Hello from North Carolina

[Gator]

I can retire at 50, so I would probably have a 7-8yr old when I retire. 

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. 

My 8-yo did not rob time from me; instead he expanded my life in fulfilling ways.  I also had a 12-yo when I retired.  Every summer the three of us would take extended, all-male trips together to bond, to explore the world, and to learn life lessons.  During the school year, we did school team sports and other activities.  Both sons were  smart and did not need nor seek help with school lessons.   

Today my grown-up sons are very thankful for those days, and wish we had done even more together. 

You need to decide how you want to spend your time in living your life.   I commend you for deliberating the tradeoffs  before you make such a permanent commitment. 

My kids are 8, 12, 13.  Their mom is a lesbian now, in any case they know we are not getting back together.  Teens are very much about their friends and social life, so my oldest kids would probably barely notice new wife and future kid.

Agree. 

[Boethius]

Agree it takes time.  As for reasons to not have more children there are many.  Its a huge financial investment for one, especially with obamacare wreaking our health care system.  Its effects ability to travel freely.  I can retire at 50, so I would probably have a 7-8yr old when I retire. 


It is very much hit and miss.  But having a new kid is probably easier than mixing already grown kids mixed.  I had a live in girlfriend for several years and things went well with her kids she already had.  My kids are 8, 12, 13.  Their mom is a lesbian now, in any case they know we are not getting back together.  Teens are very much about their friends and social life, so my oldest kids would probably barely notice new wife and future kid.

 

Although teens are very much about their own lives, they will be very aware of other kids and your relationship. How they react will depend on the woman and your reaction. Every man who had children and has posted here has had issues. Some were able to work it out. Others divorced.

You will not know if it is going to be an issue until you are married.  The only thing the better half and I ever argued about was disciplining our children, and they are our biological children.

[drsecu]

 

Although teens are very much about their own lives, they will be very aware of other kids and your relationship. How they react will depend on the woman and your reaction. Every man who had children and has posted here has had issues. Some were able to work it out. Others divorced.

You will not know if it is going to be an issue until you are married.  The only thing the better half and I ever argued about was disciplining our children, and they are our biological children.

Agree with everything, but I would have the same situation with a women here also.  It is something I will have to deal with, just greater stakes are involved when someone may potentially be moving from their home country of course.

[Boethius]

No, you would not. An American woman comes from the same culture, with an understanding of its cultural cues and norms. Plus, any FSUW you marry will have spent far less time with your children than most AW you would have dated and married, unless you plan to move to the FSU for a period.

It's your life and, of course, your decision. I'm just pointing to the reality of 99.99% of the relationships reported, or that I've seen, so it's not a shock to you. I've even seen a few wth FSUM with children and women here  (where the FSUW dumped him and the kids and is out of the picture).  Same dynamic.

[BillyB]

The kid issue is the biggest thing for sure, it seems the FSUW go onto dating sites as a last effort to have a kids.  First messages to me are always do you want more kids,

It's not that FSU women are desperate to have babies, they don't beat around the bush wasting time with men who have different goals. Most younger women definitely want kids. They got tons of men writing them. I don't blame them asking questions to discard men with different goals faster.

[drsecu]

One of the russia ones is meeting in Ukraine in a couple months (her home country). I stopped initiating new conversations around the time this thread was started, but still have the dilemma of what do about others I have talking one.  I've been working with the theory that most of the girls are probably talking to others in some form or another so it is OK for me to do it also.  Than I have a backup plan if it doesn't work out.  In any case this thread and the other reading has been very helpful.