment was made. The only one that tried to get physical with me, I showed her the door. The last thing I wanted was a wife that would do that . And the next thing I didn't want was to get emotionally/physically involved because it would impact my judgment.
I(and the Americans I knew that went) didn't fly all the way to Ekaterinburg for sex. We wanted quality women. Those that wanted sex, probably stayed in Moscow where all the hot prostitutes migrated to. Sex tourists weren't taking the extra flight to the Urals. Those of us that went to Russia went to find quality women that weren't westernized. From the conversations I am having today online, they sound very westernized
-
I do not recognise 'the prudish FSU women of the past' you may be suggesting ....
Whilst I'm not suggesting any lady was akin to a prostitute .... I heard the expression "we are not adults" - a LOT...
-
Perhaps my experience was unique
That may be. It certainly sounds unusual and not without luck.
But with online dating, its like a past time for some of these women. Yes I am being rushed, but in an odd way. Its like many are just throwing as much #@$! against the wall as they can, and seeing if any sticks
Now Im getting a few dozen 'how was your day' texts.
So Im going to narrow it down and start skyping. Which brings up issue #2, there is a big geographic distance in the ladies I like. So if I see more than one, I will need extra travel time.
There is a big time investment, early on with many messages and Skype/calls and later building a long distance relationship. I've seen a few people dramatically underestimate this. Sorting 1000s of profiles down to 100s of attempted contacts, scores of ongoing contacts, and as many Skypes as you can handle.
There is no way around the time investment, hours a day didn't surprise me. Time investment also affects travel, though there are a lot of factors in that.
I expect many women do throw out as many lines as they can. Most men will never get on a plane.
FWIW, I wouldn't use geography as a major sorting criterion yet. Prioritize your contacts to start and see how interest progresses (on both sides). I'd expect at least some of it will become clearer sooner than you think.
As for PMing members directly, I'd say feel free.
-
I preferred someone with a more western mentality and outlook ,easier transition, more positive,more like minded etc. But I think western women are just fine,so it's not something I would avoid in a woman from other cultures.
I'd recommend you keep in mind they may not be nearly as eager to relocate now,so may very well be more casual in their approach to dating a foreigner and chats with one, until they at least meet you.
Basically you don't exist reallynintil you are in front of them.So while I certainly recommend building up an interest and learning about someone before visiting,and add the caveat that it's just virtual pen pals until you meet.
As fast as time, its certainly an investment of a lot of time.Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
From 99 to 2010, I saw a lot of change in the FSU.
However the one thing that did not change is the demand for a financially stable,good family man.
-
I think I am going to throw in the towel
At 53 years of age the Risk Reward equation doesn't make sense. Its not just the time required, but I am now talking to a totally different demographic than I did 25 years ago. A demographic that has much different needs than the women I met 25 years ago. I am now talking to 35-43 yr old women with children, and they are looking for a man to step in and correct all the mistakes the previous husband made. While they might say they want a new love, its pretty obvious it would just be a deal
If I looked in my own age range, I bet ya I could find a wonderful lady there. But Why spend all that effort searching there, when I can find a nice lady here?
-
If I looked in my own age range, I bet ya I could find a wonderful lady there. But Why spend all that effort searching there, when I can find a nice lady here?
Why not do both?
-
But Why spend all that effort searching there, when I can find a nice lady here?
Yes . . . nice and chunky.
-
I am now talking to 35-43 yr old women with children, and they are looking for a man to step in and correct all the mistakes the previous husband made. While they might say they want a new love, its pretty obvious it would just be a deal.
There are quite a number in that age range whose children are 18 years and older.
Some of the children are even 22 years and older, have finished University and have jobs.
Above a certain age, they cannot come with their mother on the fiancee visa.
Try a little harder and locate some of those gals.
I found a number of them back when I was looking.
-
Yes . . . nice and chunky.
ML, that is mostly a Midwest kinda thing!!! Meat and potatoes.
Becky and Jada are jogging on The Strand, from the Marina to Redondo!!
-
I think I am going to throw in the towel
At 53 years of age the Risk Reward equation doesn't make sense. Its not just the time required, but I am now talking to a totally different demographic than I did 25 years ago. A demographic that has much different needs than the women I met 25 years ago. I am now talking to 35-43 yr old women with children, and they are looking for a man to step in and correct all the mistakes the previous husband made. While they might say they want a new love, its pretty obvious it would just be a deal
If I looked in my own age range, I bet ya I could find a wonderful lady there. But Why spend all that effort searching there, when I can find a nice lady here?
I think your thoughts are clear. This type of journey is NOT for everyone, yet many on this board continue to build up the positives as if everyone should try it. I wish you good searching.
-
... yet many on this board continue to build up the positives as if everyone should try it.
I can't think of too many ( married or in LTRs ) who don't think the positives outweigh the negatives
-
I can't think of too many ( married or in LTRs ) who don't think the positives outweigh the negatives
I agree. If being married to an FSU woman is a good thing for those who are experiencing it, it makes sense to recommend it.
GenMish should keep all his options open. He can date at home and write to women overseas. He won't know where he'll find a gem until he finds her. There is a big cost to travel to visit a woman overseas and bring her over but if she is a quality woman, it's worth it.
-
There are quite a number in that age range whose children are 18 years and older.
Some of the children are even 22 years and older, have finished University and have jobs.
Above a certain age, they cannot come with their mother on the fiancee visa.
Try a little harder and locate some of those gals.
I found a number of them back when I was looking.
ML,
What age range were you looking into, and what age were you at the time? When you went, how important was it for her for you to meet all her family?
25 years ago, it was really important to meet all the family. Today, Im getting nowhere asking about meeting their family. In fact, I am finding inconsistencies in their stories about their families. When I ask about these, I receive 'I don't understand' to 'I wanted to be tactful' responses
BIG CAVEAT- I got along really well with my Exs whole family. However my ex wifes mother was very prideful and materialistic imo. There was always some tension between my Mother in Law and I. I knew children grow up to be just like their parents. However, I didn't think it would happen this time. When we moved to the Midwest, her main contact was her Mom. My Ex had no Russian friends in the rural Midwest. My wife went from being a wonderful to being like her mom with the same tension.
If I marry a Russian/Ukrainian Lady again, I want to meet the family. Because there is a huge chance, my lady will turn out just like her mom. In other words, the mom is going to have to adore me
The Caveat is, know the family gentleman.
-
Well, to be fair, I wouldn't introduce some random person to my family either. Most women are not going to introduce a man to their family unless the man is someone who they are serious about.
I'm not certain I agree that you can tell a person by who their family is. All this suggests to me is that you don't really know the person.
-
Well, to be fair, I wouldn't introduce some random person to my family either. Most women are not going to introduce a man to their family unless the man is someone who they are serious about.
I'm not certain I agree that you can tell a person by who their family is. All this suggests to me is that you don't really know the person.
Have you married a FSU lady? You marry the whole family in a way. When you do....You will be the one they will depend on for various matters, not just financial
-
I have relatives in Ukraine. I have been married to an FSUM for over 30 years.
My Grandmother used to send packages to her nieces and nephews in her village. I don’t send my relatives anything, though I do bring small gifts when I visit.
My husband sends money sporadically, at his own initiative. His family doesn’t rely on us for anything. I don’t think our situation is unusual, and I know a lot of Ukrainians. So, I believe your generalization is just that. Not all families will have the same expectations.
-
Today, Im getting nowhere asking about meeting their family. In fact, I am finding inconsistencies in their stories about their families. When I ask about these, I receive 'I don't understand' to 'I wanted to be tactful' responses
Asking a woman about her family is fine but you're turning off a lot of women asking them to meet their family. A lot of strange men write those women. Asking women to meet their families before you even meet them will sound strange. If a woman likes you, she will invite you to meet her family without you having to ask.
-
Asking a woman about her family is fine but you're turning off a lot of women asking them to meet their family. A lot of strange men write those women. Asking women to meet their families before you even meet them will sound strange. If a woman likes you, she will invite you to meet her family without you having to ask.
GenMish,
The notes of BillyB are correct in my view.
Find your partner, form a relationship and than meet the family.