Teenage Sex- RW and their sons

[viking]

Is it normal for a RW to encourage her son to participate in sex? The situation here is an AM who married a RW and brought both her and her 17yo son over. For some reason she is buying her son condoms (not a bad thing) but encourages him to have consensual sex with his girl friend, in their home, and here is the kicker, while she and her husband are in the house. I know when I was growing up and wanted to engage in sex, it was in the back seat of my car or a motel, basically as far away from my parents as possible. And there was no way my parents would have had any of this. Any married guys here with this type of situation? Is this more a cultural thing or more of an individual level.

[Lily]

In the above situation, the only thing that might to a certain extent be defined as cultural, would be the mother's tendency to think that her son as a young man will have sex, that this is a male nature to have sex anyway, anyhow and at whatever cost. As a RW, the mother may believe that nothing, no type of risks and no any considerations could stop her son to have sex.

Russian mentality rather assumes that male behaviour comprises being sexual active. Some think that sexual abstinence may even harm a man, especially a young one. Parents of a daughter may chose just to prohibit the girl to have sex, and that's it. Parents of a son would hardly do it.
 
IMHO she may be prompted not to encourage her son to have sex, but to have it in the least risky situation and in a safe environment, bearing in mind that he would otherwise do it in more risky, even dangerous situations and with eventual bad consequences. Instead she chose to let the man have it under supervision

[viking]

Even if what you say is true in terms of Russian mentality of male behaviour, that still leaves open the second half of the question of 'doing it' in the home with parents present. I would have a problem watching TV with the bed clanking upstairs and the noise coming through the walls.

[ScottinCrimea]

While the assumption that teenage boys in the FSU will be having sex is certainly there, I don't think there is the encouragement to do so that I see in this case.  I don't know of any respectable teen boys there who would consider having sex in their parents home with their knowledge.  Maybe on the side when the parents are away, but it is more of a "Don't ask don't tell" policy similar to what you would expect in the US and certainly not when the parents are present.

Lily, what exactly do you mean by sex under "supervision"?  Unless mom is there to personally put the condom on, it's still a risky venture.

[Blues Fairy]

Sounds like an extremely controlling mother. Not a rarity among RW.

[viking]

BF

Are you saying that most RW mothers are a bit (?) controlling when it comes to children? Makes me ponder upon my own situation/relationship with a woman who has a son of similiar age.

Scott

I understand that most boys in their teenage years will be in the experimentation or later stages when it comes to sex, but..... a mother buying condoms?  She cannot just tell her son to go and puchase them himself?

[Blues Fairy]

BF
Are you saying that most RW mothers are a bit (?) controlling when it comes to children? Makes me ponder upon my own situation/relationship with a woman who has a son of similiar age.

I didn't say "most RW", did I?

[BC]

Scott

I understand that most boys in their teenage years will be in the experimentation or later stages when it comes to sex, but..... a mother buying condoms?  She cannot just tell her son to go and puchase them himself?

While shopping with my son I just bought a pack, then later tossed them to him and told him to be careful.  Helps overcome any initial embarrassment about purchasing them.  If a father is not around then shouldn't be any reason the mother shouldn't be able do the same.

[SANDRO43]

This is rather funny. The first time ever I was exposed to the idea of kids having sex in their parents' home was from some US movie in the late 1970s or thereabouts. Sounded very innovative at that time .

[viking]

I didn't say "most RW", did I?

No, you did not. You said not a rarity, which I interpreted to mean somewhat common.

[Jack]

Even if what you say is true in terms of Russian mentality of male behaviour, that still leaves open the second half of the question of 'doing it' in the home with parents present. I would have a problem watching TV with the bed clanking upstairs and the noise coming through the walls.

Viking, and you would be correct in assuming that these young adults are NOT doing it at there parents home with parents being present.  This is one of the reasons why on average the Ukraine woman of 22 is going to have far fewer sexual partners than her American counterpart of 22  (which I see I need to explain to Kievstar).

Most of our American girls of 18, 19, 20 are dieing to "flee the coup", to get away from mom and dad, to get their own independence.  Often times these young women of 19, 20 will get with one of their girlfriends and go in together and rent their first apartment. Many of these young women enjoy their new found freedom to the fullest, which includes overnight stays by their boyfriends, and over a period of a few years, many boyfriends.

The same young lady in Ukraine (or Russia) often does not leave home until she marries. These 18, 19, 20, 21 year old young women are NOT bringing new boyfriends to mom and dad's flat every other month and the are DAMN sure not having sex in mom and dad's flat with the parents present.

In my opinion, and this is based on my own experience, and from that of my oldest son, my youngest son and daughter, other American families I know, our young American adults are having a lot more sex and with many more sexual partners than the average Ukraine/Russian young adult.

[Lily]

Lily, what exactly do you mean by sex under "supervision"?  Unless mom is there to personally put the condom on, it's still a risky venture.

By 'supervision' for this situation I meant some control from parents, at least their presence around the house. Agree that this is still a risky venture, but it seems that the woman in example just wanted to bring the risk to a minimum, in her own opinion.

[ScottinCrimea]

By 'supervision' for this situation I meant some control from parents, at least their presence around the house. Agree that this is still a risky venture, but it seems that the woman in example just wanted to bring the risk to a minimum, in her own opinion.

I'm sorry but I just don't see what risks this would minimize.  What exactly are the parents controlling?

[KenC]

While shopping with my son I just bought a pack, then later tossed them to him and told him to be careful.  Helps overcome any initial embarrassment about purchasing them.  If a father is not around then shouldn't be any reason the mother shouldn't be able do the same.

BC,
I had that same moment with my son.  It was a little early for him, but my rational was "better too rearly than too late."  As I proudly relayed the story to my GF at the time, she busted me.  "So Ken, if you are such a progressive Dad, why have you not had the same experience with your daughter?"  She is a year and a half older too.  So again proving that I was progressive I bought some for my daughter.  When I had my talk with her and handed her the condoms, my daughter got the best of me.  She told me, "Dad, these are not the GOOD ones!" :hairraising: :zappedhim:
Sheesh!
KenC

[Blues Fairy]

I'm sorry but I just don't see what risks this would minimize.  What exactly are the parents controlling?

Most controlling parents don't take the trouble to rationalize what exactly they're controlling.  The fact of control is what matters.

[Ooooops]

Old joke comes to mind...   

Парень с девушкой занимаются любовью у него дома. Неожиданно возвращаются родители. Парень думает: "Ну все, засекли, говорил же - давай в следующий раз!" Девушка: "Ага, теперь он будет обязан на мне жениться!" Отец: "Да-а, сынок подрастает, нужно парню мотоцикл купить". Мать: "Боже мой, как она лежит - ведь мальчику неудобно!"

Guy and girl are having sex in his house.   Suddenly his parents come home and see them doing it.   Guy is thinking: "Busted!  And I've told her, lets do it some other time!"   Girl's thinking: "Good!   Now he has to marry me!"   Father's thinking: "Oh-oh, my boy is all grown up already... I got to buy him a motorcycle."   Mother's thinking:  "She should change her position -  looks like it's very uncomfortable for my boy!"

[Ooooops]

The same young lady in Ukraine (or Russia) often does not leave home until she marries.

How about going to college to another city and living in a dorm?   Or "doing it" at home while parents at work.   If there is a will there is a way.   

[kievstar]

Jack, in my posts I did not just include girls under 22 years old.  I said women in general.  So who are these young Russian men having sex with, just one girl servicing the entire country?  Come on.  Also, a lot more places to have sex than a parents apartment. 

Every agency owner always has to talk about how much better Ukraine / Russia women are - I know it is business.  So it makes sense why you will do this.

Young Russian men are having sex and there not having it with older women.  Unless there virgins too.

[KenC]

Question for the Russian ladies here: If it is typical for a Russian mother to encourage their son's to have sex, is their attitude toward their daughters different?  How so?
KenC

[vwrw]

In my family both my brother and I were encouraged to think about possible consequences of having sex and how the consequences would affect our lives.

Neither had I known anyone encouraged to have sex by his/her parents nor had I heard about such an occurrence until today. Hence, I may say  that a mother controlling her child by means of the method described by Viking is an exceptional phenomena.

[Lily]

Most controlling parents don't take the trouble to rationalize what exactly they're controlling.  The fact of control is what matters.

Blues Fairy is quite right here. I admit I have been thinking long about what the parents may in fact control in the situation when their son is having sex

But eventually I try to be rationale and try to walk in the mother's shoes, from what I have heard from other mothers. Probably she may want to control who is sexual partner of her son (the girl that she knows), the environment where her son has sex (comfortable apartment), the general situation before and after sex. In other words, they want to control as many things in the life of their kid as they can.

[Lily]

Question for the Russian ladies here: If it is typical for a Russian mother to encourage their son's to have sex, is their attitude toward their daughters different?  How so?
KenC

I would not say that they encourage the youngs to have sex. If there is about young men, the parents may think of sex as of something that will happen, that's it.
 
However I have to say that the attitude towards daughters is different, at least from what I have seen in Russian families. Other people may have different experiences. Girls are treated more strictly in regard of having sex. On their turn, mothers can be also more or less controlling, but the general tendency is that the daugthers are under more strict control than sons.

The reason of the difference may be because females should bear direct consequences of sex, that is becaming pregnant. Unlike men, women are immediately liable to mother nature for having sex, and are therefore directly charged for sex, and may be charged for a lifetime. Mothers therefore teach their daughters to be very prudent about a decision to have sex.

Another reason may be a belief that sex for men is a basic need that has to be satisfyed. Lack of sex may negatively impact a male. Some people think, for females there is no need for sex, especially if it is a young girl. Hence, sex for is a need for men but not for women. Surprisingly, some also believe that lack of sex may negatively affect health of a mature woman, but this is another cup of tea.

[BC]

I would not say that they encourage the youngs to have sex. If there is about young men, the parents may think of sex as of something that will happen, that's it.
 
However I have to say that the attitude towards daughters is different, at least from what I have seen in Russian families. Other people may have different experiences. Girls are treated more strictly in regard of having sex. On their turn, mothers can be also more or less controlling, but the general tendency is that the daugthers are under more strict control than sons.

The reason of the difference may be because females should bear direct consequences of sex, that is becaming pregnant. Unlike men, women are immediately liable to mother nature for having sex, and are therefore directly charged for sex, and may be charged for a lifetime. Mothers therefore teach their daughters to be very prudent about a decision to have sex.

Another reason may be a belief that sex for men is a basic need that has to be satisfyed. Lack of sex may negatively impact a male. Some people think, for females there is no need for sex, especially if it is a young girl. Hence, sex for is a need for men but not for women. Surprisingly, some also believe that lack of sex may negatively affect health of a mature woman, but this is another cup of tea.

I remember when my teenage son brought girls home.. They went to his room and I left them in peace.. OTOH when the same happened with our daughter (a bit younger) I was pacing and knocking 4 sure..

Yeah there is a double standard, don't know if that's good or bad but many of your thoughts seem to fit right in line.

[viking]

My daughters can have sex after they are 30, the man can find the key to the chasitity belt which will be hidden in an obscure country and they have been completely checked out by the FBI, the CIA and Homeland Security. In my dreams. Yes, I do think there is a double standard precisely because of what Lilly said. The girls bear the brunt of any mistakes. All a good parent can do is teach them, advise them, and then hope for the best.

[Blues Fairy]

If it is typical for a Russian mother to encourage their son's to have sex, is their attitude toward their daughters different?  How so?

I wouldn't say it's typical to encourage sex among kids, be they sons or daughters.  The consensus seems to be, "education should be your #1 concern".    A mother's degree of resistance depends on her attitude to the kid.  Some overprotective moms/dads will try to suppress ANY manifestation of their child's sexuality.  Some moms will be overprotective of their sons (mamma's boys, where any girl is considered a threat).  Fathers, on the other hand, will tend to safeguard their daughters, while encouraging their son's macho behavior.