was married to a russian wife

[Sting23]

The 'clue' was in my (surely) not too complicated explanation - but let's try another format..I've worn the t-shirt.... hence,"DO NOT DO IT'

The OP has said enough and he's ready to search anew - let's help him in his new search - not allow the usual suspects to end up dissecting the reasons for a break-up..

Let the man speak for himself.  Maybe you've had a bad experience here with a breakup and everyone ripped you to shreds on it. I don't know, I ain't got time to sift through all your posts.

But this is an open forum and hearing what happened and why is important.  He says he doesn't want to make the same mistake again so he is probably seeking some advice.

There's been members here with marriages that seemed solid for years and then something caused the break up.  Learning about the reason enabled others to be aware in their own situation.

[msmob]

Let the man speak for himself. 

My suggesting the opposite hardly precludes such - it's just the advice of someone who has been in a similar situation... have you ?

Maybe you've had a bad experience here with a breakup and everyone ripped you to shreds on it. I don't know, I ain't got time to sift through all your posts.

The "I wore t-shirt" was surely a clue...  ?  I don't expect you or the OP to sift through the posts and many of the threads aren't even visible - at the request of my ex..  not me..

But this is an open forum and hearing what happened and why is important.  He says he doesn't want to make the same mistake again so he is probably seeking some advice.

Sadly, some of the 'advice' will take the form of seemingly caring questions...( ultimately followed by 'critique' and 'interesting conclusions'...Part 1 has started already ..)

I know where it goes and unless both parties are present - and believe me there are those that will even seek out t'other half, for a comment - it's a pointless exercise

There's been members here with marriages that seemed solid for years and then something caused the break up.  Learning about the reason enabled others to be aware in their own situation.

Once again, the OP has given his explanation, already ... 

I strongly advise against feeding the pea-nut gallery...based on experience

Let's try and help andrewj find what he seeks, rather than dwell on why his marriage failed.. him having given his reasons why...

[Sting23]

msmob, it could be your own experience here with members criticizing you has led you to be defensive.  I don't know, I haven't been here that long.

The OP has stated his wife didn't want kids and therefore got a divorce.  other than that we know nothing else.  Now he wants to find a new girl/wife from the FSU.

I have no ulterior motive other than wanting to know what happened.  True there's probably members here who act like the peanut gallery and offer unsolicted advice which is useless (Trench?!) 

It's the same with a trip report, if a guy has success or failure I would want to hear it. 

[Boethius]

I don't think there will be posters here trying to find andrewj's wife.  However, in any story, there is his story, her story, and the truth, which is usually somewhere in the middle.

moby fomented ill will, and there were posters who had met his wife, so that always makes it all the more difficult.  I think these things made his circumstances a bit unique but he was very bitten by announcing his separation with his wife publicly. It didn't help that he did not always respond about her in a gentlemanly way, which he's admitted in hindsight.  His wife responded in kind.  I believe this was due to hurt and pain in their parting. 

I wouldn't take what happened to moby as the "gold standard".  However, there are posters here who will take any personal information you post and twist it against you in ways you could never imagine based on their own wild imaginations, which usually are far from the mark of truth.  I can think of half a dozen posters that has happened to, including me.  That is what moby is referring to with his warning. 

In any event, every marriage is its own kingdom, and each person comes with their own perspective which may or may not be accurate.  I don't think delving into the whys is useful, because we won't get a full story.  Posters should seek counselling if they need to resolve patterns, and to be certain they are ready to look again.

A trip report is different.  The pain involved in a failed marriage isn't present, and, to be honest, it's the impressions and travel advice which is useful, not finding someone.

[Brasscasing]

Hi,
My spouse was in her late 30's and she doesnt have children. She is still in OZ where someone else is paying for her accommodation. Yes we discussed family but she changed her mind afterwards.

Might end my personal life details there if you dont mind though.

Thanks for the replies.

I look forward to the future and hope to not repeat mistakes of the past.. I would like to meet FSU girls in Australia but there doesnt seem to be that many. Might post this elsewhere.

Understood.

My only advice to you would be make sure you don't reenter the dating/relationship arena nursing old wounds from your marriage. Clear your slate first and start fresh.

...If there were mistakes. Sometimes you can play all the right cards and still lose the hand...That's just life.

Brass 

[msmob]

msmob, it could be your own experience here with members criticizing you has led you to be defensive.  I don't know, I haven't been here that long.

Wry smile..I'm not being 'defensive' - just offering sage advice...based on personal experience of these forums

The OP has stated his wife didn't want kids and therefore got a divorce.  other than that we know nothing else. 

"unfortunately my wife changed her mind on having kids" ..Is what he told us ... and that was his concise reasoning... as an 'ice-breaker' ... He joined to find a new partner - best we just help with that ..

I have no ulterior motive other than wanting to know what happened.  True there's probably members here who act like the peanut gallery and offer unsolicted advice which is useless (Trench?!) 

I certainly did not mean to offend you ( nor Trench!) - and no suggestion of negativity was meant in your directions.. 

It's the same with a trip report, if a guy has success or failure I would want to hear it.

A trip report is somewhat different....members can chose to post without allowing responses. Those that do allow responses have the potential to be 'spoilt' by the pea-nut gallery, too ..

Discussions of marital break-ups all too often become train-wreck threads  ...     I'm guessing andrewj seeks our help re the future and forums are NOT the place to seek post relationship therapy - no that I think that's what andrewj intended ...just a quick opener to describe how he got here....   

I don't think there will be posters here trying to find andrewj's wife.  However, in any story, there is his story, her story, and the truth, which is usually somewhere in the middle.

Not yet..  but if he posts something contentious or 'offends' someone ....

moby fomented ill will, and there were posters who had met his wife, so that always makes it all the more difficult.  I think these things made his circumstances a bit unique but he was very bitten by announcing his separation with his wife publicly. It didn't help that he did not always respond about her in a gentlemanly way, which he's admitted in hindsight.  His wife responded in kind.  I believe this was due to hurt and pain in their parting. 



I wouldn't take what happened to moby as the "gold standard".  However, there are posters here who will take any personal information you post and twist it against you in ways you could never imagine based on their own wild imaginations, which usually are far from the mark of truth.  I can think of half a dozen posters that has happened to, including me.  That is what moby is referring to with his warning. 

In any event, every marriage is its own kingdom, and each person comes with their own perspective which may or may not be accurate.  I don't think delving into the whys is useful, because we won't get a full story.  Posters should seek counselling if they need to resolve patterns, and to be certain they are ready to look again.

A trip report is different.  The pain involved in a failed marriage isn't present, and, to be honest, it's the impressions and travel advice which is useful, not finding someone.

Whilst I can't agree with some specific points you made - that aren't really relevant - this gist of what you say is fair... 

THIS thread is about andrewj and although he is a relative stranger, now ... he might be (sadly ) surprised at a later date at how some members might bring up details of a comment he might make about his former wife.

THAT is why, I suggest, 'not going there' re responding further - his reasoning should be more than sufficient...  WHY his ex changed her mind is none of our business - unless she chose to say so...

It's none of our business - period - and he really shouldn't bite.

[andrewj]

Yes I am not here to seek break up therapy. Well I am in a way because getting on with life with someone new is the best therapy . So its good to talk to people who have been through similar situations in getting a FSU woman (not the divorce part)

[Sting23]

Yes I am not here to seek break up therapy. Well I am in a way because getting on with life with someone new is the best therapy . So its good to talk to people who have been through similar situations in getting a FSU woman (not the divorce part)

I don't know how you met your ex wife but it seems you are looking for a new way to meet other FSU women? 

[BillyB]

Well I am in a way because getting on with life with someone new is the best therapy .

The best way to forget about a woman is be with another woman.

So its good to talk to people who have been through similar situations in getting a FSU woman (not the divorce part)

It's also good to talk to people who would never be in those situations. I told an alcoholic that he should quit. He said I've never been in his shoes so I don't know what it's like to give him advice. I told him I know exactly what it's like to be an alcoholic and because I know, it's why I won't walk ever walk in his shoes and make a mistake.


People fail all the time. Doing the same thing over expecting a different result is madness. You want different results, you need to make changes. Change how you evaluate people so the next woman you bring into your life is better than the last. Make changes to yourself. When you're appealing to others, people want to be in your life, not run away from it.

[ML]

The best way to forget about a woman is be with another woman.

Similar to advice when a person's doggie dies ?

[Bounder]

Similar to advice when a persons's doggie dies ?

Many people confuse the two these days.

[BillyB]

Similar to advice when a persons's doggie dies ?

Yes, it worked with my wife when somebody left our door open and our dog ran outside and got ran over. A new puppy helped stop her grieving.

[msmob]

OMG... I seriously hope the casual reader doesn't believe the analogy being discussed above..

Losing a pet is nothing like a marital breakup ....   

[Anotherkiwi]

OMG... I seriously hope the casual reader doesn't believe the analogy being discussed above..

Losing a pet is nothing like a marital breakup ....   

Don't be so quick to judge.  For some people, especially those without children, losing a pet is as bad as losing a human family member - and marital breakups are often equated to family deaths in the amount of stress and grief they cause, so the analogy would be accurate in those cases.

[msmob]

Don't be so quick to judge.  For some people, especially those without children, losing a pet is as bad as losing a human family member - and marital breakups are often equated to family deaths in the amount of stress and grief they cause, so the analogy would be accurate in those cases.

...and you'd been on such form  ...((

ANYONE equating the death of a pet ( 'a replacement will solve the issue' )  with a martial breakup ( in this poster's world) needs a check-up from the neck up !

The 'victim' must think like a young child ...

[GQBlues]

Yes I am not here to seek break up therapy. Well I am in a way because getting on with life with someone new is the best therapy . So its good to talk to people who have been through similar situations in getting a FSU woman (not the divorce part)

Right on, Man! Attaboy! That's what I'm talking about! Get right back into that fray! That's what MOB is for...Get another of 'em wimmen!

[Turboguy]

OMG... I seriously hope the casual reader doesn't believe the analogy being discussed above..

Losing a pet is nothing like a marital breakup ....   

I am not sure I agree with that.  It sort of depends on which barked at you the most and which showed you the most affection.

[msmob]

  TG