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Author Topic: "Are You Yopes?"  (Read 8737 times)

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Offline die_cast

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"Are You Yopes?"
« on: February 07, 2014, 03:16:55 AM »
By chance I found this article and I would advise most guys, who are still single, to read it.  :)


Are You Yopes?

Yopes is a Farsi word for “vanilla”, “bland” and “boring.” Although literally it means something entirely different, its common slang meaning refers to people who are boring and whose personality does not make them sexually attractive to the opposite sex.  Yopes is an extremely important term when it comes to dating because it points out one of the bigger issues that single women have with men (and men have with women, although to a lesser degree). Most women, even the ones that aren’t all that perceptive, will realize in about ten-fifteen minutes that the guy they are talking to is yopes, and that will be a total and immediate turn off to them. These girls might not even realize right away why they don’t really want to be around that seemingly nice guy, but they will feel it, or rather – they won’t be “feeling it.”  At that point, there is nothing else about that guy that will matter. If she is bored with him and by him, there is no hope for any kind of romance or sexual tension between them, unless, of course, she has some kind of ulterior motive to be with that guy and act like she is interested and attracted to him (i.e. money, citizenship, etc…).

The question is why so many guys are yopes. Besides these reasons, there are several more factors that come into play specifically in our society today:

1. Guys are Yopes Because Their Education is Lopsided

Going to Harvard, Stanford, or MIT doesn’t guarantee that you will be an interesting person who is exciting to be around. In fact, the opposite is quite likely to happened. A guy who dedicates his college and graduate studies to a particular trade or science on the highest level, might turn out to be an expert in his field, but he is also likely to become a total nerd – someone who is lacking in sense of humor, sarcasm and other essential communication qualities that would make him attractive and “cool” to the opposite sex.

2. Guys are Yopes Because They Lack Education about Dating

Isn’t it ironic that we study so many things for so many years in school that we end up never using? Yet one area of life, never gets any attention at all in a classroom, even though it’s more important to every single person among us with no exceptions than everything else combined – dating and relationships. No one ever talks to us in school about anything related to dating and love beyond the importance of using protection and having safe sex, and even that is done in the most sterile, scientific fashion.

I can only imagine the huge benefits that men would enjoy if they learned early on about manners, first date behavior, confidence, not being overly nice and accommodating and not being beta, jealousy and control issues, etc… And how greatly girls would benefit, if they learned in their younger years in school about male sexuality, flirting, eye-contact, how their appearance affect their sex appeal, handling conflicts, break-ups, etc. How many hours of therapy and years of feeling lost and confused would that kind of academic guidance save all of us?

Many guys would not have been yopes if they were simply made aware of it early on and learned in so many ways how to become more interesting to girls.

3. Guys are Yopes Because They Think That’s The Right Way to Be


Logic and simple reason would suggest to a guy that pleasing a woman in every way possible and being as accommodating and as agreeable as possible is what women want and that’s what they are attracted to. However, nothing is further from truth. Many guys don’t realize that there is a huge, fundamental difference between being nice and being attractive, and between being sweet and being sexy/desirable to women. These men don’t understand that what makes a woman attracted to a guy is not the fact that he gives her everything she wants; what makes her want him first and foremost is who he is as a person.

4. Guys Are Yopes Because They Are Never Called On It 

How many guys do you think get to hear from a girl that they are boring or they have no personality? Who would dare to be that honest and blunt? This is unlikely to happen anywhere, let alone in our society, notorious of it’s excessive political correctness. If the guy doesn’t even realize that he is boring, how and why would he even try to fix it? If he is one of the few lucky ones, he might discover that when a girls he goes out with tell him one after the other  “You are sweet but I just don’t see us as more than friends” or “We don’t have that much in common” or “I don’t think we have chemistry”, it actually means that they find him boring. Otherwise, he will go through life having mediocre dating experiences, unless and until he meets a woman who can compliment his yopes personality in some way, and where they can make each other happy. Ironically, the more interesting a woman is, the less tolerant she would be of a boring guy. Interesting women are the one who have a lot of opinions and observation about the world around them. They crave being stimulated. They are turned on by tasteful humor and sharp wit. They want a guy who can dish it out and take it at the same time. That would be an antithesis of yopes.

Like in any other aspect of life, recognizing that you have a problem is the first essential step to solving it. Thus, until a guy somehow realizes that he is lacking in the personality department, he is not even going to try to change. He is not going to do what he should – take the time to learn how to become less yopsi and more interesting.

5. Guys Remain Yopes Because They Are Constantly Told to Be Themselves

I get really annoyed when I hear the “Just be yourself” advice. Besides being a total cliche, it doesn’t really say or mean anything. What am I supposed to do with it if being myself hasn’t worked for me all that well so far. This is an advice of a lazy person who doesn’t really want to look underneath the surface and give real, practical and specific advice. A yopsi guy who is being told to just be himself is not going to change simply because he is not going to know that there is something wrong with him.

If you are a female reading this who has been having the “fortune” of running into and going out on dates with yopsi guys, all you can do is become aware of this trait in men and how it makes you feel, so that you don’t waste too much time with guys who will never be able to turn you on mentally or sexually.

If you are a guy reading this, and reading this made you realize that you find yourself at a loss of words way too often, date after date, it’s time for some serious self reflection, and it’s time you asked yourself whether you are yopes, and whether it’s time to do something about it.

They say everyone loves vanilla. This may be true with regard to ice-cream, but it certainly isn’t when it comes to your personality and character.

Link to original post
- А если я скажу какую-нибудь глупость?
- Скажи с уверенным лицом, тогда это называется точка зрения (с)

Offline ML

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2014, 08:09:09 AM »
Mostly interesting, although some of it is BS.

One big unknown factor is . . . what is the fine line between being a nice guy and a guy who is 'too nice.'

I tend to be a fairly nice guy around women . . . up to a certain degree and up to a point in time.  But then, when those limits are reached and I sense the woman isn't warming to me; I end the relationship as gracefully as possible; and NEVER seek to re-establish it, ask what is wrong, try to start over, etc.

Mostly though my sense of humor and wealth of conversational information [whether true information or not   :)  ]will shine through, and I won't be considered a yope.

OK now, where is the listing for women yopes?


A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Gator

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2014, 09:43:40 AM »
Quote
Yopes is a Farsi word for “vanilla”, “bland” and “boring.”

I see the word Farsi and wonder why I should give any credence to something probably written by an Iranian. 

I read the first paragraph about lopsided education.  And it becomes more apparent that the author has led a pedestrian life.  I then read only the titles, and told myself "enough."   

Offline Gator

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2014, 09:48:46 AM »


One big unknown factor is . . . what is the fine line between being a nice guy and a guy who is 'too nice.'


That phrase is included?  IMO, no fine line between the two.  The former is a gentleman who respects and enjoys women both before and well after he takes off their panties.   The latter has been emasculated.

Offline ML

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2014, 11:58:00 AM »
. . . both before and well after he takes off their panties.

What about the 'in between' time?
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline jone

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2014, 01:53:23 PM »
What about the 'in between' time?

 :devilish:
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline Jumper

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2014, 03:58:58 PM »
Quote
If you are a female reading this who has been having the “fortune” of running into and going out on dates with yopsi guys, all you can do is become aware of this trait in men and how it makes you feel, so that you don’t waste too much time with guys who will never be able to turn you on mentally or sexually.


I know the article is written to help men,but in this section directed to it's  female audience, it might want reflect on the amount of vanilla women?
What she brings to the table other than appearance, or education.

The factors mentioned that allegedly train men to be bland..
 would certainly effect women, as well as other social nuances or stigmas?

If a man or woman is actually running into a string of boring or bland  people
the odds are pretty good on why that might be?
 :popcorn:
.

Offline JayH

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2014, 06:08:48 PM »
By chance I found this article and I would advise most guys, who are still single, to read it.  :)


Nice post d_c    !!   At least I like it!! :)    I think this is a pretty fair attempt to quantify  a "type" . :popcorn:
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
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 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline die_cast

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2014, 07:31:08 PM »
OK now, where is the listing for women yopes?
What she brings to the table other than appearance, or education.
Guys, you are free to open another thread about it. I'm just not sure how many women would read it here. :D

I then read only the titles, and told myself "enough."
Probably you could tell yourself "enough" when you read that this article is for single guys?  ;)

I know that very few people are capable to accept criticism without getting defensive.
This article was written by a man, not a woman. That's why I decided to post it here. If I just came here with an arrogant statement "The vast majority of guys on dating sites are so boring" it would sound as my personal issue, and actually for some time I was sure that this is my personal issue and I'm just too demanding.  ;D

I can't judge this article fully. But there are things which I completely agree with:

- Having University education doesn’t guarantee that you will be an interesting person who is exciting to be around.
- I can only imagine the huge benefits that men would enjoy if they learned early on about manners, jealousy and control issues, etc…
- Men don’t understand that what makes a woman attracted to a guy is not the fact that he gives her everything she wants; what makes her want him first and foremost is who he is as a person.
- I get really annoyed when I hear the “Just be yourself” advice. Besides being a total cliche, it doesn’t really say or mean anything. What am I supposed to do with it if being myself hasn’t worked for me all that well so far. This is an advice of a lazy person who doesn’t really want to look underneath the surface and give real, practical and specific advice.

My purpose wasn't not to offend somebody or say how clever I am. I just hope that at least some guys would read it and realize the importance of self reflection.  :)
« Last Edit: February 07, 2014, 07:34:16 PM by die_cast »
- А если я скажу какую-нибудь глупость?
- Скажи с уверенным лицом, тогда это называется точка зрения (с)

Offline lonedrake

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2014, 08:55:04 PM »
Quote
I know that very few people are capable to accept criticism without getting defensive.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Offline jmana

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2014, 09:48:25 PM »

I know the article is written to help men,but in this section directed to it's  female audience, it might want reflect on the amount of vanilla women?

Well, I think it isn't such a big deal for women, because most men don't seem to give a crap about personality as long as a woman looks a certain way.  Sad but true.  So as long as a woman can make herself look half decent, she can be boring as hell and still attract a good amount of men.  The same can't usually be said about men.

Offline die_cast

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2014, 10:02:25 PM »
So as long as a woman can make herself look half decent, she can be boring as hell and still attract a good amount of men.
That's true.
- А если я скажу какую-нибудь глупость?
- Скажи с уверенным лицом, тогда это называется точка зрения (с)

Offline Misha

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2014, 12:28:30 AM »
To be honest, the piece reads like a justification why women like "bad boys"  :)

Offline jone

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2014, 12:50:38 AM »
Well, I think it isn't such a big deal for women, because most men don't seem to give a crap about personality as long as a woman looks a certain way.  Sad but true.  So as long as a woman can make herself look half decent, she can be boring as hell and still attract a good amount of men.  The same can't usually be said about men.

It grieves me to see you write something like this.  There is a great difference between seeing something that looks nice on the outside, but then, when you take it home, you realize it wasn't at all what you thought it was.  The only way to determine the truth of a woman or a man is to spend time with them and get to know them.  To the men who haven't dated much in their lives read the above very carefully.  And then read everything else this particular poster has posted.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline Gator

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2014, 06:23:10 AM »

- Having University education doesn’t guarantee that you will be an interesting person who is exciting to be around.

To the contrary, the author suggested a fine education would probably hurt you with women.  That is when I stopped reading.

I thank you for presenting the article.  No offense intended, yet I had problems with the thesis.


Quote
My purpose wasn't not to offend somebody or say how clever I am. I just hope that at least some guys would read it and realize the importance of self reflection.  :)

If the remainder of the article steers men in that direction, it is a good article.  So thank you.

And many men who pursue RW have been unlucky in love with the local women, so some self-reflection regarding interaction with women is indeed needed, especially for men who belive every local woman is fat.

Offline jmana

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #15 on: February 08, 2014, 10:38:29 AM »
It grieves me to see you write something like this.  There is a great difference between seeing something that looks nice on the outside, but then, when you take it home, you realize it wasn't at all what you thought it was.  The only way to determine the truth of a woman or a man is to spend time with them and get to know them.  To the men who haven't dated much in their lives read the above very carefully.  And then read everything else this particular poster has posted.
I'm not saying I am that way!  I don't choose by looks at all, in fact that's low on the list.  I do prefer a certain body type, I don't like heavy women or really short women, but other than that I would never be with a woman who has a terrible personality just because she's pretty.

Offline Slumba

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2014, 12:56:14 PM »
The thing to understand is that:

1. Most women are somewhat passive, it is just in their nature, they have 1/10th the level of testosterone a man does.

2. While "bad boy" attraction is a real thing, there is another factor at play, a characteristic a lot of bad boys have but not exclusively their domain.

The reality as I see it:

MEN - have to provide the STIMULUS, which a woman will then respond to.  But the man has to act first, push more, be direct, etc. before anything happens or occurs.
Me gusta ir de compras con mi tarjeta verde...

Offline Jumper

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2014, 04:45:57 PM »
Quote from: die -cast
I can't judge this article fully. But there are things which I completely agree with
I agreed actually? I just pointed out it isn't gender specific, which the article seems to lean towards, but does not state.

Quote
- Having University education doesn’t guarantee that you will be an interesting person who is exciting to be around.

I just mentioned that can be true of both genders.

Quote
- I can only imagine the huge benefits that men would enjoy if they learned early on about manners, jealousy and control issues, etc…

very good point,and part of the article that seemed to have the most merit.

Quote
- Men don’t understand that what makes a woman attracted to a guy is not the fact that he gives her everything she wants; what makes her want him first and foremost is who he is as a person.

That is where the article lost me a bit, perhaps it is true?
but since most of the planet is paired up, i don't think the general populace of either gender really struggles with this all that much.
 
In life i've seen an equal number of men confused about women,
or women very confused about men,and what makes them tick.
Generally men being simple creatures , if they confuse women, perhaps some guidance or study during their scholastic years in that area is also appropriate

Quote
- I get really annoyed when I hear the “Just be yourself” advice. Besides being a total cliche, it doesn’t really say or mean anything. What am I supposed to do with it if being myself hasn’t worked for me all that well so far. This is an advice of a lazy person who doesn’t really want to look underneath the surface and give real, practical and specific advice.

That was interesting.


Quote
My purpose wasn't not to offend somebody or say how clever I am. I just hope that at least some guys would read it and realize the importance of self reflection.  :)

Mine wasn't to be defensive.. or knock the article.
It was just to note the seemingly neglected parts of it,
 where more than a few women would need self reflection to see if they are boring or bland,not counting solely on the general physical attraction men have to them, then expecting to land dates with exciting men. ;)
I do understand that theory is far better posted in a forum with more women readers !

 :cheesy:






« Last Edit: February 08, 2014, 04:47:55 PM by Jumper »
.

Offline TheTraveler

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #18 on: February 08, 2014, 07:49:49 PM »
...I would never be with a woman who has a terrible personality just because she's pretty.

so what is your reason?  (just asking)

Offline jmana

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2014, 09:23:47 PM »
so what is your reason?  (just asking)
Because being with someone that is pretty with a terrible personality is proof that a person is completely one dimensional.  It can work, I've seen it.  My ex's boyfriend seems content to be with her, and I can't imagine what he sees in her other than looks, but obviously he only cares how he looks to other people, to the point where he will put even his own desire to be with someone who has a nice personality on the back burner so that he can impress his friends with his arm candy.  I'm not like that, I could care less what others think.  I drive old cars and don't think twice about it, because I know they work just fine, I don't care if they aren't new.  That's the same way I feel about relationships, I don't care what people think, as long as it works for me and that person's personality matches what I desire.

Offline Misha

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #20 on: February 09, 2014, 12:14:27 AM »
At the end of the day there is a great deal of individual diversity. What works for one woman will be a turn off for another. Eventually most people find someone.

Offline lonedrake

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2014, 07:49:52 AM »
jmana,

Quote
I don't care what people think, as long as it works for me and that person's personality matches what I desire.

I think you missed travelers point. What in Alina's personality do you like? The picture you have painted of her personality does not make it seem like she has a good one. She is grumpy all the time,doesn't talk much,ignores you and her child,doesn't cook,clean etc.

Maybe this is the personality you prefer? we don't know.

Offline jmana

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #22 on: February 09, 2014, 08:32:51 AM »
jmana,

I think you missed travelers point. What in Alina's personality do you like? The picture you have painted of her personality does not make it seem like she has a good one. She is grumpy all the time,doesn't talk much,ignores you and her child,doesn't cook,clean etc.

Maybe this is the personality you prefer? we don't know.
Well, that wasn't the personality I thought she had.  It's getting better, she's put away the computer for the most part, and I've found that whiskey makes her completey normal :P

Offline sleepycat

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #23 on: February 09, 2014, 04:57:26 PM »
and I've found that whiskey makes her completey normal :P

Am I reading this correctly? Are you saying you are using alcohol to try to fix the perceived problems you are seeing in her? Hope you enjoy living with an alcoholic in the future... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Offline lonedrake

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #24 on: February 09, 2014, 05:13:23 PM »
Quote
It's getting better,

 That's a step in the right direction.  :clapping:

Offline jmana

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Re: "Are You Yopes?"
« Reply #25 on: February 09, 2014, 09:22:37 PM »
Am I reading this correctly? Are you saying you are using alcohol to try to fix the perceived problems you are seeing in her? Hope you enjoy living with an alcoholic in the future... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
No, just saying she was quite pleasant when we went to a friend's house and she decided she liked American whiskey ;D   She can be very, how can I say this without sounding mean, hard to read and resistant to showing her feelings.  The alcohol definitely loosened her up.

 

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Re: Plumber earnings by Trenchcoat
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Plumber earnings by ML
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Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
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Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Infoman
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American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by 2tallbill
Yesterday at 04:48:07 PM

Re: What to do by krimster2
Yesterday at 04:37:18 PM

If you don't know what you are talking about, post away anyway by 2tallbill
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