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Author Topic: Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?  (Read 27748 times)

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Offline Shadow

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« on: June 18, 2006, 06:41:18 AM »
First of all let me apologize to the women who read the title of the forum. With standards for women it is easy to think about height/weight, beauty, character etc, all the things that men have as minimal requirement in their search for a partner.
This is not what we are trying to establish here.

What the discussion is about is to get a set of criteria that agencies and other websites should follow to enlist women in their service. The idea here is to look at the FEMALE perspective.
What I would like to have opinions on is how much private information should a service be allowed to ask, how much they should be allowed to give out.
In short, how do women think they should be treated by agency or online service.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Admin

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2006, 12:59:20 PM »
Shadow,

Wouldn't this ALSO include what we think are acceptable standard of behavior for the women themselves?

For example, we could say that once a woman tells an agency she is engaged, they should flag or remove her profile within 7 days (just a hypothetical) - and that would be a standard which applies to the agency. But what about the woman's responsibility to report the engagement to the agency? Should we not have a standard that says something like: Upon acceptance of a proposal of marriage, the woman is expected to promptly report her change in status to any agency(ies) which is representing her.

As I see it, we would have a series of 'standards' which the woman would be expected to adhere to - and maybe the agency is the mechanism to provide those standards to her - but they remain HER accountability.

And BTW - virtually ALL of the standards must meet the test of equity. In other words, if we are going to require the women to do it - we should be able to find its equivalent on the Men Standards side.

Make sense?

- Dan

Offline Shadow

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2006, 01:13:57 PM »
As the agencies are the ones to rules this, it does make sense that they put some standard issues in their TOS.
But both with women and with men we have to understand that if we deal with people who lie there is no standard that we can provide that will stop them.

One of my favourites is the visa waiver form that tourists have to fill when entering the US.
The questions that ask 'Do you intend to commot crimes or terrorist activity' do not serve the purpose of weeding out criminals, as no criminal in his right mind will answer 'yes'. They do serve a purpose should a person on tourist visa waiver be arrested for criminal activity.

With standards of conduct it is the same. Women who have no bad intentions might find certain questions funny, others would take offense. Standards should be kept short, equal and clear.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Admin

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2006, 09:41:05 AM »
Throwing out a few thoughts for the RWD members:

Should a lady whom you express interest in, be compelled to divulge any of the following:

* Current - or previous - infectious diseases ?

* Previous abortions ?

* Previous 'unusual' sexual behaviors - i.e. menage a trois (or more), lesbian experimentation, S&M, etc.

Some things which obviously ought to be divulged are:

* Previous marriage(s)

* Children of previous marriage(s)

* Previous criminal activity

Each of these three, are likely to be discovered if a K-1 visa is processed.

What about:

* Should the girl divulge if she is meeting (or has met) with previous western suitors?
* Should she divulge if she has a current RM boyfriend?
* What obligation does she have to be entirely faithful to a WM suitor - and when in the relationship does this 'obligation' begin?
* What obligation does he have to keep the agency informed of her variable dating/engagement circumstances? For example, if the agency owner were to see one of the girls out on the town with a local guy, while at the same time planning for meeting with WM - what are the respective obligations of the agency and of the girl?
* How does the girl identify when an 'interest' has crossed the line into something more obligatory?

Come on folks - certainly you have some opinions about these things. Get em out on the table!

- Dan

Offline catzenmouse

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2006, 09:53:42 AM »
Throwing out a few thoughts for the RWD members:

Should a lady whom you express interest in, be compelled to divulge any of the following:

* Current - or previous - infectious diseases ?
      Current - Yes. Previous - Would depend on the disease. Hep, HIV - Yes. Something cured and over with then not necessarily.

* Previous abortions ?
     If it becomes serious then Yes.

* Previous 'unusual' sexual behaviors - i.e. menage a trois (or more), lesbian experimentation, S&M, etc.
     If it is a continuous lifestyle then Yes. If not, then not necessarily.

Some things which obviously ought to be divulged are:

* Previous marriage(s)

* Children of previous marriage(s)

* Previous criminal activity
     Agree that all three of these should be disclosed.

Each of these three, are likely to be discovered if a K-1 visa is processed.

What about:

* Should the girl divulge if she is meeting (or has met) with previous western suitors?
     Not until the relationship goes beyond casual dating. The man should also disclose this to her.

* Should she divulge if she has a current RM boyfriend?
     Yes, if she is currently and seriously dating locally she (in my opinion only) is not overly serious about a foreign relationship. If they are casual dates then No

* What obligation does she have to be entirely faithful to a WM suitor - and when in the relationship does this 'obligation' begin?
     When they begin discussing getting engaged or when they make a vow to each other to be exclusive is when they both should cease any and all other relationships.

* What obligation does he have to keep the agency informed of her variable dating/engagement circumstances? For example, if the agency owner were to see one of the girls out on the town with a local guy, while at the same time planning for meeting with WM - what are the respective obligations of the agency and of the girl?
     Until the girl becomes serious about a man she is free to have a life outside of the agency scene. With that said, this could also be an indication of a professional dater so the agency should speak with her about her intentions and probably keep a keener eye on her behavior.

* How does the girl identify when an 'interest' has crossed the line into something more obligatory?
    I would hope that the couple would be able to make this decision together and would be on the same page with the choice. The grey area is where one is serious and the other is not. The agency (if one is involved) may have to step in here to keep things clear for both parties if the uninterested party is hesitant to do this.

Come on folks - certainly you have some opinions about these things. Get em out on the table!

- Dan

In most ways the standards for the ladies would be the same or similar as that for the men. Honesty, integrity, and respect are at the heart of each.

Ken
« Last Edit: July 06, 2006, 09:55:30 AM by catzenmouse »
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline BigG

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2006, 12:22:49 PM »
Interesting standards some of which should be addressed earlier with some later in a relationship with any woman.

* Current - or previous - infectious diseases ?  Yes, but only after you meet in person.  Remember, it is the responsibility of the man to engage in safe sex to protect himself regardless of the origin of his female partner.
* Previous abortions ?  Not necessary until advanced in a relationship.
* Previous 'unusual' sexual behaviors - i.e. menage a trois (or more), lesbian experimentation, S&M, etc.  Not necessary until advanced in a relationship.

Some things which obviously ought to be divulged are:

* Previous marriage(s)
* Children of previous marriage(s)
* Previous criminal activity
Agreed, absolutely to all three of the above.

* Should the girl divulge if she is meeting (or has met) with previous western suitors?  No not until one travels over to meet her.
* Should she divulge if she has a current RM boyfriend?  YES, YES, YES!!!
* What obligation does she have to be entirely faithful to a WM suitor - and when in the relationship does this 'obligation' begin?  Obviously, once a marriage proposal is accepted and when the engagement ring is placed on her hand.  However, if the relationship is advanced, see Michaelangelo's very successful posts, I feel that exclusivity should begin before the engagement.
* What obligation does he have to keep the agency informed of her variable dating/engagement circumstances? For example, if the agency owner were to see one of the girls out on the town with a local guy, while at the same time planning for meeting with WM - what are the respective obligations of the agency and of the girl?  It is the responsibility of the Agency to keep the WM advised if she is involved with a local fellow.  Dating is dating and by informing the WM that the woman is actively dating locally, the WM can decided if he still wants to meet her.  The Agency owner could suggest that the WM meet another Agency Member.
* How does the girl identify when an 'interest' has crossed the line into something more obligatory?  This is difficult because it is when the woman has agreed that the relationship has advanced past the just visiting/getting to know you stage.

Offline Admin

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2006, 01:31:12 PM »
What other questions and/or issues need to be addressed?

- Dan

Offline Mamma D

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« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2006, 02:14:48 PM »
Remember these are ladies and women.....We do not differ that much the world over and I ask you....

Would you ask these Questions of yout mother, sisters or a casual friend? Would you ask an American women these questions?  And what do you supposse they would tell you? :)

Would you be willing to truthfully answer such questions if you were asked?
Never had an abortion? Did you ever cause one?

Just as you were not born yeasterday and have a history, so has she.

These women are smart.. well educated and have met life headon in most instances..alone......In short they are survivors.

Your choice is whether you will allow the past to remain in the past.... yours and hers. A few area are need to know areas but br aware there are and will be off-limits ares you will want to avoid.

Such knowledge is great to toss about in arguments and fights isn't it? And is not that easy to forget....

These were issues I often heard in Family counseling.....

I want to know... but, do I have the right to know and how will I handle it if I do know? Think about it....

Mamma D
May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,May He turn their ankles,
 So we will know them by their limping.

God put your arm about my shoulder... and your hand over my MOUTH!

Offline Vaughn

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« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2006, 02:21:14 PM »
  This may not seem important to some, but Elvira and I traded
comprehensive life stories early on. Her relationships with sister,
mother and father, life changing events, the untimely death of
her father, how she coped with the devaluation of the ruble
and managing single parenthood - there was little left about
which to wonder. I, in turn, conveyed the same information.
By the time we decided to file, we had a very keen sense of
one another's value systems and expectations - so much more
than a checklist of factoids.

  Again, this tactic may not qualify as a standard per se; however,
for us, it proved a tremendous cornerstone in our development.

Offline catzenmouse

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #9 on: July 07, 2006, 05:56:10 AM »
Very good points Mamma D. We all have a past and have said and done things that we would not do now and in some cases would not be very willing to talk about or be proud of. We were all different people 15, 10, even 5 years ago. Would she have wanted to be with us then? Would we have wanted to be with her then?

So how do you handle that? Are you mature enough to take the things that she tells you and keep them out of the present? Are you willing to tell her about your dark side? Could you handle it if she threw your past back in your face? Would you do the same to her?

These are big issues that can easily damage or even kill a relationship. Much of this goes back to getting rid of your personal baggage before you look to the FSU for a partner. It also involves a great deal of personal integrity and respect. Respect for yourself and especially respect for her.

To be successful in this you really need to get beyond the pettiness and childish behavior that seems to be a big part of many relationships here between AW/AM. "You did this! Yeah!, Well you did that". And so on, and so on. I see it often with my co-workers in their 20's and 30's when they complain about their partners. I can barely think of a half dozen AW who could handle the life that our FSUW have had. Yes, these are strong, resilient, bright, and beautiful women.

Are you willing to take this on? Are you strong enough to take this on? If you are, and if you can show the qualities needed to be successful then you will indeed have found a treasure more valuable than any pot of gold or high end job will ever be worth.

Ken
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline KenC

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« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2006, 07:41:26 AM »
It is funny that most of my conversations with Lena prior to us meeting face to face were about current and future life topics.  We got a very good handle on just who we were at that current time in our lives. There was only a very superficial look into each of our pasts before we met in person.  After realizing that we were both seriously interested in each other, we only then explored our past histories in much more detail. 

I remember having most of a day to myself in Russia and I used that time to make some notes.  I made a list of things from my past that I thought were important in shaping just exactly the person whom I had become.  I remember it being a very deep and soul searching event in my life.  Maybe Russia does that to you?  In any event, it led to the two of us having a very serious heart to heart conversation.  I know from my side, that I tried to explain the most important details of my life history to her.  The life events that shaped my life.  The things I thought were important for her to know.  There was a long talk about my previous long term marriage and the eventual divorce.  What was good and bad about it.  How I felt about my children, family and friends.  What my current financial status was and what my future potential opportunities were all discussed.  It was a very emotional conversation.  I basically bared my soul to her.  And she did the same to me.  There were many tears shared at this time.

That may have been the most important conversation of my life.  Because of this conversation, a bond was established between us that has not diminished in the 8 years since.  This conversation completely exposed me for who I was and still am today.  I know that it was an incident that allowed us to touch each others heart and soul.  Lena has since told me that it was during that conversation that she realized that I was a man that she could love forever.  I know that I also knew at that time that we had something very very special too.

I read this thread about "standards to acquire a woman" and I kind of chuckle.  No one "acquires" anyone else.  In the best case scenario you "allow" your soulmate into your heart just as she "allows" you into hers.  Then you proceed through the rest of your life with a true life's partner.  What do you share with a partner for life? Everything!
KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Vaughn

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« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2006, 09:17:02 AM »
KenC :
Quote
That may have been the most important conversation of my life.

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes we'd rise at 4AM and
just sit and talk at the kitchen table - we reached the point where
no topic was too painful or too embarrassing. For men who find it
too difficult to discuss such personal past, KenC's idea to write up
a list beforehand is an excellent tool to overcome any reluctance.

Offline Shadow

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« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2006, 09:29:00 AM »
Just to get back to tha basic topic.

Mamma D your post is valuable. The issue is that we want to find what kind of information should be a minimum level that an agency (or web service) asks from a woman. This information is used to determine if she is serious, and to protect male clients.
My opinion is that thre should be equal standards for men and women as much as possible.

No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Mamma D

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« Reply #13 on: July 09, 2006, 09:13:28 AM »

This is not an easy road to walk... and each of you must do it YOUR way.

But it all boils down eventually to TRUST. A matter of FAITH.

Remember that trust once broken, it is awefully hard to put back together again...Remember Humpty Dumpty? Well, you can forgive a tresspass, but few are likely to ever forget.... and nothing will ever be the same.

There are things that the other has a right to know.....
But this will also very from couple to couple...

I congratulate those of you, who are secure enough to tell all....but is the other party willing and ready to hear and carry your past burdens?

Remember friends do not hurt friends.

You know that often we are most happy to unload our issues onto another ... and therefor allow them to carry them...viola....we no longer have any problems. We gave them to someone else.....It it a fair and right thing to do?


So go slowly and give these issues much thought....once spoken, words are not taken back.....and the damage can be huge. 

I always ask myself ...
Does he need to know?
Will it help or change the situation?
If not, is it important enough to burden him with it?
Will it cause hurt?

Now my husband is confidant to several of his nieces and nephews...and grandchildren. They all trust him to not flap it around....I also have this same trust. I would not doubt that we probably share the same knowledge!

BUT we do not discuss it with each other and only after the death of my grandchild have I learned, in some areas this is true.

She would approach a problem with "What do you think...", and by comparing several opinions reach HER answer.

Again you must all do it your way, and may you reach the best possable conclusion....

Mamma D
May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,May He turn their ankles,
 So we will know them by their limping.

God put your arm about my shoulder... and your hand over my MOUTH!

Offline Kvinna

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« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2006, 12:16:17 PM »
Can I answer
Throwing out a few thoughts for the RWD members:

Should a lady whom you express interest in, be compelled to divulge any of the following:
It depend on what you mean under "interest". If I chat with you 2 times and you think I am interesting person should I really divulge all this?
But if we talk about potential serious relationship then


* Current - or previous - infectious diseases ?
yes, and not only infectious but any chronicle diseases . As well as a man should do the same

* Previous abortions ?
No


* Previous 'unusual' sexual behaviors - i.e. menage a trois (or more), lesbian experimentation, S&M, etc.
only if she is into this. Man also should do this

Some things which obviously ought to be divulged are:

* Previous marriage(s)
sure

* Children of previous marriage(s)
sure

* Previous criminal activity
sure

Each of these three, are likely to be discovered if a K-1 visa is processed.

What about:

* Should the girl divulge if she is meeting (or has met) with previous western suitors?
hard question. It is a past so better don't touch it

* Should she divulge if she has a current RM boyfriend?
hm... if she has a b/f why we talk about serious relationship?

* What obligation does she have to be entirely faithful to a WM suitor - and when in the relationship does this 'obligation' begin?
after they start living together

* What obligation does he have to keep the agency informed of her variable dating/engagement circumstances? For example, if the agency owner were to see one of the girls out on the town with a local guy, while at the same time planning for meeting with WM - what are the respective obligations of the agency and of the girl?
So what? she is only going to meet this wm, maybe it will not works out

* How does the girl identify when an 'interest' has crossed the line into something more obligatory?

Come on folks - certainly you have some opinions about these things. Get em out on the table!

- Dan
When they came for the trade unionists, I did not speak out; I was not a trade unionist. When they came for the Jews, I didn’t speak up, because I wasn't a Jew. When they came for me, there was no one left to speak out.

Offline TexasBoar

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« Reply #15 on: October 22, 2006, 12:59:51 PM »
Quote
* What obligation does she have to be entirely faithful to a WM suitor - and when in the relationship does this 'obligation' begin?
after they start living together

 :o  :o  :o

Ouch.  Well, coming from Russia and "antidate," I guess that's good to know.

~Boar

Offline Mamma D

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« Reply #16 on: October 22, 2006, 04:05:35 PM »
I think this will boil down to COMMITMENT......That magic moment when both of you, have commited to spend all of your tomarrows as :THE VERY BEST FRIEND......not just best friends....but the top of the list!

When you are ready to extend that faith and tust, and reciprocate in kind.

Anything less will end in hurt, and there is no going back. As I have said before, you will never have that faith and sweet closness you began with. That is a great loss...... Can you live with that? Do you want to?
May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,May He turn their ankles,
 So we will know them by their limping.

God put your arm about my shoulder... and your hand over my MOUTH!

Offline Olga_Mouse

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #17 on: April 08, 2019, 12:05:01 PM »
Should a lady whom you express interest in, be compelled to divulge any of the following:
* Previous 'unusual' sexual behaviors - i.e. menage a trois (or more), lesbian experimentation, S & M, etc.


So even after "50 shades of grey" it is still considered "unusual"?  :popcorn:
"If I get through this job without completely losing my mind, it will be a miracle of Biblical proportions" [Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Alliance space station Babylon 5]

Online krimster2

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« Reply #18 on: April 08, 2019, 12:17:17 PM »
you have to understand what the average male on this web site is:

a simple, mostly uneducated, middle class, christian, small town dweller...
you get the picture...

so what's your story мышь?
hmmm

ya khotel by uslyshat...
pravda!


but, if you are a plokhaya russki
then you should know...
I'm a" Russ Buster"
and if someone has a Russian problem...
I'm the one they call...
yeah, that's right!
If there's a Russian problem in your neighborhood
who ya gonna call?
Russ Busters!!!

keepin moy glasskies on you....
hmmmm hmmmm
horrosho misch?
first slovo bout Krim or Putin, etc....
« Last Edit: April 08, 2019, 12:19:11 PM by krimster2 »

Offline ML

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« Reply #19 on: April 08, 2019, 01:03:59 PM »

So even after "50 shades of grey" it is still considered "unusual"?  :popcorn:

Olga returns after 9 year absence ??
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Olga_Mouse

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« Reply #20 on: April 08, 2019, 01:37:50 PM »
Olga returns after 9 year absence ??


Yeah! Shit happens LOL


Been at another forum mostly...
"If I get through this job without completely losing my mind, it will be a miracle of Biblical proportions" [Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Alliance space station Babylon 5]

Offline Olga_Mouse

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« Reply #21 on: April 08, 2019, 01:44:02 PM »

you have to understand what the average male on this web site is:

a simple, mostly uneducated, middle class, christian, small town dweller... you get the picture...

so what's your story мышь? hmmm

ya khotel by uslyshat... pravda!

but, if you are a plokhaya russki then you should know...
I'm a" Russ Buster" and if someone has a Russian problem...
I'm the one they call...
yeah, that's right! If there's a Russian problem in your neighborhood
who ya gonna call? Russ Busters!!!

keepin moy glasskies on you... hmmmm hmmmm horrosho misch?
first slovo bout Krim or Putin, etc...

What exactly was the purpose of that partially rhymed verbal diarrhea above? Sorry don't have enough time on my hands right now to decipher all that goobledygook, and to translate it into human \ meaningful language...
"If I get through this job without completely losing my mind, it will be a miracle of Biblical proportions" [Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Alliance space station Babylon 5]

Offline msmob

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #22 on: April 08, 2019, 01:47:55 PM »

Been at another forum mostly...

You were putting theory in practice, may be ?.... :popcorn:

PS: FSoG was an awful film - Jamie Dornan is FAR better in the Fall,  WATCH IT ( if you can understand his accent ) with the bidialectal Gillian Anderson ( for the male interest )

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2294189/videoplayer/vi337686297




« Last Edit: April 08, 2019, 02:14:50 PM by msmob »

Online krimster2

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #23 on: April 08, 2019, 01:53:27 PM »
"What exactly was the purpose of that partially rhymed verbal diarrhea above? Sorry don't have enough time on my hands right now to decipher all that goobledygook, and to translate it into human \ meaningful language.."




G R U sorry you read my post?
i'm thinking you're more like from Моско́вский райо́н than from Москва
judging from your accent

did you know that every woman who has either said or written the word "diarrhea " to me has ended up becoming a close friend
I mean except for you...
nothing at all to do with being an immodium distributor either
synthetic opiates are just a little side-line of mine
you like "silver" don't you?

« Last Edit: April 08, 2019, 02:33:12 PM by krimster2 »

Offline Gator

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Standards for Women or standards for Acquiring women ?
« Reply #24 on: April 08, 2019, 04:32:29 PM »
you have to understand what the average male on this web site is:

a simple, mostly uneducated, middle class, christian, small town dweller...
you get the picture...


Is this another Hillary example of deplorable?  A deplorable may very well enjoy kinky, probably a different version than yours.       

 

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