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Author Topic: Is body-weight any more/less of an issue with Russian women than in the US?  (Read 9627 times)

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Offline Dolmetscher007

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I met a very sweet and really pretty Russian gal on RussianCupid.com about three months ago. At first, I wasn't sure if she was a Pro-Dater, so I wrote about her on this forum a little bit. But after reading what some of the guys said, and after talking a few things out with her... I realized I was pretty dead wrong and was letting my paranoia get the better of me. So... now we've been clicking along, having a great time, video chatting, talking on the phone, and  sending each other messages every day. It's been really nice getting to know her.

She's 35,  lives in Moscow, but grew up in a smaller town about an hour or so north west. She's blonde, beautiful, and at 5'7" she's about 115-120 lbs. I'm 43, American, and 6'5" tall. However, I'm also, unfortunately 80 lbs overweight. Now, I'm really tall, so... my weight is distributed over such a big guy... it's not like I'm 80 lbs overweight at 5'6."   Nevertheless... there is no getting around it. I am by anyone's standards, a "fat dude."   I've been working on it since February, and I'm already down 20 lbs. I used to be in shape, and I have a crazy strong will, so... I will lose the weight. But... right now, I'm feeling a little weird about being so over-weight while trying to meet this fit and beautiful woman.

Some of you might be saying... "But dude... you just got finished saying you guys video chat and send each other photos etc. If your weight bothered her... you'd know it by now!" But here's the thing... When we video chat, all she sees is from my mid chest up. I work from home, so I do a LOT of video conferences, so I already have my computer and web cam set up in just the best way so that my double chin doesn't show. etc etc. Basically... if someone were to speak with me on video chat, but then meet me in real life, I am 90% sure they would not have realized how overweight I was when they were video chatting with me. 

My thought process behind trying online dating, before losing the weight, was that if I did meet someone I'd like to meet, the whole process with planning a trip, buying airline tickets, getting a Visa, and all that Jazz, would take like 9 months to a year. But now that I've already gone and met a girl, I'm reading about how FSUW expect a man to come visit them relatively quickly, or else they just think they are full of shit, and are just another keyboard Romeo with no follow through. So... I don't think my 9 months to a year timeframe, while I'm over here losing weight, is going to be a reality. Also... since since Russia closed it's borders to American citizens because America is now an "Unfriendly" country... waiting for a Visa is not going to work as a reason for delay.

We've been talking about meeting in a neutral country like Germany or Italy, where she already has a valid travel visa or, doesn't need one. So, I am starting to feel a little stressed that I am going to have to make some decisions and some moves to go see her, long before I've been able to lose enough weight for me to not feel super uncomfortable.

So... (sorry for this really long prelude)... my question is... do you guys think that Russian woman are more understanding of a man's body weight than American ladies are... or do you think they are the same or even worse about it? I know that Russian woman are very hard on themselves about weight and fitness. So, it makes me even more concerned that she is going to meet me and feel... catfished... to a certain extent.

Offline ML

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I have had considerable experience with FSU women . . . and can tell you that they do not seem to be concerned about a little extra body weight, like I have with a pot belly.

However, we are talking 10-15 pounds or so . . . not 80 pounds.

My gut feel is that this woman (nor most any woman) is not going to be happy seeing a man 80 pounds overweight.

I would say you are heading for deep do-do.
« Last Edit: May 12, 2021, 01:31:08 PM by ML »
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Offline Dolmetscher007

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I have had considerable experience with FSU women . . . and can tell you that they do not seem to be concerned about a little extra body weight, like I have with a pot belly.

However, we are talking 10-15 pounds or so . . . not 80 pounds.

My gut feel is that this woman (nor most any woman) is going to be happy seeing a man 80 pounds overweight.

I would say you are heading for deep do-do.

You mean to say, she is NOT going to be happy. Right?

Offline Boethius

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At 35, she probably will be more forgiving of weight, as she wants a family and by Russian standards, "put a cross over her", as they say.  It's very much an individual, subjective thing, just as in the West.

I suggest you tell her you are overweight, and show her shots that show the "real" you.  Tell her you've lost 10 kilos and are working on losing more.  If she rejects you, you will know.  It's best to know before you spend time and money visiting.  Furthermore, you may gain weight back, so you need someone who is comfortable with more than your physical appearance. 
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline ML

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You mean to say, she is NOT going to be happy. Right?

Yes, I corrected my original post.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline GQBlues

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Easy Peasy. Adjust your camera to show your true self, then just let it ride from there
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Offline Gator

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You could be an offensive lineman.   You are almost 3x  her weight.  Thus, I expect she will offer to help you lose weight, knowing if not, you will crush her.   ;)

Seriously, lose  the extra  weight, both for her and for your long term health.  Your pace of losing 20 lbs in 3 months is healthy, and shows you have the discipline to continue.  Commendable. 

Many RW like big men.  You will see many of them, usually bodyguards or bouncers.  Many tall RM have thin frames.   I am 6'0"  and when dating RW almost 20 years ago I weighed 175 lbs.  I worked out some, and even had muscle tone.  One RW told me I was too skinny.  I think she desired more muscle.   :(  If you have given your dimensions to your little woman, she has some idea.  Discuss it with her and show her, emphasizing you are losing weight. 

She might ask why you gained weight.  Be prepared with a   good answer, such as less activity because of COVID lockdown.     




Offline Trenchcoat

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I met a very sweet and really pretty Russian gal on RussianCupid.com about three months ago. At first, I wasn't sure if she was a Pro-Dater, so I wrote about her on this forum a little bit. But after reading what some of the guys said, and after talking a few things out with her... I realized I was pretty dead wrong and was letting my paranoia get the better of me. So... now we've been clicking along, having a great time, video chatting, talking on the phone, and  sending each other messages every day. It's been really nice getting to know her.

She's 35,  lives in Moscow, but grew up in a smaller town about an hour or so north west. She's blonde, beautiful, and at 5'7" she's about 115-120 lbs. I'm 43, American, and 6'5" tall. However, I'm also, unfortunately 80 lbs overweight. Now, I'm really tall, so... my weight is distributed over such a big guy... it's not like I'm 80 lbs overweight at 5'6."   Nevertheless... there is no getting around it. I am by anyone's standards, a "fat dude."   I've been working on it since February, and I'm already down 20 lbs. I used to be in shape, and I have a crazy strong will, so... I will lose the weight. But... right now, I'm feeling a little weird about being so over-weight while trying to meet this fit and beautiful woman.

Some of you might be saying... "But dude... you just got finished saying you guys video chat and send each other photos etc. If your weight bothered her... you'd know it by now!" But here's the thing... When we video chat, all she sees is from my mid chest up. I work from home, so I do a LOT of video conferences, so I already have my computer and web cam set up in just the best way so that my double chin doesn't show. etc etc. Basically... if someone were to speak with me on video chat, but then meet me in real life, I am 90% sure they would not have realized how overweight I was when they were video chatting with me. 

My thought process behind trying online dating, before losing the weight, was that if I did meet someone I'd like to meet, the whole process with planning a trip, buying airline tickets, getting a Visa, and all that Jazz, would take like 9 months to a year. But now that I've already gone and met a girl, I'm reading about how FSUW expect a man to come visit them relatively quickly, or else they just think they are full of shit, and are just another keyboard Romeo with no follow through. So... I don't think my 9 months to a year timeframe, while I'm over here losing weight, is going to be a reality. Also... since since Russia closed it's borders to American citizens because America is now an "Unfriendly" country... waiting for a Visa is not going to work as a reason for delay.

We've been talking about meeting in a neutral country like Germany or Italy, where she already has a valid travel visa or, doesn't need one. So, I am starting to feel a little stressed that I am going to have to make some decisions and some moves to go see her, long before I've been able to lose enough weight for me to not feel super uncomfortable.

So... (sorry for this really long prelude)... my question is... do you guys think that Russian woman are more understanding of a man's body weight than American ladies are... or do you think they are the same or even worse about it? I know that Russian woman are very hard on themselves about weight and fitness. So, it makes me even more concerned that she is going to meet me and feel... catfished... to a certain extent.

Yep, a girl I met in Belarus wasn't happy at my physical form on meeting. She complained that I had no full body images. That said I'm average build, her complaint was more that I was not overtly muscly. I'm not overweight just not that muscly as I don't have all day to work out in a gym, yet. Other than photos I video chatted. Some way along the way my pics and video chat (top half in both) made her think of me as a kind of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime in her mind lol, it can have that effect it seems.

Belarus is handy for a meet up but for a lot of people there physical fitness is a big deal, Moscow I don't know, only been there once.

The thing is that until you meet you won't know for sure if there is chemistry there anyway and that might be regardless of weight. However though she might not mind I think it could be very risky to your chances turning up there overweight. Whether you can comfortably maintain a body weight that is not as much overweight is down to you. I think even if it is a temporary easing off it's not so bad as first impressions count.

If she's in her 30s, particularly mid 30s onwards she's likely straight up enough unless she's going for some real old guy or you get unlucky. Most girls in their 30s that are legit are ok as they know they can't mess around like girls in their 20s. It's more that Russian Cupid is known for scammers, but it's not to say all girls on there are just a fair number and most of them are likely in their 20s.

I think with the virus situation it's understandable that vists will take a little longer. I used to go visit one girl approximately 3 months after she (or I) made first contact. So I agreed to go after about six weeks to two months with about the same to plan the trip. I'm in the UK though so can possibly move quicker than you US guys, no pun intended ;D

Some guys last it out communicating with a girl a long time, years, then finally meet and find there is no chemistry so a lot of time wasted. Some, probably many FSW get fed up with guys if it is a real long time and he doesn't make a move to show up. I think the virus gives you a bit of lee way and if deciding on a third country to meet up then it's only reasonable to take time over it, you don't want to chose the wrong country and meeting up becomes a ordeal so you could lose more weight in the meantime so you don't look shockingly overweight is my thought.
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Offline Trenchcoat

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Many RW like big men.  You will see many of them, usually bodyguards or bouncers.  Many tall RM have thin frames.   I am 6'0"  and when dating RW almost 20 years ago I weighed 175 lbs.  I worked out some, and even had muscle tone.  One RW told me I was too skinny.  I think she desired more muscle.   :(

I'm 6ft also and when on a decent diet can be that weight, so 12.5 stone up to 13.5 maybe towards 14 stone if my diet is not as healthy. So a little belly fat but not a lot, if I worked out hard then that could be converted to muscle. Kind of had a sneaking suspicion that FSW don't like skinny men too much but while done may like them a bit larger I would fear that OP may be too out of shape/overweight for them. I would definitely try and get the weight to ease off if I was him.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline BillyB

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Dometscher007, bust your ass to lose the weight and gain muscle. The better you look, the better she'll be attracted to you. If you don't lose it all before meeting, don't let it bother you. Show confidence when you meet her and as long as you remain mentally healthy, you will be focused on staying physically healthy. Don't just do it for her, do it for yourself.
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My suggestion is quit trying to portray your best angles when you cam. Show her who you are, the extra 80 lbs and all. Let her decide. I was much as you describe when I met my now wife almost 15 years ago. I'm 6'5" and was a fat bastid pushing 300 lbs. Because of my frame it didn't look as bad on me as it would have someone shorter true but, it was obvious. I wasn't paranoid and never gave it another thought, I went to meet that woman, if she was repulsed she never mentioned it. She married me and not only taught me about how to eat properly but her cooking has me down to 225 and healthier than ever. Don't hide who you are. Show her and let her decide

Offline Trenchcoat

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I think although it all came good for FP I would still question whether it is a good idea letting her know by altering camera view or telling her at this point. It would probably be better than in person but I would do it when weight is down a bit otherwise she might still be shocked. I would play for time a little so long as you don't overdo it. Don't make it obvious by putting stuff off just take your time over decisions of meet up country going over pros & cons, booking flights, hotels etc looking up terms of entry & exit in terms of quarantine, that can all take some time to work through.

Possibly try to work out a little as well as diet, if you can look burly without just looking fat (even if more fat than muscle) then that may help also.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Dolmetscher007

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I am definitely full-steam-ahead on loosing weight. One thing I wanted to say is, I am not losing weight for this woman, or any woman. I made the decision to finally start addressing my health back in November of 2020. Believe it or not, I did not really set out to meet a FSUW at all. It kind of happened, almost on a whim based on some advice from a friend I know from Kiev. When she suggested I go to RussianCupid.com (Where she met her American husband 2 years ago), I never actually thought I would be 3 months into talking with a woman in Moscow, much less actually thinking about meeting her.

So... the whole weight issue is at least valid, in that... I didn't like, try to "trick" this girl. I have been honest. I've told her I'm losing weight. I've told her all about my Keto diet. She and I talk about our gym routines a lot. I went to the doctor the other day for a yearly physical, and I celebrated with her that I was down 20 lbs from just a couple months ago. So... don't get me wrong... she "knows" that I have weight issues. Hell... I even wrote down my actual weight on my RussianCupid.com profile. That website not only has the whole "Slim, Athletic, Average, Heavy... etc" but it also asks you flat out to list your weight. So... at the end of the day... it isn't like she could ever say I didn't tell her the truth. But... there is just something in my gut (pardon the pun) that is telling me this fit, beautiful woman... is not, "getting it."


Anyway....The  main reason why I created this thread was not to discuss my weight or diet. I was thinking more along the lines of asking you guys about Russian and FSUW views on weight in general. For example... if you are a  totally fat woman in the US... it is a big deal. However... if you are a totally fat woman  in the US, and you go on vacation to Jamaica... you WILL feel like you've stepped into paradise. Because, all of the sudden, you will be cat called by every man you walk past, and will receive more attention than you've ever had. I was kind of wondering if Russian woman might be a little more forgiving of weight as  long as you're a good guy. I guess that's just not the case.

Offline Trenchcoat

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So... the whole weight issue is at least valid, in that... I didn't like, try to "trick" this girl. I have been honest. I've told her I'm losing weight. I've told her all about my Keto diet. She and I talk about our gym routines a lot. I went to the doctor the other day for a yearly physical, and I celebrated with her that I was down 20 lbs from just a couple months ago. So... don't get me wrong... she "knows" that I have weight issues. Hell... I even wrote down my actual weight on my RussianCupid.com profile. That website not only has the whole "Slim, Athletic, Average, Heavy... etc" but it also asks you flat out to list your weight. So... at the end of the day... it isn't like she could ever say I didn't tell her the truth. But... there is just something in my gut (pardon the pun) that is telling me this fit, beautiful woman... is not, "getting it."


Anyway....The  main reason why I created this thread was not to discuss my weight or diet. I was thinking more along the lines of asking you guys about Russian and FSUW views on weight in general. For example... if you are a  totally fat woman in the US... it is a big deal. However... if you are a totally fat woman  in the US, and you go on vacation to Jamaica... you WILL feel like you've stepped into paradise. Because, all of the sudden, you will be cat called by every man you walk past, and will receive more attention than you've ever had. I was kind of wondering if Russian woman might be a little more forgiving of weight as  long as you're a good guy. I guess that's just not the case.

Lol, that is funny with Jamaica, so weird. Guess the like the big Mama's there.

Anyway, yeah for sure, the girl I met in Belarus well I didn't go into my build as such as she never brought it up beforehand. She never saud she had expectations or thought I might be muscly. However I did put down that I was 'average' build on my Fdating profile not 'athletic'. Now different people might have differing idea as to what that is but generally most would see it as not necessarily all that athletic or at least enough to raise the question if it is an issue. She was average build for a female herself I though not especially athletic looking. I think in part it might have been that I just wasn't the guy for her but also she had unrealistic expectation as though she was nice enough looking she wasn't exactly model looking or highly toned.

Anyway thing is it's easy for a woman to say come for your FSW she is at least prepared to travel some distance but you will be going most of the distance. If you don't lose a fair bit before going there is the real possibility that she won't see it the same way when on the ground with her as she does now. If you've already discussed your weight issue you could just tell her you want to lose more weight before coming.

I mean as long as you are talking weeks or two or three months, not many months or year, etc.


That said while you might go and she might end up dating, 'oh you're THAT big, I didn't realize you are that big' thank you for coming, she might equally see you as a 'project' that you just need to lose the weight then she has the man she wants as you have what she prefers in other aspects. Difficult to tell, not sure if FSW do the whole 'project' thing like some western women seem to.
« Last Edit: May 12, 2021, 10:49:54 PM by Trenchcoat »
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Offline Dolmetscher007

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Anyway, yeah for sure, the girl I met in Belarus well I didn't go into my build as such as she never brought it up beforehand. She never saud she had expectations or thought I might be muscly.

Man... I think that if I met a woman online and she turned out to be disappointed that I was "average" looking and not "muscular." To me, that would be like a man saying, "You're a D-cup? I thought your tits were at least Double-Ds!?! This is unacceptable."

She had better have been one smoke show knock-out to have that kind of chutzpah. Sorry you went through that man.

I lost 20 lbs in a month and a half. If I can keep losing weight, I think I will feel better about the situation and will know more about what I want to do. If something happens, and my body just won't loose the weight or if the loss slows to a crawl, then I would probably just explain my whole situation to her. But if I keep up the pace, and I lose 40-50 more lbs. by end of Summer... then I will probably have crazy new confidence. This confidence will A.) be much more attractive B.) be a huge cushion to my ego if she does lose interest of blow me off.

Going back to dating profiles... you know how you write down what you are, and you can also choose which "body styles" you are 'looking for'? She did have Slim, Athletic, Average, A Few Extra Pounds, and Heavy Set, selected as what she is willing to accept. To be honest, that was one of the reasons why I pursued her. This aspect really added to my initial complications with her, because I thought she must be a pro-dater. I thought... "What kind of beautiful, fit, blonde, Russian woman, would REALLY be into fat guys from the internet?"  But... who knows? Maybe I was completely wrong, and she really does not care so much about body weight.

When I do talk about my weight loss, she does handle it really well. She even mentions my "crazy diet", which is a good sign to me. If someone is weirded out by something, they usually won't mention it. But she drops it into conversation from time to time when we are talking about "favorite foods" etc. And she also does say, in other conversations, under different contexts that she finds people beautiful from all types. So... I dunno. Maybe it's all good. But I'll tell you one thing... I speak 3 languages, I've been playing the guitar for 25 years, design and build all my own furniture, used to cook in professional kitchens in France and Italy, and have a ton of charisma... my body-weight is the only thing about myself that I am uncomfortable with. So... if I can just drop, even 75% of my goal weight... I will probably feel pretty unstoppable.

But it has helped to at least talk about it here wit you guys. Never thought this forum would help me in THIS regard. Ha ha ha... Who knew? Thank guys. Really.

Offline Dolmetscher007

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My suggestion is quit trying to portray your best angles when you cam. Show her who you are, the extra 80 lbs and all. Let her decide. I was much as you describe when I met my now wife almost 15 years ago. I'm 6'5" and was a fat bastid pushing 300 lbs. Because of my frame it didn't look as bad on me as it would have someone shorter true but, it was obvious. I wasn't paranoid and never gave it another thought, I went to meet that woman, if she was repulsed she never mentioned it. She married me and not only taught me about how to eat properly but her cooking has me down to 225 and healthier than ever. Don't hide who you are. Show her and let her decide

If you considered yourself a "fat bastid" at 6'5" - 300 lbs... then I'm a Shrek'ian ogre, because I'm 6'5' - 355 right now. I hope to get down to 275. That is my initial "goal weight". Once I can get down to 275, I will mentally feel better, and will continue to lose weight until I'm 230-240. It helps me to keep these imaginary goal weights in mind. Even though I won't be "slim" at 275... I would feel like a dick swinging gangster compared to how I feel at 355.

 

Offline Trenchcoat

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Man... I think that if I met a woman online and she turned out to be disappointed that I was "average" looking and not "muscular." To me, that would be like a man saying, "You're a D-cup? I thought your tits were at least Double-Ds!?! This is unacceptable."

She had better have been one smoke show knock-out to have that kind of chutzpah. Sorry you went through that man.

I lost 20 lbs in a month and a half. If I can keep losing weight, I think I will feel better about the situation and will know more about what I want to do. If something happens, and my body just won't loose the weight or if the loss slows to a crawl, then I would probably just explain my whole situation to her. But if I keep up the pace, and I lose 40-50 more lbs. by end of Summer... then I will probably have crazy new confidence. This confidence will A.) be much more attractive B.) be a huge cushion to my ego if she does lose interest of blow me off.

Going back to dating profiles... you know how you write down what you are, and you can also choose which "body styles" you are 'looking for'? She did have Slim, Athletic, Average, A Few Extra Pounds, and Heavy Set, selected as what she is willing to accept. To be honest, that was one of the reasons why I pursued her. This aspect really added to my initial complications with her, because I thought she must be a pro-dater. I thought... "What kind of beautiful, fit, blonde, Russian woman, would REALLY be into fat guys from the internet?"  But... who knows? Maybe I was completely wrong, and she really does not care so much about body weight.

When I do talk about my weight loss, she does handle it really well. She even mentions my "crazy diet", which is a good sign to me. If someone is weirded out by something, they usually won't mention it. But she drops it into conversation from time to time when we are talking about "favorite foods" etc. And she also does say, in other conversations, under different contexts that she finds people beautiful from all types. So... I dunno. Maybe it's all good. But I'll tell you one thing... I speak 3 languages, I've been playing the guitar for 25 years, design and build all my own furniture, used to cook in professional kitchens in France and Italy, and have a ton of charisma... my body-weight is the only thing about myself that I am uncomfortable with. So... if I can just drop, even 75% of my goal weight... I will probably feel pretty unstoppable.

But it has helped to at least talk about it here wit you guys. Never thought this forum would help me in THIS regard. Ha ha ha... Who knew? Thank guys. Really.

Glad we've helped :)

Saying what you say she says one other theory comes to mind. I know reversed the other way around that there are so many guys attracted to overweight women, outside of Jamaica of course. This isn't a high proportion of the population, roughly 15 percent of guys in a standard western country from research I have done. Some of these guys will just accept overweight women but some will be totally into them, some will be overweight themselves some not. So my thought is that this probably works the other way around that  roughly the same percentage of women are into overweight guys, genetical thing I guess. That and in the FSU it has been known to be a plus to stand out in some way as being highly attractive to women rather than trying to fit in (as so often in the west). The guy comes across as exotic and desirable, worth more in woman's eye as they are not a load of them. One forum member here Japs has covered himself in tattoos another has grown a beard while may FSM are clean shaven. It won't if course work with all women but will with some and out you head and shoulders above the rest for those women. So what we might have here is almost a kind of fetish that she might have, potentially. That might sound weird but I was watching a program on TV about men that had a fetish for fat women, they were referred to as feeders as they kept feeding them to stop them from losing weight. Can't say for certain how your girl fits in with this she might just be being nice but I'm getting the impression from what she says that she might possibly actually be into larger guys. I know back in another thread recently we were talking about how larger guys were seen as wealthy, both today and dating back in time.

So based on what she has said I would go and see her sooner. If she reacts badly then you can learn from it but odds are she may prefer you a bit over. You can still lose weight for your own health and in the month or two it will probably take to organise the trip and get over there you can lose a bit more. Then on the off chance she doesn't react well you can say that you tried to tell her and lost weight over that which she originally accepted you as online but I reckon there is a good chance it could literally be a plus for you with her and not a minus.

Anyway yes the girl in Belarus, well I didn't mind her saying, she wasn't real hot or anything herself lol but she's attracted to what she is attracted to and I don't blame her for that, again more of a generic thing I think but one which many women have though not all. So I wasn't at all upset but rather pleased as at least her pointing out the issues she had showed where I could improve with many women. I guess it didn't help that the taxi driver that dropped me off at the restaurant where she was waiting was more muscly than I was lol. On Fdating where I go online it only has options for what you are not what you are looking for. I guess it would have saved time but I think I benefitted from the learning experience. I did say to her after that I would continue to look around Minsk by myself, this was because I didn't think we got on conversationally, in our tastes and complications as she wanted to feed her cat or dog then meet up again and it was getting complicated meeting up. I did also kind of feel while I wasn't upset over what she had said I wouldn't feel right being around her knowing she thought such of me, it just didn't make sense rather than an emotional reaction.

Thing I've had with Russian Cupid is apart from a lot of scammers seemingly trying to contact you as soon as you put a profile up, even if it doesn't have a picture is that they also (at least used to) have a bra size box for the lady. This at first seemed great :D but later made me think if it really encourages many serious women to go on there. You may have got lucky and if she is in her 30s and willing to travel to meet you (don't send her money to do so, a regular scam, buying her flight tickets and sending them to her is ok though) means she is likely serious. Be wary on your safety though just in case. If she is from Moscow then it's a big city and more wealthy than most of the rest of Russia or Ukraine so odds are she is ok for money.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Dolmetscher007

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she's attracted to what she is attracted to and I don't blame her for that, again more of a generic thing I think but one which many women have though not all. So I wasn't at all upset but rather pleased as at least her pointing out the issues she had showed where I could improve with many women.

Brother... you are one hell of a good man in my book! One HELL of a good man! The attitude you've taken here is about as close to perfect as I've ever seen. I have tried to adopt this mindset, but I almost always end up resenting the girl, and even more unhealthily, I end up resenting... something bigger... like... society, or something.

The main reason I've posted about this here, and why I am being so hyper aware and bothered by this whole situation is because of my history with online dating, in general. I got divorced at the age of 30. I was not a picture of athletic prowess, but I was not fat. I dated a girl very soon after my divorce for a year, and then another girl for another year. By the time I was 33-34, I had gained a fair amount of weight. I had always been "successful" with ladies, so I somehow managed to put my head in the sand, and just keep the idea in my head that A.) I'm not THAT fat... and B.) I've been doing so well... it looks like ladies don't seem to mind. (note: my ex-wife and every GF I've ever had has been, extremely attractive). So... I by the time I ended up flat out single, at 34-35, I had it squarely in my mind that, "I got this. No problem. I'll sign up for online dating apps, and let the good times roll on."

Well, by this point, I was around 325 lbs. Again... at 6'5" I thought it was 'not good' but... could be worse. (head in the sand). I never "catfished" anyone. All my dating app pics were legit and recent. But... of course... as anyone does... they were the absolute best pics I could possibly find of myself. Well... I proceeded to get absolutely fuckin demolished out there. I think I literally went on 30+ first dates, and none of them responded for a second date. None. Zero. I had a few weirdo stragglers who ended up kind of becoming friends with benefits... but... only kind of... and it was all very strange and unhealthy. At first, I could not figure out what was going on. I never made any faux pas on any of the dates. I could always easily tell that the girl was having a blast laughing and enjoying my company. I weighed myself one morning, and at 344 lbs. my heart just sank. I realized... "Dude... you're fucking huge! You're not... 'a good lookin big guy;' You're one of those guys that when a lady shows up to sit with you for a first date, she immediately thinks, "Fuck... I could tell by his pics he wasn't thin, but this dude's huge."

All of the sudden, all 30+ first dates started riffling through my head, and it really was a kind of traumatic experience. It was really difficult to go from being "a ladies man" to... untouchable... literally. But that was only the beginning of the downfall. I started cycling on and off the dating apps. I'd sign up > go on 3-5 first dates > never hear back from any of them > get frustrated and sad > and delete all my accounts. All the while I was trying unsuccessfully to lose weight. I'd drop 20-30 lbs... start to feel like I'm getting my old mojo back... get on the apps... have zero luck... and feel beat the hell up... and cycle off the diet and gain back 5-10 lbs. Then... the worst experience of it all happened.

I connected on Facebook with a gal I'd met 10 or so years prior when I lived in the town where I went to university. I was always attracted to her, but things never worked out. Anyway... we started chatting, then calling, then talking for hours... and after 3 months... we were pretty deep into a long distance... something. I can't say we were "in love" because that would be a little ridiculous, but... we certainly were in... infatuation... if-you-will. We talked every day, and we said all the things to each other that people say when they are in relationships. Of course, I had already had such problems with my self-image due to this weight issue and online dating... there was no way I was going to NOT bring it up to her. So... I told her VERY early on that I have gained a LOT of weight since she saw me last. I event sent pics of myself so that she would not be shocked. She assured me over and over again that she did not care. I did not really believe her... because she was super in shape and looked great. But... she just wasn't hearing any of it. She assured me that she is into "who I am as a man" not into my abs or jawline. Well... after 5 months of constant communication, she made the trip from that town where I used to live, to come stay with me for a week.

The evening she arrived, we went out with some of my friends and everything seemed kind of great. When we got back to my house we even kissed (I kissed her). We went to bed without... you know... but everything seemed okay. The next day... she literally told me she needed to leave. The look in her face was... devastating. All that time talking on the phone, she must have been building this image of me in her mind. And I will admit... I know it sounds arrogant, but it's just true... I am extremely easy to talk to, and very easy to like. I'm funny, quick whited, and I make everyone laugh... all the time. So, I'm sure, in her mind... at the time... she really did think she meant it when she said she didn't care about my weight. But... she much have. I haven't developed a third eye, or have my teeth knocked out. I haven't gone bald, or changed in much any way other than my weight.

This happened a little over a year ago... and I've been down for the count ever since. I finally decided back in... Nov./Dec. of last year that I'm 43... I cannot just toss it all in and not even try. So... I mounted my come-back-kid... rising-phoenix... campaign to loose weight, and get my shit together. I'm lost 30 lbs, if you combine all the weight I've lost since Nov. of 2020. I really should have probably not gone anywhere near the FSUW idea until I had dropped another 30-40 at least. But... I did. So here I am.

Anyway... not sure what the point is in me telling you all this. I guess I just felt like writing it all out. Can't imagine many folks are still reading. Ha ha... If you are... thanks for sticking with it (me).

Offline brownbeard99

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In my experience, being a skinny man in Ukraine is much more of a liability than being a fat man.  I have dated many women here who tell me they want a "real man" who is big and can pick them up and be much bigger than them (especially in bed). I walk about 90KM a month when I am in Odessa (just running errands, going to the bazaar, etc) and I started losing weight.  My girlfriend started trying to feed me more when she realized this was happening.  To her, if I am skinny, it is an insult to her as a woman and means she isn't a good cook and doesn't take care of me. I am not overweight by any means... I have a 30 inch waist... but she is much happier when I am around 32".  No, our relationship doesn't depend on my size, but my girlfriend and others I have dated here like it more when I am on the heavier side.

Offline Trenchcoat

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In my experience, being a skinny man in Ukraine is much more of a liability than being a fat man.  I have dated many women here who tell me they want a "real man" who is big and can pick them up and be much bigger than them (especially in bed). I walk about 90KM a month when I am in Odessa (just running errands, going to the bazaar, etc) and I started losing weight.  My girlfriend started trying to feed me more when she realized this was happening.  To her, if I am skinny, it is an insult to her as a woman and means she isn't a good cook and doesn't take care of me. I am not overweight by any means... I have a 30 inch waist... but she is much happier when I am around 32".  No, our relationship doesn't depend on my size, but my girlfriend and others I have dated here like it more when I am on the heavier side.

30 inch waist is thin, don't think I have been that since my mid teens lol. I'm around 32 to 34 commonly, usually 32 but have on the odd occasion swung up to 36 inch, even that isn't all that large. Don't think I would want to try for anything less than 32inch, think for me it's more about getting more exercise in to burn off the small amount of fat on my belly.

Messaging with another forum member in the past he came to the same conclusion that FSW don't like thin guys that much. Just how thin I don't know, he is Indian so the impression I got was even thinner than me. My thoughts is that many FSW might see a larger guy as a more masculine body frame. Possibly a large guy being seen as powerful and able to protect from an appearance standpoint even if there is not a lot of muscle there.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline cednation

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I recently returned from meeting a wonderful woman in Ukraine. This was my exact biggest fear before meeting her in person, that although we had video chatted, the camera was always mid-chest up, and therefore she didn't really know how overweight I was. I had the same exact thought, how can I, an overweight man, really be expecting this beautiful fit woman to like me and accept me with this extra weight? Like you I have been trying to lose weight, but with much less success. But she had already told me in letters that I was attractive to her and that she didn't focus on a man's appearance.  We had great chemistry and I really liked her, so I took the chance and went. You know what, she never once mentioned it, and didn't show any indication that it bothered her. And I started to realize that I wasn't so sly with the video camera, she really did know my approximate size, because when we exchanged some gifts, she gave me a traditional Ukrainian shirt that was XXL. For her it was my character that counted, not my extra weight.

Offline Brillynt

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I had the opposite problem. My wife told me after we were married that she thought I needed to put more weight on when she saw my pictures before we met. I thought I looked good, no gut at age 50.My step-daughter told her it would be no problem, she could feed me more so I could gain weight.  Needless to say the wife has won, and I have put weight on since we have been married.   ;D ;D

Offline ML

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I think there is a big difference between an FSU woman wanting the western man to put on some pounds because he looks skinny . . . and a western man who is obese.

And there is a big difference between a man who is overweight and one who is obese.

Otherwise it is something like a man saying the FSU women didn't mind that he only had a bachelors degree and not a masters degree . . .

And then a man who has 8th grade education thinking . . . OK so the FSU gals are not concerned about the man's education level.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Well said ML, indeed it is looking like it is a very good idea to avoid looking like a Bill Gates type in the FSU, i.e a thin nerdy looking guy with glasses who FSW probably see as a bit wimpy looking. While at the same time not overdoing it to an obese level that might stun some but not necessarily all women. I still think OP's woman probably enjoys a guy in the obese category. I think OP should go out there and find out as soon as possible, better to get out there and learn than sit at home wondering. If she is into OP then she'll give him the chance to lose weight if it is an issue but it doesn't sound like it is, at least not a negative one for her.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Dolmetscher007

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I recently returned from meeting a wonderful woman in Ukraine. This was my exact biggest fear before meeting her in person, that although we had video chatted, the camera was always mid-chest up, and therefore she didn't really know how overweight I was. I had the same exact thought, how can I, an overweight man, really be expecting this beautiful fit woman to like me and accept me with this extra weight? Like you I have been trying to lose weight, but with much less success. But she had already told me in letters that I was attractive to her and that she didn't focus on a man's appearance.  We had great chemistry and I really liked her, so I took the chance and went. You know what, she never once mentioned it, and didn't show any indication that it bothered her. And I started to realize that I wasn't so sly with the video camera, she really did know my approximate size, because when we exchanged some gifts, she gave me a traditional Ukrainian shirt that was XXL. For her it was my character that counted, not my extra weight.

I think this is a wonderful story. I think you got incredibly lucky. My cousin (male) is a "chubby chaser." I had never heard this term until my sister pointed out to me that he has dated nothing but fat girls, his whole life. He himself is not fat at all. He's a total normal dude. It sounds to me like your lady friend is maybe not a full on "chubby chaser" like my cousin, but she is at least one of the rare ladies out there who doesn't hold body weight anywhere near the top of her list of attractive features in a man. These people exist for sure.

Age also can come into play. When I was 25 years old, I was so non attracted to fat girl, I do not think I would have even been able to have sex with one... like... physically. Now, at 43... things have changed. I still would not be attracted to a clinically obese gal... but... even I am surprised at some of the ladies I find hot these days, that I know I would not have liked 20 years ago.

Thanks for sharing your story man. It made me feel good just reading it. And believe it or not, it made me feel good for you! I sure hope that whole thing works out for you, because it sure sounds like you've got a winner!!!!

 

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