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Author Topic: Did I Screw Up?  (Read 74966 times)

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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #50 on: September 25, 2019, 06:47:42 PM »
bad sign, you haven't met the daughter or other family - this is NOT normal!!!!
WHY NOT!!!!  WHAT WAS THE REASON!!!!
IT'S ACTUALLY A RED FLAG, UNLESS THERE'S A DAMNED GOOD EXPLANATION!!!!

you know kids...
you need to get some kind of feel for this girl and how well she'll adapt, and how much you're going to have to support her well as her mother...
and you haven't even met her????
WTF???

OK, think for a minute now....
what other weird little details like this are there about this relationship?
things "out of the ordinary" besides that and the money!!!
cuz, I have a feeling there's more...
and if there is...
RUN FOREST RUN!!!!!

I think you're right Krimster, it's seems weird that SF has already begun the visa process without having met her daughter yet. He should sort out a time quick to fly out and see her family, if she comes up with BS then it's another  Red Flag.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline JayH

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #51 on: September 25, 2019, 06:50:45 PM »
Thanks for the information. How has your journey been. Do you date a FSU woman and then take over her finances? If so how long before you do this? If you could give me more specifics, please.

I have enough resources and yes I do think $10,000 dollars is a lot of money. But that depends on what for. For a lifetime together no its not. For a short period of time maybe.

Be specific on how you think I screwed up? Where was I paranoid? Do you think she should be asking for money and gifts? Should that not set off my radar?

She lives a modest lifestyle with her daughter.

I have been taking care of other people all of my life. And I never intended to do anything else. I have already invested quite a bit and the money is not the issue. It is her asking for money so early into the relationship. What would you have done? Please tell me. And how would you know that would be the right thing to do?

I agree 15 days is not enough. We had other trips planned but work got in the way and the VISA process in the US is long about 9 months nowadays so I started the process.

I am not sure what your PS2 means. I never used her or anyone else for that matter. If anything she used me. I have voiced my commitment to her in no uncertain terms repeatedly and with my actions with VISA process. And I never held out any carrot to her either.

Please explain in detail how you would do it differently.

I  have been involved  in long and short term relationships over quite a few years !  I am currently ( 4 years) in a relationship  and spend  a LOT of time in Ukraine --  and as such I am very current with real costs and expenses -- and  attitudes .

The 10k= a small cost to spend to succeed. If you believe she is the "one" -- it is peanuts compared to cost of making a long term mistake.I would not waste it - but there is a cost to the exercise .

Paranoid --is seeing "scam" where there is none -- sure be careful-- but surely that is part of the whole exercise.Getting hung up on a $40 pair of shoes--just plain dumb. It was obvious she was doing a test -- not to set up future scams but to see if you were a tight arse.
Asking for money and gifts- set off radar ?  Short answer -- no.  You put the pressure on to have sex  -- what was she to think? That you were a sex tourist? hit and run etc !!  You need to understand there is a procession of big noting guys promising the world and delivery less than a page on a map ! There is 2 sides to this story --recognise that.That covers the PS2 part also I think?

She lives a modest lifestyle with her daughter.      OK -- that says she will not have a lot of "spare" money-- so every bit counts. Refer my comments-- "taking care of her" 

How would I do it differently?   mmmmmm suggestions only and each case is different. If you have a few bucks behind you -I would put that in context   eg being US comfortable does not make you an arab type zillionaire that can throw money around extravagantly.Explain every dollar gets earned !

I am not in the ditch her camp -- my view is proceed with caution -reasonable caution not paranoia !




« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 06:53:44 PM by JayH »
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #52 on: September 25, 2019, 07:04:01 PM »
I do think that SF standing outside the shops was a wrong move. It shouts to the girl what SF thought of her before she asked in not a good way. I would have gone in and then found out upfront if she wanted something, set her straight about where we're at in the relationship and what's needed to move the relationship on in terms of seeing more of her everyday life. Better to cross the bridge upfront then just give out a bad Impression/attitude I think.

SF still hasn't told us where she is from? A vague idea of the area would be handy at least?
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline rwd123

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #53 on: September 25, 2019, 07:29:42 PM »
She isn't a good girl. No good girl would ask a man that she is casually
dating for any of those things. She would let you buy dinner and pay for
a taxi, flowers sure, but shoes? No way. 

I agree with Krimster, run Forest Run!
Agree 100%.

She may or may not be a scammer, but she's not a good girl IMO. Money is not the issue but her character.

Offline tfcrew

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #54 on: September 25, 2019, 07:29:53 PM »
What is the purpose of this?
What was the purpose of divulging your sexcapades? How old are you... 16?
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Offline rwd123

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #55 on: September 25, 2019, 07:39:31 PM »
Paranoid --is seeing "scam" where there is none -- sure be careful-- but surely that is part of the whole exercise.Getting hung up on a $40 pair of shoes--just plain dumb. It was obvious she was doing a test -- not to set up future scams but to see if you were a tight arse.
If I happened to meet a woman who was into shit testing me over $40 she's not going to see me again, period. And this is after the OP flew all the way to Eastern Europe and after their lengthy online conversations.

I'm not a tight ass by any stretch, but putting up with women who play silly mind games and shit tests, forget it! Move on and find a good girl. The OP has to make a judgement on her character, from what I've read I'd move on.

Offline msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #56 on: September 25, 2019, 07:40:35 PM »
Trench,

You were NOT in a similar position.

You were advised not to go on a holiday with the lass and you did.

You do not listen nor learn. You have proved you cannot read women, period.


Offline msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #57 on: September 25, 2019, 07:43:02 PM »
I do think that SF standing outside the shops was a wrong move. It shouts to the girl what SF thought of her before she asked in not a good way. I would have gone in and then found out upfront if she wanted something, set her straight about where we're at in the relationship and what's needed to move the relationship on in terms of seeing more of her everyday life. Better to cross the bridge upfront then just give out a bad Impression/attitude I think.

SF still hasn't told us where she is from? A vague idea of the area would be handy at least?

Trench, where the lady is from  is NOT relevant.

Why would you think it is?


Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #58 on: September 25, 2019, 07:49:22 PM »
Trench, where the lady is from  is NOT relevant.

Why would you think it is?

Not necessarily, remember you've stated to me before something was not necessary and it turned out is was, lol.

No I don't think it's the biggest deal here but it can add some extra context to it all.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline tfcrew

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #59 on: September 25, 2019, 07:52:23 PM »
trolling... 
Nope. You know better. Read reply #33 if you haven't. After so many years I know and so do you... that if a woman just hops into into the sack right away with Mr Out of Town... after he leaves chances are-- here comes the next guy and so on. Be realistic OK.
 BTW what's $40 for a pair of shoes?
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Offline msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #60 on: September 25, 2019, 07:55:41 PM »
Not necessarily, remember you've stated to me before something was not necessary and it turned out is was, lol.

No idea if what you are referring to.....


No I don't think it's the biggest deal here but it can add some extra context to it all.

Exactly, my point  you are adding 'noise'..


Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #61 on: September 25, 2019, 08:05:15 PM »
If I happened to meet a woman who was into shit testing me over $40 she's not going to see me again, period. And this is after the OP flew all the way to Eastern Europe and after their lengthy online conversations.

I'm not a tight ass by any stretch, but putting up with women who play silly mind games and shit tests, forget it! Move on and find a good girl. The OP has to make a judgement on her character, from what I've read I'd move on.

I would generally agree with this in terms of not being dragged through all this silly mind games and testing BS. Who knows maybe she was testing to see if he was weak & gullible.

The fact that she has a 16 year old daughter and no man well it would be interesting to know why, what happened to the father? What have her previous history been like?

I do think that JayH also has a point this time that the OP didn't act in a way that helped the situation and could have pushed it along the path to destruction. I think it would still be worthwhile for SF to dig a bit deeper and see if he can meet this woman's family and find out more about her day to day life by being there with her a good couple of weeks or as much time as he can.

I think there might still be more for SF to learn here. I'm not sure that the relationship is savalvagable. I also think that as a Forum we may learn more by examining the points JayH has brought up. See if these girls can be better understood. Is she just reacting to SF's actions in the traditional understanding that FSW have that a guy supports the woman if he wants to move it straight up to top tier serious relations? or just having him on?

I kind of think that there is more understanding to be had over these type of women and why they act in the perculiar way they do. I think there could well be some mechanics going on here that are triggered when a guy acts a certain way. I think OP should try and get out there as soon as he can to meet her family and see her real life, that he organises that now to get these answers that he needs.
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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #62 on: September 25, 2019, 08:06:36 PM »
No idea if what you are referring to.....

Exactly, my point  you are adding 'noise'..

Remember Rod and him wanting to get his girl in the UK? Never did hear back from him did we.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline JayH

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #63 on: September 25, 2019, 08:13:35 PM »
. She wanted to go into some stores in the town center and I figured she is about to start asking me to buy stuff for her.

I would wait outside while she went into the stores. Eventually, we went to get some coffee and a local pub. She does not really drink. I don't drink much either. She then asked me if I would buy her some shoes tomorrow because she needs them. She is a professional educated woman but does not make a lot of money.

At this point, I told her no and then overreacted. The shoes were not the issue probably would have cost $40. We had a long discussion and in all honesty, I was bringing more drama than her. I was surprised at the request and did not expect this and was probably too sensitive to this issue. I then put her in a cab home and I went off to my apartment. We did not have mean words to each other but she could tell I got angry and felt this was overreacting. And yes I did not react correctly.

She said that since we were together this was normal and I should buy things that make her happy or that she needs. She also told me this was a test. I went back to my apartment and changed my flight for the next morning to leave. Cutting my trip short. We texted that night a little and then the next morning I went back to the US.



Agree 100%.

She may or may not be a scammer, but she's not a good girl IMO. Money is not the issue but her character.

If I happened to meet a woman who was into shit testing me over $40 she's not going to see me again, period. And this is after the OP flew all the way to Eastern Europe and after their lengthy online conversations.

I'm not a tight ass by any stretch, but putting up with women who play silly mind games and shit tests, forget it! Move on and find a good girl. The OP has to make a judgement on her character, from what I've read I'd move on.

I have pointed out that it is a dumb conclusion to exclude a girl because she expected a gift .
It is very outmoded idea that accepting money makes her "not a good girl"  !!  It is a ridiculous conclusion.
 Also of not in the   OP  -- no mention of  buying anything at all ( hope I read that right?)  Buying flowers locally can easily run to $40 or more than twice that if sending from a distance !

Not entering shop--or standing outside is churlish ,weak in my view.Being involved and interested is part of forming a relationship.
Getting wound up over $40 is just plain dumb. :wallbash:


SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #64 on: September 25, 2019, 08:15:49 PM »
...and your point, your deduction?

Nice attempt at diverting my point re the relevance of your questions / contributions.

I am wary of your need to 'protest' the validity of your 'advice' will spoil the thread for the OP...If you respond, I may respond in a new thread....

I realise you are 'bored' on your Nightshift.

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #65 on: September 25, 2019, 08:18:17 PM »
Hey everyone :) I'm newbie here, found this website absolutely randomly and began to read posts by different topics. Well, as for me, whole this story seem bit weird. First of all I would be warned about one thing: how businesswoman can have so much free time daily to speak with someone via Skype and how person can leave job so easy just to meet with him. Even if it was random secretary or cleaner, she wouldn't be able to just leave everything and go somewhere. Here normally you say to boss when want to get vacations 6 months before. I am businesswoman too and normally spend 6 days at work and often have to be in the office till midnight to deal with all things. Plus, normally person after coming home is tired and can't wait just to relax. Spending hours talking with foreigner isn't thing to do it. I would understand if it was student or unemployed woman with bunch of free time, but businesswoman living in Kiev and having full time job no way. Maybe I understood smth in wrong way, but this is already big red flag and absolute nonsense.
Second, why you didn't speak with her about finances, how does she live back in Ukraine, how much she makes per month, what are her expectations for future, etc. ? What if she expects to get luxury lifestyle and you can give her less than she has in Ukraine? Plus, as for me, this sh*t about buying shoes and sending money is at least arrogant. Even if I didn't earn a cent, I wouldn't dare just to ask to buy shoes. What the heck is this? If she has troubles with paying for rent, it means her business is rather in massive troubles or don't exist at all, maybe she can't manage money as someone wrote. Such rent price can exist only if office is in some business centre in top area.
Third, you met her only few times. Why such a big rush into marriage? To be clear, it's hard to understand why americans want to go through K1 process with woman they barely know. Let's say, she really does have a business and it's enough successful not to quit it, why then she can't get travel visa or why you can't visit her once a 6 months or smth like this. What's the problem? 
My advice is:
a) speak with her asap and make everything clear. No need to make drama or get mad on her, just talk. If she will say smth like: "If you don't believe my words, we're done", let she go. She lied. Block and forget. Let she find another victim. Sex means nothing. Even ukrainian women can have it for fun or manipulation, don't forget it.
b) don't rush into K1. There is nothing wrong into getting know each other and take your time.
c) don't send money so easy. Most eastern european women get into dating with foreigners rather to earn smth or move to more developed country in the easiest way possible. Stop thinking they are desperate and can't find local man. I don't know anyone who couldn't do it, even if its single mother with 4 kids. Americans are the most easy to get money out. Dutch or german man could send ukrainian woman maybe 50-100 euros, bring some cheap presents, rent affordable Airbnb for lets say 30 euros and done while americans always go to center, most expensive, but not best restaurants, easily throw money into nothing and rush, rush, rush. If any american would talk about K1 after 2 visits and month of conversation in Skype, I've think he is desperate as hell and wants to buy me. Would you normally marry someone you know for 15 days? I'm pretty sure no. Why then you do it with foreigner?
Really people, keep your eyes opened. I don't care about your money, you can throw it on any wh*re you want, but don't be naive and believe into everything they are telling.

Offline msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #66 on: September 25, 2019, 08:20:24 PM »
JayH

The OP has now said,  several times, he knows he was mistaken re the shoes.. We have moved on.. Pls catch us up.

Can we leave the 'dumb' comments out as this is not a Trench like scenario, yet ..

This is a new member.

Offline JayH

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #67 on: September 25, 2019, 08:26:25 PM »

I kind of think that there is more understanding to be had over these type of women and why they act in the perculiar way they do. I think there could well be some mechanics going on here that are triggered when a guy acts a certain way. s.

Peculiar?    Shopping is in a  woman's  DNA!! ;D

The OP mentions in his OP   "She was always dressed to the nines"   ---  ie she obviously liked to dress well and present herself nicely. .
From my experience -- that is near enough universal -regardless of the available resources. It has always been to my amazement how that is managed.
One thing I have learnt of importance here -- girls have probably struggled to buy things to look good -- and when the opportunity arises to have a little more comes up- they will jump at it.
Again -refer to earlier comments about "taking care" of your lady.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 08:36:00 PM by JayH »
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #68 on: September 25, 2019, 08:29:17 PM »
Hello Frrrrrrt !

A new lady member from Russia!

Please introduce yourself in the introductions and ice-breaker section!

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?board=41.0



You can start a new thread

Offline JayH

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #69 on: September 25, 2019, 08:29:53 PM »
JayH

The OP has now said,  several times, he knows he was mistaken re the shoes.. We have moved on.. Pls catch us up.

Can we leave the 'dumb' comments out as this is not a Trench like scenario, yet ..

This is a new member.

Moby -- the post was addressing later posts and in particular-the idea that she is not a "good girl"-- because of  the shoe issue --or asking for something.
While I am at it-- she did ask the day before about it ! And-- it was at a time he was trying to get in her pants ! ;D
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline rwd123

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #70 on: September 25, 2019, 08:31:25 PM »
I have pointed out that it is a dumb conclusion to exclude a girl because she expected a gift .
It is very outmoded idea that accepting money makes her "not a good girl"  !!  It is a ridiculous conclusion.
 Also of not in the   OP  -- no mention of  buying anything at all ( hope I read that right?)  Buying flowers locally can easily run to $40 or more than twice that if sending from a distance !

Not entering shop--or standing outside is churlish ,weak in my view.Being involved and interested is part of forming a relationship.
Getting wound up over $40 is just plain dumb. :wallbash:
Jay you're welcome to have a different opinion, but I think you're missing the point. It's not about $4 or $40 or $4,000. It's not about money - it's about character.

Good guys will bring a gift (offer support). Bad girls expect gifts or make requests (leeches). Big difference! Many guys will put up with this type of character, Bill and I don't.



Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #71 on: September 25, 2019, 08:32:02 PM »
One poster that may be seen to have navigated the whole 'buy me xxx' is JamesUK. He met a girl in Dnipro who wanted an iPhone from him or similar. I'm pretty sure he didn't get it for her or anything similar and they still ended up in an ongoing relationship. I think he may have held off on sex also which if so was unusual for him. I don't know how if they still are or exactly what went down but I think it shows that handling such girls the correct way may reap success long term.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline JayH

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #72 on: September 25, 2019, 08:33:11 PM »
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline msmob

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #73 on: September 25, 2019, 08:34:53 PM »
Sighs,


Addressing JayH,


Not getting drawn into a JayH v Moby..

I made my suggestion .. again the use of 'Dumb' to a newbie who is asking our advice / opinion is hardly wise or welcoming)

Offline JayH

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Re: Did I Screw Up?
« Reply #74 on: September 25, 2019, 08:40:56 PM »
Sighs,


Addressing JayH,


Not getting drawn into a JayH v Moby..

I made my suggestion .. again the use of 'Dumb' to a newbie who is asking our advice / opinion is hardly wise or welcoming)

Needless to say  you get it wrong again  -- it is the "dumb" advice I was targeting !  The reference to the op was that it was a dumb thing to do .Not that he was "dumb" as such ! Both quite different to your repeated attempts to twist words and the intent.
So-- do us all a favour and stick to the topic--or shutup ! :deadhorse:
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

 

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