Running out of ideas...

[Baffin]

I am getting the blues. I have been on the hunt for a almost 3 years, many trips to Ukraine but still empty handed.  Well, I'm doing so part time only. Try a bit, fail, wait a few months, try again. I've met many women, didn't work for many reasons (most of the time, one-way relationship, either I liked her a lot, but she didn't like me enough, or the opposite).     I've met/contacted many scammers/pro-daters. (From experience, if a woman tells me that she's madly in love with me after a letter/date or two, I usually run like hell hounds are after me.)

I've got close to get married once. There is one woman I was completely crazy about her (the good way), I was ready to propose, but she didn't have the strength to go through such hard process so preferred to back down despite my will.

I tried local interprets (reputed ones on this board), in the end, seemed more interested by doing business than really help me, and too expensive for the service offered. I tried Elena's Models and Ukraine Date a few times. Didn't do well. Well, yes. Each time, I was very very popular with women 10-15 years older than me, but that's not what I am looking for. I know that I'm quite bald for my age, but seriously?  Not to mention those who ran away as soon as they find out that I've been to Ukraine before and brand me as sex tourist because I am still empty handed (not the case). 

Sure, I am picky, but while I don't expect to marry a wealthy top model who won a Nobel prize, I wouldn't go halfway across the world to marry a grey mouse. I don't do so at home.

My approach is obviously not good. I should try something else, but I'm out of ideas on how to find the right person. Is it time to honestly give up or what else should I try?

I love going to Ukraine, so I will keep going occasionally, even on my own (no girls or going for business)

[2tallbill]

My approach is obviously not good. I should try something else, but I'm out of ideas on how to find the right person. Is it time to honestly give up or what else should I try?

I love going to Ukraine, so I will keep going occasionally, even on my own (no girls or going for business)

Baffin, I don't know your situation except what you wrote here, so I am going to give
you some generic advice. You've been going to Ukraine which is a good place to find
an FSUW. HOWEVER, parts of Ukraine have a very dedicated industry designed to
empty your pockets and line theirs.

Since you've had bad luck I would recommend avoiding Odessa, Nikolaev and agency
girls in general.

I would also recommend expanding your horizons to include Russia, Belarus,
Western Ukraine, the Stans etc.

So pick a city of a million like Minsk (pick your own city), find an apartment at
airbnb and a translator who will work by the hour. Join Mamba and a few social
media sites and become a VIP member and put some money on your account
$30-40 is plenty. As a paying member you can sort which ones speak English etc.

10 days before you fly off write 100-150 girls that you find attractive who live in
Minsk. Some of them will ignore your letter and others will answer. Ask to meet
them for coffee or tea at a local cafe.

Now you have to use your judgement skills. In the first few minutes you need to
read her face, her body language, her eyes. Do you have mutual attraction? if not
then she's out. Use your pickiness, and expect to reject 90% of the girls you date.
If one girl definitely stands out in her personality, mutual attraction, etc then you
spend the rest of your time pursuing her. If no girl stands out then you need to
keep dating and don't date any of the non-standout girls twice. Keep writing letters
and making coffee dates until you find a stand-out girl.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Don't just pick the hottest one, pick the funny, spunky, engaging
girl who laughs at your jokes. Pick the girl whose eyes smile when she looks at you. 

Udachi!

Bill

[Larry1]

It is damned difficult to succeed in this search. By succeed I mean to be in a longterm happy marriage with a fsuw. Most of these relationships are inherently fragile, so many things can derail them. A year or so I planned to collaborate with another member here to devise a Vizio chart that shows many of the ways these relationships can go off the rails.

You've had great difficulty in your stage of the search. But I've talked to a lot of guys who have gone beyond your stage and still ultimately did not succeed. These guys range from those who have become engaged to fsuw but didn't make it to the altar to those who have married fsuw but whose marriages failed.

[Noch1]

This search can be difficult to say the least, but with 10 posts, most have no idea who you are.
Do some reading here, give us some insight, and maybe a few could help.
But as said, this is not easy and even then nothing is 100%
you could go the distance, some still end up with green card girl, divorce among other things.
Some have done it in 1 trip, some have taken years, some have quit.
Less than 5% ever go and of those few, many fail.
If what you are doing is not working, the first question should be why? Rhetorical.
Is it you?, can you change it? do you want to ? are your goals realistic? again Rhetorical.
These are the questions you need to ask your self.

[dragonkid]

if being yourself isn't working, try being someone else.

[Boethius]

if being yourself isn't working, try being someone else.

Assuming you are not being facetious,  that is a recipe for disaster.

[ML]

Have you considered trying the gay route ?

[ML]

  Well, yes. Each time, I was very very popular with women 10-15 years older than me, but that's not what I am looking for. I know that I'm quite bald for my age, but seriously? 

Yes, I remember how it annoyed me when I was contacted by gals who found a guy like me attractive and desirable.

I wanted to do better than that and not settle for a gal who would settle for me.

Remember Groucho Marx's words.

[dragonkid]

Russia is very anti gay at the moment, it is a great time to snatch yourself a nice man, who will treat you like the princess you deserve.

[Larry1]

Have you considered trying the gay route ?

A year or two ago a few of us were shooting the s**t in the chatroom and someone wondered if he could make some money setting up a gay dating site that featured fsum. someone else did a search and found such a site, although it had minimal activity and may have been a spoof site. But it was hilarious in that it paralleled the regular international dating sites by reciting why fsum were superior to WM as boyfriends, etc.

[treadmilldude]

Checking my VK messages when I stumbled upon an old girl on VK I used to chat with on Anastasiadate. This girl was on ADate the entire 20-24 months I used the silly site. Dunno if she is still there, but she probably is. http://vk.com/id18902791?z=albums18902791  Kristina Bezborodova  28 years-old Kharkiv Ukraine Notice her pictures on VK she used on ADate (I remember those pictures well) pic #'s 3-11. Notice how airbrushed and photoshopped they are, prototypical ADate pictures (ie fake pictures, not representative of what the girl looks like in real life at all). Next, fast forward a few pictures to photo # 14 - no photoshop and no airbrushing. Suddenly, that girl who on ADate I always felt was an 8, 8.5.....I now realize in reality she is barely a 5, if even that.

Please do not use ADate. Please don't.

[JohnDearGreen]

Baff'led:  Normally I don't recommend this.  But in some cases it may be useful.  Find a couple of web sites where the ladies can choose the men.   Sit back and see what kind of ladies write you.   Try to detect the honest ones from those with alternative motives.  This will help you discover what ladies are in and out of your league.  My guess is your selection process is lacking something. 

[Boethius]

Checking my VK messages when I stumbled upon an old girl on VK I used to chat with on Anastasiadate. This girl was on ADate the entire 20-24 months I used the silly site. Dunno if she is still there, but she probably is. http://vk.com/id18902791?z=albums18902791  Kristina Bezborodova  28 years-old Kharkiv Ukraine Notice her pictures on VK she used on ADate (I remember those pictures well) pic #'s 3-11. Notice how airbrushed and photoshopped they are, prototypical ADate pictures (ie fake pictures, not representative of what the girl looks like in real life at all). Next, fast forward a few pictures to photo # 14 - no photoshop and no airbrushing. Suddenly, that girl who on ADate I always felt was an 8, 8.5.....I now realize in reality she is barely a 5, if even that.

Please do not use ADate. Please don't.

Her photos aren't airbrushed.  It's just a matter of application of make up. 

[ML]

Her photos aren't airbrushed.  It's just a matter of application of make up.

Yes . . . she airbrushed herself.

[Baffin]

Wow, talking about derailment! No, I do not plan to turn gay. 

I'm 35, I'm young enough to expect to have my own kids. Why would I date a 50 years old woman with teenagers?

And no worries, I won't use anatasia date or affiliates!  And I never trust photoshopped/professionnal pictures.

But thanks for the others replies. I might try what 2Tall said.

John: sites such as?

[2tallbill]

Yes, I remember how it annoyed me when I was contacted by gals who found a guy like me attractive and desirable.

I wanted to do better than that and not settle for a gal who would settle for me.

Remember Groucho Marx's words.

The girls who wrote me were either fat and ugly or ugly and fat. I even put it in
my profile (for a while) that girls with big popka's need not apply. That certainly
pissed off more than a few devushka's.

[2tallbill]

Yes . . . she airbrushed herself.

That must be getting popular, this girl airbrushed herself too!

NOTE: don't follow the link, it has body paint airbrushing and it could warp your brain.
so don't even look at it
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZI0yxlXnhZ8/S8h6hgGkJRI/AAAAAAAAAH0/n-TDkO4wVAc/s1600/ag_supergirl_bodypaint.jpg

[fathertime]

Wow, talking about derailment! No, I do not plan to turn gay. 

I'm 35, I'm young enough to expect to have my own kids. Why would I date a 50 years old woman with teenagers?

And no worries, I won't use anatasia date or affiliates!  And I never trust photoshopped/professionnal pictures.

But thanks for the others replies. I might try what 2Tall said.

John: sites such as?

You are now entering a very sweet spot in terms of your age.  It sounds like you have acquired quite a bit of experience in the past few years.  It sounds to me like you are primed to make a big score, BUT it could go the other way if you develop a negative attitude.  I'd re-frame your recent experiences not as failures, but as necessary experiences in order for you to make a wise choice, when you choose to make that wise choice. 


Are there some aspects of yourself that you would like to improve upon?  If so, no time like now.


Good luck,
Fathertime! 

[Baffin]

You are right. I'm working to stay positive. No, I don't have much regrets about the past. My motto is "Too late for regrets" in the sense that I cannot change the past, so no point to dwell into it. Better to work to fix a bad situation or learn from it.

But while I was unsuccessful, I still had plenty of good times and many different experiences that helped me to be a better man, not just better at dating, but in general.

All I know, my approach might not be correct. As Einstein said: Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

One thing I was debating with myself but always get back to the same conclusion. There was many situations where I could have move forward with a girl and maybe even get married. But if my little voice inside my brain tells me something's wrong and cannot get it fixed, no point to pursue. Same goes if the girl tell me the same thing. I don't want to be with someone just not to be alone, then get a divorce when we admit we weren't meant to be together.

Maybe I'll get desperate someday, but I'm not at that point yet. I think I just need a more efficient way to meet plenty of women to find the right one. But basically, I think on-line connection (dating sites like EM) isn't the right way for me, I prefer face to face meeting to see if there is enough chemistry. A basic profile, I like, she like mine, we meet fast. Then go from there.

Not that I expected magical answer from the board, but sometime, just writing something help me to think. 2Tall gave some food for thoughts.

[GatoMoon]

if being yourself isn't working, try being someone else.

WRONG ANSWER!!!

[GatoMoon]

I am getting the blues. I have been on the hunt for a almost 3 years, many trips to Ukraine but still empty handed.

Ever heard of one of the Thomas Edison's the light bulb inventor's famous quote?

Someone once asked him that he has failed his work when it did not work

His answer was:  “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”


If you are like Thomas Edison, then you will find your lady eventually..........  don't worry too much.   

[ML]

But basically, I think on-line connection (dating sites like EM) isn't the right way for me, I prefer face to face meeting to see if there is enough chemistry.

I don't follow your logic here.

Dating sites are to make the connections, which then lead to face to face meetings.

Although I know you don't mean it; your words seem to imply that those who use the dating sites somehow skip the face to face meeting stage . . . and proceed on to what?

And further, you have to have some way to find the gals which you want to meet face to face.  How are you going to do that before you arrive in country . . . without using the dating sites?

[Baffin]

No, I didn't write it correctly. In my case, just spending a week or a month writing/skyping/whatevering tends to create wrong impression. I prefer face to face to create a more real impression. that's the part I prefer to skip. After I met, then I'm fine to write, skype or whatever. Haven't got much luck on EM to say, I like your profile, let's meet if you like mine.

More simple words: I prefer face-to-face first meeting.

[fathertime]

One thing I was debating with myself but always get back to the same conclusion. There was many situations where I could have move forward with a girl and maybe even get married. But if my little voice inside my brain tells me something's wrong and cannot get it fixed, no point to pursue. Same goes if the girl tell me the same thing. I don't want to be with someone just not to be alone, then get a divorce when we admit we weren't meant to be together.

Maybe I'll get desperate someday, but I'm not at that point yet. I think I just need a more efficient way to meet plenty of women to find the right one. But basically, I think on-line connection (dating sites like EM) isn't the right way for me, I prefer face to face meeting to see if there is enough chemistry. A basic profile, I like, she like mine, we meet fast. Then go from there.

This whole thing is a risky endeavor...if you are risk adverse it will probably take longer than for those that aren't. 


If you are particularly fussy in terms of what you like...that could also add a lot of time to your search...


It seems you are meeting lots of ladies, presumably they are attractive, so what is it specifically that has turned you off to so many?  I recall meeting a lot of beautiful ladies that I turned away for pretty stupid reasons in retrospect.  For some men having so many good choices makes us more fussy than we need to be...in my opinion


Fathertime!

[ML]

More simple words: I prefer face-to-face first meeting.

But you still haven't stated how you are going to find the women for these face-to-face meetings.