Red Flags and Green Lights !!!

[calmissile]

Quote from ML:

In Russia, rather than Ukraine,  but I highly  recommend the 'based on actual story' movie "Enemy at the Gates."  The ultimate cat and mouse game between two snipers.


No, I actually meant Ukraine.  There  were a lot of tank battles between the Germans and Russians in Ukraine.  On a show last night called "Narrow Escapes"  there were big tank battles in Ukriane near the Black Sea and Sea of Azov.  Unfurtunately, I did not tune in until near the end of the show.  It was intersting to see the battles illustrated on a map and recognize many of the Ukraine cities I am familiar with.  I hope it gets replayed so that I can watch the whole thing.

[Muzh]

If you do a google map of the city of Kharkiv, you can still see the bomb craters south of the city.

[JohnMI]

Eric von Manstein's autobiography "Lost Victories" details a lot of the German-Soviet engagements throughout Crimea, southern and eastern Ukraine. A very good read. When my wife and I next return to Ukraine for a visit she has promised to take my boys and I on a driving tour to many of the battle locations set forth in that book.

[testinwaters]

After reading through this thread, I find myself still craving data.  I have noted a few good red lights, but no green lights.  Do some of the more experienced members have some positive signs to look for?  I'm hoping to spend more time looking for green lights, than red lights.

[ML]

If you focus too early on just one woman, you are at the mercy of and will worry about red lights.

If you spread a wide net early in the game, then you will see many, many green lights.

[CDW]

Green or red flags!!!  Is there Orange flags? lol

[ML]

White flag could be useful in some situations.

[LAman]

Now if there were lots more blue flags( to mix with yellow ones).........then we would have more green flags!!!!
 
I still think there should be yellow flags.....which either turn into red ones or green ones....
My favorite C's in this journey........Careful and cautious

[kmin]

Ah, well for me some I can think of for

RED Light Her;

Pay Attention to #1, 99%+ of scammers are in it for the ............money, if you never give anyone money, how can they scam you?, you know what I am saying?

1) Asks for money for any reason without history between you and her (history defined; met in person, in serious relationship, met the family etc.), now you must use a little common sense, if you take her out to eat, pay for the whole deal.  However if this madly in love with you woman who has never seen you in real life, but now is somehow trapped in Africa and lost her US passport and needs $3,500 to get home, but she refuses to go to the US Embassy for help...  is a Scam

as a side story; the above #1 did happen to me with a "woman" I met online, she told me that she was in Africa traveling after a couple of weeks of get to know you... she got robbed and lost her plane ticket, passport, money, and now she had no way to get home, but she was from the US.  She said she needed $3,500 to buy a new ticket home.  I told her "no problem... here is what I want you to do. Go to the US embassy located at such and such address in the city she was in." 

There was a momentary pause and I continued "once you get to the embassy call me on my phone and I will make sure the embassy gets you everything you need including a new passport, plane ticket, hotel fair until flight, and taxi services.."

Of course somehow that was just not possible for this stranded US citizen to go to the US embassy.  It only took a couple more questions and she was exposed as a Scam.  Well I only lost a little time after a dozen emails and some IM time with her over a couple of weeks, but no money

2) She won't write through regular email

3) She won't video Skype.... Sometimes it may take a while of corresponding before you do so, but if she really is who she says she is (and not a different person or gender all together), and she is really there looking for a serious relationship, she should be just as interested in seeing you as you are of seeing her.

Also another thing on Skype or any free video calling software;  the ability to see the other person is critical in "getting to know each other".

When you see someone, the body language tells you so much, what makes her blush, what grosses her out, what does she laugh at, how does she move, these are signals you get from visual cues you basically cannot get from just email, IM, or even phone calls.

4) Extreme, abrupt, and unwarranted mood swings.  Or she is just plain crazy.

5) Is only interested in being with you when you are doing expensive stuff that she wants to do, typically going shopping on your credit card.

6) You have to pay to talk to her

7) She has an agency (I know there are many good agencies, it just was not the path I wanted to go)

Minor Red light...... if she has no time to talk or skype, and is too busy...  Well sometimes it is that way in life and you have to be patient, but if after a few weeks things don't change... maybe it is better to move on.

Green Light Her;

1) You video Skype right away, and in my case we did so only a couple days after finding each other on the dating site.

2) She is at a dating site that offers no paid services for anything

3) She offers or is willing to pay for part of your travels or stays while you visit her, I refused to let her pay for anything though, it was my trip and I paid for all of it. For me that was a major green light.

4) She introduces you to her family, friends, and work

5) She has subconscious visual signals when you are together with you

6) She connects with you on Facebook

7) She likes spending time with you, even just doing the simple stuff like cooking and cleaning.

She is a good person

9) She likes the same things I do and thinks the same about major issues

10) Her and I are comfortable talking about many different subjects, even those of differing view points.  Be open and honest, you both will want to know the real person.

[testinwaters]

Ah, well for me some I can think of for

RED Light Her;

Pay Attention to #1, 99%+ of scammers are in it for the ............money, if you never give anyone money, how can they scam you?, you know what I am saying?

1) Asks for money for any reason without history between you and her (history defined; met in person, in serious relationship, met the family etc.), now you must use a little common sense, if you take her out to eat, pay for the whole deal.  However if this madly in love with you woman who has never seen you in real life, but now is somehow trapped in Africa and lost her US passport and needs $3,500 to get home, but she refuses to go to the US Embassy for help...  is a Scam

as a side story; the above #1 did happen to me with a "woman" I met online, she told me that she was in Africa traveling after a couple of weeks of get to know you... she got robbed and lost her plane ticket, passport, money, and now she had no way to get home, but she was from the US.  She said she needed $3,500 to buy a new ticket home.  I told her "no problem... here is what I want you to do. Go to the US embassy located at such and such address in the city she was in." 

There was a momentary pause and I continued "once you get to the embassy call me on my phone and I will make sure the embassy gets you everything you need including a new passport, plane ticket, hotel fair until flight, and taxi services.."

Of course somehow that was just not possible for this stranded US citizen to go to the US embassy.  It only took a couple more questions and she was exposed as a Scam.  Well I only lost a little time after a dozen emails and some IM time with her over a couple of weeks, but no money

2) She won't write through regular email

3) She won't video Skype.... Sometimes it may take a while of corresponding before you do so, but if she really is who she says she is (and not a different person or gender all together), and she is really there looking for a serious relationship, she should be just as interested in seeing you as you are of seeing her.

Also another thing on Skype or any free video calling software;  the ability to see the other person is critical in "getting to know each other".

When you see someone, the body language tells you so much, what makes her blush, what grosses her out, what does she laugh at, how does she move, these are signals you get from visual cues you basically cannot get from just email, IM, or even phone calls.

4) Extreme, abrupt, and unwarranted mood swings.  Or she is just plain crazy.

5) Is only interested in being with you when you are doing expensive stuff that she wants to do, typically going shopping on your credit card.

6) You have to pay to talk to her

7) She has an agency (I know there are many good agencies, it just was not the path I wanted to go)

Minor Red light...... if she has no time to talk or skype, and is too busy...  Well sometimes it is that way in life and you have to be patient, but if after a few weeks things don't change... maybe it is better to move on.

Green Light Her;

1) You video Skype right away, and in my case we did so only a couple days after finding each other on the dating site.

2) She is at a dating site that offers no paid services for anything

3) She offers or is willing to pay for part of your travels or stays while you visit her, I refused to let her pay for anything though, it was my trip and I paid for all of it. For me that was a major green light.

4) She introduces you to her family, friends, and work

5) She has subconscious visual signals when you are together with you

6) She connects with you on Facebook

7) She likes spending time with you, even just doing the simple stuff like cooking and cleaning.

She is a good person

9) She likes the same things I do and thinks the same about major issues

10) Her and I are comfortable talking about many different subjects, even those of differing view points.  Be open and honest, you both will want to know the real person.

Excellent.  Just what I needed to know.  Thank you for taking the time to write it.  As I read the red lights, I remembered one girl I met a few years back who was 'trapped' in Africa.  I just blocked her and moved on.  I see the money requests as an easy stop flag regardless of the reason.  My feeling, she survived 18+ years without my money, she will make it until we are married without it too.

When I read the green list, I found several that I recognized.  I am fortunate enough to have met my girl on Facebook, and a family dinner is first on the list, followed by lunch and meeting some folks from her work.

10 days and counting, till I am in Russia!

[Olly]

Ah, well for me some I can think of for
RED Light Her;
.....................

Very true! I agree: no agency, meet with famely and a lot of Skype.

[CDW]

Ah, well for me some I can think of for

RED Light Her;

Pay Attention to #1, 99%+ of scammers are in it for the ............money, if you never give anyone money, how can they scam you?, you know what I am saying?

1) Asks for money for any reason without history between you and her (history defined; met in person, in serious relationship, met the family etc.), now you must use a little common sense, if you take her out to eat, pay for the whole deal.  However if this madly in love with you woman who has never seen you in real life, but now is somehow trapped in Africa and lost her US passport and needs $3,500 to get home, but she refuses to go to the US Embassy for help...  is a Scam

as a side story; the above #1 did happen to me with a "woman" I met online, she told me that she was in Africa traveling after a couple of weeks of get to know you... she got robbed and lost her plane ticket, passport, money, and now she had no way to get home, but she was from the US.  She said she needed $3,500 to buy a new ticket home.  I told her "no problem... here is what I want you to do. Go to the US embassy located at such and such address in the city she was in." 

There was a momentary pause and I continued "once you get to the embassy call me on my phone and I will make sure the embassy gets you everything you need including a new passport, plane ticket, hotel fair until flight, and taxi services.."

Of course somehow that was just not possible for this stranded US citizen to go to the US embassy.  It only took a couple more questions and she was exposed as a Scam.  Well I only lost a little time after a dozen emails and some IM time with her over a couple of weeks, but no money

2) She won't write through regular email

3) She won't video Skype.... Sometimes it may take a while of corresponding before you do so, but if she really is who she says she is (and not a different person or gender all together), and she is really there looking for a serious relationship, she should be just as interested in seeing you as you are of seeing her.

Also another thing on Skype or any free video calling software;  the ability to see the other person is critical in "getting to know each other".

When you see someone, the body language tells you so much, what makes her blush, what grosses her out, what does she laugh at, how does she move, these are signals you get from visual cues you basically cannot get from just email, IM, or even phone calls.

4) Extreme, abrupt, and unwarranted mood swings.  Or she is just plain crazy.

5) Is only interested in being with you when you are doing expensive stuff that she wants to do, typically going shopping on your credit card.

6) You have to pay to talk to her

7) She has an agency (I know there are many good agencies, it just was not the path I wanted to go)

Minor Red light...... if she has no time to talk or skype, and is too busy...  Well sometimes it is that way in life and you have to be patient, but if after a few weeks things don't change... maybe it is better to move on.

Green Light Her;

1) You video Skype right away, and in my case we did so only a couple days after finding each other on the dating site.

2) She is at a dating site that offers no paid services for anything

3) She offers or is willing to pay for part of your travels or stays while you visit her, I refused to let her pay for anything though, it was my trip and I paid for all of it. For me that was a major green light.

4) She introduces you to her family, friends, and work

5) She has subconscious visual signals when you are together with you

6) She connects with you on Facebook

7) She likes spending time with you, even just doing the simple stuff like cooking and cleaning.

She is a good person

9) She likes the same things I do and thinks the same about major issues

10) Her and I are comfortable talking about many different subjects, even those of differing view points.  Be open and honest, you both will want to know the real person.

Well written, Kmin

[GQBlues]

The biggest red flag anyone should avoid is getting relationship advice from men in the internet they do not know.

There are men in these fora that had miserably failed in their past and/or recent relationships, have had multiple divorcees, the socially inept, the closet characters, the emotionally unstable, etc...If you have to rely on these types of men to give you direction in your life, then nothing FSUWs can ever do that will even be equally damaging to you.

Generate FSU travel tips and advice only and you should be fine.

[CDW]

The biggest red flag anyone should avoid is getting relationship advice from men in the internet they do not know.

I have never listened to them anyway

[CDW]

ORANGE FLAG  (Between red and green flags)

Eliminate these ladies who:

1/  do not answer your questions
2/  are on multi-chat (Yahoo/MSN/Skype)
3/  not turning up any arranged appointments (especially did not explain the reasons after)
4/ haven't written to you for days, claiming they were away on 'business' trip   (I would have informed her if I were going on business trip)

Orange flag - Not serious in their search (=no green), but also not necessary scammers (=no red)

[CDW]

RED FLAG PROFESSIONS:

A doctor who doesn't know what to say when I told her I have a very bad headache

An interior designer who is wearing poor colour combinations (or clothing that is out of proportion, or poor balance)

A lawyer who doesn't know where to obtain a visa from

A travel agency who doesn't know how to get into Odessa from Kiev (for example)


If you come across with ladies who told you of their profession, make sure you ask them some questions.  You will be surprised that many ladies do not work what they have written on the profiles.  Just "wannabe".

I have met a lady online who claimed that she is an interior designer and is the boss.   I did not believe her because I can see her photos that she was wearing a dress with poor colour combinations.  All Interior designers train to know about colour combinations, balance and proportions.  I also asked her more about interior design, but she did not seem to know about it.

[ML]

ORANGE FLAG  (Between red and green flags)

Eliminate these ladies who:

1/  do not answer your questions
2/  are on multi-chat (Yahoo/MSN/Skype)
3/  not turning up any arranged appointments (especially did not explain the reasons after)
4/ haven't written to you for days, claiming they were away on 'business' trip   (I would have informed her if I were going on business trip)

Orange flag - Not serious in their search (=no green), but also not necessary scammers (=no red)

I agree except for your number 2.
I see nothing wrong with everyone (women and men) using all forms of communication that are available to us in today's world.
As I understand it, the advice being given in this thread applies to beginning situations.  No one has been proposed to yet or accepted.  So why should any woman or man not be able to correspond with any number of persons of the opposite gender that they wish to?
Now, after an engagement, that would be a different story.

Also, in your conclusion, it doesn't mean they are not serious in their search; just not serious about the particular man (woman).

[testinwaters]

RED FLAG PROFESSIONS:

A doctor who doesn't know what to say when I told her I have a very bad headache

An interior designer who is wearing poor colour combinations (or clothing that is out of proportion, or poor balance)

A lawyer who doesn't know where to obtain a visa from

A travel agency who doesn't know how to get into Odessa from Kiev (for example)


If you come across with ladies who told you of their profession, make sure you ask them some questions.  You will be surprised that many ladies do not work what they have written on the profiles.  Just "wannabe".

I have met a lady online who claimed that she is an interior designer and is the boss.   I did not believe her because I can see her photos that she was wearing a dress with poor colour combinations.  All Interior designers train to know about colour combinations, balance and proportions.  I also asked her more about interior design, but she did not seem to know about it.

The lady I am visiting said she worked at a large multinational company.  I verified it when I sent flowers to her at work.  I got verification and points all in one!

[ML]

The biggest red flag anyone should avoid is getting relationship advice from men in the internet they do not know.

I don't see any great harm in reading/listening to relationship advice from any and all persons . . . if you have the time.

Then you can pick and choose those bits of advice that seem to fit the current situation you are facing.

Granted, blindly following the advice of unknown persons probably indicates a very weak person who is unlikely to be successful in many aspects of life.

But tossing around ideas . . . I have picked up a few gems from many persons in my life . . . some from quite unexpected sources.

[missAmeno]

If you come across with ladies who told you of their profession, make sure you ask them some questions.  You will be surprised that many ladies do not work what they have written on the profiles.  Just "wannabe".

I have met a lady online who claimed that she is an interior designer and is the boss.   I did not believe her because I can see her photos that she was wearing a dress with poor colour combinations.  All Interior designers train to know about colour combinations, balance and proportions.  I also asked her more about interior design, but she did not seem to know about it.

Do you think this guys outfit would be more balanced with black boxer shorts? 

[BC]

Do you think this guys outfit would be more balanced with black boxer shorts? 

It's all about contrast...  In any case not something I would wear, balanced or not.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I think the biggest mistakes I made while in Ukraine was white knighting and allowing bad behavior to pass because of "cultural differences."

If you look for flags you will find them in any relationship.  So I caution that approach.

All you really need to do is ask yourself if you were dating locally, would you accept that type of behavior?  I would also ask yourself if you were dating locally, would you behave this way?

Those questions will have a high probability of weeding out insincere women and also keep yourself in check. 

[Anotherkiwi]

Do you think this guys outfit would be more balanced with black boxer shorts? 

What guy? 

[CDW]

Do you think this guys outfit would be more balanced with black boxer shorts? 

This lady looks awful in red - not just this gay man

[missAmeno]

This lady looks awful in red - not just this gay man

This lady is Milla Jovovich and this gay man is Marc Jacobs. Are you sure you know anything about design and/or designers to question anyone's understandings about colour combinations, balance and proportions? 

Oh, and if you would know anything about design then you would have know that designers are the 1st ones that break the rules.