Running out of ideas...

[Baffin]

Actually, few things come to mind as the main ones.

- Thinking they should get spoiled or get away with whatever just because they are cute, without deserving it otherwise. I want to be the King for my Queen, not the "Jack" or servant.
- "be beautiful, but shut up!" Cute, but not bright. I want to have interesting and smart conversations.
- Lazy/lack of ambition. I don't mean that I want a woman who dream to become the new star of Hollywood or become the next Prime Minister of Canada, but I want someone who's not scared of the word "work", be it at home, work, on herself or family. (within reasonable limit).

Reasonable?

But honestly, most girls I met were average looking compared to the hotties I see normally in the streets of eastern Europe. (never trust professional pictures, eh?)

[fathertime]

But honestly, most girls I met were average looking compared to the hotties I see normally in the streets of eastern Europe. (never trust professional pictures, eh?)

Interesting...so the degree of attractiveness is an issue too, it would appear.  I wound up going to South America myself (Colombia), where what I thought were attractive ladies online were actually even more attractive in person...the reverse of what you seem to be encountering...I had to be careful not to be caught drooling...as far as I'm concerned that was the way I wanted it! 

Actually, few things come to mind as the main ones.

- Thinking they should get spoiled or get away with whatever just because they are cute, without deserving it otherwise. I want to be the King for my Queen, not the "Jack" or servant.
- "be beautiful, but shut up!" Cute, but not bright. I want to have interesting and smart conversations.
- Lazy/lack of ambition. I don't mean that I want a woman who dream to become the new star of Hollywood or become the next Prime Minister of Canada, but I want someone who's not scared of the word "work", be it at home, work, on herself or family. (within reasonable limit).

Reasonable?

Yeah reasonable, but you are looking for a lot when you add it all up, and mix in 'attractive, to very attractive'.  I would presume the types of ladies you are talking about have tons of suitors.  Do you feel you stand out enough to warrant their attention/serious consideration? Looks, wealth/standing, and general demeanor in conversation, are all legit considerations for the ladies... 
What do you think the ladies are thinking when they are with you?   


Fathertime! 

[GatoMoon]

Reasonable?

But honestly, most girls I met were average looking compared to the hotties I see normally in the streets of eastern Europe. (never trust professional pictures, eh?)

To them you are 'average' looking compare to the most handsome ACTORS from TV/Hollywood they've dreamt on.   Maybe they are disappointed that you are not what they expected...........

At the end of the day, inner beauty is really the one that really count - not trophy!!

[Baffin]

I'm picky, but never expected to hit a 10/10. I don't think I've ever dated one either. But physical attractivement never really been the factor that it didn't work out.

I am already trying to lower my expectations (not just physical), but again, I do not want to stick with a girl just because I'm starting to fell desperate.

[BillyB]

My approach is obviously not good. I should try something else, but I'm out of ideas on how to find the right person. Is it time to honestly give up or what else should I try?

If you wrote to a thousand women, don't you think there is at least one woman in there that you'll like and she'll like you just as much? Part of the failure you're experiencing is because you're having a hard time identifying the right woman out of the group. Being picky may be getting in the way. I knew guys that were very picky and they were also very lonely most of their lives.

Assuming you are not being facetious,  that is a recipe for disaster.

If Baffin makes improvements in his life which changes him to someone he's currently not, that is a good thing. The disaster could be him maintaining the status quo.

[Trenchcoat]

I am getting the blues. I have been on the hunt for a almost 3 years, many trips to Ukraine but still empty handed.  Well, I'm doing so part time only. Try a bit, fail, wait a few months, try again. I've met many women, didn't work for many reasons (most of the time, one-way relationship, either I liked her a lot, but she didn't like me enough, or the opposite).     I've met/contacted many scammers/pro-daters. (From experience, if a woman tells me that she's madly in love with me after a letter/date or two, I usually run like hell hounds are after me.)

I've got close to get married once. There is one woman I was completely crazy about her (the good way), I was ready to propose, but she didn't have the strength to go through such hard process so preferred to back down despite my will.

I tried local interprets (reputed ones on this board), in the end, seemed more interested by doing business than really help me, and too expensive for the service offered. I tried Elena's Models and Ukraine Date a few times. Didn't do well. Well, yes. Each time, I was very very popular with women 10-15 years older than me, but that's not what I am looking for. I know that I'm quite bald for my age, but seriously?  Not to mention those who ran away as soon as they find out that I've been to Ukraine before and brand me as sex tourist because I am still empty handed (not the case). 

Sure, I am picky, but while I don't expect to marry a wealthy top model who won a Nobel prize, I wouldn't go halfway across the world to marry a grey mouse. I don't do so at home.

My approach is obviously not good. I should try something else, but I'm out of ideas on how to find the right person. Is it time to honestly give up or what else should I try?

I love going to Ukraine, so I will keep going occasionally, even on my own (no girls or going for business)

Yeah I would follow 2tallbill's advice its essentially what I have decided to do since a visit one to Kiev that turned out to be a soft scam I believe in terms of just wanting a free holiday. I'm planning Odessa this summer just because I want a beach break so might as well roll it in with the FSW dating scene - that and can check out some hot booty on the beach For sure though I get the impression that word is rife in the Ukraine of what women can get from western men and how to handle it to get some of the goodies. Part of this is that the Ukraine has been such a focus for the WM dating scene. You have guys such as Lance.ATX (check out Introductions - Hi everyone - USA father...) who go in throwing money around buying laptops handing out money at the mildest excuse. This proliferates a big scamming scene as women quickly latch on to how lucrative duping WM wanting a genuine relationship can be. So yes, less popular destinations in Russia are perhaps more likely to turn up better.

The other issue of a Canadian Green card is probably not as much of a problem as a US Green card. Most women after a Green card will want a US one, so at least you avoid a lot of these getting in your way of you finding true love. Not many FSW will want a Canadian green card as the climate is not exactly great up that way, if anything the UK would probably be preferable to them being nearer and fractionally more warmer for most parts, plus of course good benefits, pensions, etc.

I would also say if you are around 35 most real serious women will be around a similar age. Despite the urge for women to marry young in the FSU I don't get the impression that it is until a woman hits around mid thirties that she starts cacking it as to getting with a guy and having kids big time. Early thirties is perhaps the earliest this occurs. Iknow being bald is not much of an asset usually to western women though I'm not sure about RW, perhaps they are the same but if one is into you and is serious enough then there's no reason why it shouldn't happen I guess.

[Baffin]

I'm trying to target late 20ies/early 30ies.

And I don't think that I wrote thousands women

[Trenchcoat]

My one I dated was about 30. The ones I were in contact with about mid-late thirties seemed more serious upfront types but it was questionable whether I found them attractive/was chemistry there. I don't mind age so much but I have to find the girl attractive at some level. I think by raising your age criteria a few years (but not into forties) you'll get more girls that are serious about a proper relationship come up, myself as well for that matter although I wouldn't of course entirely rule out younger girls. The Ukraine is full of scammers of all variety which I think your post usefully highlights so it just helps demonstrate further the need to be so cautious when entering this territory and the girls you meet.

[Baffin]

I want my own kids. By the time we date, get married, move away, settle down enough for kids, not sure if it's good idea to have kids at 40+. (I'd like more than one)

[Trenchcoat]

My brother in law was in his early forties when he met my sister (mid-late thirties) they now have a couple of children and seem happy together. That and my brother in law is bald, funny thing is before meeting him my sister had a thing about being into bald guys, male pattern baldness etc, lol.

Its ok in your early-mid forties, after all what is life for. Women of course can find it harder to conceive in their forties and depending on problem and where you are in the world healthcare cost wise it may prove expensive. That said obviously you would be looking at bringing the kids up while aging will be taking its toll - me too for that matter if I met someone. I'm of a similar age like yourself - best thing is to move relationship on as quickly as possible if the woman is in her mid-late thirties. She will no doubt want to as well if she wants children and is feeling it for you. Hence why I'm looking for chemistry with a woman as it clears the path a ;lot quicker I think in progressing a relationship if the woman is feeling a strong desire to be with you.

[Faux Pas]

Ever heard of one of the Thomas Edison's the light bulb inventor's famous quote?

Someone once asked him that he has failed his work when it did not work

His answer was:  “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”


If you are like Thomas Edison, then you will find your lady eventually..........  don't worry too much.

Well I'll just be dammed. I have read probably 2000 of your posts and never once recall you dispensing any useful advice until now. Good going!

[mendeleyev]

Have you considered trying the gay route ?

ML, are you trying to cheat on me/us?!  I will watch you like a hawk now!

[2tallbill]

I'm picky, but never expected to hit a 10/10. I don't think I've ever dated one either. But physical attractiveness never really been the factor that it didn't work out.

I am already trying to lower my expectations (not just physical), but again, I do not want to stick with a girl just because I'm starting to feel desperate.

Stop feeling desperate. The level of girl that you can attract when desperate is about
5 notches down from the girl you can attract when confident. Do things that will improve
your looks, chances and confidence.

Hit the gym, get some sun, learn some Russian etc.

Never lower your expectations regarding either personality or character. 
Cute girls are almost always more fun than the super gorgeous ones.

I have written thousands and thousands of girls. You have to sort through a lot of sand
and gravel to find gold.

Udachi!


Bill

[Baffin]

One says black, I aim too high, the other says white, keep high target 

Jut kidding.

If I can score a 7/10 here, I don't know why I wouldn't be able to score a 8/10 in FSU.

Funny that you say that, I own 3 gyms, a fourth one is on the way. Supreme irony... (inside joke)

[LAman]

Let's look at the most obvious...maybe this journey is not for you??? Look in the mirror and ask yourself if your expectations are not right. After only a few trips you are questioning........YOURSELF????

[Faux Pas]

Let's look at the most obvious...maybe this journey is not for you??? Look in the mirror and ask yourself if your expectations are not right. After only a few trips you are questioning........YOURSELF????

I would tend to think it is his technique and his expectations. Not expectations of the age range or the quality woman but his expectations of how quickly something needs to happen and his technique for getting it there. JMHO

Seems like an "ok" dude that needs some pointers

[fathertime]

I want my own kids. By the time we date, get married, move away, settle down enough for kids, not sure if it's good idea to have kids at 40+. (I'd like more than one)

you are really artificially squeezing yourself into a box, and making this a desperate thing....you have already waited 35 years...it would be very difficult now to 1. find a woman. 2.get to know her/court her. 3. marry her. 4. get her knocked up *2 or more times*....all within the less than 5 year period you are giving yourself!   I'd lighten up a bit on the timelines.  You have time to enjoy yourself, and the process.  Maybe it is a taller order than you realize, but if you remain positive and determined it should happen.  If a woman become aware of your timetable it could be frightening to her in that she may feel the timetable is most important, and not her! 


  Perhaps widening your net in terms of appearance is something you would have to consider if your timelines are going to be so strict. 


Fathertime! 

[Baffin]

I can have kids myself at 40 or 45, but it's more about the woman. There are women around me who got children past 40 and it wasn't easy. Actually a huge challenge.

I don't think that I have a huge issue. Just need to look from other perspectives. I might just need to stop doing it part-time and invest more time into it.

[dragonkid]

Baffin there is nothing wrong with you, you are just a picky man. Nothing wrong with that either, i am the same as well. Do not compare yourself to others on here, people here have a bigger ego than most, and love to paint a pretty picture of their lives, reality is no relationship is perfect. If you are looking for that perfect woman, she does not exist.

You are going to open your 4th gym? I am always amazed at the people that this forum attracts. You built yourself a nice clock, a business that doesn't require that much supervision by yourself i am guessing. Maybe try spending some time in russia/ukraine, i was thinking of doing the same lately, maybe a few years. The idea of marrying someone without spending a lot of time living together scares me. These relationships are probably more volatile than western marriages, take your time, get to know the woman. Treat the search as a deck of cards, you need to go through lots of cards to find your ace, but it is in the deck never the less.

[Baffin]

That's one of the reason I was only lurking before, while I expected to get a public lynching, I didn't expext there would always have someone who would misinterpret what I say. 

More seriously, I just needed a beneficial pause, to think over things. It's sometime good to stop to do some analysis.

I have a full time job, I'm a chief engineer in the company I work for. Gyms are a sideline. Don't think gyms are easy money for little work. Holy molly the amount of sleepless nights I had over the last few years. It is a full time job by itself! And that's why my hunt has been part time only. Once I am married, I'm planning to quit my job as my business will have grown enough to allow a confortable life and have more time with my family.

As for the perfect woman, no such thing exist. She should have qualities I love and faults that I can live with.

[ML]

ML, are you trying to cheat on me/us?!  I will watch you like a hawk now!

Well good luck. 

I found the cameras you installed in my house and I think I have disabled them all . . . I hope.

And just to be safe . . . I plan to turn out the lights most of the time.

Oh wait . . . maybe you installed some of those 'see in the dark' thingys.

[Larry1]

I might just need to stop doing it part-time and invest more time into it.

This is usually a time-consuming affair. When I was searching I typically spent 20-30 hours/week at it, much more when I was traveling. This figure has surprised many people.  It is made up of browsing profiles, writing to girls, skyping, texting, and talking on the phone. It all adds up. 

I approached the search using the WOVO method, or more accurately WMVO, so spent a considerable amount of time communicating pre-trip. Perhaps the WMVM method takes less time pre-trip. I typically communicated with 150-200 girls in order to yield one I was very interested in visiting.

I just thought I would mention this because a number of guys new to the search have arrived here lately.

To succeed in this search requires a good deal of time and money. But, then again, dating in this country takes quite a bit of time and money.

[ML]

I can have kids myself at 40 or 45, . . .

Don't be so sure.

If you workout a lot in the gym . . . it can actually interfere with sperm production.

Riding a bike certainly can.

[BillyB]

I want my own kids. By the time we date, get married, move away, settle down enough for kids, not sure if it's good idea to have kids at 40+. (I'd like more than one)

Be too picky and you'll be wondering if it's a good idea to have kids at 50+.  I've dated women that are average in appearance hoping to learn if they make up for it in character and personality. I'm not too picky so when I was single, had a robust dating life, and had plenty to choose from. I surrounded myself with choices and only then I could afford to be picky. Beggars can't be choosers. By dating a lot, I became better at communicating with women which made me even more desirable. Guys who date little usually have poor communication and interaction skills with women so lower the bar and get out there and improve on your skills.

You may eventually find a woman that looks like a 10 but in one area but you need to be a 10 yourself. You don't have to be a 10 in money or in appearance. You can be a 10 in personality, intelligence, character, have excellent communication skills or other things. Before you can be a 10 in those areas, you need to improve yourself and get some practice. Nobody is born an expert at anything.

And I don't think that I wrote thousands women

How many women at a time do your write? One or two? You may be waiting another 3 years for the right one to come along. What's wrong with taking the time to write tons of women? If you don't take the time to do things right, how do you have the time to do things over? In the old days a guy had to go out and find women and try to get a date. A new invention called the "internet" has made it fast and easy to communicate with lots of women. Why place limits on what you can do with the internet?

There should be a 100% success ratio for every man here to find an FSU woman. Yes, it's that easy. After decades of working, some of you guys are successful on the job. You're pros at what you do. That should be the same with chasing women. You should be having a robust dating life as a single man and eventually the right girl will come along. Write tons of women until you find the ones that are thrilled you showed up into their life.

[Gator]

Baffin,

You think too much.  Stop analyzing women.  Instead date them, really date them, build a relationship and COMMIT completely to one.     

No woman is perfect.  All have faults, as do you.  Because of language, culture, lack of face time, etc., your analysis of FSUW will always be occluded.   And if you are picky or risk averse, you will never be comfortable.

Instead of analyzing women, date them.  First date them on Skype to determine if conversation is easy, interesting.  More important, ask yourself if you are having fun talking with them.   Are the women having fun.  If yes, go visit them and date them. 

Do you have fun together?  If Ms. Right,  loving feelings should soon develop between the two of you, real feelings that are obvious.    There is more such as determining how the two of you reconcile after a spirited disagreement. 

At some point, you must commit.  Once committed, you can never waver, as in NEVER.  And you must receive the same commitment from her.  You then start a life together,  build your business, sign  a mortgage, raise children, solve problems, and have fun.  Each day  you thank the heavens and your woman for blessing you with a loving family and a happy, fulfilling life.